Plus Size Models: A Poem

To those who think plus size models are a bad influence,
I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
Diversity is a language in which you are not fluent,
And my people and I will preach inclusivity from our pews
Sing songs of self-love till we are shackled to our tombs.

Perhaps you think being plus size is a poor excuse of health,
And hence you and your BMI officers deplore
The fact that more women of more sizes are gaining wealth
Perhaps not in cash, nor in gold, but in amore,
In the admiration of plus size men and women whom they adore.

Health is not a number, nor is it a size,
So put down your magnifying glass and take a step back
Health cannot be measured by your poisonous eye,
Because if curves are bad, than so are those collarbones sticking out,
Deep and protruded bones; how is that better than fat?

No, you're dismissal of the plus size world
Has more to do with insecurity, and less to do with worry
Because if millions of differently shaped boys and girls
See Tara Lynn rocking her rolls in all her beauty
Maybe you'll have no one to put down but your selfie.

Skin Bleaching and Body Dysmorphia

Hello my gorgeous fudgies!

I recently learned about skin bleaching from a black friend of mine. We were discussing body dysmorphia, which is a mental disorder that makes one believe their appearance is unacceptable and must be corrected. We were trying to find the line between typical bodily insecurities and BDD, when my friend suggested as an example of BDD "skin bleaching".

Being as pale a white girl as one can get before being transparent, I did not quite understand what she meant. She then went on to explain that in the colored community, sometimes a lighter skin tone is considered more beautiful than a dark one, or at least that's what the media seems to be saying. So some women of color, and even men, decide to bleach their skin with all types of toxins and chemicals to lighten their complexion.

Now I must preface this discussion by saying a few things:
1. I am white, so my understanding of the light black vs dark black situation can only be superficial, as I haven't experienced it first hand.
2. I know that skin bleaching can actually be done in a safe manner, supervised by doctors, for health related reasons. Lightening moles and dark spots that could be cancerous, or evening out the spots of someone who suffers from vitiligo.
Taking these 2 facts into consideration, I still want to discuss this issue with you all.

Firstly, the continuing devaluation of darker girls and boys is simply a product of the still ever present vestiges of racism. After all, back when Africans were brought to the Americas to be enslaved, they were incredibly dark, which is an evolutionary product of sun exposure.

As mixed children were being brought to this earth, and African-Americans slowly but surely earned rights to get off the cotton and sugar plantations, I can understand why a lighter skin tone could signify wealth, status and proximity to a white person, who was, at the time and sadly still to this day, considered superior.

But it's 2015, Gabby! Things have changed!
Have they?

Take a long look at this year's Oscar  nominees for best Actor and Actress in a leading or supporting role. As milky white as racism gets, children.
And I won't even bring up the problem of police brutality, because if you don't believe there is institutionalized racism in this country after these events, then you never will.

However, one has to wonder whether skin bleachers are simply a product of their society, or do they suffer from a greater body dysmorphia? After all, only a minority of WOC participate in skin bleaching.

Well, I'd argue it's both.
There are many reasons to feel attacked by the media if you are a darker skinned girl. But like eating disorders, there has to be an opening. An opening in your brain, a vulnerability, a lack of familial support, an already present insecurity, in order for something so vicious as an ED or BDD to sliver its way in to a person's core.

I only know so much, so I'd really appreciate it if you left a comment on your thoughts and experiences with skin bleaching.

xoxo

Gabby

Dear Male Population

Dear Male Population
I regret to inform you that the rumors are false
Despite what you and your boys seem to think
Girls don't try to look good solely for your cause

Some of us actually enjoy putting on makeup
So why would we bother wasting our precious mornings
putting on eyeshadow for a doofus
who doesn't even notice that our eyelids are glowing?

Sometimes I want my hair to be straight,
Is that such a crime?
If you knew how your hair looks to me
Honey you might not criticize my beautifying time.

I know this poem is quite hetero-normative
For not all girls like boys, and vice versa
Regardless, looking good for us is about feeling good
And trust, it has little to do with impressing ya.

So if we're late to class and our eyelashes seem longer than usual
Don't assume we did it to make you think we're "hot"
Because if you think we are trying to grab your attention,
let's be real, we probably are.
not.

3 New Year's Resolution That Have Nothing To Do With Appearance

Hello my gorgeous fudgies!

As we start the new year, new year's resolutions are all the rage.
1.Get a gym membership
2.Lose 10 pounds
3.(something my creepy uncle told me, true story): Get toned to get more chicks

But a new year can be about so much more than your fraking looks, this is an opportunity to learn more about others and yourself. It can be heard, no doubt, with everyone's body negative resolutions clouding your thoughts, so here are my top 5 resolutions that have nothing to do with your weight:

1. Learn something new
Try learning Japanese, or Italian. Just a few words might come in handy.
Watch cooking videos on how to make that perfect omelette. (and then come to my house and make it for me)
Study art history, or playwriting, or the tattoo industry.

