Eating Disorders: Just A Teenager Problem?

Hello dolls!
Here's an article I wrote for ANEB http://www.anebquebec.com/blogue/2013/12/05/les-ta-juste-un-caprice-dados/ and translated. 
Enjoy:)

I already debunked the myth regarding men and eating disorders. Today, older populations! 

Oh yes, indeed, young adults aren't the only people in distress.

According to NEDA statistics, In 2003, 1/3 of inpatient admissions to a specialized treatment center for eating disorders were over 30 years old. 

So why do so many people consider eating disorders to be a "teenage problem", and why is this reasoning so faulty? 

Let's rewind a little bit. What causes an ED? Obviously, the answer varies from person to person, but there are triggers common to the majority of cases. 

First of all, a very prominent theory is the one involving the media and its indirect imposition of impossible physical expectations. 

Yes, it is true that young boys and girls in development are very vulnerable to those societal messages because they often lack self-esteem and a definite sense of identity. How-EVER, we cannot underestimate the amount of those messages directed towards a more mature audience. Beauty and skincare ads, like the one featured on the right, can easily make women over 30 feel as though their beauty vanishes at the appearance of a single wrinkle. Let's not forget the boom of the plastic surgery industry, making accessible a wide array of  rejuvenating procedures to anybody with access to a credit card and a needle now more than ever. 

So how can we possibly imagine that teenagers are the only ones to suffer the difficult consequences of these destructive images and practices? 

Moreover, a very common trigger among people suffering from an ED is stress. Young adults worry about   their grades, friendships, romantic relationships, future; all of these are strong catalysts of psychological distress that can lead to poor body image. 

But does anxiety disappear after adolescence? Of course it doesn't! 

Adults work, maintain their friendships and/or romantic relationships, pay their bills, raise kids, all of the stressors! On top of all of that, since adults generally have more responsibilities, they are less likely to get help and take time to recover, which can add to their already-high anxiety, and the vicious cycle goes round and round.

To top it all off, the hormone changes present in woman experiencing pregnancy or menopause are just as disorienting as puberty's biological mess. 

Here's the deal: "Body image dissatisfaction in midlife has increased dramatically, more than doubling from 25% in 1972 to 56% in 1997." But if no one dares speak of this demographic's unfortunate reality, those number won't stop climbing. 

So talk to you mom, grand-mother, uncle, friend, teacher, whoever! Breaking the silence  helps build a better world. 

xoxo

Gabby

Sources:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/whats-age-got-do-it

10 HoliDAYS of Self-Love: Day 1

Hello my fudgies!

What are the 10 holiDAYS of self-love? Well, it's very simple! During this very stressful holiday time, especially for those of us who struggle/have struggled with eating disorders, social anxiety, and low self-esteem in general, the abundance of food and holiday parties can be very stressful. So join me in the journey: 10 days, 10 challenges each day to improve your self-esteem and make this holiday season more pleasurable. Enjoy!

Day 1:  No hair/makeup

I don't know about you, but during this crazy holiday season, my skin and hair go through World War 3. For some reason I feel the need to look like Megan Fox for my grandmother's brunch.
So during this time where many of us, including yours truly, are studying for finals, give yourself a break to anticipate the wreckage of constant beautifying that accompanies the 420350 holiday parties coming up.

Step 1: clean your face, moisturize, tone, do your thing.

Step 2: DON'T do your hair or your makeup.

Step 3: BONUS: if you can take a selfie with an "ugly" grimace and post it on your social media #fudgeperfection, I will send you one of my limited edition Fudge Perfection bracelets. I am dead serious. Email me if you do so:)

Here's my picture!

Before, looking glamorous as fudge:                      After, looking slightly like dirt:












Enjoy my angels!

Gabby

Medication for Eating Disorders?

Hello my darling fudgies!

Preface: For the people constantly googling where I'm going to college next year (I see you in my stats, children!), the answer is...I don't know yet. The moment I do know however I promise to tweet, blog, Instagram, scream it at the top of my lungs. We cool, bros? :) On to the real topic of today:

I must say I am, once again, what else is new, incredibly torn about this topic.
When I started this blog almost 3 years ago (!), I was adamantly opposed to the use of medication to treat eating disorders. But as my understanding of the ED culture and more importantly my understanding of medication has grown exponentially since then, so here are my thoughts on the topic.

Why I was against:

My argument against the use of pharmaceuticals to treat EDs was based on 2 things:
1. my understanding of my own experience with bulimia
2. my understanding of medication

Firstly, I felt that eating disorders could be recovered from without meds. After all, I did it!
Sure it's long, and painful, and requires lots of conversations with others and with yourself that you really don't want to have, but my God is it worth it when you cross the finish line!
So why use meds when they simply are not required to beat the monster growing inside your brain? Especially when some anti depressants are known to cause weigh gain, talk about triggering!

