The Importance of Eyes

Hello my angels,

As some of you may remember, during the prehistoric ages of the blog, I wrote an article, since then rewritten and found here, about how to love yourself on a day to day basis. I've received some lovely feedback from you all, especially through the heartbreaking and inspiring emails I've read over the past 2 and a half years. How. Ever.

When I gave you the advice to look for 3 positive things about your body, some of you replied:
"But Gabby, I don't have any positive things about my body".
...
Let me just take a second to prepare my head-smacking hand.

I understand where you come from, you know I do. When you are filled with self-hatred, observing the the smallest beauty particle seems a rather daunting task.
But you must also understand that you are wrong.
There are thousands of physical attributes you possess that I, myself, find beautiful.

Sometimes it's just about knowing where to look, and knowing how to start.
My suggestion for self-love first timers?
The eyes. 

Yes, those 2 roundish blog smack dab in the middle of your face. Their beginner status lies in the 3 body positive characteristics of any beautiful body part:

1. Unique

No one's eyes look the same. When you're thinking about finding beauty on your face, really look into your eyes.

Their color, whether light blue or dark brown, with millions of different light and dark spectrums of color in between?
unique.
Their shape, whether oval or round, framing the irises like the gold filigree around a Monet?
unique.
Their features, whether big or small, filled with lashes or bare like a beautiful blank canvas?
unique. 

There can be nothing wrong with your eyes in terms of beauty, because no one's eyes are identical in any of the former ways. Your eyes are your eyes only, and that makes them more beautiful than anything else in the world.

Think the same way about your nose or your lips, in terms of originality, and you're on your way to self love stardom!

2. Ability

Sometimes it's important to take a step back and look at our bodies not as sexual objects designed to please the modern beauty standards, but as freaking fantastic machines that make our opportunities endless.

Think for  a quick second about what your eyes do for you everyday. You see the people that you love, the colors that you favour, the foods that you crave, the sights others would kill to see!

We don't spend enough time thanking our bodies for what they help us do.
Beauty isn't just "eh ma gurd that's pretty". It's also strength, and talent, and giving.
By those standards, what is more beautiful than your eyes?

----

Usually I have a 3rd reason for everything.
But this time its up to you to decide why your eyes are beautiful.
Maybe it's the glasses you wear, or the darkness of your undereye circles (I happen to like that, don't judge me).

Whatever the case may be, find beauty, hold on to it, and have a body positive day.
xoxo

Gabby


 

12 Personal Questions Tag: Get To Know Me Yo

Hello my angel food cakes:)

I got such an unexpected positive response from my last personal Q&A that I decided you all deserve another one:)

1. What do you order at Starbuck? Well, I don't drink caffeine, and if I'm going to have a 500 calorie drink, I'd rather just have chocolate, so...water? I'm a sad boring old lady, love me for me. 

2. What's one thing in your closet you can't live without? Boxer shorts. I wear them as pants all the time, never mind the naysayers, or my horrified mother. 

3. Something most people would not know about you? I am into mainstream music as much as the next girl, but I'm also into metal and grunge. I love Bring Me The Horizon, A Day To Remember, and Alice in Chains (Dirt era). 

4. Name one thing you want to do before you die. Wow. Get a tattoo, be featured in a newspaper, be happy? I'm 18, I can barely tell you something I want to do before the end of this day (eat probably, what else). 

5. One food you can't live without. Chicken everything. Bagels. CTC (not a drug, the cereal, although it's quite addicting). 

6. What quote do you live your life by? The best way out is always through. Robert Frost. Couldn't get through a panic attack, or math class, without this.

7. Song most listened to on Itunes? my top 3: Black Hole Sun, by Soundgarden (wow that's dark), Set Fire To The Rain, by Adele (fierce), and American, by Lana Del Rey (my queen). 

8. What is your "style"? Um, lost? I'm both alternative and not. Depends on the day, depends on my mood, depends on laundry. 

9. Favorite Number? 12. My birthday is October 12. That's always been my go-to number. True embarrassing fact: my first email was, I kid you not, crazypunk12@yahoo.ca I wish I was kidding. 

10. 2 hobbies: writing, obvi, and working with kids. Also existential crises. 

11. 2 pet peeves: saaaaaand. and slow walkers. Get out. of. my way. kthanksbye.

12. Guilty Pleasures: I don't really believe you should feel guilty about doing things that make you happy, but I guess I'd have to include Netflix and writing random quotes on my body with eyeliner. 

Who I Love (Correlation Between Self-Love and Sexuality) (updated)

Hello my darling fudgies!

Perhaps it's my love for musical theatre.

Perhaps it's my drag queen fascination for glitter and cleavage.

Perhaps it's the fact that my mother, while pregnant with me, worked as a marketing VP for L'Oreal.

I'll probably never know for sure why that is,

But I have been an active ally of the LGBTQ community since foetus-hood.

Among my group of friends, I, a heterosexual cisgendered girl, am basically a sexual minority, and I love it.

In the past few years, my friendships with my LGBT friends have been some of the most important in my life.

And it's not because of the stereotypical interests I listed above.

Authentic friendship goes way beyond that; it is birthed from common values.

One of the life philosophies I value most is the appreciation of individuality, self esteem and self worth, and my gay friends always seemed to share those values.

I always wanted to write an article about human sexuality and its correlations with self esteem, but I just couldn't figure out why.

After all, being gay isn't an imperfection or an insecurity one must learn to accept.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH LOVE.

So I left the idea to gather dust on a shelf in my mind.

----

Until one faithful day, exactly 2 weeks ago, as I was speaking to my friend David* about the worries and concerns I had for the young girls with whom I volunteer. How hard it is to make them see what I find so special in each and every one of them! It was then that he said:

"Don't worry, at least one of them is going to turn out gay, and she'll teach the rest of them the art of loving oneself through thick and thin".

