Eating Disorders: Just A Teenager Problem?

Hello dolls!
Here's an article I wrote for ANEB http://www.anebquebec.com/blogue/2013/12/05/les-ta-juste-un-caprice-dados/ and translated. 
Enjoy:)

I already debunked the myth regarding men and eating disorders. Today, older populations! 

Oh yes, indeed, young adults aren't the only people in distress.

According to NEDA statistics, In 2003, 1/3 of inpatient admissions to a specialized treatment center for eating disorders were over 30 years old. 

So why do so many people consider eating disorders to be a "teenage problem", and why is this reasoning so faulty? 

Let's rewind a little bit. What causes an ED? Obviously, the answer varies from person to person, but there are triggers common to the majority of cases. 

First of all, a very prominent theory is the one involving the media and its indirect imposition of impossible physical expectations. 

Yes, it is true that young boys and girls in development are very vulnerable to those societal messages because they often lack self-esteem and a definite sense of identity. How-EVER, we cannot underestimate the amount of those messages directed towards a more mature audience. Beauty and skincare ads, like the one featured on the right, can easily make women over 30 feel as though their beauty vanishes at the appearance of a single wrinkle. Let's not forget the boom of the plastic surgery industry, making accessible a wide array of  rejuvenating procedures to anybody with access to a credit card and a needle now more than ever. 

So how can we possibly imagine that teenagers are the only ones to suffer the difficult consequences of these destructive images and practices? 

Moreover, a very common trigger among people suffering from an ED is stress. Young adults worry about   their grades, friendships, romantic relationships, future; all of these are strong catalysts of psychological distress that can lead to poor body image. 

But does anxiety disappear after adolescence? Of course it doesn't! 

Adults work, maintain their friendships and/or romantic relationships, pay their bills, raise kids, all of the stressors! On top of all of that, since adults generally have more responsibilities, they are less likely to get help and take time to recover, which can add to their already-high anxiety, and the vicious cycle goes round and round.

To top it all off, the hormone changes present in woman experiencing pregnancy or menopause are just as disorienting as puberty's biological mess. 

Here's the deal: "Body image dissatisfaction in midlife has increased dramatically, more than doubling from 25% in 1972 to 56% in 1997." But if no one dares speak of this demographic's unfortunate reality, those number won't stop climbing. 

So talk to you mom, grand-mother, uncle, friend, teacher, whoever! Breaking the silence  helps build a better world. 

xoxo

Gabby

Sources:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/whats-age-got-do-it

Ordering Food: A Body Positive Guide

Hello my angels!

If you've followed this blog for the past 2 and a half years, first of all, you deserve some sort of trophy, because those early typo-filled rants I used to post are painful for me to even look at.

But in all seriousness, if you've been around for a while, you know that, although I consider myself recovered from my ED, ordering food still brings me a lot of anxiety.
What will the waiter/McDonalds employee think of me? 
Will he think I'm fat for ordering this meal?
Will he think I'm fat for ordering anything at all? (a legit thought that has crossed my mind one too many times.

I did some research (Tumblr, mostly) and found that I am not alone in this ordeal.

So although I'm still trying to get better, I have accumulated some wisdom that I would like to share with you all today. Here are my 3 thoughts regarding ordering food to help you order without panicking and ordering a tall glass of water:

1. You Legitimately Don't Matter 

Harsh, I know, but true. Waiters wait several tables at a time for several hours. It's almost funny for us to think that they would remember our order to the tee. At the end of their long day, said waiter will not lay down on his bed and think to him/herself: "man that boy/girl on table 9 ordered a lot of bread sticks". If he/she does, it's probably because he thinks you're cute, so good on you!

2. Fuck That Waiter

Maybe he/she will remember how many breadsticks you ordered. Fine. Round of applause for this idddic memory kid. But there are several possible ways this could go:
a) you never go to that restaurant again, and never see this person ever again.
b) you go back to that restaurant because, yes, those breadsticks were life, and get a different waiter.
c) you get the same waiter and he/she doesn't remember you.
d) he/she does remember your cute face, and makes a comment about those breadsticks.
e) punch him/her in the face

Kidding, of course. But think about it. The odds that option d) would occur are hella slim. And besides, these people live off of tips: do you really think they would be audacious enough to criticize your food choices? Money makes the world go round, loves, so sit back, relax, and enjoy your damn breadsticks.

3. Self Love > This Waiter

Here's the thing: regardless of whether this waiter remembers you, your order, and thinks you are fat/unhealthy/a bad person, it shouldn't matter.
You cannot live your life according to what others may or may not think of you.

There's always someone who's going to think you're cute, just like someone's going to think you're not. Someone will think you're too thin, too fat, too pale, too dark, too smart, too dumb.
It sucks, don't get me wrong, but it's life.

What will make you or break you in this world is whether or not you accept that not everyone will think you're perfect. 

