Size: A Poem

Do you know that she diets everyday
Fights everyday, is hungry everyday,
So that one day she can burn her size 16 dress
And wear a bikini to the beach,
Do you know?

No, you don't.
You think she eats all day,
lays all day, is full all day,
So that one day she can rely on the government
To take care of her diabetes-ridden size 16 dress
Do you know?

Do you know she clutches her fat in the mirror
Cries in the mirror, smashes the mirror
So that maybe the reflection will change
And she can see beauty smiling back at her
Do you know?

No, you don't.
You think she's never seen a damn mirror
Doesn't know her size, doesn't know she has fat
So you have to remind her every day,
And watch her smile fade away.
Do you know?

Do you know that one day she'll be done
Done hating her body, done hating herself,
So that she'll break out of societal chains
And scream Fuck You, I'm beautiful
Do you know?

No, you don't.
You don't think she deserves that.
Deserve self-respect, deserve any respect at all.
So when you call her ugly she whips around
And chokes you out with her size 16 dress,
Then you'll know.


Confidence Without Makeup!

Whether it's concealer for your "pores as large as Jupiter" or inky black mascara for your "non-existent blond eyelashes", makeup can be our most trusted ally, helping us face the brutal days in full confidence. But as much as we'd like to deny it, makeup can also be an enemy. 

If we get used to seeing the flawless, perfected version of ourselves in the mirror, the sight of our naked face can be a tad traumatic. We know we should let our skin breathe, and be content with with what we were born with and blablabla, but sometimes it feels like that advice is clearly coming from a man who doesn't know a darn thing about our self-acceptance struggles. 

So for all of you who need a bare face confidence booster, here are my 3 tried and true tricks to being confident without makeup:

1. Practice Makes Perfect
Once upon a time, I could not imagine leaving my own room without makeup on! But if you want to reach makeup-less nirvana, you have to put yourself out there, literally. Start with baby steps: 

First, if you don't already do so, go bare faced to the gym or to any active activity. No one on this earth looks good while working up a sweat, so why should you? Then you can slowly work your way up to grocery stores, malls, dinner with friends, the sky is the limit! 

What you will realize is this: nobody cares about you. Obviously, this might sound a bit harsh, but it's true: whether or not your eyebrows are plucked, people will go on with their day. Don't live your life in fear of other people's judgements, do what's best for you. So if your pores need a break from their camouflage, set them free!

2. Rediscover your face
Ladies, take out your compact mirror:  it's time to get reacquainted with your pretty face! 

We are so eternally focused on the bad that we don't take the time to enjoy the good. In a world where everything must be as big, wide, bright, glossy and perfect as possible, simplicity can be a new beauty concept we are not so used to. 
You don't need the entire Selfridges makeup department to be, or feel, beautiful. There is so much going on already; your eyes have just become accustomed to all the wonders!

3. Redefine Your Beauty Ideals
Let's just make something clear: all the ads you see on TV or in the magazines that portray a "natural" look are in fact more artificial than plastic. 

Hours of makeup, lighting, editing, and retouching have been put into the final product. Unless you plan on walking the streets toting a Photoshop editing program, a team of stylists and a few dozen spotlights, you should probably give up on the idea of replicating the image. Even the model doesn’t look like that when she stumbles out of bed!

So next time you see a spread in Harper's Bazaar and you wonder what kind of magical cream this young girl uses, look at it with new eyes. 

Imagine her with bags under her eyes, flyaway hairs, wrinkled clothing and a few other flaws here and there. Because that is what this picture would look like had it been taken in the realm of reality. 


Don't get me wrong, makeup is an absolute blessing! 
But there are times when we need to be comfortable with what's underneath it all. 

The people who care for you can (should, or else they can walk themselves out of your life) appreciate all your intricate layers, so why shouldn't you? 

Have a lovely week!




Freckles: The Comeback Poem

Hello my sweets!

This poem I wrote was chosen among thousands and will be published in Teen Ink Magazine. How lucky am I?!
To celebrate, here is the illustrious piece of creative writing. 

I stare at her freckles, and I just don't understand;
I don't understand why she stares down her reflection,
blaming a mirror that will never tell her what she wants to hear.
Won't these miserable spots ever leave her be?
She asks, she pleads, she begs, as a long drawn-out sigh escapes her lips.