That was it. The gay bomb of confetti exploded in my mind.

THAT was the correlation between accepting our sexuality and accepting who we are as humans.

With all the messages thrown at you, from the hate groups you see picketing on the news or your grumpy uncle's thoughts on those "damn homosexuals", it's easy for anybody who's sexual orientation is still a question mark to find him or herself confused about who they are.

Whether or not you come out to your friends and family, some day you come out to yourself.

You make peace with who you are; you understand there is still so much you need to figure out about yourself, and there are going to be people who don't approve of you, but it's going to be okay.

You can finally exhale; because when you know who you are, no one else can define you.

....

Doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn’t that sound like every Dove campaign about media and photoshop, like every feminist rant about men defining women as sexual objects?

All those articles and videos and social media rants about self esteem, they're basically telling you to come out of the closet!

Not necessarily "that" closet, but the one that you use to hide yourself away, to bury your fears and insecurities. The closet you've locked yourself in, because if they can't see you for who you are, a flawed complex human being who can't please everybody, then they can't hate you, right?

But ask anybody who broke down that door and let their true self see the light of day.

They call you a "fag" if you're gay, they call you a "fag" if you're not. 

In other words, those who want to hate you, who need to hurt you because they're hurting themselves, don't need ammo to fire at you.
Hiding out won't prevent the rotten apples from calling you names, it will prevent your loved ones from loving you for who you are. 

People will come in and out of your life, trying to define you.

This might be the dumbest example, but it works:

If you’re sitting in class and some dumbass tries to convince you that your chair is actually a lamp, you won’t believe them! You know what a chair is! You’ll look at this person, tell them they are wrong, because that is a fucking chair.

Just like a chair is not a lamp, you are not ugly, or stupid, or unworthy of respect: you are a goddess.

Can't wear that shirt because the prom queen might call you fat, or weird, or (gasp) different?

... Well, fuck the prom queen.

I once knew a kid who wore a sequin bow tie everyday!

He had been called every homophobic slur available on urban dictionary, but he couldn't care less, he knew who he was.

"Yeah, I wear bow ties to school”, he would say, “I like men, but sometimes I like girls, I'm a 5 on the Kinsey Sexual Orientation Scale, and my favorite color is purple. Now what!"

So the next time you're watching the pride parade roll past your eyes, I hope you understand that being self-aware, exuding self-confidence, and having self-worth is not exclusive to members of the LGBTQ community.

"Coming out to myself allowed me to be more comfortable with my own thoughts and feelings, it allowed me to be less anxious and to live up to who I truly am. "
-Laverne (fake names rule)

Come out as you are, own it, and live in your truth.

If sequin bow tie Tom can do it, well fuck, so can you.

xoxo

Gabby

I Don't Give A Single Fudge

Hello my darling angels,

Let me tell you, boys and girls and non binaries, the Lord hath tested me as of late.

I am 18 years old, and as a result, I feel I am more comfortable with my identity than when I was 14.
I know who I am, what I want, what I like, and, as these past few weeks have proven, I am old enough not to give a single ounce of a fudge if the aforementioned don't comply to other people's tastes.

But no matter how old I get, it's hard sometimes to not let other people's opinions get inside your , and it's not everyday I feel like a ball busting finger snapping diva.

Example Number 1: My High Tops

About 2 months ago, I had a wonderful Etsy shop by the name of KaylaStojek make me a pair of custom designed, glitter monster, psychedelic, Jimmy Hendrix Experience-looking high tops.
When I got them in the mail, I. Was. Stoked.

Unfortunately, many a'folk did not share my fond sentiments towards my shoes.
Some told me they looked great,
Some kept quiet if they didn't particularly adore them (hello, manners!)
but some...well, let's just say some were less quiet.

I literally had people insulting my shoes as I walked past them in the hall. Snickering, pointing, and telling me to my face that I had one tacky pair of shoes.

To be fair, I go to school in a living, breathing J. Crew catalogue, so I expected a bit of attention, but I thought that my fellow classmates had reached a point in their lives where differing tastes and styles were celebrated and accepted.

At first, I must say, I was heartbroken.
*Cue High School Musical's "Stick To The Status Quo"
"I should have bought something more conservative, that would blend in with the crowd."
Why couldn't I just like what everyone else likes?!

But when I wore my shoes alone in my house, I felt happy.
These high tops made me happy.
I felt like myself, like a piece of my identity was being reflected out into the universe.

So why should I let beautiful inner feeling of pride in who I am wither away with the voices of strangers? 
----

Example 2: Industrial

Another example is my industrial.
Yes, I got an industrial piercing (pictured left, with filter because it is still very bruised).
I have wanted this damn hanger through my ear for yeaaaaars.
But I never got it.

It wasn't the pain, or the money, or my school's dress code that stood in my way.
It was me.

I thought people would call me a poseur, an amateur, a fake.
I thought it wasn't "my style", but that's a lie. Your style is what you like, plain and simple.
I was afraid if wasn't the style that other people perceive me to have, and that bubble of conformity and security was difficult to burst.

But here's the thing. I did not have a needle pumped through my cartilage for them.
I got it for me.

I did not watch my friend (shoutout to my gurl Lubear) almost pass out from watching me get pierced so that I could pretend to be someone I'm not, no.
I got it for me.

And I freaking love it.
Oh I'm going to get some comments, no doubt, I already have.

But everyday, as I peel away the layer of skin that doesn't belong to me, that belongs to others and what they think of me, I grow stronger.
I look into the eyes of the judgement's beholder, and I smile.
Because I could not give less of a fudge.

----------------------------
Some may say this conversation is superficial.
But to me, it's not about the shoes, or the piercing, or the jeans, or the headband, or the haircut.
It's about being happy.

