Tips for a Depressionista: 'Tis the season

I first heard the term in a grocery store;
Two middle-aged women scouring the aisles for good Panini bread were having a conversation when suddenly, one said to the other:

She's going through a rough time with Mike, but she's a depressionista. She'll be just fine.

Wipe that confused look off of your face and stop laughing at the absurdity of those words (you are obviously doing one of these, for I did both at the same time...people at the supermarket are afraid of me...).

The term depressionista (I am assuming, because urban dictionary is not an unbiased reliable source in my opinion) is tightly linked to another new vocab word: recessionista.

Now a recessionista is a mash-up of recession and fashionista- meaning a person who is able to stay stylish in a time of economic uncertainty.
And hooooowwwww, you may ask, does that relate to depressionista?

A depressionista is someone who is prone to mini or hard-hitting depressions, who is going through a rough patch or just plain simply someone who wants to be happier B.U.T. who can perk up their mood for the sake of their sanity.

Depressionista&Recessionista: please who can make it work during hard times.

You may now ooh and ahh..

So how do depressionistas beat their blues?
Well here's a little trick I have found to be mighty helpful.

Go. Season. Crazy.

What exactly does that mean?
Back story: When I came out of the hospital, I wanted to keep the good mood I was in, so I decided to get really into the holiday spirit. I soon came to the conclusion that by putting a little effort into the season, you get a little (or even a lot) of joy back.

So here are a few ways to do so:

1. Holiday Happy (all holidays, not just Christmas)
You do not have to be religious to enjoy the bright, Christmas lights, or the memorable Christmas morning cartoons.
You certainly do not need to spend a dime more than you usually would.
Examples: buy some candy canes instead of your regular desert
Find the radio station in your area that plays that wonderfully cheesy xmas music
Get inspired by the festivities to get creative (make your own Halloween decorations or costume)
Enjoy your fave classic holiday movies or TV specials

2. Season Serenity
No need to get into the commercial holidays if you don't want to!
Seasons are just as fun!
Buy some fall-scented tea or coffee instead of your regular (DavidsTea anyone?)
Add little touches to your house decor (leaves in bowls for fall, fresh flowers for spring)
Enjoy the loveliness of the weather (nice new warmth in spring, pretty leaves in fall, beautiful white snow in winter)
And my ultimate season obsession: candles. Plug-ins.  air freshener.
I'm obsessed. Don't judge me.

And though this may seem incredibly cheesy (most likely because it is...) it could be all you need to snap you out of your regular daily routine!


Lovez yall,
have a lovely day



What Doesn't Kill You

You've all heard it before:
From fortune cookies
To "deep" (please use the quotes to note my mockery) Facebook statutes
Even Kelly Clarkson (love the song btw, no criticism towards the artist herself)

"What doesn't kill makes you stronger!"

So lovely to hear.
So easy to believe.
Yet so incredibly, demoralizingly inaccurate.

Unleash the wrath of the non-believers (or rather the believers in this fairy tale approach to hardship) upon me.
I can take it, my loves.

As someone who has gone down the rabbit hole and almost died crashed into its pits;
As a friend of so many who have skimmed the surface or completely broken out of their capable limits;
I can honestly say I hate that saying.

It makes me feel, of all ironic things to feel, weak.
Because we are somehow exempt from all bad days, or poor choices, with this "new found strength" that so many impose upon us.
And if we ever show a sign of human weakness, it isn't perceived as a bad day.
Oh. No.
It's called a relapse.

And let me tell you something, my dear fudgies, you do not owe anyone the strength expected from you.

You have witnessed your fall, inch by inch, and you are recovering, by taking back every single one of those inches.

You may crawl out of this hole a little bit weaker than Mr sunshine next door.

You may climb out of the darkness a little more fragile than Rose Colored Sunglasses McGee over there.

But as you move on and face the hardship of life, you sure as fudge are a heck of a lot wiser than anyone who ever expected the incredible Hulk out of your morale.

No one knows where you have been.
So don't let them choose where you're going.
Be the strength you need to keep getting a little healthier, a little happier, and just keep fudging perfection.
You know you want to...;) <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="br">

Xoxoxo oxoxox


Learning to Walk Again

«I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?»