I don't understand the toxic chemicals with which she scrubs her face.
The home remedies, the beauty creams, the crackled layers of foundation –
they can barely fade the defiant freckle spatter.
Perhaps she will never stop scrubbing,
in hopes of peeling off her treacherous skin.
And I don't understand,

Because I love her adorable little freckles,
sprinkling the tops of her nose and the apples of her cheeks.
I find it adorable the way they dance around the crinkles of a timid smile
or a burst of laughter.
I use to draw little brown dots on myself
to imitate the lucky ones.

And perhaps she will never know,
And that would be a shame.
Because when she looks at my naked nose,
She thinks the same.

So tell her now, tell her loud,
Tell her to be proud!
And the world will be a little better
As she goes to sleep tonight
Thinking of your voice's sound.


Renee Zellweger's Face: Hypocrisy

Hello my darling fudgies

One of my favorite pop culture expert Michael Buckley @buckhollywood was the first person to point out the obvious transformation Renee Zellweger's face has gone through. This picture doesn't lie: some work has been done.

Actually, it might be lying a bit. To be fair, lighting may have a great deal to do with the way features look on camera. Don't tell me you've never taken a picture in bad lighting and looked like you'd been run over by a train.

I've written about plastic surgery before, and my stance is quite clear: if it doesn't affect me, or hurt anyone, knock yoselves out. 

So clearly Renee's decision isn't what's bothering me. However, if you happen to google something along the lines of "Renee Zellweger new face", you will soon find out what makes me angry.

Renee destroys her face!
Crazy before and after!

...Really now.
A woman in the film industry, in the epicenter of Hollywood pressure, starting to age and lose roles because Hollywood is about that young life, who is constantly judged and criticized for her body, her face, her eyes, her left nostril...
You're going to tell me that this woman would consider going under the knife to fit into society's mold? Shocking!

This blatant hypocrisy infuriates me, because this is how the media gets away with body shaming. Perez Hilton and TMZ devote their entire lives to poking and prodding into these people's lives, pointing out every single flaw, but as soon as someone has enough and caves into the pressures of the industry, suddenly it's a scandal!

Never accountable for their actions, never responsible for the damage done!

Look, this is not a criticism of Renee. In fact, in her position, lord knows what I would do.
This is simply a platform to jump off from, to discuss the hypocrisy of the dialogue regarding women's issues.
Speak now, my loves!




Ordering Food: A Body Positive Guide

Hello my angels!

If you've followed this blog for the past 2 and a half years, first of all, you deserve some sort of trophy, because those early typo-filled rants I used to post are painful for me to even look at.

But in all seriousness, if you've been around for a while, you know that, although I consider myself recovered from my ED, ordering food still brings me a lot of anxiety.
What will the waiter/McDonalds employee think of me? 
Will he think I'm fat for ordering this meal?
Will he think I'm fat for ordering anything at all? (a legit thought that has crossed my mind one too many times.

I did some research (Tumblr, mostly) and found that I am not alone in this ordeal.

So although I'm still trying to get better, I have accumulated some wisdom that I would like to share with you all today. Here are my 3 thoughts regarding ordering food to help you order without panicking and ordering a tall glass of water:

1. You Legitimately Don't Matter 

Harsh, I know, but true. Waiters wait several tables at a time for several hours. It's almost funny for us to think that they would remember our order to the tee. At the end of their long day, said waiter will not lay down on his bed and think to him/herself: "man that boy/girl on table 9 ordered a lot of bread sticks". If he/she does, it's probably because he thinks you're cute, so good on you!

2. Fuck That Waiter

Maybe he/she will remember how many breadsticks you ordered. Fine. Round of applause for this idddic memory kid. But there are several possible ways this could go:
a) you never go to that restaurant again, and never see this person ever again.
b) you go back to that restaurant because, yes, those breadsticks were life, and get a different waiter.
c) you get the same waiter and he/she doesn't remember you.
d) he/she does remember your cute face, and makes a comment about those breadsticks.
e) punch him/her in the face

Kidding, of course. But think about it. The odds that option d) would occur are hella slim. And besides, these people live off of tips: do you really think they would be audacious enough to criticize your food choices? Money makes the world go round, loves, so sit back, relax, and enjoy your damn breadsticks.