Because you know you shouldn't care what others think about you.
But God, the people who say that don't what it's like to walk through the cut throat hallways of school.
Sometimes it's just easier to blend in.

But the easier route doesn't make you happy.
It would be easier to not study hard for that test, but you want that 4.0 GPA
It would be easier to lay back and watch TV, but you still train for that marathon.
It would be easier to twiddle your thumbs all day, but you pursue your passions anyway.

So yeah, it would be easier to blend in. To let the shining star of individuality inside you fade to black. 
But don't you want to be happy?
To be proud of who you are, to reflect your inner being into the universe and watch it inspire others?

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference". -Robert Frost

Have a lovely day
xoxo

Gabby

Writing Q&A (Part 2)

Hello my darlings!

Here is the second part of my writing Q&A. I have some actually interesting research articles prepared, because I know I have been seriously lacking in that aspect, but as you can imagine they take up a bit more time than the average post. So for right now, enjoy these questions and answers, and have a lovely day:)

What is your favorite article you have written for the blog?

That's a tough question, because all of them are so thought-out and Pulitzer prize-worthy. Kidding, of course, 99% of what I write is ridiculous. On one hand, I'm very proud of well-researched articles , like Is Fat An Insult? or The Danger of Thinspo. I feel like they help me prove myself to those who scoff at a young adult trying to play with the big boys of blogging.

However, many of my research analysis articles go to my freelance writing blogs, so I don't get to be as snarky or sassy or facetious as I'd like. That's why articles such as "Collarbones:WTF" and "Food Shame and Eye Contact" hold a special place in my heart: they reflect my personality, my sarcastic sense of humor, while discussing issues that are very important to me. My total lack of self-editing may not be as professional as some of my editors would like, but these posts are some of my most popular articles ever. Being yourself never fails in the long run, and these articles have helped validate that for me.

But pageviews and traffic aren't the only things that make an article standout in my eyes. Some of the pieces I have written, especially in the early FP days, may have appeared to be simple self esteem tips, but to me they meant, and still mean, so much more.

For example, How To Love Your Reflection, is not very long, it's not well-written, it's ridiculous and dramatic, but it's also a trick I have practiced every day for over 2 years. It represents how far I've come, how far I still have to go; it's a trick that was given to me when I was sitting in a hospital bed, waiting for some sort of miracle cure for the destructive self-hatred I was inflicting on myself.

That trick didn't make everything better, didn't fix my brain forever, but it proved to me that my recovery wasn't a worthless cause. If I could feel better about my reflection for just a few seconds a day, maybe one day I'd love myself again.  It's just words on a screen, I know, but it's also a little piece of my heart.

***Not a Writing Question, but I get it so often I thought I'd just tack it on at the end of this post:
WHO IS THE GIRL KISSING THE MIRROR ON THE FP PROMO PICTURE? IS THAT YOU?

No, that girl is not me. Her name is Laurence, she was a classmate of mine while in high school. She was one of the many volunteers who helped me make the first FP promo video. I would link to it, but it was made by a 16 year old (me) with zero editing or filming experience. It's not that cute:P

I haven't kept in touch with her since graduating, but I'm honestly glad she is the face of the FP blog.
She was always very sweet to me, very supportive of my work. She was gorgeous, but in an amazing natural way. She was smart, she was hardworking, but she wasn't afraid of having fun and being silly.

I could have picked any one of my friends to be the face of the blog, but I unintentionally chose the best girl for the job. It wouldn't feel right to have anyone else on the cover, come to think of it. so thank you Laurence:)

xoxo

Gabby

Writing Q&A #1

Hello my beauties!

As I get many questions in regards to writing, I thought I'd put together a quick Q&A for y'all, to tie you over until my next comprehensive article magically appears on the blog wall. This is part 1, expect a few more in the coming weeks. Enjoy<3

How did you start freelance blogging, or writing for other people?
Well, each blog/web magazine I write or have written for has its own story.
For example, Drop Of Pink, my first out-of-FPP writing position, was basically a miracle. I was a sophomore in high school, the blog was a baby, practically a foetus really, and I had zero qualifications as a freelance writer (to be fair, I still don't haha).
I saw that DOP had tweeted about a guest writing position, so I decided to send them an email.
Not because I thought I'd get the job, no. I just wanted them to look at my blog, so I could get ONE PAGEVIEW. That was such a big deal to me back then, one single person reading something I wrote.

But they seemed to like my stuff (I don't why, by the way, my writing was proper atrocious), so they took a chance on me. And 2 years later, here we are.

I remember when my first DOP article was posted, sometime in the spring of 2012. I ran up to my friends at school and we shrieked and danced and woo-hooed like 16 year olds do. Oh, memories.

How has the FP content changed throughout the years?
When I first started to write, a lot of my content revolved around eating disorders. I hadn't been out of treatment long, (little did I know my recovery would take a lot longer than imagined) so these issues I had struggled with were far from annihilated.

I started writing about these tips and tricks and challenges that I found helped me get a little bit stronger every day. Barely anything was researched, I had absolutely no posting schedule, the whole thing was a mess, but an authentic mess. No one but a few friends and a lonesome internet wonderer read my crazy little articles, but that's allowed me to be comfortable and open with the Internet about these deeply private issues.

Nowadays, the posts are much more varied, some creative writing, some guest writing, some researched analysis papers, some heart to heart rambles, something for everybody really.

One thing I have noticed that I'm not particularly happy about is that all my good, extensively researched material now goes to my other writing jobs. I love having absolutely no filter or editor on this blog, it's what makes it so fun for me, but that also means my expectations are much lower.
I need to make more time to write serious brainfood for all of you, because this blog is the reason I have all these opportunities today, and I can't forget that.