Secondly, I considered medication to be a last resort, for long term, clinical, chronic illnesses, like schizophrenia. This attitude probably stems from my upbringing in Quebec, a province not too keen on pill pushing. And even as I did more research, studies suggested that the use of SSRI (mainstream anti-depressants) to treat anorexia or bulimia had generally great relapse rates. 

Why I am now torn

Here's the deal: my experience with an ED can help me empathize with others suffering or who have suffered, but at the end of the day, everyone's journey is different. Sure, I was able to beat my ED with talk therapy and blogging, but someone else might not be able to, no matter how hard they try.
To use solely my experience as a measurement for what is right or wrong would be foolish!

To top that off, medication can be used for all types of problems. Sometimes depression can be so deep rooted and intertwined with an ED that recovery is not possible if we don't clear up some of the mood issues in order to get to the root source of the problem. Besides, NEDIC says that the average sufferer deals with Bulimia Nervosa for 8.3 years!!!!! Fine, that's not a life time, but that sounds pretty long term to me, so if medication is needed to survive that period of time, than that's the way it's gotta be.

------

This topic is delicate, because people's health, physical and mental, is on the line here, but I think this is an important topic to discuss.
Please leave your thoughts down in the comments, I'm really interested in what you have to say. 

xoxo
Gabby

Size Blank: A Spoken Word Poem

6 Tips For a Body Positive Halloween

Hello my angels!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!...
Well, almost, it's not Christmas quite yet, but Halloween is pretty bomb too.
However, if you let it get out of hand, it can also be pretty catastrophic.

Girls showing off their beautiful bodies
+
Snickers bars everywhere
can =
Insecurity, and lots of it.

But fear not! Gabby is here to remind of 10 foolproof tips to keep you safe, happy, and slut-shame free during this awesome holiday:

6. Eat!

Free food, people, free delicious, diabetes-ridden food everywhere! You can't pass that up! Have some candy, have some chocolate, have some chips; one day will not, I repeat, will not make you gain 15 pounds, blow up like a blowfish and explode.

5. Or Be Careful

I know many of my readers are still in ED recovery (hello, beautifuls!) and Halloween can be a very stressful time. It can be incredibly hard not to binge, and then purge/restrict. Like I said earlier, there's free food everywhere, which can be some people's dream (me) or worst nightmare (me 2 years ago).

So be smart about it. Bring a small bag to fill with your favorite treats. Once it's full, that is your cue to stop. You have enough control over the portion of sweets you'll be eating so that you don't feel you've gone too far, but you also get to enjoy this holiday without completely restricting your fun!

4. Safety In Numbers

Halloween is amazing and all, but it's also a perfect playground for assault. While sexual assault is never, ever, ever the victim's fault (uh hum Bill O'Reilly. Although to be frank, he's probably not reading this. Does he know about the internet yet?), you can always try to increase safety by never leaving you or your friend(s) alone.

Watch your girlfriend's punch, choose a designated driver, and don't trust guys in masks. That's not 100% about safety, they just creep me out.

3. Dress to Impress

"I can't pull that costume off"
"I'm too fat"
"I don't have the body for it"

...
These are legitimate things my peers have said to me. Needless to say, they received a justified smack aside the head.
There is no such thing as "pulling off" or "having the body for an outfit, let alone a costume!
If you can squeeze your butt into it, you have the body for it. Done.

Halloween is about having fun, being someone else for a night, so if you're not necessarily the most confident fudgie out there, Halloween night is the perfect night to transform yourself into someone who is!

Scared of being shamed? Stick around for the next tip.

2. A Slut Shaming Free Zone

Listen up, slut shamers!
If you don't want to wear a revealing costume for Halloween, that is a-okay, because it is your body, right?

Well that girl who's wearing a crop top and some spandex shorts? It's also her body.
If she respects you for dressing as you are dressed, the curtesy must be reciprocated.

It's not 1976 anymore. Calling her a whore or a slut does not make you look cool.
It makes you look jealous.

1. Don't Be Afraid To Look Ugly

It's tempting to go as a sexy cat, or a sexy nurse, or a sexy pillow.
And don't get me wrong, those costumes are valid, cute, and worlds of fun!
But there was a time when we didn't care about looking hot, we just wanted the sickest costume out there!

So why not do a bit of both?
How about a zombie nurse? Or an undead cat (any Poe fans)?

You don't have to prove to anyone tonight that you are hot. We already know that from the 364 other days of the year. Just have fun! Be creative! Be yourself (or not, I guess?).

And never be afraid to look ugly. Because there are not enough fake eyeballs dripping out of your mouth that can take away from the confident man/woman that you are.

Have an awesome time, my darlings!

xoxo

Gabby

Collarbones: WTF

Good morning my beautiful fudgies:)

I should just stop going on Tumblr all together, shouldn't I?

