Hello again my dolls!
As some of you may know, Saturday was my 18th birthday.
Thank you so much for the lovely bday wishes, and the awesome gifts (see fantastic pillow to the right, curtesy of Lu and her dad).
I wanted to write this quick little post because
a) I feel old, like properly old, I was 16 when I started the FP!!
b) We are approaching my 2 year hospitalization anniversary.
Yes, it's no secret I was committed in November of 2011 at Montreal Children's 7D for many a mental health issues, including eating disorders.
I believe it was the day after I came back from my sweet 16 birthday trip in New York City.
I spent my time writing, sleeping, thinking, and crying. An ocean's worth of tears was shed that week, I am not even exaggerating.
It was so bizarre, being shut off from the outside world, no phone, no internet (clearly Tumblr wouldn't tlast a day in a hospital) no friends, no school work. Just you and your feelings. You have nothing else to do but deal with them.
It feels like yesterday, but it also feels like a lifetime.
I thought I was going to walk out of there a free woman, just following that straight golden path to recovery. A few weeks to adjust my new outlook on life to the old life I was returning to and Voila!
Unfortunately, that was not exactly the case.
And I can talk openly about it now, because I have crossed that bridge, I am so far gone from that girl she feels like a stranger. But back then, when I was writing you guys about how awesome it was to be free from your demons and blablabla, I felt so alone (more on this here).
Going through it all, it felt like a lifetime, but I am now looking back at all the time that has passed (I like to pretend I'm 80 when I see shit like that), blink and you would have missed it.
So take care of yourself, take how many years your brain and body need to get through it all.
And thank you for being a part of my recovery:)