-Walk, Foo Fighters 

Hey lovelies!
I have been waiting for ANEB's answer to make a post about our (hopeful, still in progress, they haven't responded in 10000 hours and I'm dying) partnership, but I guess I can't wait forever...(sad look away to hide my tears...)

The quote above is part of a song I love by a band I loooooove.: Walk, by Foo Fighters 


Demi Lovato said it best in her MTV documentary, and I said it...well in my special crazy-long babbling Gabby way:
Treatment does not fix you. 

I wont repeat everything I said in the cure 
but the war isn't over when we sign the treaty of peace.
There are entire lives to rebuild, wounds to heal.
The war is won when we move on, keep going and get stronger as each day goes on.

What I HATE with a capital H.A.T.E. is when people expect us to not make those mistakes anymore.
As if we have somehow come out of this war bionic, with no human qualities, no moments of weakness, of imperfection.
And if we DARE make a human mistake,
POUNCE!! They are quicker to judge than Judy herself. 

«Oh! But I thought you didn't do that anymore...really? I thought you were all perfect or whatever...didn't you go to rehab or something?...such a hypocrite»

Learning to live your life.
We don't conciously make that decision do we?
And some of us didn't make the best of that decision...We know it.
But we have taken the biggest leap of faith.
To learn to walk, talk, act, eat, sleep, think, breathe again.

Every decision, every meal, every word is a fight.
Every single second has to be thought over twice.

1.If you are not in that situation, learn to guide, to help the people around you who need your level-headedness.
We need your words of encouragement, your random acts of kindness.
Not your advice (we need to learn to make the right decisions on our own)
Not your abandon.
And certainly not your judgements. 

2. If you are in that situation, first of all; you're doing great.
You're stilll living and breathing, and for us that is a much bigger deal than for regular folks. 
Progress is slow, and you can't win every battle.
If anyone is making you feel like that's not okay, dump them out on the curb with your leftovers and recycling.

Step by step, learn to fudge perfection.
You are reading this, so wether you like it or not, you want to curse out your demons.
Go all Nike and just do it. 



Do I Have an Eating Disorder?

To all my beautiful fudgies,

Good Wednesday!
Today, I get to see my little babies- the first girls I gave a conference to (http://fudgeperfection.blogspot.ca/2012/01/fudge-perfection-my-littles-angels.html), so I am in an incredibly happy mood :D
AAAAAAND I get to give another one October 3rd, with some of the old girls and some fresh young faces I can't wait to meet <3

The post I am about to write should have been written a while ago, due to the fact that
Therefor this question needs to be answered, but before I write anything more, remember this:

If you have to ask yourself that question, no matter what my post says, ask your doctor or any mental health professional for a consultation.

1. Mental Disorder.

It does not matter how much you weight or how thin/skinny/thick/hippopotumus you look or think you look, eating disorders are mental disorders first and foremost.
Yes, the body will usually be affected after long term suffering of an eating disorder.
But no you cannot be too «FAT» to suffer from one.

EX: Can you be too freckled-face to suffer from schizophrenia?...I think not

So be sure to base yourself on purely mental conditions to answer this question.

2. Guilt. Shame. Disgust. 

From personal experience as well as scientific psychiatric tests and experiments, these three emotions are a constant in living your everyday life, which explains why eating disorders can lead to other mental health problems, such as social or general anxiety disorder and OCD.

Do you feel ashamed buying/ordering food?
Do you prefer to eat alone, because you feel people are judging you while they watch you eat?
Do you often cry out of disgust from your mirror reflection?
Do you feel guilty in scenarios that are not yours to feel guilty for?

These questions need to be asked more frequently, for they are the ones that, often subconsciously, rule our day-to-day life.

3. Control

(usually)People who suffer from anorexia are obsessed with controling their food/calorie intake, will separate/organize their food in an obsessive way and are more often than not very obsessive and controling over other parts of their life (school, frienship, tidiness, etc.)

We do these things when we feel we are losing control of our life,most likely our looks.

Do you feel like you are losing control, like things are spinning too fast, like you can't keep up like you used to in certain areas (or all) in your life?
Do you feel overwhelmed and/or tired all the time, suffer from headaches or like you body is weakening?

4. Fear of the all mighty mirror, the powerful scale and the dreadful clothes size tag...

The triggers of all triggers. The only things «recovered» ED sufferees (that cant be a word, do not take seriously my vocabulary like you do my incredibly thoughout science...you are NOT ALOUD TO BE LAUGHING AT THE MOMENT) still have troubles with sometimes.