So next time you walk into your favorite diner, accept that this waiter may or may not judge the nutritious value of your order, and that's okay. Once you've come to terms with the fact that you can't control what he/she thinks, I promise, those breadsticks will taste a hell of a lot better.

xoxo

Gabby

6 Tips For a Body Positive Halloween

Hello my angels!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!...
Well, almost, it's not Christmas quite yet, but Halloween is pretty bomb too.
However, if you let it get out of hand, it can also be pretty catastrophic.

Girls showing off their beautiful bodies
+
Snickers bars everywhere
can =
Insecurity, and lots of it.

But fear not! Gabby is here to remind of 10 foolproof tips to keep you safe, happy, and slut-shame free during this awesome holiday:

6. Eat!

Free food, people, free delicious, diabetes-ridden food everywhere! You can't pass that up! Have some candy, have some chocolate, have some chips; one day will not, I repeat, will not make you gain 15 pounds, blow up like a blowfish and explode.

5. Or Be Careful

I know many of my readers are still in ED recovery (hello, beautifuls!) and Halloween can be a very stressful time. It can be incredibly hard not to binge, and then purge/restrict. Like I said earlier, there's free food everywhere, which can be some people's dream (me) or worst nightmare (me 2 years ago).

So be smart about it. Bring a small bag to fill with your favorite treats. Once it's full, that is your cue to stop. You have enough control over the portion of sweets you'll be eating so that you don't feel you've gone too far, but you also get to enjoy this holiday without completely restricting your fun!

4. Safety In Numbers

Halloween is amazing and all, but it's also a perfect playground for assault. While sexual assault is never, ever, ever the victim's fault (uh hum Bill O'Reilly. Although to be frank, he's probably not reading this. Does he know about the internet yet?), you can always try to increase safety by never leaving you or your friend(s) alone.

Watch your girlfriend's punch, choose a designated driver, and don't trust guys in masks. That's not 100% about safety, they just creep me out.

3. Dress to Impress

"I can't pull that costume off"
"I'm too fat"
"I don't have the body for it"

...
These are legitimate things my peers have said to me. Needless to say, they received a justified smack aside the head.
There is no such thing as "pulling off" or "having the body for an outfit, let alone a costume!
If you can squeeze your butt into it, you have the body for it. Done.

Halloween is about having fun, being someone else for a night, so if you're not necessarily the most confident fudgie out there, Halloween night is the perfect night to transform yourself into someone who is!

Scared of being shamed? Stick around for the next tip.

2. A Slut Shaming Free Zone

Listen up, slut shamers!
If you don't want to wear a revealing costume for Halloween, that is a-okay, because it is your body, right?

Well that girl who's wearing a crop top and some spandex shorts? It's also her body.
If she respects you for dressing as you are dressed, the curtesy must be reciprocated.

It's not 1976 anymore. Calling her a whore or a slut does not make you look cool.
It makes you look jealous.

1. Don't Be Afraid To Look Ugly

It's tempting to go as a sexy cat, or a sexy nurse, or a sexy pillow.
And don't get me wrong, those costumes are valid, cute, and worlds of fun!
But there was a time when we didn't care about looking hot, we just wanted the sickest costume out there!

So why not do a bit of both?
How about a zombie nurse? Or an undead cat (any Poe fans)?

You don't have to prove to anyone tonight that you are hot. We already know that from the 364 other days of the year. Just have fun! Be creative! Be yourself (or not, I guess?).

And never be afraid to look ugly. Because there are not enough fake eyeballs dripping out of your mouth that can take away from the confident man/woman that you are.

Have an awesome time, my darlings!

xoxo

Gabby

Exercise Bulimia: Know The Signs

Hello my sweeties

Exercise is amazing, isn't it?
I wouldn't know, since I basically spend my life blogging, studying and watching Bob's Burgers, but I've heard it's quite nice.

The key word here is healthy, exercise is healthy. But if you've ever heard of exercise bulimia, you know that sometimes, it can go too far.

You can google the definition for an exact DSM-regulated word for word description, but here's how I see it:
"the act of exercising in order to lose weight to the detriment of one's health"

But don't most of us exercise to shed those calories? How do we know if we've gone too far? 

Fear not, I'm here to help! Here are 2 tell tale signs that you should reconsider your exercise mentality, and what you can do about them!
**but if you do find yourself identifying with these symptoms, please see a doctor/counselor. I am no professional. Much love<3



1. Are your bones hurting?

(Apparently) there's nothing like a good post-workout ache to make you feel whole.
But a critical part of exercise bulimia is the extreme level of pain one is willing to put him or herself through in order to lose weight.

When you vomit, pass out, feel pain for several days, lose your period and enjoy it, chances are your body and mind need an intervention.

You do not need to punish yourself for eating, which is, by the way, kind of an essential act in human existence. And while it's good that you're motivated, it's important that you listen to your body when it speaks to you.
Seeing stars? stop. 
About to vomit? stahp. 
Falling over? staaahhhpppp. 

Even though you may feel like those are good signs, they are not, trust me.
Overexercising can make it impossible for you to keep up a healthy exercise routine. Think about it:
If you're not taking any rest days, it will become impossible for you to walk, much less run.

It's all about moderation!