Information has never been so readily available to humans. No more library books that weight 38499 pounds to study Greek architecture, now you have the Internet! By becoming a more cultivated person, I promise your self-esteem will build, because you will sense that the person you are meant to become is in fact cultivated and interesting. Plus, those odd skills can be attractive to an employer. Maybe one day my random knowledge of Netflix entries and makeup brushes will land me a job. Doubtful, but a girl can dream, right?

2. Learn something new about someone else
Ask questions to your friends like : "what was the best year of your life? your worst?"
Make a new friend in class or at work by noticing their mood. "Something wrong?" "You look radiant today!"

Being interested in other people's lives facilitates communication. When people feel they need to talk, they will know you are the person to go to, for you've shown interest in their lives. And let's face it, not all of us can learn Japanese or Italian, because maybe we don't have time, or maybe it won't benefit us, but being a good friend is a rare skill that will benefit you for the rest of your life.

3. Learn something new about yourself:
Try a new genre of literature. You're more of a John Green type of person, try some Stephen King.
Try a new sport. Maybe badminton is actually your hidden master talent.
Try a new food. This may sound dumb, but after trying mangos, my life was forever changed.

The point here is that you are a very complex human being, but often times we get stuck in a rut, and forget to explore the unknown parts of ourselves. By trying new things, you discover your likes and dislikes, which can lead to further understanding who you are. Some of my ideas may seem trivial, because maybe they are to a superficial degree, but it's up to you to try the things you always wanted to try, but more importantly the things you never thought of trying in the first place.
-----

Here's the deal. We have many flaws, and resolutions can be the trick to push us to improve ourselves.
But why do they have to be physical? Our bodies are perfect just the way they are!
And maybe you do want to lose weight. As long as it's healthy, that's a-okay. But just keep in mind all the examples I gave you, because maybe one day you'll realize, after achieving your goal weight, that you're no smarter, or more interesting, or more important than you were before.
That's why appearance based resolutions just don't cut it for me.

xoxo

Gabby

10 HoliDAYS of Self-Love: Day 1

Hello my fudgies!

What are the 10 holiDAYS of self-love? Well, it's very simple! During this very stressful holiday time, especially for those of us who struggle/have struggled with eating disorders, social anxiety, and low self-esteem in general, the abundance of food and holiday parties can be very stressful. So join me in the journey: 10 days, 10 challenges each day to improve your self-esteem and make this holiday season more pleasurable. Enjoy!

Day 1:  No hair/makeup

I don't know about you, but during this crazy holiday season, my skin and hair go through World War 3. For some reason I feel the need to look like Megan Fox for my grandmother's brunch.
So during this time where many of us, including yours truly, are studying for finals, give yourself a break to anticipate the wreckage of constant beautifying that accompanies the 420350 holiday parties coming up.

Step 1: clean your face, moisturize, tone, do your thing.

Step 2: DON'T do your hair or your makeup.

Step 3: BONUS: if you can take a selfie with an "ugly" grimace and post it on your social media #fudgeperfection, I will send you one of my limited edition Fudge Perfection bracelets. I am dead serious. Email me if you do so:)

Here's my picture!

Before, looking glamorous as fudge:                      After, looking slightly like dirt:












Enjoy my angels!

Gabby

Medication for Eating Disorders?

Hello my darling fudgies!

Preface: For the people constantly googling where I'm going to college next year (I see you in my stats, children!), the answer is...I don't know yet. The moment I do know however I promise to tweet, blog, Instagram, scream it at the top of my lungs. We cool, bros? :) On to the real topic of today:

I must say I am, once again, what else is new, incredibly torn about this topic.
When I started this blog almost 3 years ago (!), I was adamantly opposed to the use of medication to treat eating disorders. But as my understanding of the ED culture and more importantly my understanding of medication has grown exponentially since then, so here are my thoughts on the topic.

Why I was against:

My argument against the use of pharmaceuticals to treat EDs was based on 2 things:
1. my understanding of my own experience with bulimia
2. my understanding of medication

Firstly, I felt that eating disorders could be recovered from without meds. After all, I did it!
Sure it's long, and painful, and requires lots of conversations with others and with yourself that you really don't want to have, but my God is it worth it when you cross the finish line!
So why use meds when they simply are not required to beat the monster growing inside your brain? Especially when some anti depressants are known to cause weigh gain, talk about triggering!

Secondly, I considered medication to be a last resort, for long term, clinical, chronic illnesses, like schizophrenia. This attitude probably stems from my upbringing in Quebec, a province not too keen on pill pushing. And even as I did more research, studies suggested that the use of SSRI (mainstream anti-depressants) to treat anorexia or bulimia had generally great relapse rates. 

Why I am now torn

Here's the deal: my experience with an ED can help me empathize with others suffering or who have suffered, but at the end of the day, everyone's journey is different. Sure, I was able to beat my ED with talk therapy and blogging, but someone else might not be able to, no matter how hard they try.
To use solely my experience as a measurement for what is right or wrong would be foolish!

