Passion and Self-Esteem: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Hello my darling fudgies!

I watched a wonderful video by Connor Manning (which I will link below this post) about finding your passion, and it deeply resonated with me, so I thought I would share my thoughts on passion, what to do about it, and how it can affect your self-worth.

I must start by saying that I am incredibly lucky, but also a bit misfortunate.

I found my first passion, reading and writing, at a ridiculously young age. I can remember writing stories when my letters were still backwards, and telling them to my great grandmother, who became senile when I was 7. In that sense, I was lucky. I was kind of good at it, or had a bountiful imagination, as my school's librarian once told me, probably because I had made up a story about my friend Steph who had hair down to the floor, who also did not exist. Besides the point.

I held on to my love for several years, until the dark ages of many of our lives: teenagehood.

Ahhh yes. Cystic Acne, Cripplingly Low Self-Esteem, and Debilitating Anxiety. Who wouldn't want to be 14 again?!

As I entered my teenage years, I slowly but surely stopped reading, and stopped writing, and suddenly I became very confused.
When asked by adults around me what I wanted to be when I grew up, instead of confidently voicing my love for the book industry, I shrugged and said I don't know, murmuring to myself: when I grow up, I just want clear skin for the love of all that is holy.

However, as my first true love started to dwindle inside my heart, I discovered a new passion: makeup.
Now I want to make it very clear, as opposed to writing, at which I was naturally pretty decent, I SUCKED at makeup for the first year or two.
But my god did I love it.
It honestly carried me through those rough 15 to 17 years of age where angst dominates your life and high school graduation is no where in sight.
But with a lot, and i mean a shit ton of practice, I got to be pretty good (I'll post a few pictures of my makeup work from this week below Connor's video)
So now I had a new answer to those unsuspecting adults: I was going to be a makeup artist!

And now, I'm here, at 19.
I rediscovered my love for reading and writing mostly through the blog, so thank you for that.
But my love for makeup has only grown stronger!
I am a creative person, and don't necessarily see myself working in an office 9-5.
But I enjoyed structure and school and academia, and did pretty well in school my whole life.
I want to go to college, but I also want to work at Sephora full time.
ARGH

Here's what I try to tell myself, and here's what you should live by, whether you have a passion, or five, or none:

It's okay to change your mind.
We have this fixed idea that once you choose a path, you cannot go back.
But that's not true!

People change majors, careers, life paths all the time!
You can major in economics at Harvard and work as a painter in France after deciding Wall Street isn't for you.
We may live in a society that values decisiveness, which is probably why we don't value teenagers all that much. But you have to do what feels right. So try things out, experiment, and give it your all: You can always try again.

And to those of you who don't have anything you're crazy passionate about, just wait.
Try new things, new clubs, new activities, don't be afraid to make new friends.
But don't try too hard, not everything is going to fit.
Okay, I'm contradicting myself here.
Basically, do what feels right, and the right will come to you. That may seem vague, but I promise you will find what you love.
You may seem lost, and some have emailed me saying you feel like a failure.
Hey. HEY. Don't. Not everyone finds their passion at the same time, so give yourself a break.

My 11th grade English teacher explained this to me, and I think this sums it about up:
"Don't stress about your major or your career. Because guess what? Some of you, your passion will be motherhood/fatherhood, or being a supportive wife/husband, going to ballet recitals and baseball tournaments, making lunches, cooking dinner, gardening, volunteering, and being a good person. Does that sound so bad?"

So to the adults who ask you with a judgmental twinkle in their eyes:
"What do you want to do with your life?"
Give them the truest answer. If that's "I don't know just yet", then don't be ashamed.
You have a lifetime ahead of you.
Just breathe, try new things, and breathe again.
An eyeliner fell into my hand one day, and I know someday your passion will fall into yours.

xoxo

Gabby

My makeup work:

Is Makeup Body Negative?!

Hello my darlings!

As some of you may know, I, Gabby of Fudge Perfection, have a problem:
I am a makeup addict.

Now some people (cough, cough, Tumblr misandrists) like to believe that my addiction causes not only a serious dent in my wallet (because it does), but also a serious dent in my credibility.
As if loving makeup and also being body positive could not be true for a single person.
"Hypocrite", I was called. Fake. Liar.

56.63 billion dollars
That was the revenue for the cosmetic industry in 2013 in the US ALONE.
So clearly I am not the only human who uses cosmetics, and looking at those numbers, I statically cannot be the only body positive cosmetics user.

But more than that, I believe, hear me out, that not only is makeup not body negative, but in fact, it can be body positive! Here are my thoughts:

The Smudged Eyeliner Conundrum: 

Many of you will read the last sentence and scoff.
"Makeup is to conceal your flaws, not embrace them".