Because it seems like every other week, I discover another unsettling body negative facet of this website that makes me want to throw a newborn out of a window, and every other week I write rant about it on the blog.

So I apologize in advance, but this is another fascinating edition of a recurring segment I'd like to call:
Tumblr: what. the. @#$%^& 
Apparently, the thigh gap has a hip, new cousin called the protruding collarbone. Yay!

Indeed, the new sign of ultimate beauty (or thinness, because really, isn't that the same thing?) is a defined clavicle. Its rise to fame is quite the typical Cinderella story: the clavicle used to be a body part no one paid attention to, until (most likely sometime during the 1990's heroin chic Kate Moss era) someone realized it was a classy way of ensuring that no matter what you are wearing, as long as your décolleté is exposed, everyone will know just how fabulously malnourished you look. It became the most prized possession in all of Hollywood, especially since the collarbone cannot (legally) be surgically enhanced. (the NY times explains all of its appeal here: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/10/fashion/10clavicle.html?_r=0.)

But in recent years, the razor sharp collarbone fad has grown exponentially, mostly amongst teenage girls. But why, you ask? Yeah, you probably guessed it.
Tumblr. 
Oh tumblr, with your pro-ana and thinspo blogs, altering the body image reality of millions, how I love and loathe you all at once.

Many of the reasons why I dislike this trend are the same as my hatred for the thigh gap, which you can read about here, but there is one other major reason I find this obsession ridiculous.

You can fake a protruding collarbone. 

Now I don't promote, agree with or condone the unhealthy fixation of any body part, but if for some odd reason you need to look like your clavicle could be used as a weapon, YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT OR HARM YOURSELF IN ANY WAY.

The thing that makes the collarbone prominent is the shadows underneath and above the bone, making the hollows look deeper, and the light that reflects directly on the bone, making the bone appear raised.

Do you really think everyone you see in commercials, on the red carpet and on TV have these amazingly defined cheekbones, noses and clavicles? Think again.

You can do your own research on Youtube or other websites, but I hope this will pop in your head next time I tell you that the images you plaster on your walls or on your dashboard aren't always what they seem.




Have an amazing week, my lovelies.
xoxo

Gabby

How To: Body Positive Shopping

Hello my angels!

Men can say what they want, but shopping is a sport.
If not physical (walk for 4 hours in flats that were made to stop your feet's circulation, then you'll see), then surely emotional.

There are many ways to do the whole shopping experience wrong, to go in to just have fun and walk out with blisters on your feet and holes in your self-esteem.
Listen up, ladies and gents, this is how you shop body positively.

http://karinashappiness.tumblr.com/ inspired this post. go say hi:)

1. Do Not Go When You're Feeling Low
You wake up on a Saturday morning, and you're feeling kind of blah.
But hey, today's the day you planned on going shoe shopping!
You walk into a mall and you're bombarded by models and mirrors, a dangerous combination.
Your self-esteem shrinks, your wallet shrinks.
You walk out and lay down on the parking lot cement and die.

Okay, so that last part might be a tad exaggerated, but when you're feeling down on yourself, you are more likely to spend money on items you otherwise wouldn't to make yourself feel better, to compensate for your low self-esteem. Why do you think they put those pore-magnifying mirrors in Sephora?!
Your life sucks, you suck, the world sucks, but these shoes will make it all better, said Jimmy Satan Choo. 

Go when you're emotionally ready to be hit by a ton of size 0s. Otherwise, Netflix it is.

2. Buy Your Size
You walk into (enter favorite store) and try on some clothes.
Cool, you're a size 6!
Then you move on to the next store, and while trying on some other pieces,
NIGHTMARE! SIZE 6 IS TIGHT!
The dream hath crumbled, you're a hippo, it's over.

STOP, child.
There is a reason why one store fit and the other one didn't.
Sizes aren't universal, they are approximate.
Certain stores have admitted to shifting sizes up (a normal 4 is labeled a 6) to make women feel better and buy their clothes just for the size tag! Don't be a fool, wear the size for you.

Newsflash: no one will stop you in the street to check what size your shirt is in.
But if you buy the right size, and you look amazing and feel comfortable, someone might stop you in the street to ask where you got that fierce shirt.
Just saying, I'm basically making you famous.

3. Plan Ahead

You've been walking around for a while.
Your shoes are tight, and they are sucking the life out of you.
You just had Thai food, and you feel bloated and dehydrated.
You're starting to get cranky.
UGH this shirt is disgusting.
"I'm disgusting".
You call your mom crying from the changing room while the saleslady awkwardly pretends not to hear you (14 year old me, everyone).

To stay focused, happy and energized, hence to have a productive body positive shopping experience, you have to plan ahead.