2. Are you squatting instead of befriending?

Another tell-tale sign is that exercise basically becomes your entire life.
Just like anorexics consume their thoughts with food restriction, and even avoid social situations to ensure that their calorie count of the day is low enough,
people who suffer from exercise bulimia center their lives around working out.
Canceling plans to workout
Constantly thinking about your next workout
Missing work or school in order to workout
Becoming irrationally depressed if unable to workout...

If this sounds like you, your life has been overrun by a treadmill (see what I did there? I'm not funny).
Quitting anything cold turkey is often difficult to uphold, especially concerning dangerous behaviors.
So baby steps are the way to go!
-Make plans to workout with a friend. You can distract yourself from the intensity of your workout and she can check you if you go a bit overboard with the squats.
-Carry around a rubber band and snap it around your wrist every time you think of working out more than twice in the same hour.
-Find activities that get your heart rate pumping that are less about calorie counting and more about having a good time. I've heard zumba is a blast!

--------

Most importantly, I want you all to know that even if you don't identify 100% with these symptoms, it is still okay to ask for help.
No one will belittle or laugh at you.
Your problems matter.

xoxo

Gabby

30 Day Self-Esteem Challenge!: Part 1

Hello my angels!

I know I haven't been posting researched articles recently, and I do apologize for that, but my internship just ended, so expect some more to come:)

However, to keep you from going cray without moi, here are 30 days worth of self-esteem challenges, inspired by this awesome Tumblr!

Day 1: I want you to go one day without doing your hair. No heat, no styling, just your old natural fluffy awesomeness flowing in the wind.

Day 2: I want you to go without makeup today. Now I know this is hard for some boys and girls who struggle with cystic acne like I do, but this is a great exercise in confidence. And no cheating: you must at least leave the house once, even if only to get the mail.

Day 3: Opposite of yesterday's demure; I want you to go bold! Whether you're rocking a red lip, or sporting leopard pants, you want heads to turn. Feeling confident despite stranger's glares is about holding your head high, smiling, and strutting down the street like there's no tommorow.

Day 4: Treat yourself to some dark chocolate today, it's been a hard few days of self-esteem work. Learn to take care of your mind and body by treating as a temple, and sometimes said temple needs some chocolate.

Day 5: Take an ugly selfie. Not "cute ugly", no, downright hideous. Post it to your instagram, and let go of the idea that you must look good at all times.

Day 6: Wear an outfit in which you don't necessarily feel confident. Figure out what it is about the garment that doesn't tickle your fancy. Shape, fabric, color? This will help you shop with a body positive eye next time you head to the mall.

Day 7: To help you get over the low self-esteem of yesterday's outfit, slip on our go-to self-esteem boosting get up. Again, look out for specific features that help you love yourself that much more. Write them down in your phone and be on the lookout for those features next time you step into an overwhelming Forever 21.

Day 8: Be creative with your style. Try thicker eyebrows, or a grungier getup; playing around with self-expression helps you to know who you are and aren't. After all, how can you love yourself if you don't know who you even are?

Day 9: Give somebody a compliment. A simple "nice skirt" can make someone's day, and you can feel good about being a nicer person today than you were the day before.

Day 10: Take care of yourself today. Give yourself a foot massage, slip on your most comfortable sweatpants, watch Friends all day (I'm going to pretend I don't do these things all day err day). Again, body=temple, and temple needs some lovin'.

xoxo

Gabby

The Ultimate Self-Love Body Image Trick

Hello angels:)

I wrote this article almost 2 years ago, when the blog was barely a foetus, and my writing was, at best, mediocre. This is not to say that I'm a bonafide writing virtuoso, but I wanted to rewrite this piece in a more eloquent and clear matter. 

This trick may seem trivial, and perhaps it is for you, but it is one I use every single day, without fail, and truthfully, I believe it to be one of the most important steps in my recovery. Take from it what you will, try it out, and let me know what you think:)

----

Once upon a time, I was afraid of mirrors. 
Okay, perhaps that's slightly misleading, because I wasn't afraid of the mirrors themselves. 
I was afraid of what they reflected. 

I would wake up in the morning and I would hate my reflection. 
I would go to school, catch a glimpse of myself in a car window or locker room mirror, and I would hate my reflection. 
I would go back home, do homework or extra-curricular activities, and avoid a mirror at all costs, because I knew very well what I would see. 
I knew that at the end of the day, as I got ready for bed, I would have to look at my reflection. 
And I would fucking hate it. 

Let me tell you something: hating yourself in downright exhausting, it truly is. 

It's hard enough being a teenager, going to school with morons and potheads, studying seemingly useless equations, dealing with crazy hormones inside your body and brain; trust me I know. 
So cut yourself some slack, make your life just a little bit easier, and try this trick out.

1. Go up to a mirror, preferably in the morning, or before heading out the door. 

2. Find 3 things you like about your reflection. I don't care what they are, how crazy specific or bizarre they may seem. You are not doing this for anyone but yourself. Look, I know that for some, this will be hard at first, but keep working at it, every day, several times a day if you must. 21 consecutive days of anything forms a habit, so stay strong. 