Have a wonderful week
xoxox

Gabby

Honesty or Overkill: Opening Up About an ED

I recently wrote an article for ANEB, which you can find here http://www.anebquebec.com/blogue/2013/08/12/honnetete-ou-exces/ and decided to translate it for all my non-francophones. Enjoy:)

Phew! The heavy burden of secrecy that I carried is gone. No more lies, the whole truth, so no worries...right?

Revealing to your loved ones that you are suffering or have suffered from an eating disorder sounds tempting. And in most circumstances, this confession may be useful or even essential to obtain professional help and treatment for this disease. But are there boundaries not to be trespassed when speaking of specific and explicit details of your struggle that could result in harmful consequences? 

I argue that yes, details of compensating behaviours, lies or tricks used to perpetuate eating disorder behaviors should be limited when addressing friends and family, or even an individual present in an ANEB chat session, who is not a health care professional. Here are my 3 reasons defending why these subjects should be omitted: 

Giving bad ideas

Most of what we know as been taught to us by someone or something else, and it's no different for our bad habits and coping mechanisms. Specific details about your methods of compensatory behaviors, for example, may seem harmless to you, but they are still bad seeds you are planting in the brain of the other. We can not foresee what the consequences of these ideas might be on one another, short or long term, so it is always best to prevent any adverse reactions. 

They are only consequences to a bigger problem 

Your habits and actions to control your weight are only the consequences of a psychological distress lead by an obsession with body image and fear of weight gain. If you want to find the cause of the disorder and treat it effectively,  analyze the emotions behind your behaviours, therefor leaving out details of physical actions would be best. 

They cannot help your family and friends help you 

What is the point of telling your family and friends that you have or have had an eating disorder if they can not help you properly? They can not always be with us to ensure that we are eating enough or whatnot, so giving graphic details of these unhealthy behaviours, over which people those who support us have very little power, proves itself to be futile. If the people around us can help us, it is mainly through their moral support, psychological and emotional.

It is certainly healthy to be honest and open with the ones we love, but we have to be conscious of the thin line between pertinent and overkill.

Have a lovely week!
xoxo

Gabby

Is "Fat" an Insult?

Hello my beautiful fudgies:)



I recently watched a Laci Green video, link on your right or click right here, in which she discusses fat shame. One of the ideas she proposed to diminish or eradicate fat shaming is to simply call fat by its name: FAT. Not fluff, or pudge, or any other childish name to "soften" the blow of what society has made its most devious insult. Yes indeed, the way we avoid mentioning the word "fat" is oh-so telling about the way it is portrayed in the 21st century. So is fat an insult, but most importantly, SHOULD it be?
I dish out my personal opinion on the topic.

The Times, They Are A-Changing

As Laci mentions, the way we view fat as a society has not always been so negative. While it is true that throughout the Middle Ages the dominant Catholic church in Occident shunned gluttony, one of the 7 deadly sins, which can be associated with overeating, it's important to point out that finding enough to eat was still a daily struggle for most of the population. Appearing opulent was something only the privileged could afford, and it was regarded as noble, attractive, and, contrary to where we stand nowadays, healthy!

When crop growing and agriculture technology boomed during the Renaissance, the disparity in food supply between rich and poor slowly decreased, creating a shift in the "fat"mentality. It was no longer a sign of wealth, but of lack of self control. Of course, different societies, such as the Chinese Dynasties, have had a different evolution, but most share a fat-loving era in their history.

With the continuous transformation of "fat" and its implications throughout the ages, in the occidental society, as well as its various meanings across the globe , how can we collectively label the word as an insult? 

Warped Images

Ever since Antiquity, painters, sculptors, and artists alike have been slaving over the accuracy of their portrayal of the human body. The exact, realistic proportions were all the rage. So when did we get so accustomed to untruthful representations?
Well, many art historians would claim that many representations of power figures, such as royalty and political leaders, dating back many centuries ago, were embellished by the artist to please their boss.

However, the main perpetrators and arguably the most influential originators of the warped image era we currently live in are clothing brands.

Fuelled by the arrival of fashion magazines and catalogues in the late 19th century such as Vogue, these brands now had a platform for their ads, in which their models could look as beautiful and thin/curvy/flat/wide hipped as the period's beauty expectation required. Whether it was a specific instruction to their campaign artist who sketched the clothes by hand or a lengthy Photoshop transformation on the computer, their eye was and still is on the money, no matter what kind of societal consequences their ads may lead to.

We live in a time that fat just doesn't sell the way thin does. So if we choose to use "fat" as an insult, aren't we just perpetrating an idea we are being sold?

-----------------

Most importantly (again, as Laci said, but she's amazing i cannot HELP but paraphrase her every word!), fat shouldn't be an insult, because it isn't a trait that denotes any negative characteristics. 
It doesn't imply in its pure, unadulterated  mean, or stupid, or even lazy. It's just a loose connective tissue composed mostly of adipocytes (wikipedia knows what's up). 

Therefor no, my answer is it should not be an insult. So don't let it be one. 

have a fantastic week my loves!

xoxo

Gabby

Forgiving Yourself

Once upon a time there was a girl, and to be frank, she was not a great friend.

She wasn't always supportive, she wasn't the epitome of kindness or patience, and lord knows she was ruthlessly unforgiving.

Many said she was cold, or bitter, or just a bad person, a sentiment that, while duly presumed, was entirely off base.

Because it wasn't that she wanted to treat others, especially the ones she cared about, in such a poor manner.

It was that she didn't know any better.
Because she was completely unsupportive, harmful and impatient, but most of all simply unforgiving towards herself.

How can you expect someone to respect their loved ones when they clearly have no respect for themselves?

My advice is simple: learn to forgive yourself. You are not the sum of your mistakes. Letting them fester within you will not only hurt you but also your relationships. Take responsibility for them, and move on.

This young girl wrote down all the things she has done wrong, and why she did them. She apologized, then folded the piece of paper and threw it into the recycling bin. Over and out.

