Medication for Eating Disorders?

Hello my darling fudgies!

Preface: For the people constantly googling where I'm going to college next year (I see you in my stats, children!), the answer is...I don't know yet. The moment I do know however I promise to tweet, blog, Instagram, scream it at the top of my lungs. We cool, bros? :) On to the real topic of today:

I must say I am, once again, what else is new, incredibly torn about this topic.
When I started this blog almost 3 years ago (!), I was adamantly opposed to the use of medication to treat eating disorders. But as my understanding of the ED culture and more importantly my understanding of medication has grown exponentially since then, so here are my thoughts on the topic.

Why I was against:

My argument against the use of pharmaceuticals to treat EDs was based on 2 things:
1. my understanding of my own experience with bulimia
2. my understanding of medication

Firstly, I felt that eating disorders could be recovered from without meds. After all, I did it!
Sure it's long, and painful, and requires lots of conversations with others and with yourself that you really don't want to have, but my God is it worth it when you cross the finish line!
So why use meds when they simply are not required to beat the monster growing inside your brain? Especially when some anti depressants are known to cause weigh gain, talk about triggering!

Secondly, I considered medication to be a last resort, for long term, clinical, chronic illnesses, like schizophrenia. This attitude probably stems from my upbringing in Quebec, a province not too keen on pill pushing. And even as I did more research, studies suggested that the use of SSRI (mainstream anti-depressants) to treat anorexia or bulimia had generally great relapse rates. 

Why I am now torn

Here's the deal: my experience with an ED can help me empathize with others suffering or who have suffered, but at the end of the day, everyone's journey is different. Sure, I was able to beat my ED with talk therapy and blogging, but someone else might not be able to, no matter how hard they try.
To use solely my experience as a measurement for what is right or wrong would be foolish!

To top that off, medication can be used for all types of problems. Sometimes depression can be so deep rooted and intertwined with an ED that recovery is not possible if we don't clear up some of the mood issues in order to get to the root source of the problem. Besides, NEDIC says that the average sufferer deals with Bulimia Nervosa for 8.3 years!!!!! Fine, that's not a life time, but that sounds pretty long term to me, so if medication is needed to survive that period of time, than that's the way it's gotta be.

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This topic is delicate, because people's health, physical and mental, is on the line here, but I think this is an important topic to discuss.
Please leave your thoughts down in the comments, I'm really interested in what you have to say. 

xoxo
Gabby

200

Hello my sweet angel fudgies,

Today I am posting my 200th article for the blog.
200.
Two hundred.
Dos ciento.
Deux cent.
Those are all I the languages I speak.

I am beyond grateful for the love you have given me, so here's a cute, dorky poem I wrote for you.

Once upon a time there was a girl.
She had gone through hell, she had been at her worse.
She wanted to love the body she so hated.
Hence on a February night, this blog was created.

At first, the stats were dead, no one read,
Except the occasional Russian spammer and her friends.
But through the help of Twitter, Youtube, and Tumblr too
Her posts got better, and her audience grew, grew, grew.

Now she has an audience bigger than she could have imagined
And the love she receives is more than her imagination could have fashioned
To think this was all started from a 16 year old, horrendously bored
My angels, my fudgies, my sweets, here's to 200 more.

Things You Don't Know About Gabby

Hello my angels,

I'm sitting here during my lunch break at work, bored out of my mind.
Here are 12 things you (probably) did not know about me

1. Middle Name? Technically, in Quebec Catholic tradition, if you're a girl you take Marie + your godmother's name, so Marie Diane? I don't even know, ask my mother.


2. Future Children? If I have children, probably with Justin Timberlake or Benedict Cumberbatch let's be real, I want to give them "old people" names. Such as Ivan, or Gertrude. Why? I cannot tell you, I'm going to be an awesome mom.

3. My Prom? My prom was the bomb.com No lie, yours cannot even compare. My friends and I skipped the drunkfest after party that my classmates had organized and went Go-Karting instead. Jealous, yet?

4. Favorite Scent? Morning Dew. Calvin Klein, Britney Spears, whoever; make that a damn fragrance.

5. Favorite Sound? The sound my cartilage makes when I get a piercing. Love me some needles. I'm basically going to die a heroin addict if this needle obsession continues.