And if you can find attributes that might not be considered "typically beautiful" by most people, but that you find unique and special, bonus points for you. You go, Glen Coco. 

3. As you go through the day, and inevitably stumble upon your reflection, know where to look and stay focused on those 3 attributes. 

Why it works: Our eyes aren't actually the ones «seeing things»; they only capture the information and send it to our brain, and that tricky little bastard can do whatever it wants with those images. 

Start looking for the good, instead of singling out your 10394855 flaws (child, don't lie, we all do it sometimes), and your reflection will change right before your eyes. 
By choosing what your brain focuses on before that bitchy, whiny voice comes in and tells you what part of your body you hate that day, you blur out the flaws and let the good shine through.

You will find with time how much you have to be thankful for, how many wonderful parts of your being are worthy of love and admiration. 

I can only hope that with time and effort, when you pass by a mirror on a long hard day, you can finally smile. 

Have a wonderful day my loves,
xoxo

Gabby

Writing Q&A #1

Hello my beauties!

As I get many questions in regards to writing, I thought I'd put together a quick Q&A for y'all, to tie you over until my next comprehensive article magically appears on the blog wall. This is part 1, expect a few more in the coming weeks. Enjoy<3

How did you start freelance blogging, or writing for other people?
Well, each blog/web magazine I write or have written for has its own story.
For example, Drop Of Pink, my first out-of-FPP writing position, was basically a miracle. I was a sophomore in high school, the blog was a baby, practically a foetus really, and I had zero qualifications as a freelance writer (to be fair, I still don't haha).
I saw that DOP had tweeted about a guest writing position, so I decided to send them an email.
Not because I thought I'd get the job, no. I just wanted them to look at my blog, so I could get ONE PAGEVIEW. That was such a big deal to me back then, one single person reading something I wrote.

But they seemed to like my stuff (I don't why, by the way, my writing was proper atrocious), so they took a chance on me. And 2 years later, here we are.

I remember when my first DOP article was posted, sometime in the spring of 2012. I ran up to my friends at school and we shrieked and danced and woo-hooed like 16 year olds do. Oh, memories.

How has the FP content changed throughout the years?
When I first started to write, a lot of my content revolved around eating disorders. I hadn't been out of treatment long, (little did I know my recovery would take a lot longer than imagined) so these issues I had struggled with were far from annihilated.

I started writing about these tips and tricks and challenges that I found helped me get a little bit stronger every day. Barely anything was researched, I had absolutely no posting schedule, the whole thing was a mess, but an authentic mess. No one but a few friends and a lonesome internet wonderer read my crazy little articles, but that's allowed me to be comfortable and open with the Internet about these deeply private issues.

Nowadays, the posts are much more varied, some creative writing, some guest writing, some researched analysis papers, some heart to heart rambles, something for everybody really.

One thing I have noticed that I'm not particularly happy about is that all my good, extensively researched material now goes to my other writing jobs. I love having absolutely no filter or editor on this blog, it's what makes it so fun for me, but that also means my expectations are much lower.
I need to make more time to write serious brainfood for all of you, because this blog is the reason I have all these opportunities today, and I can't forget that.

Have a wonderful week
xoxox

Gabby

It's Okay (Asking for Help)

Hello my beautiful dolls:)

Fact: I am currently taking medications to manage my anxiety.

Fact: I used to think medication, or therapy, or any form of exterior help was for the weak. I'd gone through recovery for an eating disorder the long, hard, painful, medication-less, old-fashioned way, and didn't think there was any other way to beat your problems than to fight everyday for years.

Fact: I was wrong.

You build walls around your heart to protect yourself from getting hurt.
Like being vulnerable or weak is something that should be hidden from the general public.
Like your neighbour isn't broken in some way too.

And sometimes it feels like throwing yourself off the mountain you are so desperately trying to climb is a better option than asking for a hand.
Trust me, I know.
I hate group projects, I hate relying on people, I hate asking for help.

But you know what I also hate?
Panic attacks.
Oh, I tried it all. Wishing upon a star, praying, breathing exercises, all in vain.
I couldn't imagine my life without anxiety.

So I caved. And as it turns out, caving takes a lot of strength.
When you cave, you don't give in to the fight.
You gain an army, you accumulate weapons, you get yourself ready for the big battle.
You face your fears head on, no coping mechanisms.
And who cares about looking all strong and mighty?
You'll get the last laugh when you win the war.

So whatever you are holding on to.
Every compulsion, coping mechanism;
Drop them.
Watch them as they hit the floor in a clatter.
Feel that weight on your shoulders?
Feel your scars throbbing, feel your eyes watering?
Not anymore you don't.