Wear comfy shoes. Limping is not in this season, my loves.
Bring a water bottle. Staying hydrated will prevent migraines and nervous breakdowns. Science.
Eat light to avoid a cramp or a bloated "omg I look 9 months pregnant"stomach.
I promise you'll be feeling a lot less "disgusting".

------

That's all for me today loves
Stay strong <3
xoxo

Gabby

12 Personal Questions Tag: Get To Know Me Yo

Hello my angel food cakes:)

I got such an unexpected positive response from my last personal Q&A that I decided you all deserve another one:)

1. What do you order at Starbuck? Well, I don't drink caffeine, and if I'm going to have a 500 calorie drink, I'd rather just have chocolate, so...water? I'm a sad boring old lady, love me for me. 

2. What's one thing in your closet you can't live without? Boxer shorts. I wear them as pants all the time, never mind the naysayers, or my horrified mother. 

3. Something most people would not know about you? I am into mainstream music as much as the next girl, but I'm also into metal and grunge. I love Bring Me The Horizon, A Day To Remember, and Alice in Chains (Dirt era). 

4. Name one thing you want to do before you die. Wow. Get a tattoo, be featured in a newspaper, be happy? I'm 18, I can barely tell you something I want to do before the end of this day (eat probably, what else). 

5. One food you can't live without. Chicken everything. Bagels. CTC (not a drug, the cereal, although it's quite addicting). 

6. What quote do you live your life by? The best way out is always through. Robert Frost. Couldn't get through a panic attack, or math class, without this.

7. Song most listened to on Itunes? my top 3: Black Hole Sun, by Soundgarden (wow that's dark), Set Fire To The Rain, by Adele (fierce), and American, by Lana Del Rey (my queen). 

8. What is your "style"? Um, lost? I'm both alternative and not. Depends on the day, depends on my mood, depends on laundry. 

9. Favorite Number? 12. My birthday is October 12. That's always been my go-to number. True embarrassing fact: my first email was, I kid you not, crazypunk12@yahoo.ca I wish I was kidding. 

10. 2 hobbies: writing, obvi, and working with kids. Also existential crises. 

11. 2 pet peeves: saaaaaand. and slow walkers. Get out. of. my way. kthanksbye.

12. Guilty Pleasures: I don't really believe you should feel guilty about doing things that make you happy, but I guess I'd have to include Netflix and writing random quotes on my body with eyeliner. 

Eating Disorders PSA: Behind the Scenes

Hello my angels!

One of my proudest moments of 2013 was the making of the Fudge Perfection Eating Disorder PSA video. I am in no way shape or form a videographer, so this was quite the task, but one I am oh-so glad I undertook.

So in memory of its almost 1 year anniversary, I decided to fill you in on the Behind The Scenes action.
Here is how I, barely-able-to-use-Imovie teenage-girl, was able to make this low budget yet (hopefully) meaningful video.

Step 1: And Lightning Strikes!

I can't tell you when, or how, or why this idea came to mind, but I know that once it did, there was no going back. I had this vision of an eating disorder, from my involvement in mental health organizations to psychology literature to even my own experiences; I had this vision of a fight.
How we try to fight our bodies, because we don't know how else to interpret our anger, our depression, our anxiety.

So once the boxing gloves came to mind, then the boxing bell, the crowd chanting in the production, and the broken hearted girl appeared beside them, I knew I had to make this video. No matter what.

Step 2: Pre-Production

As you can see, this video took a ton of extra special effects, numerous props and a slew of Hollywood actors. Or what is just me, my camera, a pair of Walmart kids gloves (they were cheaper!) and a wonderful classmate of mine?
Yeah, probably the latter.

I made the long 20 minute walk to my local walmart, purchased some gloves, emailed my lovely actress, and set a date for filming. Shit was getting real, and I, anxious butterfly, was getting nervous.

Step 3: Shooting Day

Julia, the film's heroine, arrived at my house ready to roll.

For those of you wondering how I managed to find this awesome actress, Julia was actually just someone I went to school with. We were never particularly close friends or anything, but I knew she was going to study acting in college, and having seen her make the best of a high school English class Romeo And Juliet monstrosity, I didn't have any doubts that she could pull this off.

And boy, was I right.

She was incredibly cooperative, took directions very well, and of course did a superb acting job.

Step 5: Bruised Up

I get many questions about Julia's bruised and beaten look.
No, I did not shove her down a flight of stairs.
I did the makeup!

I used mostly coastal scents products, lots of cream to give the black eye that shiny effect, and based most of my work on this video by petrilude

Step 6: Hermit Time aka Editing

Editing was much harder than expected. I spent 2 days cooped up in my house, leaving my room only to find some food to shove in my malnourished body.

I first added all the parts together, cropped, found some boxing match sounds from the internet, put in a filter, and voila!
The video was finally done.

