Women's Studies: Bra Burning 101?

edit:Some of you ask how this relates to body positivity and self-love. Good question! 
I can only hope that people, when the time comes to choose their career field, are confident enough to choose a career path that will make them happy, not others around them. 
However, if your friends and family still aren't taking your women's studies major seriously, I'll do the best I can to spread the feminist love:) 

I’m sitting at my dining room table during Spring Break, listening to my brother, a freshman in college, rage against the “useless liberal arts” majors infecting his school’s scientific prestige. When I asked him what he thought was the greatest waste of college funds, the most useless major of all, he paused, rolled his eyes and grunted:

“Women’s studies”
…Anyone surprised by such an answer from a cisgendered heterosexual white male? No one? Thought so.

Unfortunately, the mentality that majoring, minoring or even walking into a women’s studies class, means you are a bitter, bra burning, men-hating woman, is still widespread.

Now I must confess, I once thought like this as well. But I can see clearly now, the close-minded rain has gone, so I can walk you through my former, and the current critic’s, thought process. Here are the 3 main arguments women’s studies skeptics like to use, and why they are not valid:

1.    It’s Useless
Why invest in a women’s studies program? We’re in the 21th century now! Men and women and all other humans are equal!
Now, this, this is why the study of “politics, society, media, and history from women's and/or feminist perspectives “, as defined by Wikipedia, is not only far from useless, but down right necessary.

For example, in 1997, “Vision 2000”, a call to New England Land Grant Universities Presidents and Chancellors to ensure full and equitable participation by women, was dismissed, even ridiculed by many, including women themselves. Daphne Patai, in “Chronicle of Higher Education”, questioned Vision 2000’s recommendation on the importance of sexual violence and harassment education in universities, calling it “inflammatory rhetoric”. She even went as far as to ask: “Are rape and sexual assault indeed routine occurrences at universities? Is harassment really widespread?”.

Just in that statement, mrs. Patai made a case for women’s studies. 
Is it really widespread, she asks?
What about the fact that in a typical academic year, only 3% of college women report surviving rape or attempted rape, which demonstrates an incredible flaw in the justice system.

This isn’t an attack on the writer herself; it’s an attack on the omnipresent ignorance that led to these brutally misinformed comments, which can only be remedied with critical thinking, problem solving and lots of information. What a coincidence, that’s actually what a women’s studies class is for!

2.    Hating Men Gets You An “A”

Another widespread misconception regarding a typical women’s studies class is that you walk in, b*tch about men for a few hours, write a paper about how men are evil beings that should burn at the stake, and get an A: all for the thrifty price of 50 000 $ a year!
The great thing about women’s studies, as Hilary Watchler put it so eloquently, is “that it makes you think about layers of identity and explore how oppressions like racism, sexism, and ableism are comparable and intertwined”. This has nothing to do with hating men, and everything to do with critically thinking about important equality issues that can be resolved in a variety of fields.

Yes, sometimes there is talk of a male-dominant society, but it’s not to diminish men and to make them feel like monsters. It’s about making women feel just as important and powerful as men. To put it simply, there have been 44 presidents of the United States, and all of them have been men. This is not to say that Woodrow Wilson or Andrew Jackson were bad presidents, or even bad people, but it is necessary to point out the lack of female presence in politics.  

3.    You Can’t Get A Job with A WS Major!

Well, my dear critics, many people can’t get a job regardless of their major, but that’s not even the argument I will use to debunk this myth.

As I’ve mentioned previously, women’s studies isn’t simply a man-hating suffragette history. It’s about a certain set of skills developed over time, through critical thinking and analysis. Ms. Magazine lists a few of these skills, such as “empowerment, self-confidence, critical thinking, building community, and understanding differences and intersections among racism, homophobia, sexism, classism, ableism, anti-Semitism and other types of oppression.”

Phew, that’s a lot, and that’s really what matters. With any major, you probably won’t remember the specific year this atom was discovered, or the specific name of Tolstoy’s 23rd short story, but you’ll remember the skills you learned along the way. You’ll remember how to read critically, how to fund research, how to interact with others, and by gosh that’s what makes someone employable. Not the fine print on the paper diploma, but the skills you amassed through your studies.

Need some examples? Ms. Magazine collected letters of women “telling their stories about how they are using or plan to use their women’s studies degree”. It’s insightful, empowering, and a big eff you to the women’s studies antagonists. Read it and weep, haters.

            The world is in desperate need of smart, educated, critical thinkers, so why deprive ourselves of their gifts? Maybe it’s not as instantly profitable as an accounting or engineering degree, but I can promise you this: you can do anything and everything with a major you love, in a field that ignites your passion, if you work hard and get creative.