I love you, have a wonderful week:)
xoxo

Gabby

The "What You Need" Anxiety Trick

Hello my beautiful fudgies:)

Life isn't always easy.
And if you're like me (easily overwhelmed and curled up in a ball hyperventilating), it can be hard to separate the things the essential elements of life from the abysmal stressors that are barely even noticeable on the grand scheme of life.
But fear not, my anxious butterflies! I come to you today with a little anxiety relieving technique I entitled "What You Need". (post: this is a tad similar to my favourite anxiety trick of all time, read here) 

Step 1: Pull out a piece of paper

Step 2: Draw 2 columns: One entitled "I need..." and the other "I want".

Step 3: In the 1st column, write all the things you need to survive (and be honest, you do not need a 97 on your AP bio quiz to live, that sass ain't cute). For example, air, water, shelter, food, etc.
In the 2nd column, write all of tomorrow's events or situations that are making you anxious, stressed out, overwhelmed, etc. and write how you would like them to pan out. For example, that 97% test score now applies. It's important to make sure you keep it to a short-term basis, because it helps you focus on the day-by-day, one step at a time lifestyle this method helps you develop.


Step 4: look over your list. If you have
a) more items in the 1st column, I hope it makes you realize that there are so many vital needs we take for granted, and as long as we have those, I promise you, you will not die, no matter how terrible you are at biology.

b) more items in the 2nd column. Hi, you're a hyper-anxious perfectionist mess. Welcome to the club, love! But in all seriousness, I hope it makes you realize how ridiculously out of whack our priorities are. We put more emphasis on the tiniest little things that don't really matter when you consider how unimportant you are in the universe. Okay, that might sound a tad depressing, but think about it: you can properly fail that quiz, and the Earth will probably still keep spinning.

Step 5: Go over every single row on your paper. Compare the vital to the insignificant by drawing a "is greater than" (>) sign. You may not finish the exercise until you have convinced yourself that water is indeed more important than having time to curl your hair, that air is more important than scoring all the bonus points on your quiz.

And just give a moment of thought to those who don't even have those basic needs we all take for granted sometimes. Go to sleep grateful and calm, wake up refreshed, and don't die of a heart attack at the tender age of 22. Uh hum, emphasis on the go-to-sleep, too many of my friends think sleep is some extracurricular activity you can attempt if you have a few hours to spare once or twice a week (Ameikha...).

And voila! Anxiety, be gone!

I hope this helps you out my babies:)
xoxo

Gabby

2 Years

Hello again my dolls!

As some of you may know, Saturday was my 18th birthday.
Thank you so much for the lovely bday wishes, and the awesome gifts (see fantastic pillow to the right, curtesy of Lu and her dad).

I wanted to write this quick little post because
a) I feel old, like properly old, I was 16 when I started the FP!!
b) We are approaching my 2 year hospitalization anniversary.

Yes, it's no secret I was committed in November of 2011 at Montreal Children's 7D for many a mental health issues, including eating disorders.

I believe it was the day after I came back from my sweet 16 birthday trip in New York City.
I spent my time writing, sleeping, thinking, and crying. An ocean's worth of tears was shed that week, I am not even exaggerating.
It was so bizarre, being shut off from the outside world, no phone, no internet (clearly Tumblr wouldn't tlast a day in a hospital) no friends, no school work. Just you and your feelings. You have nothing else to do but deal with them. 

It feels like yesterday, but it also feels like a lifetime. 

I thought I was going to walk out of there a free woman, just following that straight golden path to recovery.  A few weeks to adjust my new outlook on life to the old life I was returning to and Voila! 
Unfortunately, that was not exactly the case.

And I can talk openly about it now, because I have crossed that bridge, I am so far gone from that girl she feels like a stranger. But back then, when I was writing you guys about how awesome it was to be free from your demons and blablabla, I felt so alone (more on this here). 

Going through it all, it felt like a lifetime, but I am now looking back at all the time that has passed (I like to pretend I'm 80 when I see shit like that), blink and you would have missed it. 

So take care of yourself, take how many years your brain and body need to get through it all. 

And thank you for being a part of my recovery:)

xoxo

Gabby

Men and Eating Disorders: A Hidden Truth

Hello my beautiful fudgies!

I wrote an article for ANEB Quebec in french about men and eating disorders, which you can find here: http://www.anebquebec.com/blogue/2013/09/25/le-sexe-cache-des-troubles-alimentaires/ 
It's a very important social issue to me, so I translated it for you all to read. Enjoy:)


When the media addresses the topic of eating disorders, they tend to insinuate that it is a problem for young girls or women, reinforcing the societal myth that only females can suffer from an eating disorder, when in fact this psychological disorder excludes no race, gender, or age.

Indeed, studies estimate that 10 to 15 % of people who suffer from anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, and close to 50% of those who suffer from binge eating disorder, are men.
But where does this lie come from, and what are its impacts? 

"A Real Man?" 

For centuries, and even millenniums, men "worked", whether that be hunting or farming, while women bore and took care of children; that was just the way it was, no questions asked. This rather sexist mentality considered women to be beauty objects and proprieties, it was therefor normal for them to worry about their appearance, whereas her husband did not.
The 1960s brought the feminist movement to the forefront, which reconstructed many aspects of the expected societal gender roles, but regarding male looks and grooming, very little has changed. We are still being taught that men do not worry about their weight or physical appearance, it is therefor impossible for them to suffer from an eating disorder. 