6. Current Song You're Listening To? Can You Feel My Heart by BMTH. When I do boring excel sheets at work, it makes me feel like a gang-affiliated rebel. Face tattoo and all.

TMI Tag: A Little Bit About Me

Hello my angels!

I don't talk too much about myself, so here's a little piece of TMI for all you curious fudgies:)

1. What are you wearing? Boxer shorts and oversized tank top. The Gabby Writing Uniform.

2: Ever been in love? Yes. I am deeply, madly in love with Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the moment. 

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? well. 

4: How tall are you? I'm 5 foot 8, or a giant in Quebec. 

5: How much do you weigh? lololololololololol. between 50 and 680 pounds. 

6: Any tattoos? not yet ;)

7: Any piercings? yes, 2 helix, 1 industrial bar, and I once had my tongue pierced unprofessionally. Don't tell my mom, mmkay? 

8: OTP? Johnlock <3

9: Favorite show? Freaks and Geeks, Friends, Numb3rs, House of Cards, Sherlock

10: Favorite bands? My, oh my. Queens of the Stone Age, Led Zeppelin and the Kinks. 

11: Something you miss? My friends back home; Ameik, Lu and Cass. 

12: Favorite song? Waterloo Sunset, by The Kinks. Close behind are Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden and Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd 

13: How old are you? 18 years old

14: Zodiac sign? Libra

15: Quality you look for in a partner? intellect

16: Favorite Quote? "The best way out is always through" Robert Frost

17: Favorite actor? Forever and Always, Leo DiCaprio

18: Favorite color? Red

19: Loud music or soft? LOUD

20: Where do you go when you’re sad? The library at my school. Is that nerdy? That's pretty nerdy. I also find somewhere to call my mom. #proudloser

21: How long does it take you to shower? I am the quickest shower-taker. Max 10 minutes. 

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Oh, between 5 minutes and 5 hours. 

23: Ever been in a physical fight? No, because I would lose like no other. I'm such a weakling. 

24: Turn on? Intellect

25: Turn off? Apathy

26: The reason I joined Blogger? Post-hospital boredom and activism. 

27: Fears? Failure. Also spiders, crowds, airports. 

28: Last thing that made you cry? The SATs. 

29: Last time you said you loved someone? To my momma. 

30: Meaning behind your Blogger Name? Yeah I don't love my Blogger name, but I'll live. It's basically fuck perfection, except it's child friendly. 

31: Last book you read? A Streetcar Named Desire, such a good play!

32: The book you’re currently reading? Tortilla Flat by Steinbeck. Someone kill me. 

33: Last show you watched? Arrested Development. 

34: Last person you talked to? My roommate/soulmate Maria

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? my bae, Lubear. 

36: Favorite food? Cookie dough anything, french toast, anything sprinkled with Diabetes. 

37: Place you want to visit? London again. 

38: Last place you were? Besides my dorm room? In the dining hall. 

39: Do you have a crush? well

40: Last time you kissed someone? well

41: Last time you were insulted? I work on the Internet, so probably 1 minute ago. 

42: Favorite flavor of sweet? Cherry

43: What instruments do you play?? Used to play the drums, but succumbed to the societal masculine pressures. 

44: Favorite piece of jewelery? my industrial bar

45: Last sport you played? hahahahahahahaha. oh you're serious. um, softball in the 6th grade? 

46: Last song you sang? Heart of Gold, by Neil Young

47: Favorite chat up line? I have anxiety, I don't "chat up". 

48: Have you ever used it? All the time. 

49: Last time you hung out with anyone? About 2 seconds ago. 

50: Who should answer these questions next? All of you my loves:)

Self Harm Scars: To Show Or Not To Show

Hello my darling angels

This is a self harm trigger warning. 
It is a very tricky, delicate and sometimes triggering subject, so if you feel like this post could possibly be problematic for you in the future, I urge you to read something else on the blog. We got all kinds of fun stuff o'er here. <3 

Oookay. I haven't ranted or raved about Tumblr in a while, so let's get down to it.

Truthfully, this debate/topic of discussion makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Self harm is an absolute tragedy, and alarmingly widespread, and since I myself have never been a self-harmer, I sometimes feel as though my thoughts aren't legitimate or important.

But that's actually one of the reasons I decided to share my thoughts with you today.
Writing about deeply personal issues is a beautiful, cathartic feeling, but objectivity gives me more room to think, and also gives my readers more to chew on.