-------

If you learn anything from this, it is that you can accomplish any project you put your mind to it, experienced or not. Just throw yourself into the water head first, don't be shy to ask for help, and give yourself a break once in a while.

xoxo

Gabby

The Ultimate Self-Love Body Image Trick

Hello angels:)

I wrote this article almost 2 years ago, when the blog was barely a foetus, and my writing was, at best, mediocre. This is not to say that I'm a bonafide writing virtuoso, but I wanted to rewrite this piece in a more eloquent and clear matter. 

This trick may seem trivial, and perhaps it is for you, but it is one I use every single day, without fail, and truthfully, I believe it to be one of the most important steps in my recovery. Take from it what you will, try it out, and let me know what you think:)

----

Once upon a time, I was afraid of mirrors. 
Okay, perhaps that's slightly misleading, because I wasn't afraid of the mirrors themselves. 
I was afraid of what they reflected. 

I would wake up in the morning and I would hate my reflection. 
I would go to school, catch a glimpse of myself in a car window or locker room mirror, and I would hate my reflection. 
I would go back home, do homework or extra-curricular activities, and avoid a mirror at all costs, because I knew very well what I would see. 
I knew that at the end of the day, as I got ready for bed, I would have to look at my reflection. 
And I would fucking hate it. 

Let me tell you something: hating yourself in downright exhausting, it truly is. 

It's hard enough being a teenager, going to school with morons and potheads, studying seemingly useless equations, dealing with crazy hormones inside your body and brain; trust me I know. 
So cut yourself some slack, make your life just a little bit easier, and try this trick out.

1. Go up to a mirror, preferably in the morning, or before heading out the door. 

2. Find 3 things you like about your reflection. I don't care what they are, how crazy specific or bizarre they may seem. You are not doing this for anyone but yourself. Look, I know that for some, this will be hard at first, but keep working at it, every day, several times a day if you must. 21 consecutive days of anything forms a habit, so stay strong. 

And if you can find attributes that might not be considered "typically beautiful" by most people, but that you find unique and special, bonus points for you. You go, Glen Coco. 

3. As you go through the day, and inevitably stumble upon your reflection, know where to look and stay focused on those 3 attributes. 

Why it works: Our eyes aren't actually the ones «seeing things»; they only capture the information and send it to our brain, and that tricky little bastard can do whatever it wants with those images. 

Start looking for the good, instead of singling out your 10394855 flaws (child, don't lie, we all do it sometimes), and your reflection will change right before your eyes. 
By choosing what your brain focuses on before that bitchy, whiny voice comes in and tells you what part of your body you hate that day, you blur out the flaws and let the good shine through.

You will find with time how much you have to be thankful for, how many wonderful parts of your being are worthy of love and admiration. 

I can only hope that with time and effort, when you pass by a mirror on a long hard day, you can finally smile. 

Have a wonderful day my loves,
xoxo

Gabby

Nothing Is Stronger: A Poem

Hello my dolls:)

This is a (sort of, I tried) translation of a piece I wrote for ANEB. To read the original in French, click here. 
Enjoy<3

I didn't stop eating for your pity;
Your empathy, your sympathy, I don't need 'em anyway.
I don't starve myself simply to be skinny,
to watch my bones shrink away;
No, my eating disorder is all about control.

Controlling my weight, controlling my body,
when everything else in my life is a mess.
When my brain cries out, begging for mercy,
Nothing numbs the pain like eating less.
Nothing in the world seems stronger,
than the pull of my eating disorder.

The booming voices that echo in my head;
Nothing is stronger.
The hollow concave of a stomach barely fed;
Nothing is stronger.
Lifeless eyes accompany my talk,
As my fragile bones barely let me walk.
But I don't care about death, I'm not afraid to wither;
Because nothing is stronger than my eating disorder. 

---------

But I was wrong, you see, for I decided one day
That I wouldn't let this monster steal my soul away.
I had had enough of the shame, the guilt, the self-loathing,
so I raised a white flag, faced the wind and started screaming,
Hoping that somewhere, someone was listening.

Every day is a war, a new enemy I meet.
Sometimes it's a victory, at times it's a defeat.
I fall, I get back up, but of this progress I am proud,
For I seldom understand the person I had once been.
My eating disorder is yesterday's sin;
There is nothing stronger than my will to win. 

Writing Q&A (Part 2)

Hello my darlings!

Here is the second part of my writing Q&A. I have some actually interesting research articles prepared, because I know I have been seriously lacking in that aspect, but as you can imagine they take up a bit more time than the average post. So for right now, enjoy these questions and answers, and have a lovely day:)

What is your favorite article you have written for the blog?

That's a tough question, because all of them are so thought-out and Pulitzer prize-worthy. Kidding, of course, 99% of what I write is ridiculous. On one hand, I'm very proud of well-researched articles , like Is Fat An Insult? or The Danger of Thinspo. I feel like they help me prove myself to those who scoff at a young adult trying to play with the big boys of blogging.