Beauty Ideals? 

Although there is a stigma surrounding men and eating disorders, they are pressured into a standard of male "beauty" that is just as unrealistic and destructive as its female counterpart. Young men sporting enormous defined muscles star in countless Hollywood movies and TV shows, or cover billboards and magazines in popular ads for brands such as Axe.
Ken is just as perfect as Barbie, so why wouldn't men be influenced by the unhealthy representations around them? 

Fear, Shame, and a Dirty Little Secret

But why is it so important that this myth be debunked? First of all, because eating disorders are considered by much of the population to be a feminine problem, men usually feel ashamed of their difficulties, and rarely or never seek help. Eating disorders are the mental illness with the highest mortality rate, therefor this issue shouldn't be taken lightly. Moreover, this erroneous belief makes identifying and diagnosing EDs in men that much more difficult, since medical health professionals aren't looking our for the signs and symptoms.

--------
Luckily, more and more courageous men are opening up about their straddles, but many more suffer in silence, and it is for them that we must continue to educate as many people as possible on the subject. 

sources: http://www.nedic.ca/resources/documents/MaleBodyImageandEatingDisorder-IncreasingConcern.pdf

http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics 

Have a lovely day, my loves
xoxo

Gabby

Recovery: How Long Should It Take?

Good morning my beautiful sunshines.

For those of you going or gone back to school, I wish you all the luck in the world. I also offer you my condolences for the terrible loss of your REM sleep, especially if you're like me and all your million dollar ideas occur to you ONLY at 3 o'clock in the morning. May the excitement of geometry be enough to pull you out of bed (LOL #sorrynotsorry).

I haven't written a personal, ergo especially sassy post in a while. I have been focused on writing up more researched pieces for the FP and for my other writing jobs, but the truth is I miss being the writer who transforms everything into a weird metaphor and uses too many terms of endearments. She will be back:)

When I started the blog sometime in early 2012, I was 16 years old, a few months out of my hospitalization. I wrote about the tips and tricks that helped me (and still help to this very day)feel better about my body and the beautiful, complex world that I lived in. I wrote about why you shouldn't care about other people's judgements, about loving your flaws, about recognizing your amazingness. Granted, they were often terribly written, but I was in the 10th grade, sue me.

In my rational mind, I believed all these things, but they didn't seem so real to me when my emotions got in the way. I wanted these body positive ideals to be what I automatically thought when I ordered food at a restaurant or caught my reflexion in the mirror. Truth be told, I just wasn't there yet. I understood the words, but I didn't get it.

I felt like all the work I put into my recovery was a waste.
Like I was letting down my friends, my family, my doctors and nurses, and especially my fudgies.
Why was this taking so long? Why weren't these thoughts and habits reflexes by now?

When I started the blog, I thought I was at least 50% over all my problems, when in reality, I was probably at a measly 10%.

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I am now soon-to-be 18 years old, moving on with my life, and as I look back at the journey that seemed to have taken forever, I realize how much I've changed.

I now know what it means to love who you are, flaws included.
I am not done, I still have a few demons to fight off, but I have reached the light at the end of the tunnel.

So. For anyone who is going through the motions, who feels like all their work is amounting to nothing, I promise you are just laying down this incredibly strong base for yourself, because one day you will look down from the impossibly lovely skyscraper you didn't even realize you had built, and you will smile. (how's that for a weird metaphor? I'm so back)

Because it doesn't matter how long the millions of steps take, just as long as you keep walking. 

I hope your day is an amazing one, my darlings!

xoxo

Gabby

PS: also, if you haven't noticed by my repetitive tweets, I am downright obsessed with the song Waterloo Sunset, by The Kinks. They are an incredible band, and I actually cried when I first heard this song, I'm not even fu**ing around, it's that beautiful. It also may or may not have been really late at night, but still, Ray Davies is the God of all that is melodic.

Forgiving Yourself

Once upon a time there was a girl, and to be frank, she was not a great friend.

She wasn't always supportive, she wasn't the epitome of kindness or patience, and lord knows she was ruthlessly unforgiving.

Many said she was cold, or bitter, or just a bad person, a sentiment that, while duly presumed, was entirely off base.

Because it wasn't that she wanted to treat others, especially the ones she cared about, in such a poor manner.

It was that she didn't know any better.
Because she was completely unsupportive, harmful and impatient, but most of all simply unforgiving towards herself.

How can you expect someone to respect their loved ones when they clearly have no respect for themselves?

My advice is simple: learn to forgive yourself. You are not the sum of your mistakes. Letting them fester within you will not only hurt you but also your relationships. Take responsibility for them, and move on.

This young girl wrote down all the things she has done wrong, and why she did them. She apologized, then folded the piece of paper and threw it into the recycling bin. Over and out.

She is not a perfect person by any means, or a perfect friend at that. But that's okay. She can forgive herself for that too. :)

The End.