To top that off, medication can be used for all types of problems. Sometimes depression can be so deep rooted and intertwined with an ED that recovery is not possible if we don't clear up some of the mood issues in order to get to the root source of the problem. Besides, NEDIC says that the average sufferer deals with Bulimia Nervosa for 8.3 years!!!!! Fine, that's not a life time, but that sounds pretty long term to me, so if medication is needed to survive that period of time, than that's the way it's gotta be.

------

This topic is delicate, because people's health, physical and mental, is on the line here, but I think this is an important topic to discuss.
Please leave your thoughts down in the comments, I'm really interested in what you have to say. 

xoxo
Gabby

Is Makeup Body Negative?!

Hello my darlings!

As some of you may know, I, Gabby of Fudge Perfection, have a problem:
I am a makeup addict.

Now some people (cough, cough, Tumblr misandrists) like to believe that my addiction causes not only a serious dent in my wallet (because it does), but also a serious dent in my credibility.
As if loving makeup and also being body positive could not be true for a single person.
"Hypocrite", I was called. Fake. Liar.

56.63 billion dollars
That was the revenue for the cosmetic industry in 2013 in the US ALONE.
So clearly I am not the only human who uses cosmetics, and looking at those numbers, I statically cannot be the only body positive cosmetics user.

But more than that, I believe, hear me out, that not only is makeup not body negative, but in fact, it can be body positive! Here are my thoughts:

The Smudged Eyeliner Conundrum: 

Many of you will read the last sentence and scoff.
"Makeup is to conceal your flaws, not embrace them".

And perhaps you are right.
I had horrendous acne as a young teen, that's how I got into makeup in the first place, so I understand the conceal, hide, and never show your real face approach to beauty.
But consider this scenario:

A woman (or a man, because believe it or not, men compose a serious portion of the cosmetic profit) wakes up, feels like death, and slaps on some eyeliner to feel a little bit less like death.
Key word here: feel

Anyways, he/she goes to work, and chats up his/her hot coworker, working that charm because he/she feels sexy as all hell, knowing that his/her eyeliner is on fleek.
However, what he/she does not know is that during lunch, his/her eyeliner smudged like hell, and now he/she looks like Pete Wentz circa 2006 (children, google it).

But it doesn't matter you see, because the feeling of confidence, the feeling of beauty is vastly more important than the looking of beauty.
When you feel you look your best, whether you do or not, you accomplish more.
That's the beauty of the smudged eyeliner conundrum.

Self-Expression Eyeshadow

So the previous scenario covers many regular ole folks who use cosmetic products to feel better. YAY!

But some of us take it a step further.
Some of us use it not to feel more beautiful, to look like Megan Fox, no.
Some of us use it to feel more like ourselves.

And that "ourselves" can metamorphose in a variety of ways, depending on the day.

Some days I feel grungy, like Eddie Vedder's 1994 girlfriend (see the flannel).

Others I feel like being a classic pin up beauty, a la Monroe (see that hella winged liner)

And some days I just want to slap everything on and be a colorful bird (see the sunset on my eyes).

For me, on those days, it's not about being the most beautiful.
It's about expressing myself in a creative way, the way painting or dancing helps others express themselves.

Yes, I try to have good lighting, and yes, I take about 18232932 selfies, but at the end of the day, it's not about me. It's about the art.

Powder to the People

Here is my final word on the subject.
I think makeup can be body negative if not used correctly.
But if someone can't leave the house without makeup, it really has nothing to do with the makeup, Rather it's a psychological issue the person (14 year old me) needs to work on.

But it can be body positive because it gives women the power to their own beauty.
Do they glam themselves up? Do they keep it natural?
The power to express themselves, to show the world who they are that day, it's up to them.
It's up to them, and a little bit of powder.

Oh, and by the way, women don't always wear makeup for men.
I rock false lashes alone in my dorm room and wear nothing when I go to the library during finals, surrounded by my male peers. Deal.

xoxo

Gabby

Size: A Poem

Do you know that she diets everyday
Fights everyday, is hungry everyday,
So that one day she can burn her size blank dress
And wear a bikini to the beach,
Do you know?

No, you don't.
You think she eats candy day,
lays all day, is full all day,
So that one day she can rely on the government
To take care of her diabetes-ridden size blank dress
Do you know?

Do you know she clutches her fat in the mirror
Cries in the mirror, smashes the mirror
So that maybe the reflection will change right before her eyes
And she can finally see beauty smiling back at her
Do you know?

No, you don't.
You think she's never seen a damn mirror
Doesn't know her size, doesn't know she has fat
So you have to remind her every day,
And watch her smile fade away.
Do you know?

Do you know that one day she'll be done
Done hating her body, done hating herself,
So that she'll break out of societal chains
And scream Fuck You, I'm beautiful
Do you know?

