Howling Ghosts, They Reappear

Hey gorg! <3

Its been a little while since I last posted, but expect a slew of posts this weekend :)
Slew probably meaning...two...
(shakes her head in shame)

The title of this post is a quote from one of my favorite bands, performing one of my favorite songs;
King and Lionheart, by Of Monsters and Men

Here is the full lyric:
Howling ghosts, they reappear 
In mountains that are stacked with fear

Slow clap for the depth of 'dem lyrics.

How do we add this brick of wisdom to the Fudge Perfection house?

Here's a little fact about yours truly:
Few things in the world scare me more than reuniting with people from my childhood.
I kid you not.
That, and spiders.
the nucleos is to the atomic bomb, as the previously mentioned insect and event is to my panic attacks.

I am studying for my SSATS. Everything, EVERYTHING, is an analogy to me now.

Back to my fear: I will have to discuss my anxiety with yall another time, but for now I will quickly explain why this fear haunts me so.

As most of you know, 6th grade was the year my sanity shot out the window, but it was also the year after which Quebecers change schools to enter «High School».
Ever since that final day amongst the people of my elementary school, their opinion of what I have become has consummed me.
Why, you ask?

Everytime I see or even think about one of those people, I am instantly brought back to the girl who finally cracked,
whose sanity finally succombed to the pressure of good grades, good looks and good girl,
whose self-esteem dove down into the bottom of the oceans as she sat in the bathroom stall during recess and did her homework.

And I start to care.
Care about what they'll think of me now
Care about having to impress them.
Care about their whispers as I walk by.
Care about letting them see my imperfections.

But how does one battle such a fear?
How do we face these howling ghost that reappear, in mountains that are stacked with fear...?
(ahhhhhh, you say. she does make sense. sometimes.)

You have to give up that fight and start a new one.

You can't win a fight based on hiding imperfections.
They will find them where they are, and where they are not.

But you can win a fight for the one thing that they have been taking away from you for far too long: your happiness.

Find things that make you happy, not that will impress them.
Find friends, find love that makes you happy, not that will make them jealous.
Read the FP blog... (JK, but it does make you happy, and it might very well  impress them...I'm just saying...)

Failure is not being rejected for a big part in the play, or not getting into the school you wanted.
Failure is rejecting your own happiness for the sake of the people you don't even like, or respect.

How silly is that, when you think about it?

Why was that in caps?
Why do I keep asking you guys direct questions?

As I was saying, it's time for me to dream:  dreams of letting go of my past, dreams of my own happiness and acceptance, dreams of Jacob Hoggard...
Just kidding.
Or am I?

No comments:

Post a Comment