PS: a big thank you to my amazing friend Molly (facebook.com/MollyPopsOfColor) for giving my drop of pink article a shout out. Check out her insane MUA skills; but beware you may die of talent jealousy. You have been warned:)

Scouts BMI Controversy: Fat Shame

Hello my darling fudgies!

(New article for drop of pink out this week! confidence without makeup: http://www.dropofpink.com/2013/07/24/confident-without-makeup/)

I know I have not been incredibly present on the blog or on twitter, but I am working on a little project, and I am also writing some blog posts for next fall!

Today I want to explore the recent controversy surrounding the Boy Scouts Jamboree BMI controversy http://mobile.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/07/boy_scout_jamboree_new_rules_based_on_body_mass_index.html). But the basic gist of their new rule is that as of this year, scouts and adult leaders with body mass indexes of 32 or higher could attend the Jamboree only after consultation with camp medical staff, and those with BMIs over 40 were banned from coming altogether.
(here is an explaining in further detail for all of you who may not know what is going on:

Now let's explore this rule from 3 perspectives: rationally, statistically, and emotionally.

RATIONALLY:

 I suspect the Boy Scouts of America made this decision on with a purely rational logic. They must have assumed that by presenting a goal for the weight loss, this new rule would incite both overweight children and adults to lose weight and become healthier, which leads us to a rather substantial problem: statistics.

Statistically: 

Time and time again, research has proven that the BMI is an inadequate measure of someone's healthy weight, and most of all their health (I will let you conduct your own research but beware: it is shocking and slightly depressing). Among these limitations, it doesn't take into consideration a person's body frame or their lean body mass (muscle). Many body builders are, by the BMI's standards, obese, and therefor in the world of Boy Scouts are not fit enough to participate in activities.


But what I find most frustrating about this new regulation are the emotional consequences.

EMOTIONALLY:

 If all our decisions in life were taken rationally, the expected aforementioned consequences of this new rule would be 100% effective.

But we know that is not the case.
For most of the overweight population, food is a coping mechanism, much like drugs, alcohol or self harm. Their emotional reaction to struggle leads them to eat excessively.

Therefor: Will shaming and excluding members of the Boy Scouts community make them lose weight?

No; if anything, it will most likely make them eat.
If long term health is the goal, that is certainly not the way to go.

I also want to include a video by boogie2988 that really explains the vicious cycle of fat shaming

I will be writing a new article about the more general topic of childhood obesity soon.

Have an amazing Monday my loves<3
Xoxoxo

Gabby

Plastic Surgery Addiction?!

Hello my gorgeous fudgies :)


I have often been prompted to talk about the ever so controversial topic of PLASTIC SURGERY! 

Indeed, you are all apparently dying to hear my thoughts on this growing epidemic known as the cosmetic surgery fad. I do stress the use of the word cosmetic:  used or done superficially to make something look better, more attractive, or more impressive (dictionary.com), because the opinion I am about to promulgate is solely based on cosmetic, superficial alterations, therefore excluding procedures for burn or severe accident victims. 

Now. Let's dig in. 

Many people automatically assume I am staunchly opposed to plastic surgery, because I advocate self-acceptance, healthy body image and body positivity. And while I'm not exactly out on the streets preaching its benefits, I am not against it either. I happen to be incredibly liberal about these sorts of things: Doesn't affect me? Knock yourself out. 

The same theory applies to this particular subject, yet I still want to examine the causes behind this decision a little more closely, especially in relation to this idea of a plastic surgery addiction. 

I don't doubt that there are people who undergo these surgeries who are in it for all the right, healthy reasons: They are not getting it because:

1. They have been teased, bullied or pressured into it by peers

2. They think they can finally achieve perfection (LOL)

3. They think life will simply get easier (career, relationship, and self-esteem problems? POOF ALL GONE)

These people are likely to get the surgery, be content, and then that's that. 

But there is also an alarming percentage of cosmetic surgery undertakers for whom the outcome is completely different than the one formerly mentioned. 

Sure, they are happy with the surgery. For a while. 

But then it's not enough. They need something else fixed, plucked, smoothed, boosted, and plumped.

And then another, and another, until they are knee deep in silicone and debt. 

But the problem is not the surgeries themselves, we know they don't have to be that way.

What's really going on here?

The problem is not the crooked nose, or the flat chest. If they were, their alterations would have set the other person free.

The real problem is inside the person's head. It's a fixation he or she has created, constantly obsessing over this infinitely tiny portion of their whole. 

The obsession has nothing to do with the "flaw" itself. It is just a sublimation of the individual's deeply troubled body image and self-esteem. 

Completely unaware of this, he or she goes and gets the miracle surgery that will fix EVERYTHING. 

Right? As we know all too well, wrong, because it will satisfy them for a while, but the poor self esteem will creep back in, and find something else to be consumed by. 

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Those are my thoughts on the subject.
If you want to undergo a cosmetic surgery, I won't stand in your way. But think long and hard about your motives, and your relationship with yourself.