Have a wonderful day, babes!



TMI Tag: A Little Bit About Me

Hello my angels!

I don't talk too much about myself, so here's a little piece of TMI for all you curious fudgies:)

1. What are you wearing? Boxer shorts and oversized tank top. The Gabby Writing Uniform.

2: Ever been in love? Yes. I am deeply, madly in love with Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the moment. 

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? well. 

4: How tall are you? I'm 5 foot 8, or a giant in Quebec. 

5: How much do you weigh? lololololololololol. between 50 and 680 pounds. 

6: Any tattoos? not yet ;)

7: Any piercings? yes, 2 helix, 1 industrial bar, and I once had my tongue pierced unprofessionally. Don't tell my mom, mmkay? 

8: OTP? Johnlock <3

9: Favorite show? Freaks and Geeks, Friends, Numb3rs, House of Cards, Sherlock

10: Favorite bands? My, oh my. Queens of the Stone Age, Led Zeppelin and the Kinks. 

11: Something you miss? My friends back home; Ameik, Lu and Cass. 

12: Favorite song? Waterloo Sunset, by The Kinks. Close behind are Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden and Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd 

13: How old are you? 18 years old

14: Zodiac sign? Libra

15: Quality you look for in a partner? intellect

16: Favorite Quote? "The best way out is always through" Robert Frost

17: Favorite actor? Forever and Always, Leo DiCaprio

18: Favorite color? Red

19: Loud music or soft? LOUD

20: Where do you go when you’re sad? The library at my school. Is that nerdy? That's pretty nerdy. I also find somewhere to call my mom. #proudloser

21: How long does it take you to shower? I am the quickest shower-taker. Max 10 minutes. 

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Oh, between 5 minutes and 5 hours. 

23: Ever been in a physical fight? No, because I would lose like no other. I'm such a weakling. 

24: Turn on? Intellect

25: Turn off? Apathy

26: The reason I joined Blogger? Post-hospital boredom and activism. 

27: Fears? Failure. Also spiders, crowds, airports. 

28: Last thing that made you cry? The SATs. 

29: Last time you said you loved someone? To my momma. 

30: Meaning behind your Blogger Name? Yeah I don't love my Blogger name, but I'll live. It's basically fuck perfection, except it's child friendly. 

31: Last book you read? A Streetcar Named Desire, such a good play!

32: The book you’re currently reading? Tortilla Flat by Steinbeck. Someone kill me. 

33: Last show you watched? Arrested Development. 

34: Last person you talked to? My roommate/soulmate Maria

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? my bae, Lubear. 

36: Favorite food? Cookie dough anything, french toast, anything sprinkled with Diabetes. 

37: Place you want to visit? London again. 

38: Last place you were? Besides my dorm room? In the dining hall. 

39: Do you have a crush? well

40: Last time you kissed someone? well

41: Last time you were insulted? I work on the Internet, so probably 1 minute ago. 

42: Favorite flavor of sweet? Cherry

43: What instruments do you play?? Used to play the drums, but succumbed to the societal masculine pressures. 

44: Favorite piece of jewelery? my industrial bar

45: Last sport you played? hahahahahahahaha. oh you're serious. um, softball in the 6th grade? 

46: Last song you sang? Heart of Gold, by Neil Young

47: Favorite chat up line? I have anxiety, I don't "chat up". 

48: Have you ever used it? All the time. 

49: Last time you hung out with anyone? About 2 seconds ago. 

50: Who should answer these questions next? All of you my loves:)


Who I Love (Correlation Between Self-Love and Sexuality) (updated)

Hello my darling fudgies!

Perhaps it's my love for musical theatre.
Perhaps it's my drag queen fascination for glitter and cleavage.
Perhaps it's the fact that my mother, while pregnant with me, worked as a marketing VP for L'Oreal.
I'll probably never know for sure why that is,

But I have been an active ally of the LGBTQ community since foetus-hood.

Among my group of friends, I, a heterosexual cisgendered girl, am basically a sexual minority, and I love it.

In the past few years, my friendships with my LGBT friends have been some of the most important in my life.
And it's not because of the stereotypical interests I listed above.
Authentic friendship goes way beyond that; it is birthed from common values.
One of the life philosophies I value most is the appreciation of individuality, self esteem and self worth, and my gay friends always seemed to share those values.

I always wanted to write an article about human sexuality and its correlations with self esteem, but I just couldn't figure out why.
After all, being gay isn't an imperfection or an insecurity one must learn to accept.