No, you don't.
You don't think she deserves that.
Deserve self-respect, deserve any respect at all.
So next time you call her ugly and she whips around
choking you out with her size blank dress,
Then you'll know.

Confidence Without Makeup!

Whether it's concealer for your "pores as large as Jupiter" or inky black mascara for your "non-existent blond eyelashes", makeup can be our most trusted ally, helping us face the brutal days in full confidence. But as much as we'd like to deny it, makeup can also be an enemy. 

If we get used to seeing the flawless, perfected version of ourselves in the mirror, the sight of our naked face can be a tad traumatic. We know we should let our skin breathe, and be content with with what we were born with and blablabla, but sometimes it feels like that advice is clearly coming from a man who doesn't know a darn thing about our self-acceptance struggles. 

So for all of you who need a bare face confidence booster, here are my 3 tried and true tricks to being confident without makeup:

1. Practice Makes Perfect

Once upon a time, I could not imagine leaving my own room without makeup on! But if you want to reach makeup-less nirvana, you have to put yourself out there, literally. Start with baby steps: 

First, if you don't already do so, go bare faced to the gym or to any active activity. No one on this earth looks good while working up a sweat, so why should you? Then you can slowly work your way up to grocery stores, malls, dinner with friends, the sky is the limit! 

What you will realize is this: nobody cares about you. Obviously, this might sound a bit harsh, but it's true: whether or not your eyebrows are plucked, people will go on with their day. Don't live your life in fear of other people's judgements, do what's best for you. So if your pores need a break from their camouflage, set them free!

2. Rediscover your face

Ladies, take out your compact mirror:  it's time to get reacquainted with your pretty face! 

We are so eternally focused on the bad that we don't take the time to enjoy the good. In a world where everything must be as big, wide, bright, glossy and perfect as possible, simplicity can be a new beauty concept we are not so used to. 

You don't need the entire Selfridges makeup department to be, or feel, beautiful. There is so much going on already; your eyes have just become accustomed to all the wonders!

3. Redefine Your Beauty Ideals

Let's just make something clear: all the ads you see on TV or in the magazines that portray a "natural" look are in fact more artificial than plastic. 

Hours of makeup, lighting, editing, and retouching have been put into the final product. Unless you plan on walking the streets toting a Photoshop editing program, a team of stylists and a few dozen spotlights, you should probably give up on the idea of replicating the image. Even the model doesn’t look like that when she stumbles out of bed!

So next time you see a spread in Harper's Bazaar and you wonder what kind of magical cream this young girl uses, look at it with new eyes. 

Imagine her with bags under her eyes, flyaway hairs, wrinkled clothing and a few other flaws here and there. Because that is what this picture would look like had it been taken in the realm of reality. 

----------

Don't get me wrong, makeup is an absolute blessing! 

But there are times when we need to be comfortable with what's underneath it all. 

The people who care for you can (should, or else they can walk themselves out of your life) appreciate all your intricate layers, so why shouldn't you? 

Have a lovely week!

Gabby

\

Freckles: The Comeback Poem

Hello my sweets!

This poem I wrote was chosen among thousands and will be published in Teen Ink Magazine. How lucky am I?!
To celebrate, here is the illustrious piece of creative writing. 
Enjoy<3


I stare at her freckles, and I just don't understand;
I don't understand why she stares down her reflection,
blaming a mirror that will never tell her what she wants to hear.
Won't these miserable spots ever leave her be?
She asks, she pleads, she begs, as a long drawn-out sigh escapes her lips.

I don't understand the toxic chemicals with which she scrubs her face.
The home remedies, the beauty creams, the crackled layers of foundation –
they can barely fade the defiant freckle spatter.
Perhaps she will never stop scrubbing,
in hopes of peeling off her treacherous skin.
And I don't understand,

Because I love her adorable little freckles,
sprinkling the tops of her nose and the apples of her cheeks.
I find it adorable the way they dance around the crinkles of a timid smile
or a burst of laughter.
I use to draw little brown dots on myself
to imitate the lucky ones.

And perhaps she will never know,
And that would be a shame.
Because when she looks at my naked nose,
She thinks the same.

So tell her now, tell her loud,
Tell her to be proud!
And the world will be a little better
As she goes to sleep tonight
Thinking of your voice's sound.

Renee Zellweger's Face: Hypocrisy

Hello my darling fudgies

One of my favorite pop culture expert Michael Buckley @buckhollywood was the first person to point out the obvious transformation Renee Zellweger's face has gone through. This picture doesn't lie: some work has been done.

Actually, it might be lying a bit. To be fair, lighting may have a great deal to do with the way features look on camera. Don't tell me you've never taken a picture in bad lighting and looked like you'd been run over by a train.

I've written about plastic surgery before, and my stance is quite clear: if it doesn't affect me, or hurt anyone, knock yoselves out. 