And perhaps you are right.
I had horrendous acne as a young teen, that's how I got into makeup in the first place, so I understand the conceal, hide, and never show your real face approach to beauty.
But consider this scenario:

A woman (or a man, because believe it or not, men compose a serious portion of the cosmetic profit) wakes up, feels like death, and slaps on some eyeliner to feel a little bit less like death.
Key word here: feel

Anyways, he/she goes to work, and chats up his/her hot coworker, working that charm because he/she feels sexy as all hell, knowing that his/her eyeliner is on fleek.
However, what he/she does not know is that during lunch, his/her eyeliner smudged like hell, and now he/she looks like Pete Wentz circa 2006 (children, google it).

But it doesn't matter you see, because the feeling of confidence, the feeling of beauty is vastly more important than the looking of beauty.
When you feel you look your best, whether you do or not, you accomplish more.
That's the beauty of the smudged eyeliner conundrum.

Self-Expression Eyeshadow

So the previous scenario covers many regular ole folks who use cosmetic products to feel better. YAY!

But some of us take it a step further.
Some of us use it not to feel more beautiful, to look like Megan Fox, no.
Some of us use it to feel more like ourselves.

And that "ourselves" can metamorphose in a variety of ways, depending on the day.

Some days I feel grungy, like Eddie Vedder's 1994 girlfriend (see the flannel).

Others I feel like being a classic pin up beauty, a la Monroe (see that hella winged liner)

And some days I just want to slap everything on and be a colorful bird (see the sunset on my eyes).

For me, on those days, it's not about being the most beautiful.
It's about expressing myself in a creative way, the way painting or dancing helps others express themselves.

Yes, I try to have good lighting, and yes, I take about 18232932 selfies, but at the end of the day, it's not about me. It's about the art.

Powder to the People

Here is my final word on the subject.
I think makeup can be body negative if not used correctly.
But if someone can't leave the house without makeup, it really has nothing to do with the makeup, Rather it's a psychological issue the person (14 year old me) needs to work on.

But it can be body positive because it gives women the power to their own beauty.
Do they glam themselves up? Do they keep it natural?
The power to express themselves, to show the world who they are that day, it's up to them.
It's up to them, and a little bit of powder.

Oh, and by the way, women don't always wear makeup for men.
I rock false lashes alone in my dorm room and wear nothing when I go to the library during finals, surrounded by my male peers. Deal.

xoxo

Gabby

Confidence Without Makeup!

Whether it's concealer for your "pores as large as Jupiter" or inky black mascara for your "non-existent blond eyelashes", makeup can be our most trusted ally, helping us face the brutal days in full confidence. But as much as we'd like to deny it, makeup can also be an enemy. 

If we get used to seeing the flawless, perfected version of ourselves in the mirror, the sight of our naked face can be a tad traumatic. We know we should let our skin breathe, and be content with with what we were born with and blablabla, but sometimes it feels like that advice is clearly coming from a man who doesn't know a darn thing about our self-acceptance struggles. 

So for all of you who need a bare face confidence booster, here are my 3 tried and true tricks to being confident without makeup:

1. Practice Makes Perfect

Once upon a time, I could not imagine leaving my own room without makeup on! But if you want to reach makeup-less nirvana, you have to put yourself out there, literally. Start with baby steps: 

First, if you don't already do so, go bare faced to the gym or to any active activity. No one on this earth looks good while working up a sweat, so why should you? Then you can slowly work your way up to grocery stores, malls, dinner with friends, the sky is the limit! 

What you will realize is this: nobody cares about you. Obviously, this might sound a bit harsh, but it's true: whether or not your eyebrows are plucked, people will go on with their day. Don't live your life in fear of other people's judgements, do what's best for you. So if your pores need a break from their camouflage, set them free!

2. Rediscover your face

Ladies, take out your compact mirror:  it's time to get reacquainted with your pretty face! 

We are so eternally focused on the bad that we don't take the time to enjoy the good. In a world where everything must be as big, wide, bright, glossy and perfect as possible, simplicity can be a new beauty concept we are not so used to. 

You don't need the entire Selfridges makeup department to be, or feel, beautiful. There is so much going on already; your eyes have just become accustomed to all the wonders!

3. Redefine Your Beauty Ideals

Let's just make something clear: all the ads you see on TV or in the magazines that portray a "natural" look are in fact more artificial than plastic. 

Hours of makeup, lighting, editing, and retouching have been put into the final product. Unless you plan on walking the streets toting a Photoshop editing program, a team of stylists and a few dozen spotlights, you should probably give up on the idea of replicating the image. Even the model doesn’t look like that when she stumbles out of bed!