So I left the idea to gather dust on a shelf in my mind.

Until one faithful day, exactly 2 weeks ago, as I was speaking to my friend David* about the worries and concerns I had for the young girls with whom I volunteer. How hard it is to make them see what I find so special in each and every one of them! It was then that he said:
"Don't worry, at least one of them is going to turn out gay, and she'll teach the rest of them the art of loving oneself through thick and thin".

That was it. The gay bomb of confetti exploded in my mind.
THAT was the correlation between accepting our sexuality and accepting who we are as humans.

With all the messages thrown at you, from the hate groups you see picketing on the news or your grumpy uncle's thoughts on those "damn homosexuals", it's easy for anybody who's sexual orientation is still a question mark to find him or herself confused about who they are.

Whether or not you come out to your friends and family, some day you come out to yourself.
You make peace with who you are; you understand there is still so much you need to figure out about yourself, and there are going to be people who don't approve of you, but it's going to be okay.
You can finally exhale; because when you know who you are, no one else can define you.

Doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn’t that sound like every Dove campaign about media and photoshop, like every feminist rant about men defining women as sexual objects?

All those articles and videos and social media rants about self esteem, they're basically telling you to come out of the closet!
Not necessarily "that" closet, but the one that you use to hide yourself away, to bury your fears and insecurities. The closet you've locked yourself in, because if they can't see you for who you are, a flawed complex human being who can't please everybody, then they can't hate you, right?

But ask anybody who broke down that door and let their true self see the light of day.
They call you a "fag" if you're gay, they call you a "fag" if you're not. 
In other words, those who want to hate you, who need to hurt you because they're hurting themselves, don't need ammo to fire at you.
Hiding out won't prevent the rotten apples from calling you names, it will prevent your loved ones from loving you for who you are. 

People will come in and out of your life, trying to define you.
This might be the dumbest example, but it works:
If you’re sitting in class and some dumbass tries to convince you that your chair is actually a lamp, you won’t believe them! You know what a chair is! You’ll look at this person, tell them they are wrong, because that is a fucking chair.
Just like a chair is not a lamp, you are not ugly, or stupid, or unworthy of respect: you are a goddess.

Can't wear that shirt because the prom queen might call you fat, or weird, or (gasp) different?
... Well, fuck the prom queen.

I once knew a kid who wore a sequin bow tie everyday!
He had been called every homophobic slur available on urban dictionary, but he couldn't care less, he knew who he was.
"Yeah, I wear bow ties to school”, he would say, “I like men, but sometimes I like girls, I'm a 5 on the Kinsey Sexual Orientation Scale, and my favorite color is purple. Now what!"

So the next time you're watching the pride parade roll past your eyes, I hope you understand that being self-aware, exuding self-confidence, and having self-worth is not exclusive to members of the LGBTQ community.

"Coming out to myself allowed me to be more comfortable with my own thoughts and feelings, it allowed me to be less anxious and to live up to who I truly am. "
-Laverne (fake names rule)

Come out as you are, own it, and live in your truth.
If sequin bow tie Tom can do it, well fuck, so can you.




The Kid In My Math Class: Depression Story

Hello my angel food cakes<3

First of all, spring is here! well, for some of us anyways. There's still a bit of snow in Connecticut:(
But nevertheless, spring and summer are best friends with another s word: SUNSCREEN.
Here's an article I wrote for Drop of Pink about the importance of SPF: click here to read

Also, quick shoutout to one of my readers Cam! I don't really get to meet most of my fudgies, so interacting with you through our mutual friend Laverne (name has been changed to protect identity) has been oh-so lovely. Many kisses<3
Back to my poem!

Today at assembly we sat in silence.
Sullen, serious, surreal, was this experience.
There had been a terrible outbreak of bullying
and the virus was to be quarantined,
by sharing stories of teasing and torture
so one by one rows were standing.

It began so innocently;
In the 3rd grade I was alone on the playground;
In 5th grade I was too short, too tall, too skinny, too round.
But then this sophomore stood up, knees trembling,
A cynical guy in my math class not worth noticing,
until his voice echoed through the crowd.

As a child he was a bit awkward, a bit chubby.
Weren't we all, I thought, what a pity party. 
He was teased, he said, he was bullied a lot.
Then his voice cracked as he told the story
that one day, he had had enough of this misery;
Ran to the bathroom, wrapped his neck in a belt,
and tried to swing from the knot.

As they dropped, jaws broke the floor's wooden panels,
as he disintegrated into sobs, microphone booming his agony.
How could I have dismissed his pain, rolled my eyes in disbelief?
He struggled to finish his story, but when he looked up, he wasn't alone,
for hundreds of broken souls who had been silent all along
were cheering and clapping, telling him to stay strong.