Personally, I wouldn't get one, because I know for a fact I won't ever be perfect, so why bother with fancy expensive surgeries when I can be perfectly happy with what I got?
Also, needles and scalps and chainsaws? (okay, maybe not the last one) DON'T THINK SO.

Whew that was a long one, but I was in need of a long scientific ramble.
Have a fantastic week my loves <3

xoxo
Gabby

Eating Disorder? Think Again

Hello darlings!
This is the project I have been working on these past few days!
Starring Julia Muncs and directed, filmed, and edited by me:)

Hope you enjoy my dolls!

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE VIDEO ON YOUTUBE! :)

A Letter To Self-Harmers

*Trigger Warning

This will not be a researched, coherent article. This is just my open letter. 

My dear fudgies,

I cannot lie to you all; I worry.

I receive your emails, I read your tweets, I see those near and far from me suffer,
and I worry. 

I wish I could just hug you, and fix you with a snap of my magic fingers, but I can't. I can only worry.

I don't know what it is like to self harm. I cannot pretend to understand the incredible pain you are going through, because I don't, and to pretend like I do would be an insult to the complexity of your bleeding hearts.

But let me tell you what I do know:

I know what it is like to need control, to crave control, to your body and mind's detriment.
I know what it is like to hate yourself, to want to punish yourself, to press the self destruct button
I know what it is like to pretend that nothing is wrong, to hide a secret deep within you.

And above all, I know you are worth so much more than all of it. 

Self harm is an alarmingly prevalent coping mechanism, but one we frighteningly don't hear too much about.
There is stigma, and shame, and even sometimes jokes.

You hate everything about youself, every inch of this incredible body you were gifted.
You think: EH, I'M NOT DAMAGING ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

But it kills you inside, because you know better.
And to be honest? It kills me too.

You all have no idea how beautiful you are. You just don't.
You see yourself through the eyes of a flaw-searching enemy. You will never win the battle against an already broken mirror.
I want to shake you, show you, and I want to cry for you. because you are so damn blind to it all.

Don't ever forget how amazing the human body is. You have limbs that can run, dance, and hug. You can see, hear and feel every single beautiful detail in this world.
Don't ever forget, don't ever take it for granted, so treat it right.

This isn't my most coherent, organized, researched article, I know, and I'm sorry.
But it's from the heart. My sad heart, begging you all to hold on, to stay clean for one more day.

I love you. I truly do.


"If one of your bright lights was to fall into darkness, the sky would never be quite as beautiful. "

xoxoxo
Gabby

Resources:
*Self Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

*To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.
*Self Injury Outreach and Support http://sioutreach.org

*Self-Injury Help, Support and Treatment http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

What An Eating Disorder Looks Like

The first question the ANEB Quebec speaker asked during one of the workshops I attended in Montreal

was the following:

She showed dozens of faces. Young, old, white, Asian, men, women, dark hair, freckles, you get the drill.
She then asked the audience: who in these pictures has an eating disorder?

No one answered. And no one CAN answer such a question. As I have repeated time and time again, eating disorders are a purely psychological
illness.

Obviously there can be physical consequences, but the source of the problem, thus the key to treatment, is all up in that crazy hormonal brain of ours.

The picture shown on my right speaks volumes of the way the media sometimes treats EDs.

Emaciated girls are used in about 85% of ED booklets, prevention campaigns, or entertainment (talking to you, dr phil), and while I understand that these are mostly used to create an impact, a lasting impression, it also creates a social construct that people who are suffering from a MENTAL disorder must have specific BODY attributes.

Wait, what?


There are so many people out there suffering from eating disorders, but because of their physical nature, their gender, their age, what have you, they could never imagine that THEY are suffering from a "skinny bitch" illness.

Even worse, some people feel ashamed to get help because they feel their bodies do not look like those in the prevention campaigns, which is depressingly ironic.


What you need to know is that you are entitled to help, support, and understanding, no matter how you look or how people may judge you. Pain is pain, size 0 or 16.

You also need to know that I love you, just 'cause. :)

Xoxo

Gabby

Grace

Hello fudgies!
I have missed you all so much, but I have been very busy lately, and also very blessed, which is why I want to write this post.

These past few months, I have been blessed with some wonderful news, on top of everything else I am already thankful for. I try to make sure that I am conscious of these blessings, but if there is one thing I didn't always treat with gratitude, it was my food.

I used to, and unfortunately still do sometimes, human nature's imperfection and all, use food as a coping mechanism. Food was therefor no longer a vital part of my day, it became of drug. And that needed to change.

So I decided to start saying grace before my meals. Now THIS IS IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM A RELIGIOUS TRADITION I AM OBLIGING TO, I do not thank any particular god or higher being. If you want to do so, by all means, if not, the results will be the same.

I simply take a milli second before eating to realize that this meal is a gift many in this world do not possess.

What it does for me is change the way I view food. It's not a way to lose control or self destruct. It is food, and that is enough.

I just wanted to let you all know so you can try it out! Disordered relationship with food or not, counting your blessings can brighten your day!

Have a great week, doll faces<3
Xoxoxo
Gabby