So next time you see a spread in Harper's Bazaar and you wonder what kind of magical cream this young girl uses, look at it with new eyes. 

Imagine her with bags under her eyes, flyaway hairs, wrinkled clothing and a few other flaws here and there. Because that is what this picture would look like had it been taken in the realm of reality. 

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Don't get me wrong, makeup is an absolute blessing! 

But there are times when we need to be comfortable with what's underneath it all. 

The people who care for you can (should, or else they can walk themselves out of your life) appreciate all your intricate layers, so why shouldn't you? 

Have a lovely week!

Gabby

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I Beg Of You: A Body Image Piece

Hello my angels!

I recently performed this spoken word piece, and wanted to share it with you all. Hope you enjoy:)

I beg of you, this small favour I ask,
When you hear me complain about my body
Take me by the shoulders and shake me
And tell me I am beautiful, tell me I am worthy,
So that I too can scream it from the tops of the city.

I beg of you, this is no small task,
When you watch me stare at my reflection in the mirror,
Shatter the glass so that I can see better,
Convince me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder
And If your sight tells you different, look a little harder.
You are not disgusting, not today, not ever.

I beg of you, don't think me crazy,
When you feel me upset about me weight
Erase the numbers on my scale, they don't matter anyway
Let them run with my self-doubt, let them fly away.

I beg of you, never forget this,
When you look into my eyes tonight,
realize that I am you, and you are me.
The only person you need to make you feel alright
To feel your warmth as your light shines bright
To share your beauty as it glows into the night,
Is your own self, your own soul, your own mind.
Best friends come and go, but self-esteem is for life.

Body Positive (and other) Treasures #2

Hello my gorgeous fudgies!

Last week's body positive findings were so well received, I thought I'd share a few more!

1. Fudgie Submission: Kira 

A lovely fudgie by the name of Kira sent me this beautiful collage she created by email just the other day. It absolutely made my day! I know it may not be a big deal for some of you (lucky bitches), but I always applaud girls who can rock a bare natural face with a smile. It takes guts, so good job sweetie! 

PS: If YOU wanna see your cute face on the blog sometime, you can send me a submission by fudge perfection@gmail.com. 

2. Constructive Criticism 

These past few months have taught me quite a lot about constructive (or as I use to put it, destructive) criticism. First of all, I happen to be writing 230% more in my classes this year, which is obviously benefical for my writing skills, but it also means 230% more feedback, and as you might imagine, not all of my teacher's comments are praises of my unimaginably perfect writings. I can honestly say, 7 weeks into my school year, that I can absorb negative comments effectively without taking it personally and bursting into tears (no exaggeration, English class was an emotional Holocaust). 

This leads me to my next venture into criticism: Adios Barbie. As some of you may know, I have started writing for a web magazine called Adios Barbie. I have had other writing jobs, as made obvious by the delusional amount of self promotion in which I partake, but this summer was the first time my work was being seriously critiqued, edited and, to my sensitive heart's dismay, ripped to shreds by my publisher and editor. But I sucked it up, and I kept rewriting and rewriting until finally my baby was published in late October (http://www.adiosbarbie.com/2013/10/disney-starlets-getting-thinner/). 

And yet again, my stability hath been tested. The amazing amount of traffic this article gave me was also me with some critical comments, one in particular, the first one, that was perhaps not as gentle as I would have liked. But again, I learned to deal, because these people aren't attacking me, most of them aren't even attacking my work. I must remind myself that without my editor's comments, my article wouldn't have been 10% as good as it is now. 

So breathe in, breathe out, take a Lush shower, and learn to love the good and live with the bad. 

3. Christine's Answer

Christine of the very popular beauty blog Temptalia could not have answered this question better.

Tina of Boston, MA sent me the screenshot, and I fell in love with her wise words. 

The reality of the situation is we are not purely physical, or purely psychological: we are intertwined beings. There is nothing wrong with your exterior making you feel beautiful, appreciate your good hair days when thou are blessed by such, as long as it doesn't overpower the beauty you radiate when you surround yourself with good people or accomplish a goal. Amen, Christine!

4. Pale Skin Appreciation Week

PSAW is an international holiday I invented for the purpose of this post!

Being naturally translucent and living in a dorm where it is possible for me to get to all of my classes, meals, friends room's and bathrooms without seeing the light of day, I have reached a level of paleness difficulty achieved. Have you even seen my bio picture from ANEB's blog? 

But there is hope for the anatomy dolls of the world! 

a) There are Tumblr blogs devoted to pasty gals like us, such as http://palegirls.tumblr.com 

b) Winter=Snow=Instant camouflaging skills

c) A list of fantastic, talented, gorgeous and pale actresses 

d)Your tanning bed friends may look at you funny now, but when they're 27 and wrinkly as an old plaid shirt and your skin still looks like a foetus's, guess who will be laughing then...