However, many of my research analysis articles go to my freelance writing blogs, so I don't get to be as snarky or sassy or facetious as I'd like. That's why articles such as "Collarbones:WTF" and "Food Shame and Eye Contact" hold a special place in my heart: they reflect my personality, my sarcastic sense of humor, while discussing issues that are very important to me. My total lack of self-editing may not be as professional as some of my editors would like, but these posts are some of my most popular articles ever. Being yourself never fails in the long run, and these articles have helped validate that for me.

But pageviews and traffic aren't the only things that make an article standout in my eyes. Some of the pieces I have written, especially in the early FP days, may have appeared to be simple self esteem tips, but to me they meant, and still mean, so much more.

For example, How To Love Your Reflection, is not very long, it's not well-written, it's ridiculous and dramatic, but it's also a trick I have practiced every day for over 2 years. It represents how far I've come, how far I still have to go; it's a trick that was given to me when I was sitting in a hospital bed, waiting for some sort of miracle cure for the destructive self-hatred I was inflicting on myself.

That trick didn't make everything better, didn't fix my brain forever, but it proved to me that my recovery wasn't a worthless cause. If I could feel better about my reflection for just a few seconds a day, maybe one day I'd love myself again.  It's just words on a screen, I know, but it's also a little piece of my heart.

***Not a Writing Question, but I get it so often I thought I'd just tack it on at the end of this post:
WHO IS THE GIRL KISSING THE MIRROR ON THE FP PROMO PICTURE? IS THAT YOU?

No, that girl is not me. Her name is Laurence, she was a classmate of mine while in high school. She was one of the many volunteers who helped me make the first FP promo video. I would link to it, but it was made by a 16 year old (me) with zero editing or filming experience. It's not that cute:P

I haven't kept in touch with her since graduating, but I'm honestly glad she is the face of the FP blog.
She was always very sweet to me, very supportive of my work. She was gorgeous, but in an amazing natural way. She was smart, she was hardworking, but she wasn't afraid of having fun and being silly.

I could have picked any one of my friends to be the face of the blog, but I unintentionally chose the best girl for the job. It wouldn't feel right to have anyone else on the cover, come to think of it. so thank you Laurence:)

xoxo

Gabby

It's Okay (Asking for Help)

Hello my beautiful dolls:)

Fact: I am currently taking medications to manage my anxiety.

Fact: I used to think medication, or therapy, or any form of exterior help was for the weak. I'd gone through recovery for an eating disorder the long, hard, painful, medication-less, old-fashioned way, and didn't think there was any other way to beat your problems than to fight everyday for years.

Fact: I was wrong.

You build walls around your heart to protect yourself from getting hurt.
Like being vulnerable or weak is something that should be hidden from the general public.
Like your neighbour isn't broken in some way too.

And sometimes it feels like throwing yourself off the mountain you are so desperately trying to climb is a better option than asking for a hand.
Trust me, I know.
I hate group projects, I hate relying on people, I hate asking for help.

But you know what I also hate?
Panic attacks.
Oh, I tried it all. Wishing upon a star, praying, breathing exercises, all in vain.
I couldn't imagine my life without anxiety.

So I caved. And as it turns out, caving takes a lot of strength.
When you cave, you don't give in to the fight.
You gain an army, you accumulate weapons, you get yourself ready for the big battle.
You face your fears head on, no coping mechanisms.
And who cares about looking all strong and mighty?
You'll get the last laugh when you win the war.

So whatever you are holding on to.
Every compulsion, coping mechanism;
Drop them.
Watch them as they hit the floor in a clatter.
Feel that weight on your shoulders?
Feel your scars throbbing, feel your eyes watering?
Not anymore you don't.

I love you, have a wonderful week:)
xoxo

Gabby

Once Upon A Time

Hello my loves!

This is a translation of a piece I wrote for Derriere le Miroir (available here: http://www.derrierelemiroir.ca/donc-mon-prince/) 

Enjoy:)

Once upon a time there was a young princess

Who danced in the rain and jumped into puddles

She was wild, she was free, she was fearless.

She didn’t mind if her hair was a tad too curly.

She didn’t care if there were 300 calories in her cookie.

She didn’t need a prince charming.

With or without him, she was a princess worthy of respect.

“Maybe later, when I’m older” she told herself

“For now, I rule this kingdom just fine all by myself”

But the seasons changed, and a princess can’t stay young forever.

All her friends were attracting the attention of dukes and earls,

Dancing the night away in the arms of their admirers

While our princess spent her nights all alone.

And she started to ask herself when her prince would come along.

She stared at her reflection in the puddles she used to jump in

Desperately looking for the reasons behind her solitude.