Mirrors are the hardest to get over, if that is even an accurate term for what one must do, because they are sort of e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. whereas the scale and the tag can honestly be more easily amputed from your worried state of mind; they are numbers after all.

Do you feel your self-esteem shoot down when you walk in front of a reflection-inducing object, such as a car window?
Do you not want to be in pictures or want to see pictures of yourself?
Do you weight yourself knowing you will most likely freak out afterwards?
Do you stop shopping because you get depressed over your clothing size tag?

Most of all, as I said, wikipedia, online tests and even I cannot tell you for a fact what you suffer from.
Here is a post on what to do if you do want help, whatever you are suffering from: 

Please do not hesitate to email me for further questions,
I love you more than I love chocolate (and that is, I can assure you, a first)


Howling Ghosts, They Reappear

Hey gorg! <3

Its been a little while since I last posted, but expect a slew of posts this weekend :)
Slew probably meaning...two...
(shakes her head in shame)

The title of this post is a quote from one of my favorite bands, performing one of my favorite songs;
King and Lionheart, by Of Monsters and Men

Here is the full lyric:
Howling ghosts, they reappear 
In mountains that are stacked with fear

Slow clap for the depth of 'dem lyrics.

How do we add this brick of wisdom to the Fudge Perfection house?

Here's a little fact about yours truly:
Few things in the world scare me more than reuniting with people from my childhood.
I kid you not.
That, and spiders.
the nucleos is to the atomic bomb, as the previously mentioned insect and event is to my panic attacks.

I am studying for my SSATS. Everything, EVERYTHING, is an analogy to me now.

Back to my fear: I will have to discuss my anxiety with yall another time, but for now I will quickly explain why this fear haunts me so.

As most of you know, 6th grade was the year my sanity shot out the window, but it was also the year after which Quebecers change schools to enter «High School».
Ever since that final day amongst the people of my elementary school, their opinion of what I have become has consummed me.
Why, you ask?

Everytime I see or even think about one of those people, I am instantly brought back to the girl who finally cracked,
whose sanity finally succombed to the pressure of good grades, good looks and good girl,
whose self-esteem dove down into the bottom of the oceans as she sat in the bathroom stall during recess and did her homework.

And I start to care.
Care about what they'll think of me now
Care about having to impress them.
Care about their whispers as I walk by.
Care about letting them see my imperfections.

But how does one battle such a fear?
How do we face these howling ghost that reappear, in mountains that are stacked with fear...?
(ahhhhhh, you say. she does make sense. sometimes.)

You have to give up that fight and start a new one.

You can't win a fight based on hiding imperfections.
They will find them where they are, and where they are not.

But you can win a fight for the one thing that they have been taking away from you for far too long: your happiness.

Find things that make you happy, not that will impress them.
Find friends, find love that makes you happy, not that will make them jealous.
Read the FP blog... (JK, but it does make you happy, and it might very well  impress them...I'm just saying...)

Failure is not being rejected for a big part in the play, or not getting into the school you wanted.
Failure is rejecting your own happiness for the sake of the people you don't even like, or respect.

How silly is that, when you think about it?

Why was that in caps?
Why do I keep asking you guys direct questions?

As I was saying, it's time for me to dream:  dreams of letting go of my past, dreams of my own happiness and acceptance, dreams of Jacob Hoggard...
Just kidding.
Or am I?


Purely Random Wednesday Post

Hello my gorgeously fabulous fudgies! <3

1.I hope you all enjoyed my Labor Day post, even with it's insane length.
It was a very personal topic, but one I felt wasn't being defended from my standpoint too often, so I truly hope it made your pretty little brains think :)

2. Please answer this survey to tell me what YOU GUYS want me to ramble ON AND ON about.
It's okay, I know I do :P (http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/T5N59XT)

3. I want to remind you that we have bracelets available for just 1$!
We still have 56 to sell so send me an email and I'll ship it out to you!

4. The weirdest thing in the world has happened to me:
Have you ever met someone briefly, not knowing who they are, and then BAM!
You figure out they are much older, or very famous, or any other type of WHHHHHAAAATTTT caracteristic you had completely misjuged than you thought????