3. Self Love > This Waiter

Here's the thing: regardless of whether this waiter remembers you, your order, and thinks you are fat/unhealthy/a bad person, it shouldn't matter.
You cannot live your life according to what others may or may not think of you.

There's always someone who's going to think you're cute, just like someone's going to think you're not. Someone will think you're too thin, too fat, too pale, too dark, too smart, too dumb.
It sucks, don't get me wrong, but it's life.

What will make you or break you in this world is whether or not you accept that not everyone will think you're perfect

So next time you walk into your favorite diner, accept that this waiter may or may not judge the nutritious value of your order, and that's okay. Once you've come to terms with the fact that you can't control what he/she thinks, I promise, those breadsticks will taste a hell of a lot better.




6 Tips For a Body Positive Halloween

Hello my angels!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!...
Well, almost, it's not Christmas quite yet, but Halloween is pretty bomb too.
However, if you let it get out of hand, it can also be pretty catastrophic.

Girls showing off their beautiful bodies
Snickers bars everywhere
can =
Insecurity, and lots of it.

But fear not! Gabby is here to remind of 10 foolproof tips to keep you safe, happy, and slut-shame free during this awesome holiday:

6. Eat!

Free food, people, free delicious, diabetes-ridden food everywhere! You can't pass that up! Have some candy, have some chocolate, have some chips; one day will not, I repeat, will not make you gain 15 pounds, blow up like a blowfish and explode.

5. Or Be Careful

I know many of my readers are still in ED recovery (hello, beautifuls!) and Halloween can be a very stressful time. It can be incredibly hard not to binge, and then purge/restrict. Like I said earlier, there's free food everywhere, which can be some people's dream (me) or worst nightmare (me 2 years ago).

So be smart about it. Bring a small bag to fill with your favorite treats. Once it's full, that is your cue to stop. You have enough control over the portion of sweets you'll be eating so that you don't feel you've gone too far, but you also get to enjoy this holiday without completely restricting your fun!

4. Safety In Numbers

Halloween is amazing and all, but it's also a perfect playground for assault. While sexual assault is never, ever, ever the victim's fault (uh hum Bill O'Reilly. Although to be frank, he's probably not reading this. Does he know about the internet yet?), you can always try to increase safety by never leaving you or your friend(s) alone.

Watch your girlfriend's punch, choose a designated driver, and don't trust guys in masks. That's not 100% about safety, they just creep me out.

3. Dress to Impress

"I can't pull that costume off"
"I'm too fat"
"I don't have the body for it"

These are legitimate things my peers have said to me. Needless to say, they received a justified smack aside the head.
There is no such thing as "pulling off" or "having the body for an outfit, let alone a costume!
If you can squeeze your butt into it, you have the body for it. Done.

Halloween is about having fun, being someone else for a night, so if you're not necessarily the most confident fudgie out there, Halloween night is the perfect night to transform yourself into someone who is!

Scared of being shamed? Stick around for the next tip.

2. A Slut Shaming Free Zone

Listen up, slut shamers!
If you don't want to wear a revealing costume for Halloween, that is a-okay, because it is your body, right?

Well that girl who's wearing a crop top and some spandex shorts? It's also her body.
If she respects you for dressing as you are dressed, the curtesy must be reciprocated.

It's not 1976 anymore. Calling her a whore or a slut does not make you look cool.
It makes you look jealous.

1. Don't Be Afraid To Look Ugly

It's tempting to go as a sexy cat, or a sexy nurse, or a sexy pillow.
And don't get me wrong, those costumes are valid, cute, and worlds of fun!
But there was a time when we didn't care about looking hot, we just wanted the sickest costume out there!

So why not do a bit of both?
How about a zombie nurse? Or an undead cat (any Poe fans)?

You don't have to prove to anyone tonight that you are hot. We already know that from the 364 other days of the year. Just have fun! Be creative! Be yourself (or not, I guess?).

And never be afraid to look ugly. Because there are not enough fake eyeballs dripping out of your mouth that can take away from the confident man/woman that you are.

Have an awesome time, my darlings!




Exercise Bulimia: Know The Signs

Hello my sweeties

Exercise is amazing, isn't it?
I wouldn't know, since I basically spend my life blogging, studying and watching Bob's Burgers, but I've heard it's quite nice.