She is not a perfect person by any means, or a perfect friend at that. But that's okay. She can forgive herself for that too. :)

The End.

PS: a big thank you to my amazing friend Molly (facebook.com/MollyPopsOfColor) for giving my drop of pink article a shout out. Check out her insane MUA skills; but beware you may die of talent jealousy. You have been warned:)

Friend With An Eating Disorder? ADVICE

Hello my stunning fudgies <3

In an article I wrote for ANEB (which I will link when it is published), I elaborated on the act of opening up to your friends and family about your past or present struggles with an eating disorder. As I was typing it up, I started thinking about my own experience, and what I wish my peers had or had not done.

So if someone close to you has confided in you regarding their eating disorder struggles, here are 3 things to keep in mind:

Rule #1: Ask Questions (then STFU)

This is probably something they have been keeping inside for quite some time now, thus they might have a lot to vent. Don't make judgement calls, thank them for trusting you enough to keep this private handle it maturely, and let those floodgates open. 

Ask them about when it started, what are their triggers, if their parents know, etc. (***However, I seriously recommend you avoid the topic of specific details about the physical aspects of their eating disorder. eg: their purging or restraining habits, etc. More on that in the aforementioned article). You ask questions, then you keep quiet and listen. This is not the time to make comments, jokes or force them to get help the way you think they should. 

They obviously think you can handle the news, so honour their trust and shut the fudge up. 

Rule #2: Be Available, not Intrusive (so STFU, mostly)

Okay, so they confided in you. That is most likely a sign that, if ever they need help or support, you are the person they will reach. Take that job seriously (though don't take it too seriously and putting the weight of her problems on your shoulders. If you are not a professional, there is only so much you can do. Walking constantly on eggshells could bring issues for you as well). 

Be ready to step in if they ask for it. Key words: if they ask. Constantly bringing it up will probably make them rather uncomfortable. There is one exception to this rule though, hence the mostly: If your friend never brings it up again (and I mean for months) and their situation seems to be deteriorating and their safety/health is on the line, you have the right to confront them and/or seek help from a counsellor or any other professional. 

Rule #3: Be the Emotional Support (so again, STFU) 

Your job is to be the emotional support. The one she can vent to when she is stressed, depressed, anxious, tired, etc. This is where you can be most helpful, considering the fact that these factors are the triggers (therefor the cause) of her struggle. 

You are not the behaviour police: whether she is not eating much at lunch or hiding food from others, these are consequences that she must control on her own.

Think of it this way: you will not always be there to, for example, control their calorie intake. These behaviours are often something they are ashamed of, and pointing them out could really embarrass them. They won't stop because you make them eat more of their sandwhich, they will go continue their patterns somewhere else. 

So keep your mouth shut and be the shoulder to cry on, not the pasta police. Got it?

(see rule 2 for the exception). 

Hope you all have an amazing week, dollfaces!

xoxo

Gabby

Music I've been loving: Half Moon Run. Saw their show for the 2nd time last week and it blew my mind. You must check out their album: Dark Eyes. Here's a groupie picture I snagged of the guitarist/harmonica player/pianist/cutest guy on earth:  

A Letter To Self-Harmers

*Trigger Warning

This will not be a researched, coherent article. This is just my open letter. 

My dear fudgies,

I cannot lie to you all; I worry.

I receive your emails, I read your tweets, I see those near and far from me suffer,
and I worry. 

I wish I could just hug you, and fix you with a snap of my magic fingers, but I can't. I can only worry.

I don't know what it is like to self harm. I cannot pretend to understand the incredible pain you are going through, because I don't, and to pretend like I do would be an insult to the complexity of your bleeding hearts.

But let me tell you what I do know:

I know what it is like to need control, to crave control, to your body and mind's detriment.
I know what it is like to hate yourself, to want to punish yourself, to press the self destruct button
I know what it is like to pretend that nothing is wrong, to hide a secret deep within you.

And above all, I know you are worth so much more than all of it. 

Self harm is an alarmingly prevalent coping mechanism, but one we frighteningly don't hear too much about.
There is stigma, and shame, and even sometimes jokes.

You hate everything about youself, every inch of this incredible body you were gifted.
You think: EH, I'M NOT DAMAGING ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

But it kills you inside, because you know better.
And to be honest? It kills me too.

You all have no idea how beautiful you are. You just don't.
You see yourself through the eyes of a flaw-searching enemy. You will never win the battle against an already broken mirror.
I want to shake you, show you, and I want to cry for you. because you are so damn blind to it all.

Don't ever forget how amazing the human body is. You have limbs that can run, dance, and hug. You can see, hear and feel every single beautiful detail in this world.
Don't ever forget, don't ever take it for granted, so treat it right.

This isn't my most coherent, organized, researched article, I know, and I'm sorry.
But it's from the heart. My sad heart, begging you all to hold on, to stay clean for one more day.

I love you. I truly do.


"If one of your bright lights was to fall into darkness, the sky would never be quite as beautiful. "

xoxoxo
Gabby

Resources:
*Self Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

*To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.
*Self Injury Outreach and Support http://sioutreach.org

*Self-Injury Help, Support and Treatment http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

Grace

Hello fudgies!
I have missed you all so much, but I have been very busy lately, and also very blessed, which is why I want to write this post.

These past few months, I have been blessed with some wonderful news, on top of everything else I am already thankful for. I try to make sure that I am conscious of these blessings, but if there is one thing I didn't always treat with gratitude, it was my food.

I used to, and unfortunately still do sometimes, human nature's imperfection and all, use food as a coping mechanism. Food was therefor no longer a vital part of my day, it became of drug. And that needed to change.

So I decided to start saying grace before my meals. Now THIS IS IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM A RELIGIOUS TRADITION I AM OBLIGING TO, I do not thank any particular god or higher being. If you want to do so, by all means, if not, the results will be the same.