Have a wonderful week, my dolls!

xoxo

Gabby

How To: Acne and Not Hating Yo Face

Hello my beautiful dolls!

I'd like to start today's post by shamelessly plugging my (FINALLY) uploaded article for Adios Barbie entitled Are Disney Stars Getting Thinner? I've been working on this thing for many months, so please check it out, comment, share, whatever your heart desires:)
Back to business.

It has been over a year now since I wrote this rambly, ridiculously dramatic blogpost about my volcanic allergic reaction to Clindamycin. It was an amazing learning experience, and I've grown a lot since that day. I am about 50000% more comfortable with my bare skin, and most of my problems are related to scarring, which is honestly easier to wake up to in the morning.

I have already written about being confident with your natural face (today is apparently advertise-your-ass-off Friday), but I want to go more in detail about what it means to struggle with acne, dark spots, scarring, discolouration, insert miscellaneous face demon here...

1. Join the club

It's cute how some of us, myself included, think we are fighting this war alone. 

Few quick facts for you to chew on:

• Of the 85% of teenagers (between the ages of 12 and 24) that suffer from acne, 25% will have permanent scars ranging from severe to light
• 20% of all adults have active acne
• 20 million Americans have acne badly enough to cause scars.
• Acne is the most common skin disorder in the United States, affecting 40 million to 50 million Americans.

2. Pesky Flawless People

Okay, fine. You aren't alone, there are many more "disfigured freaks" (this is actually a descriptor I used when writing in my 8th grade diary. 14 year olds will be 14 year olds). 

But it's those annoying milky skinned, flawless complexioned angels of Heaven who ruin it for the rest of us. Right? 

Not really.

Sure, those people may have perfect skin, it is what it is. But my lord I don't think I have repeated this enough: we all have our insecurities. 

Because I promise you, somewhere on those supposedly modelesque creatures' bodies, they have their own metaphorical volcanic breakout. Stretch marks, lack of thigh gap (I can't even...), frizzy hair, the list just won't stop. 

3. Living Your Life

As annoying as I am right now, I highly suggest you read my DOP article linked above. 

Because here's the deal; you should never let something so LITERALLY SMALL get in the way of your life. 

If you don't care, or pretend not to, then trust me no one else should. 

And if heaven forbid some dips**t has the nerve to make a comment, shoot me a quick email with his/her address and I'll have my body positive army take care of it. 

JK, I wish. 

I'll just rip off their eyebrows:)

xoxo

Gabby

Its Majesty, King Ice Cream

Hello dolls!

PS: I FOUND OUT THE DATE FOR MY INTERNSHIP; FEBRUARY 25 2013, YAY! <3
just thought yall should know:)

I'm hoping to start your week off right with a post about one of my favorite things so far in 2013: ice cream. 

Yes indeed, after weeks of intense research and dedicated testing, I have officially crowned ice cream king of the comfort foods. 

Being somewhat of a salty toother, I had previously never fit the stereotypical «broken hearted girl who drowns her sorrow in Haagen Dasz and Pride and Prejudice» mold (okay, I lied about P&P, it's like visual Prozac to me).

However, during one of the first few days of the new year, I casually decided to grab a pint of ice cream while grocery shopping, and BAM! Love at first bite.
Why, You may ask? Here are the reasons behind ice cream's coronation:

1. The Ice Control
One of the great things about ice cream is that it is in fact ice cream. Now, I don't know if this is because of my treacherously long orthodontics history, but after eating them for a while, cold foods seem to lose their taste.
This forces me to put down my spoon and put the pint back into the freezer:  A NATURAL INTAKE CONTROL METHOD? Score.

2. The Cream Factor.
Again, I am forever grateful that ice cream is in fact ice cream. For most of us, there is no worse trigger than a bloated, pertruding stomach. So the creamy, almost liquid-y texture, a lighter option than chips or candy, leaves the belly feeling less and less like a detonating bomb, making your mind feel more and more sane. :)

3. The Glacier Tongue
Last but not least, the reason ice cream is a champ in the guilt control category, is yet again its icyness.
When eating ice cream, the entire mouth region, but especially the tongue, turns bordeline frigorific.
While it may not be an enjoyable feeling for some, it numbs the taste buds on your tongue, making it impossible for the lingering taste of ice cream to drive you insane with guilt, shame, or self-loathing.

Wasn't kidding , was I now? :)
Alright, enjoy responsibly, keep being awesome!
I love you guys to death <3

xoxoxoxo
Gabby