So clearly Renee's decision isn't what's bothering me. However, if you happen to google something along the lines of "Renee Zellweger new face", you will soon find out what makes me angry.

Renee destroys her face!
Crazy before and after!
WHAT A SHOCKER!

...Really now.
A woman in the film industry, in the epicenter of Hollywood pressure, starting to age and lose roles because Hollywood is about that young life, who is constantly judged and criticized for her body, her face, her eyes, her left nostril...
You're going to tell me that this woman would consider going under the knife to fit into society's mold? Shocking!

This blatant hypocrisy infuriates me, because this is how the media gets away with body shaming. Perez Hilton and TMZ devote their entire lives to poking and prodding into these people's lives, pointing out every single flaw, but as soon as someone has enough and caves into the pressures of the industry, suddenly it's a scandal!

Never accountable for their actions, never responsible for the damage done!

Look, this is not a criticism of Renee. In fact, in her position, lord knows what I would do.
This is simply a platform to jump off from, to discuss the hypocrisy of the dialogue regarding women's issues.
Speak now, my loves!

xoxo

Gabby

Ordering Food: A Body Positive Guide

Hello my angels!

If you've followed this blog for the past 2 and a half years, first of all, you deserve some sort of trophy, because those early typo-filled rants I used to post are painful for me to even look at.

But in all seriousness, if you've been around for a while, you know that, although I consider myself recovered from my ED, ordering food still brings me a lot of anxiety.
What will the waiter/McDonalds employee think of me? 
Will he think I'm fat for ordering this meal?
Will he think I'm fat for ordering anything at all? (a legit thought that has crossed my mind one too many times.

I did some research (Tumblr, mostly) and found that I am not alone in this ordeal.

So although I'm still trying to get better, I have accumulated some wisdom that I would like to share with you all today. Here are my 3 thoughts regarding ordering food to help you order without panicking and ordering a tall glass of water:

1. You Legitimately Don't Matter 

Harsh, I know, but true. Waiters wait several tables at a time for several hours. It's almost funny for us to think that they would remember our order to the tee. At the end of their long day, said waiter will not lay down on his bed and think to him/herself: "man that boy/girl on table 9 ordered a lot of bread sticks". If he/she does, it's probably because he thinks you're cute, so good on you!

2. Fuck That Waiter

Maybe he/she will remember how many breadsticks you ordered. Fine. Round of applause for this idddic memory kid. But there are several possible ways this could go:
a) you never go to that restaurant again, and never see this person ever again.
b) you go back to that restaurant because, yes, those breadsticks were life, and get a different waiter.
c) you get the same waiter and he/she doesn't remember you.
d) he/she does remember your cute face, and makes a comment about those breadsticks.
e) punch him/her in the face

Kidding, of course. But think about it. The odds that option d) would occur are hella slim. And besides, these people live off of tips: do you really think they would be audacious enough to criticize your food choices? Money makes the world go round, loves, so sit back, relax, and enjoy your damn breadsticks.

3. Self Love > This Waiter

Here's the thing: regardless of whether this waiter remembers you, your order, and thinks you are fat/unhealthy/a bad person, it shouldn't matter.
You cannot live your life according to what others may or may not think of you.

There's always someone who's going to think you're cute, just like someone's going to think you're not. Someone will think you're too thin, too fat, too pale, too dark, too smart, too dumb.
It sucks, don't get me wrong, but it's life.

What will make you or break you in this world is whether or not you accept that not everyone will think you're perfect. 

So next time you walk into your favorite diner, accept that this waiter may or may not judge the nutritious value of your order, and that's okay. Once you've come to terms with the fact that you can't control what he/she thinks, I promise, those breadsticks will taste a hell of a lot better.

xoxo

Gabby

6 Tips For a Body Positive Halloween

Hello my angels!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!...
Well, almost, it's not Christmas quite yet, but Halloween is pretty bomb too.
However, if you let it get out of hand, it can also be pretty catastrophic.

Girls showing off their beautiful bodies
+
Snickers bars everywhere
can =
Insecurity, and lots of it.

But fear not! Gabby is here to remind of 10 foolproof tips to keep you safe, happy, and slut-shame free during this awesome holiday:

6. Eat!

Free food, people, free delicious, diabetes-ridden food everywhere! You can't pass that up! Have some candy, have some chocolate, have some chips; one day will not, I repeat, will not make you gain 15 pounds, blow up like a blowfish and explode.

5. Or Be Careful

I know many of my readers are still in ED recovery (hello, beautifuls!) and Halloween can be a very stressful time. It can be incredibly hard not to binge, and then purge/restrict. Like I said earlier, there's free food everywhere, which can be some people's dream (me) or worst nightmare (me 2 years ago).

So be smart about it. Bring a small bag to fill with your favorite treats. Once it's full, that is your cue to stop. You have enough control over the portion of sweets you'll be eating so that you don't feel you've gone too far, but you also get to enjoy this holiday without completely restricting your fun!