Suddenly the rain started pouring, deforming her reflection, so that all she could see

Was that her problem lied in the atrocity of her body.  

Her hair was now much too curly

And every single inch of her skin was a prison keep

Trapping her in a tower, too ugly to be saved.

And those 300 calories in her cookie? Those were 300 too many.

She made herself believe that her prince would only visit

When her collarbone was protruding enough for all to see.  

So she lived in this sad fantasy for many years,

Without the kingdom noticing their shrinking princess.

Until one day she had had enough of starving.

And as she looked at her reflection in the mirror with new eyes

She realized she had hated herself for nothing.

Okay, so this prince had yet to show up at her door

But a hunger strike won’t make him arrive sooner.

From now on, this princess worries little of her happy ever after

« Because I never needed a prince to be the greatest ruler »

Honesty or Overkill: Opening Up About an ED

I recently wrote an article for ANEB, which you can find here http://www.anebquebec.com/blogue/2013/08/12/honnetete-ou-exces/ and decided to translate it for all my non-francophones. Enjoy:)

Phew! The heavy burden of secrecy that I carried is gone. No more lies, the whole truth, so no worries...right?

Revealing to your loved ones that you are suffering or have suffered from an eating disorder sounds tempting. And in most circumstances, this confession may be useful or even essential to obtain professional help and treatment for this disease. But are there boundaries not to be trespassed when speaking of specific and explicit details of your struggle that could result in harmful consequences? 

I argue that yes, details of compensating behaviours, lies or tricks used to perpetuate eating disorder behaviors should be limited when addressing friends and family, or even an individual present in an ANEB chat session, who is not a health care professional. Here are my 3 reasons defending why these subjects should be omitted: 

Giving bad ideas

Most of what we know as been taught to us by someone or something else, and it's no different for our bad habits and coping mechanisms. Specific details about your methods of compensatory behaviors, for example, may seem harmless to you, but they are still bad seeds you are planting in the brain of the other. We can not foresee what the consequences of these ideas might be on one another, short or long term, so it is always best to prevent any adverse reactions. 

They are only consequences to a bigger problem 

Your habits and actions to control your weight are only the consequences of a psychological distress lead by an obsession with body image and fear of weight gain. If you want to find the cause of the disorder and treat it effectively,  analyze the emotions behind your behaviours, therefor leaving out details of physical actions would be best. 

They cannot help your family and friends help you 

What is the point of telling your family and friends that you have or have had an eating disorder if they can not help you properly? They can not always be with us to ensure that we are eating enough or whatnot, so giving graphic details of these unhealthy behaviours, over which people those who support us have very little power, proves itself to be futile. If the people around us can help us, it is mainly through their moral support, psychological and emotional.

It is certainly healthy to be honest and open with the ones we love, but we have to be conscious of the thin line between pertinent and overkill.

Have a lovely week!
xoxo

Gabby

Recovery: How Long Should It Take?

Good morning my beautiful sunshines.

For those of you going or gone back to school, I wish you all the luck in the world. I also offer you my condolences for the terrible loss of your REM sleep, especially if you're like me and all your million dollar ideas occur to you ONLY at 3 o'clock in the morning. May the excitement of geometry be enough to pull you out of bed (LOL #sorrynotsorry).

I haven't written a personal, ergo especially sassy post in a while. I have been focused on writing up more researched pieces for the FP and for my other writing jobs, but the truth is I miss being the writer who transforms everything into a weird metaphor and uses too many terms of endearments. She will be back:)

When I started the blog sometime in early 2012, I was 16 years old, a few months out of my hospitalization. I wrote about the tips and tricks that helped me (and still help to this very day)feel better about my body and the beautiful, complex world that I lived in. I wrote about why you shouldn't care about other people's judgements, about loving your flaws, about recognizing your amazingness. Granted, they were often terribly written, but I was in the 10th grade, sue me.

In my rational mind, I believed all these things, but they didn't seem so real to me when my emotions got in the way. I wanted these body positive ideals to be what I automatically thought when I ordered food at a restaurant or caught my reflexion in the mirror. Truth be told, I just wasn't there yet. I understood the words, but I didn't get it.

I felt like all the work I put into my recovery was a waste.
Like I was letting down my friends, my family, my doctors and nurses, and especially my fudgies.
Why was this taking so long? Why weren't these thoughts and habits reflexes by now?

When I started the blog, I thought I was at least 50% over all my problems, when in reality, I was probably at a measly 10%.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am now soon-to-be 18 years old, moving on with my life, and as I look back at the journey that seemed to have taken forever, I realize how much I've changed.

I now know what it means to love who you are, flaws included.
I am not done, I still have a few demons to fight off, but I have reached the light at the end of the tunnel.