If there is a moral to this poorly crafted mess,
it is that you never know who sits next to your desk.
However they may look, whatever they may say,
always take the time to ask if they're okay.
And whatever you do, never dismiss someone's pain,
for you never know when you'll see them again.





UPDATED: 10 Stay Strong Songs: 2014

Hello my angels!

Here is an updated stay strong playlist for all of you:)
Part 1 from 2012
Part 2 from 2013

1. Anything, by Hedley

One of my favorite songs of the year so far! With lyrics such as "a thousand disbelievers couldn't keep me on the ground", you feel like accomplishing all of your wildest dreams, raising your middle finger to the haters and flying off into the sunset.

2. The Promise, by Emma Blackery

This song is dedicated to anyone struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, eating disorders, or just having a bad day. Crawl up into bed, listen to this on repeat, and tune out the world.
You're worth it:)

3. Invisible, by Hunter Hayes

Everyone in high school; pump your fists and chant in unison: (IN HIGH SCHOOL) THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ANYONE WHO DARES TO BE DIFFERENT.
Negative people aren't just limited to high school, unfortunately, so we all have to arm ourselves with good, stay strong songs to get us through the night.
Plus, have you seen Hunter? Such a babe will fix your crying eyes ;)

4. Let It Go, by Idina Menzel (Frozen)

One of the year's best movies comes to you with one of the best songs of all time. 
No jokes, guys, Idina's beautiful voice mixed with a beautiful Disney message of "forgive, forget and fiercely move on".
Also one of the best songs to scream in your car while the people in other lanes judge you hard core.

5. Demons, by Imagine Dragons

Try as we may, we can't always hide our demons from those who love us. Losing control is scary, but it's also incredibly cathartic. Let people in, let them see the "dark inside", and those who stay are the worthy ones.
I was lucky enough to see ID live last year, and they are just as badass live as they are on their record, which makes supporting them all the more worth it.

6. Because We Can, by Bon Jovi

Okay, I have to admit, I was a Bon Jovi hater in my hay day.
But I started running to this song during the summer, and it makes for a fantastic pump up, stay strong song, that I just can't pretend otherwise.

Bon Jovi, you have my stay strong blessing.

7. Roar, by Katy Perry

I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you've been through,
this song is the shit.
If you don't dance along, making boxing moves as you scream at the top of your lungs, I'm sorry to inform you there is something deeply wrong with you.
Doctor, STAT.

8. Unbroken, by Demi Lovato

This song is a bit older (2013, I think? I know, practically vintage), but there aren't good things I can say about Demi. An awesome mix of techno/dance and heartbreak recovery pop; can't beat the queen of stay strong.
She has the saying tattooed on her, for the love of God.

9. Unwell, by Matchbox 20

If you want a throwback, this is for you. I believe this is late 1990s progressive rock, but Matchbox 20 blows my mind to this day.
"I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell" is probably the best lyric written in the 20th century.
2014 deserves a little 90s stay strong spice, and this song is IT.

Extra: 10. Superstar, by Ru Paul

Yes, Ru Paul the drag queen extraordinaire!
He says it all: You're a superstar.
Blast this in the morning, hum it as you strut down the street, dance to it at a party;
Stay strong has never looked so fucking good.





Eating Disorders PSA: Behind the Scenes

Hello my angels!

One of my proudest moments of 2013 was the making of the Fudge Perfection Eating Disorder PSA video. I am in no way shape or form a videographer, so this was quite the task, but one I am oh-so glad I undertook.

So in memory of its almost 1 year anniversary, I decided to fill you in on the Behind The Scenes action.
Here is how I, barely-able-to-use-Imovie teenage-girl, was able to make this low budget yet (hopefully) meaningful video.

Step 1: And Lightning Strikes!

I can't tell you when, or how, or why this idea came to mind, but I know that once it did, there was no going back. I had this vision of an eating disorder, from my involvement in mental health organizations to psychology literature to even my own experiences; I had this vision of a fight.
How we try to fight our bodies, because we don't know how else to interpret our anger, our depression, our anxiety.

So once the boxing gloves came to mind, then the boxing bell, the crowd chanting in the production, and the broken hearted girl appeared beside them, I knew I had to make this video. No matter what.

Step 2: Pre-Production

As you can see, this video took a ton of extra special effects, numerous props and a slew of Hollywood actors. Or what is just me, my camera, a pair of Walmart kids gloves (they were cheaper!) and a wonderful classmate of mine?
Yeah, probably the latter.