I simply take a milli second before eating to realize that this meal is a gift many in this world do not possess.

What it does for me is change the way I view food. It's not a way to lose control or self destruct. It is food, and that is enough.

I just wanted to let you all know so you can try it out! Disordered relationship with food or not, counting your blessings can brighten your day!

Have a great week, doll faces<3
Xoxoxo
Gabby

Its Majesty, King Ice Cream

Hello dolls!

PS: I FOUND OUT THE DATE FOR MY INTERNSHIP; FEBRUARY 25 2013, YAY! <3
just thought yall should know:)

I'm hoping to start your week off right with a post about one of my favorite things so far in 2013: ice cream. 

Yes indeed, after weeks of intense research and dedicated testing, I have officially crowned ice cream king of the comfort foods. 

Being somewhat of a salty toother, I had previously never fit the stereotypical «broken hearted girl who drowns her sorrow in Haagen Dasz and Pride and Prejudice» mold (okay, I lied about P&P, it's like visual Prozac to me).

However, during one of the first few days of the new year, I casually decided to grab a pint of ice cream while grocery shopping, and BAM! Love at first bite.
Why, You may ask? Here are the reasons behind ice cream's coronation:

1. The Ice Control
One of the great things about ice cream is that it is in fact ice cream. Now, I don't know if this is because of my treacherously long orthodontics history, but after eating them for a while, cold foods seem to lose their taste.
This forces me to put down my spoon and put the pint back into the freezer:  A NATURAL INTAKE CONTROL METHOD? Score.

2. The Cream Factor.
Again, I am forever grateful that ice cream is in fact ice cream. For most of us, there is no worse trigger than a bloated, pertruding stomach. So the creamy, almost liquid-y texture, a lighter option than chips or candy, leaves the belly feeling less and less like a detonating bomb, making your mind feel more and more sane. :)

3. The Glacier Tongue
Last but not least, the reason ice cream is a champ in the guilt control category, is yet again its icyness.
When eating ice cream, the entire mouth region, but especially the tongue, turns bordeline frigorific.
While it may not be an enjoyable feeling for some, it numbs the taste buds on your tongue, making it impossible for the lingering taste of ice cream to drive you insane with guilt, shame, or self-loathing.

Wasn't kidding , was I now? :)
Alright, enjoy responsibly, keep being awesome!
I love you guys to death <3

xoxoxoxo
Gabby

These are a few of my favorite things...

Happy monday, fudgies! <3

Today I'm simply showing you some of my favorite Internet, body positive discoveries!
But fear not, you have not seen the last of me this week, because eI have some pretty big stuff in the works for you guys!
Aaaannd, on top of all that excitment, there is a certain ice cream-related post being written as you're reading this, so you know this week will be fierce. 

So here we go: my top 3 body positive findings of the week!

1. Trisha Paytas' Beauty at Every Size

She's done it again! Honestly, I do not follow her youtube content, but when Trisha comes out with these great videos and you, dear fudgies, kindly send me their links, I am always very happy to see that bright, bubbly blond appear on my screen. Hoorah to Trish <3

2. This picture, among others, I found on tumblr.

It depicts an ad, found in 1950s archives, selling what I can only assume is a weight-gain product.

Personally, I am not going to go into the whole «my oh my, how times have changed, this is how women should look, curves are pretty, bones are not» spiel, because I don't believe in bashing anybody's body type, wether curvy or narrow. 

As a matter of fact, that is precisely the message I personally take from this picture. 

People are somehow under the impression that before our generation, women lived in a world where bodies of all types were accepted and treated equally. However, I believe this picture proves that even back in those days, certain body types weren't making the magazine covers, weren't considered the standard for beauty. It just so happens that back in the day, the narrower, thinner girls were the ones being bashed, even though for most of them, they had absolutely no control over their body types (genetics, poverty).

In 2013, the roles of curvy/versus/narrow have simply been reversed.

So you see? For some women to be considered «ideally beautiful», others have to be...well, not. 

3. Finally, the body image project blog
As some of you may know, last summer I wrote an article for this blog: The Body Image Project
Last night, I was parousing its content and was floored by the incredible honesty, truth and diversity of the blog's anonymous or famous entries.
Go check it out, it is worth while!

Well, that is all for today, dolls. <3
Have a happy rest-of-Monday and see yall later this week :)

xoxoxoxo
Gabby

In Crisis

Happy Monday, fudgies!

Today's topic is certainly not the most uplifting and light-hearted of subjects, but it is one I feel is necessary.

As I was working out this afternoon, my elliptical's TV screen caught my attention. The suicide of computer programmer extraordinaire Aaron Schwartz was being discussed on CNN, and it got me to thinking.
Sadly, I don't know most of you in real life, but I would feel responsible if anything ever happened to you, because when someone is in crisis, all they need is a little guidance, and I looooove to guide.

Obviously, I am not the Messiah or anything, but if you are ever in a situation where suicidal thoughts or intentions appear predominant, you may feel completely lost as to what steps you can take to assure your safety.
Here are some tools I hope you will never need to use, but just in case you are so unfortunate, do not hesitate even so much as a second to take advantage of these resources:

***IMPORTANT: BEFORE ANY OF THESE STEPS: Your health comes first, and that is all. Often, people will think «oh, I can't go to the hospital, I have a math exam» or «oh, but I have that permission slip to give in», and therefor you put on the backburner YOUR SAFETY. 
Think of it this way: if you were to be hit by a bus, God forbid, I don't think your boss, teacher or friends would be offended  by your trip to the hospital. Why? BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS THE NUMBER 1 PRIORITY.

So please, take a step back to look at the grand scheme of things, and do whatever it takes to get help.

1. A suicide hotline. 
Type into google your CITY + SUICIDE HOTLINE and a local crisis operator will help you, and probably guide you towards these next resources.

