For those of you going or gone back to school, I wish you all the luck in the world. I also offer you my condolences for the terrible loss of your REM sleep, especially if you're like me and all your million dollar ideas occur to you ONLY at 3 o'clock in the morning. May the excitement of geometry be enough to pull you out of bed (LOL #sorrynotsorry).
I haven't written a personal, ergo especially sassy post in a while. I have been focused on writing up more researched pieces for the FP and for my other writing jobs, but the truth is I miss being the writer who transforms everything into a weird metaphor and uses too many terms of endearments. She will be back:)
When I started the blog sometime in early 2012, I was 16 years old, a few months out of my hospitalization. I wrote about the tips and tricks that helped me (and still help to this very day)feel better about my body and the beautiful, complex world that I lived in. I wrote about why you shouldn't care about other people's judgements, about loving your flaws, about recognizing your amazingness. Granted, they were often terribly written, but I was in the 10th grade, sue me.
In my rational mind, I believed all these things, but they didn't seem so real to me when my emotions got in the way. I wanted these body positive ideals to be what I automatically thought when I ordered food at a restaurant or caught my reflexion in the mirror. Truth be told, I just wasn't there yet. I understood the words, but I didn't get it.
I felt like all the work I put into my recovery was a waste.
Like I was letting down my friends, my family, my doctors and nurses, and especially my fudgies.
Why was this taking so long? Why weren't these thoughts and habits reflexes by now?
When I started the blog, I thought I was at least 50% over all my problems, when in reality, I was probably at a measly 10%.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am now soon-to-be 18 years old, moving on with my life, and as I look back at the journey that seemed to have taken forever, I realize how much I've changed.
I now know what it means to love who you are, flaws included.
I am not done, I still have a few demons to fight off, but I have reached the light at the end of the tunnel.
So. For anyone who is going through the motions, who feels like all their work is amounting to nothing, I promise you are just laying down this incredibly strong base for yourself, because one day you will look down from the impossibly lovely skyscraper you didn't even realize you had built, and you will smile. (how's that for a weird metaphor? I'm so back)
Because it doesn't matter how long the millions of steps take, just as long as you keep walking.
I hope your day is an amazing one, my darlings!
xoxo
Gabby
PS: also, if you haven't noticed by my repetitive tweets, I am downright obsessed with the song Waterloo Sunset, by The Kinks. They are an incredible band, and I actually cried when I first heard this song, I'm not even fu**ing around, it's that beautiful. It also may or may not have been really late at night, but still, Ray Davies is the God of all that is melodic.
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