I made the long 20 minute walk to my local walmart, purchased some gloves, emailed my lovely actress, and set a date for filming. Shit was getting real, and I, anxious butterfly, was getting nervous.

Step 3: Shooting Day

Julia, the film's heroine, arrived at my house ready to roll.

For those of you wondering how I managed to find this awesome actress, Julia was actually just someone I went to school with. We were never particularly close friends or anything, but I knew she was going to study acting in college, and having seen her make the best of a high school English class Romeo And Juliet monstrosity, I didn't have any doubts that she could pull this off.

And boy, was I right.

She was incredibly cooperative, took directions very well, and of course did a superb acting job.

Step 5: Bruised Up

I get many questions about Julia's bruised and beaten look.
No, I did not shove her down a flight of stairs.
I did the makeup!

I used mostly coastal scents products, lots of cream to give the black eye that shiny effect, and based most of my work on this video by petrilude

Step 6: Hermit Time aka Editing

Editing was much harder than expected. I spent 2 days cooped up in my house, leaving my room only to find some food to shove in my malnourished body.

I first added all the parts together, cropped, found some boxing match sounds from the internet, put in a filter, and voila!
The video was finally done.


If you learn anything from this, it is that you can accomplish any project you put your mind to it, experienced or not. Just throw yourself into the water head first, don't be shy to ask for help, and give yourself a break once in a while.




"How NOT To Wear Your Makeup": If It's Not Your Face, It's Not Your Problem

Hello my sweet sweet angels!

Exactly one year ago (or a few days earlier/later, don't get your panties all in a knot), I posted this article about body shaming and the infamous cringe-worthy saying..."should you/she be wearing that?"

Although this isn't my most popular post, I believe it is one of my most important, because of the wide spread presence of this body negative mindset. So, to honour the importance of "live and let live", I am taking you on an exciting adventure through time and space, back to a scary era I like to call...

9th grade. 

Ah, yes, a beautiful age indeed. Slowly growing out of that god-awful awkward phase, yet still caring both too much and not enough about what others are saying and doing. It was the year my mental health became more than just a part of me; it became a problem.
And during the ins and outs of bad decisions and toxic friendships, I turned to the one thing that kept me going through a long hard day of drama and Algebra.
Rainbow eyes.

Don't know it? Google it. 
My adaption of a rainbow eye, I must say, was executed quite professionally. I woke up very early in the morning, blended 4 different super bright eyeshadows onto my eyelids, and marched my angst-filled neon butt to school. 
Just another Manic (Panic) Monday for 9th grade me

Funnily enough, I had raging anxiety at the time, and could barely breathe without thinking the world was staring at and judging me. But somehow, in this one particular instance, I didn't give a single fudge. 

Now, as some of you know, I write for a beauty magazine, Drop Of Pink, and with that comes a lot of research and time spent on other beauty and health blogs and webzines, so I know ALL ABOUT what makeup girls should wear to school or work, what makeup girls should avoid at all costs, blablabla. 

I even found a video, which I will not link because I ain't giving those girls more views, that mocks girls who wear their makeup differently, who make bold choices. 
...And let me tell you, that pisses me off.

Look, I know it's just beauty products, nothing too serious.
But it's more than that, it's about identity, and the freedom to express yourself. 

When I was 15, my life was a very typical miserable teenage experience. Few things got my out of bed in the morning. One of which was caking on drag makeup on a regular 'ole Tuesday morning. 
Maybe it wasn't that natural, maybe it didn't look that great, but by God it made me happy. 

So as I watch these videos, and read these articles, I can't help but think of present 15 year olds, who find little joy in anything these days, but who love dying their hair bright purple, or wearing 2940 pounds of eyeliner, or wearing tutus to school...
What if they watch those videos, or read those articles, and decide that they are being ridiculous, that because it's not the norm it's not okay. 

There is enough pressure to conform in the world, right down to the mascara you should wear, and not enough encouragement to be your own self. 
So here is my little piece of encouragement, to all my freaks and geeks:

If it's not their faces, or their hair, or their bodies, it's not their problem.
Do what makes you happy (that is legal, I'm not vouching for you in court babes) 

I hope you can all take something from this article, whether or not you're a drag baby like moi.
Have a lovely day babies





Hello my angel cupcakes:)

As you may have noticed, I have been MIA for a whole week!
I believe this is the longest I've been away from the blog in a year, so I apologize.

I'm going through quite the time, so unfortunately my writing will have to be put on the back burner.
I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and will be back as soon as I can!

Keep shining bright:)