4. Safety In Numbers

Halloween is amazing and all, but it's also a perfect playground for assault. While sexual assault is never, ever, ever the victim's fault (uh hum Bill O'Reilly. Although to be frank, he's probably not reading this. Does he know about the internet yet?), you can always try to increase safety by never leaving you or your friend(s) alone.

Watch your girlfriend's punch, choose a designated driver, and don't trust guys in masks. That's not 100% about safety, they just creep me out.

3. Dress to Impress

"I can't pull that costume off"
"I'm too fat"
"I don't have the body for it"

...
These are legitimate things my peers have said to me. Needless to say, they received a justified smack aside the head.
There is no such thing as "pulling off" or "having the body for an outfit, let alone a costume!
If you can squeeze your butt into it, you have the body for it. Done.

Halloween is about having fun, being someone else for a night, so if you're not necessarily the most confident fudgie out there, Halloween night is the perfect night to transform yourself into someone who is!

Scared of being shamed? Stick around for the next tip.

2. A Slut Shaming Free Zone

Listen up, slut shamers!
If you don't want to wear a revealing costume for Halloween, that is a-okay, because it is your body, right?

Well that girl who's wearing a crop top and some spandex shorts? It's also her body.
If she respects you for dressing as you are dressed, the curtesy must be reciprocated.

It's not 1976 anymore. Calling her a whore or a slut does not make you look cool.
It makes you look jealous.

1. Don't Be Afraid To Look Ugly

It's tempting to go as a sexy cat, or a sexy nurse, or a sexy pillow.
And don't get me wrong, those costumes are valid, cute, and worlds of fun!
But there was a time when we didn't care about looking hot, we just wanted the sickest costume out there!

So why not do a bit of both?
How about a zombie nurse? Or an undead cat (any Poe fans)?

You don't have to prove to anyone tonight that you are hot. We already know that from the 364 other days of the year. Just have fun! Be creative! Be yourself (or not, I guess?).

And never be afraid to look ugly. Because there are not enough fake eyeballs dripping out of your mouth that can take away from the confident man/woman that you are.

Have an awesome time, my darlings!

xoxo

Gabby

Sam Pepper: Get Yo Hand Off My Butt

Hello my darling fudgies!

Recently, Sam Pepper, famous Youtuber and overall d*ckweed has released a video where he walks around the streets of London and fondles girl's butts.
Without their consent of course, because then it's funny right? Then it's a prank, right?

Nope, then it's sexual assault.

Many intelligent people have given their 2 cents about this topic, including Laci Green, so I think it is safe to say that you all know why this is wrong in general. I've also written about Youtube celebrity culture and sexual behaviors in an article here.
But Let me tell you why this video upsets me personally.

When I was 14, leaving my house, nay, leaving my room, was sort of a challenging task. I was afraid someone would see me from school and make a negative comment about me in their head. I was afraid someone would honk, or I would fall, or I would breathe wrong.

Keep in mind that nothing terrible had ever happened to me as a result of leaving my house, but still, agoraphobia was pretty much a 24/7 demon.

Now with the help of medication and meditation and a bit of common sense, I can easily leave my house, hair a ratchet mess, in my sweatpants, not a care in the world.

But there's still a part of me that fears something like this. Something exactly like a random stranger pinching by butt.

If Sam Pepper or another entitled male ever did something similar to this, here are my 3 possible reactions:

1. Slap the jaw off of this child. #deservedit
2. Go on a feminist rant about sexual assault and the entitled male and curse him with my feminist super powers.
3. Never leave the house again.

It's the 3rd one that makes me nervous. I can guarantee that many of the girls whose butt was pinched reacted in a lighthearted way, even if they were violently uncomfortable, did not find it funny. Like, at all. I can't say any of them were recovering agoraphobics, but if it were to happen to me, all those negative ideas would come flooding back into my brain.

Keep that in mind when you're doing anything: how will this impact another person's day?

xoxo

Gabby

Flattering Your Body?

Hello my beautiful angels

I recently watched this awesome video by stophatingyourbody creator Annie, which I have linked at the bottom of this post, and was profoundly inspired to talk about the idea of wearing clothes that flatter your body.

Now, I must admit to you, I am torn on the subject. This won't be an angry one sided rant, though I know they are mighty entertaining to you all. My apologies<3

      Because on one hand, I think that flattering your body is a weird concept.

On one hand, I think it means "wear clothes that make you look thinner", as if that should be everyone's goal look. Because really, when you say "that is not flattering on her", don't we all really mean she looks bigger than she actually is?

On one hand, I think you should be confident no matter what you wear, no matter how "unflattering". You shouldn't need to dress a certain way in order to be comfortable in your truth.

On one hand, I think it's an idea formed by marketing strategists in order to sell more clothes. Levi's recently came out with different styles of jeans to flatter "every different type of body shape". Might as well put up a sign that says "come into our store and we will tell you your jeans make you look thinner. GIVE ME YOUR MONEY".