Well, it has happened to me, my dear fudgies.
In treatment, I briefly met a psychologist, whose only name I knew was her first, which sounded something like Falin.
Dr. Falin is the person who gave me the simplest but ultimately most life-changing tips I have since shared with you all such as...
The Drama Queen Calmer
Love Your Reflection

So the other day, ever so nonchalantly, I try to google her to give her proper credit on the blog and...omg.

In my mind this person was: In her twenties. Still studying to be a psychologist (due to her youthful appearance and the way she really understood my teenage craziness, not because she was unqualified.

After my research, I found a clinical psychologist that looks SUSPICIOUSLY like Falin, named Dr. Bita, who must be in her 40s and has her own clinic.

I don't...
What is earth...

Has this ever happened to you guys?
Well thats all for your little Gabbi

I would cyberhug you but Im still so damn confused...


Depression and Suicide: A Tale of Condescension

Good Morning to all of you <3

I am fully aware of how ironic it is that I haven't posted in the last few days but SOMEHOW I am WORKING on LABOR DAY :P
Y'all are lucky I love my job <3

Today's post in going to be a very serious one- but the subject of suicide and depression is a very important one.

I'm going to take you back to Early 2012; my 10th Grade English class:
Our teacher is discussing Romeo and Juliet.
In the middle of her never-ending monologue, she trails off into one of her infamous tirades about, you probably guessed it, suicide.

How selfish an act it is.
How despicable those who commit such an act are.
What were they thinking to leave all those people behind hurt and alone?

This teacher, a woman, is a mother.
And just the thought of her daughter growing up in a home where such ignorant comments are thrown around carelessly makes me downright furious.

Better yet- this woman is a teacher for TEENAGERS.
She has punctured the ears of hundreds of young adults with such hateful spurs.

And she is not alone.
I have heard countless teachers, family members and media personalities voice those same opinions whenever the subject of depression and suicide is brought up.

I am going to bring you even further back in time: the 1980s.
When there was one illness on everybody's mind: AIDS.
People at your local market and people on national TV were saying the exact same thing:
«AIDS is for fags»
«AIDS is disgusting, repugnant, filthy, dirty»
«People with AIDS should be banned, shunned, shot» 

Now do you really think someone who has just discovered they have contracted AIDS is going to happily skip all the way to their doctors' office to tell them?
There should be NO QUESTION whose fault it is that AIDS spread like wildfire as an epidemic.
Us (well, probably not the ones reading this you were probably born in the 1990s like all the cool kids were :P)
More like Us, as a society.

Same thing applies to depression, and therefor suicide.
Depression was officialized as a mental illness in the 1980s, coincidentally.
Yet somehow, here we are, 30 + years later, still treating people suffering from such ILLNESSES (key word here: illness. As much an illness as a cold, as bronchitis, as malaria) with condescension and disdain.
You can STILL hear people say openly and legally:
«Depression is for lazy bums»
«Depression? Just snap out of it»
I'm sorry; have you ever tried to snap out of CANCER?
Yeah, I don't know how easy that is.

Just like AIDS, depression is still being treated like a lower-class illness.
Just like AIDS, YOU CAN VERY WELL NOT KNOW that a person is suffering from it right in front of your face.
Just like AIDS, if we keep making people feel shameful and guilty for an illness they did not choose to have, then
Just like AIDS, the bodies are going to keep piling up.

Prime example: me.
My family had a dismal and ignorant understanding of mental illnesses, always approaching the subject with condescension.
I went 5 years. 5 YEARS without treatment and ended up in a mental institution.
Not. Fun.

I am going to leave you with one last thing:
This past summer a friend of mine asked me what to do about a friend of hers who suffered from depression.
I asked her if they had discussed suicide, and this friend of mine told me that she had told her friend suffering from depression how selfish and irresponsible suicide is.
If I could give her, and all those spewing ignorance like so, one little advice, it would be this:
Do you think the person who is feeling suicidal will want to ask help from people demonizing their emotions?
Your words can be the last drop in someone's glass.
If you want to keep giving your bigoted opinion, that is your creed.
Just don't forget to wash the blood off your hands after you're done.

If you need more info, suffering or just willing to understand more, click on these links
or email me at fudgeperfection@gmail.com

I love you all so very much `<3