2. A crisis center
You would be surprised to see how many crisis centers there are in your area.
Again, look up your CITY+CRISIS CENTER and, if you can, find the one closest to you.
They usually prefer if you call before heading out to visit, so they can be totally prepared for your arrival and take care of you upon arrival, plus they may even come pick you up if you are unable to get there by your own transportation, so find the phone number on their website or yellow page and dial up :)

3. Any local health clinic
In Quebec, we have CLSCs, which are free walk-in clinics. If you know of such facilities in your area, head out there, but AGAIN, CALL IN ADVANCE AND THEY WILL BE PREPARED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR NEEDS AT YOUR ARRIVAL.

4. Last resort, but do not hesitate to go: HOSPITAL
Most hospitals I know of take suicidal thoughts/intentions very seriously, and IF YOU CALL IN ADVANCE, they will expect your arrival and send you off to help right away, so you don't have to wait in line for hours.

I know most of you knew all of this already, but in a state of complete panic, we often forget everything we once thought we knew inately.
Be safe my loves, reach out as quickly as you can and keep fudging perfection.

<3
xoxoxoxo

Gabby

Handling Stress and Anxiety!

How is Wednesday treating you? 

This post is dedicated to my petit écureuil anxieux. <3 

Hello my beautiful fudgies!


I wanted to talk about stress today, because not only does it affect 'most everybody I know, but it can also trigger some serious self-esteem problems.
WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING WE ARE FANS OF IN THE FPP FAMILY, as you probably know by now <3

There are several levels, diagnostics, and consequences to anxiety, but in my book I can think of 2 perfect little words to describe the main cause of this unapologetic feeling:
over.worrying.

That's right, over thinking things that should always be looked from afar with perspective.

First of all,  IF ANYBODY GETS STRESSED BECAUSE THEY OVER-DRAMATIZE SITUATIONS, (pente fatale style) I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU CHECKING OUT THIS TRICK A PSYCHOLOGIST GAVE ME (IT WORKS SOOOOO SUPER WELL: http://fudgeperfection.blogspot.ca/2012/02/challenge-4-2012-bucket-list.html


Secondly, have you noticed that when you stare at your reflection in a mirror too long, it can get distorted and suddenly every flaw that could ever be imagined magically appears on your face?
(RAISES HAND ENTHUSIASTICALLY) OMG OMG I HAVE I HAVE!!!!

People of Fudge Perfection land; you are all incredibly intelligent but also hell-a creative people.
If your eyes go looking for flaws, oh trust me. THEY WILL FIND THEM, whether they are actually there or not.

So here are some of my tips (besides reading the post I mentioned up there) for handling anxiety
1. Breath in through the nose and let out all the bad anxiety (or air, whatever you wanna call it) through the mouth.

2. Get enough sleep. Yes, I know that it's not that easy, and I'm also incredibly hypocritical, because I don't sleep much at all, BUT IT IS PROVEN THAT TEENS WHO GET 7 OR MORE HOURS OF SLEEP CAN SEE THEIR ANXIETY LEVELS GO DOWN AND BONUS: SEE THEIR GRADES GET HIGHER, UP TO 10% MORE!
So go. to. bed.

3. Find time to be silly. I sing and dance all the time, and, especially when it comes to the former, I'm hilariously awful. But Gabby don't care. 
Laugh with your friends, take time to listen to christmas music (alex...), just make sure you live a life that isn't controlled by the things that make you nervous.

4. And finally, for those creatures we see in the mirror, I have 2 full posts about loving your reflection.
How could this still be a PROBLEM??? :P
hahaha jk, but they are here if you need a little reminder
1. post 1
2. post 2

Okay,
Stay Calm and Fudge Perfection `<3
Gabby

What Doesn't Kill You

You've all heard it before:
From fortune cookies
To "deep" (please use the quotes to note my mockery) Facebook statutes
Even Kelly Clarkson (love the song btw, no criticism towards the artist herself)

"What doesn't kill makes you stronger!"

So lovely to hear.
So easy to believe.
Yet so incredibly, demoralizingly inaccurate.

Unleash the wrath of the non-believers (or rather the believers in this fairy tale approach to hardship) upon me.
I can take it, my loves.

As someone who has gone down the rabbit hole and almost died crashed into its pits;
As a friend of so many who have skimmed the surface or completely broken out of their capable limits;
I can honestly say I hate that saying.

It makes me feel, of all ironic things to feel, weak.
Because we are somehow exempt from all bad days, or poor choices, with this "new found strength" that so many impose upon us.
And if we ever show a sign of human weakness, it isn't perceived as a bad day.
Oh. No.
It's called a relapse.

And let me tell you something, my dear fudgies, you do not owe anyone the strength expected from you.

You have witnessed your fall, inch by inch, and you are recovering, by taking back every single one of those inches.

You may crawl out of this hole a little bit weaker than Mr sunshine next door.

You may climb out of the darkness a little more fragile than Rose Colored Sunglasses McGee over there.

But as you move on and face the hardship of life, you sure as fudge are a heck of a lot wiser than anyone who ever expected the incredible Hulk out of your morale.

No one knows where you have been.
So don't let them choose where you're going.
Be the strength you need to keep getting a little healthier, a little happier, and just keep fudging perfection.
You know you want to...;) <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="br">


Xoxoxo oxoxox
Gabby

Do I Have an Eating Disorder?

To all my beautiful fudgies,

Good Wednesday!
Today, I get to see my little babies- the first girls I gave a conference to (http://fudgeperfection.blogspot.ca/2012/01/fudge-perfection-my-littles-angels.html), so I am in an incredibly happy mood :D
AAAAAAND I get to give another one October 3rd, with some of the old girls and some fresh young faces I can't wait to meet <3

The post I am about to write should have been written a while ago, due to the fact that
 I GET THIS QUESTION ALMOST EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
Therefor this question needs to be answered, but before I write anything more, remember this:

If you have to ask yourself that question, no matter what my post says, ask your doctor or any mental health professional for a consultation.