So. For anyone who is going through the motions, who feels like all their work is amounting to nothing, I promise you are just laying down this incredibly strong base for yourself, because one day you will look down from the impossibly lovely skyscraper you didn't even realize you had built, and you will smile. (how's that for a weird metaphor? I'm so back)

Because it doesn't matter how long the millions of steps take, just as long as you keep walking. 

I hope your day is an amazing one, my darlings!

xoxo

Gabby

PS: also, if you haven't noticed by my repetitive tweets, I am downright obsessed with the song Waterloo Sunset, by The Kinks. They are an incredible band, and I actually cried when I first heard this song, I'm not even fu**ing around, it's that beautiful. It also may or may not have been really late at night, but still, Ray Davies is the God of all that is melodic.

Friend With An Eating Disorder? ADVICE

Hello my stunning fudgies <3

In an article I wrote for ANEB (which I will link when it is published), I elaborated on the act of opening up to your friends and family about your past or present struggles with an eating disorder. As I was typing it up, I started thinking about my own experience, and what I wish my peers had or had not done.

So if someone close to you has confided in you regarding their eating disorder struggles, here are 3 things to keep in mind:

Rule #1: Ask Questions (then STFU)

This is probably something they have been keeping inside for quite some time now, thus they might have a lot to vent. Don't make judgement calls, thank them for trusting you enough to keep this private handle it maturely, and let those floodgates open. 

Ask them about when it started, what are their triggers, if their parents know, etc. (***However, I seriously recommend you avoid the topic of specific details about the physical aspects of their eating disorder. eg: their purging or restraining habits, etc. More on that in the aforementioned article). You ask questions, then you keep quiet and listen. This is not the time to make comments, jokes or force them to get help the way you think they should. 

They obviously think you can handle the news, so honour their trust and shut the fudge up. 

Rule #2: Be Available, not Intrusive (so STFU, mostly)

Okay, so they confided in you. That is most likely a sign that, if ever they need help or support, you are the person they will reach. Take that job seriously (though don't take it too seriously and putting the weight of her problems on your shoulders. If you are not a professional, there is only so much you can do. Walking constantly on eggshells could bring issues for you as well). 

Be ready to step in if they ask for it. Key words: if they ask. Constantly bringing it up will probably make them rather uncomfortable. There is one exception to this rule though, hence the mostly: If your friend never brings it up again (and I mean for months) and their situation seems to be deteriorating and their safety/health is on the line, you have the right to confront them and/or seek help from a counsellor or any other professional. 

Rule #3: Be the Emotional Support (so again, STFU) 

Your job is to be the emotional support. The one she can vent to when she is stressed, depressed, anxious, tired, etc. This is where you can be most helpful, considering the fact that these factors are the triggers (therefor the cause) of her struggle. 

You are not the behaviour police: whether she is not eating much at lunch or hiding food from others, these are consequences that she must control on her own.

Think of it this way: you will not always be there to, for example, control their calorie intake. These behaviours are often something they are ashamed of, and pointing them out could really embarrass them. They won't stop because you make them eat more of their sandwhich, they will go continue their patterns somewhere else. 

So keep your mouth shut and be the shoulder to cry on, not the pasta police. Got it?

(see rule 2 for the exception). 

Hope you all have an amazing week, dollfaces!

xoxo

Gabby

Music I've been loving: Half Moon Run. Saw their show for the 2nd time last week and it blew my mind. You must check out their album: Dark Eyes. Here's a groupie picture I snagged of the guitarist/harmonica player/pianist/cutest guy on earth:  

Eating Disorder? Think Again

Hello darlings!
This is the project I have been working on these past few days!
Starring Julia Muncs and directed, filmed, and edited by me:)

Hope you enjoy my dolls!

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE VIDEO ON YOUTUBE! :)

Growing Up

Growing mentally as a teenager is the same as growing physically. The same comparison applies to grow spurts, or recovering from an addiction, a mental disorder, what have you.

People expect us to spontaneously be adjusted to this new found height. After all, the things around us haven't changed right?
But from our perspective, EVERYTHING has changed. Nothing looks like it did before. We just need time to figure out how to deal with this complete change of scenery.

And sometimes, sadly, things don't fit anymore. We aren't at eye level, and it's awkward and uncomfortable. We can't try to change the inevitable. We are always taught that throwing things away is a sad scene, and it can be so difficult to let go of the memories. But we can't live in a house that's too small for us. In clothes that just don't fit our lifestyle anymore. Don't deny your growth, or try to hide it. Embrace it.

I have had to put everything, and especially everyone, on trial for my recovery. I have had to sacrifice more than I could have ever imagined. But I know that my health comes before anything else, and the people who can't respect that just don't fit me anymore.

Don't crouch to hide your height. Stand up tall. It shows how strong you are to support this new height of yours.
And I must say it looks good on you.

I love you all, my fudgies,
Xoxo

Gabby