     But on the other hand, I'm not so sure.

The idea of clothes that "flatter your body" doesn't have to be about looking thin, we can define the terms we use. It can mean your boobs look fantastic, or your legs look really long, or your curves are even accentuated. As long as you properly define your own vocabulary by explaining what you mean by "that shirt is really flattering", you can take back the negative connotations of the expression.

I also know how amazing I feel when I slip on my favorite jeans, or my 5 inch heels. Sure, I should look and feel great when I look like death, but sometimes we all need a little help. Self-love is a process, and it can start just by finding what makes you feel beautiful, so why not pick something "flattering"?

Look, maybe it is a marketing plot by evil companies. But here's the truth: as most things in life, it's about moderation.
Don't wear clothes that make you feel like a sack of potatoes just to prove a point.
Don't have a nervous breakdown if your only flattering sweater has a stain on it.
Know the balance of the flattering equilibrium, and you'll take back the night.

xoxo

Gabby

30 Day Self-Esteem Challenge!: Part 2

Here's the sequel to Part 1, which you can find here. 

Day 11: Listen to at least 3 encouraging, body positive songs. Some suggestions? Try by Colbie Caillat, Hair by Lady Gaga, and Beautiful by Christina Aguilera are some of my personal faves. Let the beat rock you into a good mood!

Day 12: Watch a funny movie or your favorite "trash" reality TV. Guilty pleasures should never be guilty: why feel bad about something that makes you happy? Hopefully today by busting a gut you'll learn that the only person who can make you feel guilty for having a good time is yourself.

Day 13: Give yourself a nice homemade hair/face mask. The Internet has a ton of ideas for you, so your self-care delight can suit what you desire (and what you have in your pantry).

Day 14: Talk to a friend about your insecurities. You'll probably learn that your friend hates his/her left thigh, which sounds ridiculous, so yes, some of your insecurities are downright cray cray too. Discuss, share, and realize that we all have some things about ourselves we'd rather not have, but the good news is, so does everyone else on the planet!

Day 15: Do something you're afraid of. Speak up in class or in a meeting, go bungee jumping, say hi to cute-guy-who-works-at-the-deli, I don't care how mundane it may seem, it's important! You'll instantly feel the rush of adrenaline. So what if it doesn't go well? You tried, and even that deserves a pat on the back.

Day 16: Rock your favorite color today. On your eyelids, your shoes, your nails, the whole nine yards! Realize what it is about this color that suits you, what features does it emphasize? Then take a moment to realize that you do in fact have gorgeous features to emphasize, or else this color would just look dull. Boom, a power shot right in the self-esteem!

Day 17: Post a smiling picture on your instagram, FB, twitter, what have you. No filters, no edits, just your beautiful smile. Realize that people will still like it, comment nice things, and not notice that tiny red dot on your nose without that distracting yellow Valencia overcast.

Day 18: Another day? Another dark chocolate break. Cmon, you deserve it.

Day 19: It's bubble bath time. Pull out all the stops: candles, bath bombs, bubbles, ambience music, brand new razor blade. There's not a nerve in your body that won't thank you for a good bath, and as you rise out of the water, calm and refreshed, you'll be kinder to your body. After all, you smell and feel pretty freaking awesome.

Day 20: Get at least 8 hours of sleep! This may be easy for some, but I know some night owls who will struggle. Trust me, cranky Gabby is not a body positive, self-loving Gabby, so get your Zs and be amazed at how amazingly better you look when you don't feel like death.

Have any suggestions? Please let me know

xooxo

Gabby

30 Day Self-Esteem Challenge!: Part 1

Hello my angels!

I know I haven't been posting researched articles recently, and I do apologize for that, but my internship just ended, so expect some more to come:)

However, to keep you from going cray without moi, here are 30 days worth of self-esteem challenges, inspired by this awesome Tumblr!

Day 1: I want you to go one day without doing your hair. No heat, no styling, just your old natural fluffy awesomeness flowing in the wind.

Day 2: I want you to go without makeup today. Now I know this is hard for some boys and girls who struggle with cystic acne like I do, but this is a great exercise in confidence. And no cheating: you must at least leave the house once, even if only to get the mail.

Day 3: Opposite of yesterday's demure; I want you to go bold! Whether you're rocking a red lip, or sporting leopard pants, you want heads to turn. Feeling confident despite stranger's glares is about holding your head high, smiling, and strutting down the street like there's no tommorow.

Day 4: Treat yourself to some dark chocolate today, it's been a hard few days of self-esteem work. Learn to take care of your mind and body by treating as a temple, and sometimes said temple needs some chocolate.

Day 5: Take an ugly selfie. Not "cute ugly", no, downright hideous. Post it to your instagram, and let go of the idea that you must look good at all times.

