Hey you guys!!!
Haven't posted in a while, but there is so much stuff happening for you guys, just be patient :)
This subject is probably the most personal lane I can go down.
Family is a recurring subject in the roots of an eating disorder, especially parents.
And why not? They are the ones who raised us, shouldn't they be responsible for the way we turned out?
When one gets treated for an ED, doctors will NOT let you leave without a support system. For most, your immediate family is the obvious choice.
But people with serious disorders are not «most» people. So what happens to us?
Lets start from the raw; people are never taught how to parent. Kids don't come with manuals. So unless their childhood was marked by bad parenting, unconsciously the parents will raise their child the way they were raised.
Usually it all works out. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and kids are adaptable anyways.
This is exactly what happened with my brother. He turned out to be the very prototype mash of my parents' behaviour. Unemotional, stoic, uber-tidy, the works. Of course they knew how to parent him- HE WAS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN MY FAMILY.
But sometimes, kids have some sort of a genetic 100 generation skip, and turn out to be complete polar opposites from their parents. Now I don't mean in terms of interests or hair color. I mean emotionally.
As a child I realized very early how different I was. I was dramatic, emotional and crazy sensitive. I took everthing personally. My parents thought it was a phase, and kept raising me the way they had raised my brother. He turned out fine , why shouldn't I?
As I got older, that gap became more serious. My parents dismissed mental disorders as laziness, and looked upon those suffering from such with disdain and amusement. I knew I was sick, and I hated them for saying those things. I got completely unstable, constantly throwing fits and bursting into tears or violent outbursts for the smallest things.
But nothing changed. And I always thought it was my fault. No one ever blamed the parent for their child's behaviour. Until I went into treatment. The doctors talked relentlessly to my parents for days; and then they explained it to me: MY PARENTS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH A CHILD LIKE ME.
They promised to change. To go see a therapist. I had hope, I did.
They never did any of those things.
Then one day, my parents made a joke about how I sometimes finished all the cookies in the jar. a joke about binge eating...
Really...? A joke like that to your recovering daughter? Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?
I soon realized that I had to find another support system. At the time, I had left my best friends in the world because they didn't know how to handle my situation either. I didn't have anything else.
Then one day you realize that everyone you know is precious. Those girls that sit next to you in science. The little girls you see every Wednesday.
THE PEOPLE YOU TAKE FOR GRANTED. They care for your health. Even if it's just a little bit. But if a lot of «just a little bits»s, is enough to get you through those tough days, those people, even if they seem silly to you, can change your life.
Love them, appreciate them, make sure they know that if they ever need just those «little bits of love»,
GUUURRLLL YOU READY :)
Holy fudge that was long.
love yo faces xoxo