The key word here is healthy, exercise is healthy. But if you've ever heard of exercise bulimia, you know that sometimes, it can go too far.

You can google the definition for an exact DSM-regulated word for word description, but here's how I see it:
"the act of exercising in order to lose weight to the detriment of one's health"

But don't most of us exercise to shed those calories? How do we know if we've gone too far? 

Fear not, I'm here to help! Here are 2 tell tale signs that you should reconsider your exercise mentality, and what you can do about them!
**but if you do find yourself identifying with these symptoms, please see a doctor/counselor. I am no professional. Much love<3

1. Are your bones hurting?

(Apparently) there's nothing like a good post-workout ache to make you feel whole.
But a critical part of exercise bulimia is the extreme level of pain one is willing to put him or herself through in order to lose weight.

When you vomit, pass out, feel pain for several days, lose your period and enjoy it, chances are your body and mind need an intervention.

You do not need to punish yourself for eating, which is, by the way, kind of an essential act in human existence. And while it's good that you're motivated, it's important that you listen to your body when it speaks to you.
Seeing stars? stop. 
About to vomit? stahp. 
Falling over? staaahhhpppp. 

Even though you may feel like those are good signs, they are not, trust me.
Overexercising can make it impossible for you to keep up a healthy exercise routine. Think about it:
If you're not taking any rest days, it will become impossible for you to walk, much less run.

It's all about moderation!

2. Are you squatting instead of befriending?

Another tell-tale sign is that exercise basically becomes your entire life.
Just like anorexics consume their thoughts with food restriction, and even avoid social situations to ensure that their calorie count of the day is low enough,
people who suffer from exercise bulimia center their lives around working out.
Canceling plans to workout
Constantly thinking about your next workout
Missing work or school in order to workout
Becoming irrationally depressed if unable to workout...

If this sounds like you, your life has been overrun by a treadmill (see what I did there? I'm not funny).
Quitting anything cold turkey is often difficult to uphold, especially concerning dangerous behaviors.
So baby steps are the way to go!
-Make plans to workout with a friend. You can distract yourself from the intensity of your workout and she can check you if you go a bit overboard with the squats.
-Carry around a rubber band and snap it around your wrist every time you think of working out more than twice in the same hour.
-Find activities that get your heart rate pumping that are less about calorie counting and more about having a good time. I've heard zumba is a blast!


Most importantly, I want you all to know that even if you don't identify 100% with these symptoms, it is still okay to ask for help.
No one will belittle or laugh at you.
Your problems matter.




Sam Pepper: Get Yo Hand Off My Butt

Hello my darling fudgies!

Recently, Sam Pepper, famous Youtuber and overall d*ckweed has released a video where he walks around the streets of London and fondles girl's butts.
Without their consent of course, because then it's funny right? Then it's a prank, right?

Nope, then it's sexual assault.

Many intelligent people have given their 2 cents about this topic, including Laci Green, so I think it is safe to say that you all know why this is wrong in general. I've also written about Youtube celebrity culture and sexual behaviors in an article here.
But Let me tell you why this video upsets me personally.

When I was 14, leaving my house, nay, leaving my room, was sort of a challenging task. I was afraid someone would see me from school and make a negative comment about me in their head. I was afraid someone would honk, or I would fall, or I would breathe wrong.

Keep in mind that nothing terrible had ever happened to me as a result of leaving my house, but still, agoraphobia was pretty much a 24/7 demon.

Now with the help of medication and meditation and a bit of common sense, I can easily leave my house, hair a ratchet mess, in my sweatpants, not a care in the world.

But there's still a part of me that fears something like this. Something exactly like a random stranger pinching by butt.

If Sam Pepper or another entitled male ever did something similar to this, here are my 3 possible reactions:

1. Slap the jaw off of this child. #deservedit
2. Go on a feminist rant about sexual assault and the entitled male and curse him with my feminist super powers.
3. Never leave the house again.

It's the 3rd one that makes me nervous. I can guarantee that many of the girls whose butt was pinched reacted in a lighthearted way, even if they were violently uncomfortable, did not find it funny. Like, at all. I can't say any of them were recovering agoraphobics, but if it were to happen to me, all those negative ideas would come flooding back into my brain.

Keep that in mind when you're doing anything: how will this impact another person's day?