Day 6: Wear an outfit in which you don't necessarily feel confident. Figure out what it is about the garment that doesn't tickle your fancy. Shape, fabric, color? This will help you shop with a body positive eye next time you head to the mall.

Day 7: To help you get over the low self-esteem of yesterday's outfit, slip on our go-to self-esteem boosting get up. Again, look out for specific features that help you love yourself that much more. Write them down in your phone and be on the lookout for those features next time you step into an overwhelming Forever 21.

Day 8: Be creative with your style. Try thicker eyebrows, or a grungier getup; playing around with self-expression helps you to know who you are and aren't. After all, how can you love yourself if you don't know who you even are?

Day 9: Give somebody a compliment. A simple "nice skirt" can make someone's day, and you can feel good about being a nicer person today than you were the day before.

Day 10: Take care of yourself today. Give yourself a foot massage, slip on your most comfortable sweatpants, watch Friends all day (I'm going to pretend I don't do these things all day err day). Again, body=temple, and temple needs some lovin'.

xoxo

Gabby

200

Hello my sweet angel fudgies,

Today I am posting my 200th article for the blog.
200.
Two hundred.
Dos ciento.
Deux cent.
Those are all I the languages I speak.

I am beyond grateful for the love you have given me, so here's a cute, dorky poem I wrote for you.

Once upon a time there was a girl.
She had gone through hell, she had been at her worse.
She wanted to love the body she so hated.
Hence on a February night, this blog was created.

At first, the stats were dead, no one read,
Except the occasional Russian spammer and her friends.
But through the help of Twitter, Youtube, and Tumblr too
Her posts got better, and her audience grew, grew, grew.

Now she has an audience bigger than she could have imagined
And the love she receives is more than her imagination could have fashioned
To think this was all started from a 16 year old, horrendously bored
My angels, my fudgies, my sweets, here's to 200 more.

10 Reasons This Tweet Makes Me Sigh

Ohhh, Kalel, with your 90 pound body and your judging glare.

Here are 10 reasons this tweet makes me sigh:

10. I don't see no badge on your extra small clothes that says "body police" 

9. Many people who suffer from being overweight struggle with an emotional addiction to food. Perhaps you'd prefer they drown their sorrows in heroin, after all they'd be thinner. 

8. Maybe you don't "understand that shit", but the good thing is, you don't have to! Not yo body, not yo problem. 

7. My biggest pet peeve in the world is others going around judging what others are eating/drinking/putting in their bodies. Comments like this make me paranoid when I have to buy soup at the supermarket like..."is there someone out there glaring at me?"

6. No but seriously, where's your body police badge?

5. There are many conditions that can lead a person to a size that's bigger than a 2. Hyperthyroidism, cushing's syndrome, depression, etc. Can't see inside a person's body? Can't judge their health.

4. The #America comment is just plain wrong, for obesity is an international concern, especially in North America, but also in every other part of the world. Unhealthy foods are usually cheaper, hence not a single socio-economic class is untouched by the risk of obesity. 

3. Maybe this man was carrying a Big Gulp of water, or a protein shake. Maybe he's trying to lose weight, or already has lost a ton! But the thing is, you don't know, and you probably don't care to. All he is to you is just a fat person. 

2. Judging someone's character based on their weight is a prominent disease in this day and age. "You don't understand that shit...it's like signing your own death certificate..." Might as well call him dumb, or suicidal, or lazy. But you know nothing about this poor person, trying to get on with their day. 

1. Where, the fuck, is your body police badge.

Rant over.

xoxo

Gabby

4 Videos Girls Must Watch

Hello ma angels:)

crossposted from bbbsblog.wordpress.com

Tired of watching the Kardashians all summer? Need something more intellectually stimulating for you or your young girl? Here are 5 important videos to watch as a female!

4. Always #LikeAGirl

This video went viral last month, and there's a good reason why. We teach girls through our hurtful words that being a girl is weak, or inferior to being a boy. Girls grow up to believe they are meant to be beautiful, and that's all they can be, not strong, or smart, or athletic. Watch this with your youngster and let the message bounce around her head:)

5. Pantene Labels

Ahhh, the unquestionable double standards. This video really strikes home for me, for whenever I have taken on a leadership role in my life, the men around me called me bossy, instead of organized, or a leader. Help your young friend realize the double standards of this world by watching this video, so that she can understand why it's okay to be bossy sometimes. 

2. Try, by Colbie Caillat

I love this song! The song itself is good enough for me, but the message behind it brings it up a couple notches! For a mainstream artist to come out with such a simple yet powerful video is quite admirable. Blast this on your way to school or summer camp, and let the words skin in:)

1. Dove Unstoppable

When I was in the 5th grade, I quit swimming lessons because I didn't like the way my body looks in a bathing suit. And still to this day I loathe going to the beach for those same reasons. Girls need to understand that beauty is not all that you can be, and that insecurities should never stop you 

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xoxo

Gabby