1. Mental Disorder.

It does not matter how much you weight or how thin/skinny/thick/hippopotumus you look or think you look, eating disorders are mental disorders first and foremost.
Yes, the body will usually be affected after long term suffering of an eating disorder.
But no you cannot be too «FAT» to suffer from one.

EX: Can you be too freckled-face to suffer from schizophrenia?...I think not

So be sure to base yourself on purely mental conditions to answer this question.

2. Guilt. Shame. Disgust. 

From personal experience as well as scientific psychiatric tests and experiments, these three emotions are a constant in living your everyday life, which explains why eating disorders can lead to other mental health problems, such as social or general anxiety disorder and OCD.

Do you feel ashamed buying/ordering food?
Do you prefer to eat alone, because you feel people are judging you while they watch you eat?
Do you often cry out of disgust from your mirror reflection?
Do you feel guilty in scenarios that are not yours to feel guilty for?

These questions need to be asked more frequently, for they are the ones that, often subconsciously, rule our day-to-day life.

3. Control

(usually)People who suffer from anorexia are obsessed with controling their food/calorie intake, will separate/organize their food in an obsessive way and are more often than not very obsessive and controling over other parts of their life (school, frienship, tidiness, etc.)

We do these things when we feel we are losing control of our life,most likely our looks.
 therefor entering the vicious circle that is NEVER BEING IN CONTROL ENOUGH OR LOSING CONTROL FOR A QUICK, RAVENOUS BINGE.

Do you feel like you are losing control, like things are spinning too fast, like you can't keep up like you used to in certain areas (or all) in your life?
Do you feel overwhelmed and/or tired all the time, suffer from headaches or like you body is weakening?

4. Fear of the all mighty mirror, the powerful scale and the dreadful clothes size tag...

The triggers of all triggers. The only things «recovered» ED sufferees (that cant be a word, do not take seriously my vocabulary like you do my incredibly thoughout science...you are NOT ALOUD TO BE LAUGHING AT THE MOMENT) still have troubles with sometimes.

Mirrors are the hardest to get over, if that is even an accurate term for what one must do, because they are sort of e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. whereas the scale and the tag can honestly be more easily amputed from your worried state of mind; they are numbers after all.

Do you feel your self-esteem shoot down when you walk in front of a reflection-inducing object, such as a car window?
Do you not want to be in pictures or want to see pictures of yourself?
Do you weight yourself knowing you will most likely freak out afterwards?
Do you stop shopping because you get depressed over your clothing size tag?

Most of all, as I said, wikipedia, online tests and even I cannot tell you for a fact what you suffer from.
Here is a post on what to do if you do want help, whatever you are suffering from: 
http://fudgeperfection.blogspot.ca/2012/04/how-do-i-get-help-advice-day.html

Please do not hesitate to email me for further questions,
I love you more than I love chocolate (and that is, I can assure you, a first)
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Gabby

Howling Ghosts, They Reappear

Hey gorg! <3

Its been a little while since I last posted, but expect a slew of posts this weekend :)
Slew probably meaning...two...
(shakes her head in shame)

The title of this post is a quote from one of my favorite bands, performing one of my favorite songs;
King and Lionheart, by Of Monsters and Men

Here is the full lyric:
Howling ghosts, they reappear 
In mountains that are stacked with fear

Slow clap for the depth of 'dem lyrics.

How do we add this brick of wisdom to the Fudge Perfection house?

Here's a little fact about yours truly:
Few things in the world scare me more than reuniting with people from my childhood.
I kid you not.
That, and spiders.
the nucleos is to the atomic bomb, as the previously mentioned insect and event is to my panic attacks.

I am studying for my SSATS. Everything, EVERYTHING, is an analogy to me now.

Back to my fear: I will have to discuss my anxiety with yall another time, but for now I will quickly explain why this fear haunts me so.

As most of you know, 6th grade was the year my sanity shot out the window, but it was also the year after which Quebecers change schools to enter «High School».
Ever since that final day amongst the people of my elementary school, their opinion of what I have become has consummed me.
Why, you ask?

Everytime I see or even think about one of those people, I am instantly brought back to the girl who finally cracked,
whose sanity finally succombed to the pressure of good grades, good looks and good girl,
whose self-esteem dove down into the bottom of the oceans as she sat in the bathroom stall during recess and did her homework.

And I start to care.
Care about what they'll think of me now
Care about having to impress them.
Care about their whispers as I walk by.
Care about letting them see my imperfections.

But how does one battle such a fear?
How do we face these howling ghost that reappear, in mountains that are stacked with fear...?
(ahhhhhh, you say. she does make sense. sometimes.)

You have to give up that fight and start a new one.

You can't win a fight based on hiding imperfections.
They will find them where they are, and where they are not.

But you can win a fight for the one thing that they have been taking away from you for far too long: your happiness.

Find things that make you happy, not that will impress them.
Find friends, find love that makes you happy, not that will make them jealous.
Read the FP blog... (JK, but it does make you happy, and it might very well  impress them...I'm just saying...)

Failure is not being rejected for a big part in the play, or not getting into the school you wanted.
Failure is rejecting your own happiness for the sake of the people you don't even like, or respect.

How silly is that, when you think about it?

SUCH SILLYNESS MAKES ME TIRED
Why was that in caps?
Why do I keep asking you guys direct questions?
God, I MUST STOP DOING THAT
:P

As I was saying, it's time for me to dream:  dreams of letting go of my past, dreams of my own happiness and acceptance, dreams of Jacob Hoggard...
Just kidding.
Or am I?
.
.
.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Gabby