So here's the sitch.
Recently, on the wonderful website that is Tumblr, I have seen a surge of "self-harm scars" pride.
People taking pictures of their scars, posting them with pride, writing of exposing them like a badge of honour when they are out and about.

The Battle Wound Belief 

My thoughts, good and bad, are as follows:

Pro-Pride?

I'm hardly one to speak about privacy and keeping your problems to yourself. I mean, I did start this blog at the dawn of my recovery, putting myself out there, mostly for my own sanity, but also to hopefully help anyone in a similar situation. 

I will forever stand by my decision to be raw and genuine with myself and others, so how could I judge anyone who chooses to make a similar decision? 

Because isn't that what this whole self-harm scar pride is about? 

Sharing a problematic past, to find closure for yourself but also to prove to others that recovery is possible? 

To the naysayers who depict this practice as a call for attention, I say GTFO. 

Yes, perhaps some show off their scars to attract sympathy, but that is no reason to shame an entire group. 

Besides, a grand majority of those who struggle with self-harm keep their pain and depression to themselves, which results in this destructive coping mechanism. 

Hence, I'd much rather see someone expose their truth in hopes that someone will notice than have a sufferer deal with their inner darkness on their own, unaccompanied by friends or family. 

Wounded Wrist Worries

Unfortunately, my loves, I have issues with scar show-and-tell that I simply cannot disregard. 

There is a reason I put a trigger warning at the beginning of this piece.

Self-harm scars are incredibly sensitive. 

You never know who is struggling, or has struggled, or will struggle with self-harm. 

That means you do not know how the sight of scars will affect them. 

Those who feel proud of their recovery want to show off their accomplishment, which is quite understandable, but I also know none of them would want their pride to result in someone's relapse. 

I've addressed this issue before, but we are not born into this world with the seeds of horrible coping mechanism planted into our brains. Someone or something else, intentional or not, gave us those tools. 

Your classmate may not struggle with self harm or even depression at the moment, but the sight of your wrists could potentially pop into his/her head in a time of distress, and you never know what that could lead to. 

--------------------------

Is there a clear answer here? No, probably not, but for me there is a solution. 

Solution: Open up about the problems that led you to that drastic measure. The depression, the anxiety, the fights, the school pressure, whatever it was for you.

Details about your self harm, including your scars, aren't as helpful to your support system, and could potentially be triggering for some. 

Honesty, openness, catharsis, AND trigger-free? Check

Hope this helps add to the debate.

Have a wonderful day

xoxo

Gabby

Barbie: Skinny Bitch Or Surprising Feminist?

Hello my angels!

A few weeks ago, I had to give a persuasive speech to my public speaking class, and I had the brilliant idea to argue the disgusting and unhealthy effects Barbie dolls can have on young girls. As an adamant body image activist, I thought to myself: pshhtttt, piece of cake. 

Then I started to do some research about Barbie herself and the story of how she came to be.
I read some things, found some information, looked at some pictures that made me go...
"Well, so she has done one good thing..."
"Okay, that's pretty cool, but..."
"I mean, yeah, that's really inspiring, and all..."

until I found myself completely confused.
Who is this Barbie?
Is she the raging disproportionate tyrant I imagined her to be?
Or is there something going on beneath the plastic?

Compare and Contrast 

Lord knows the first thing anyone will bring up when Barbie, body image, and young girls are put together in a sentence: but Barbie is so thiiiiiiin, so disproportional, how could you even say that she's the best doll on the market?!!!! 

Now lookie here. I'm not saying Barbie's size is a natural, realistic depiction of a woman's body. Mathematically speaking, that would be a lie, and there's plenty of research on the topic that you can find on the interwebs.

However,  Charlotte Alter mentioned in her piece for Times Ideas something that changed the game for me: how about the other dolls on the market?

If people are arguing that Barbie is too skinny to have a place on the doll market, then who should replace her?
Barbie's current competitors include Monster High Dolls (left) and Bratz dolls (right).

You wanna talk proportions, let's: Look at the waists, thighs, arms...
You cannot seriously argue that these dolls are in any way, shape, or form better body image role models than Mrs Mattel herself!

Besides, Bratz dolls look fundamentally constipated. Pouty mouth, huge judging eyes; she may be pretty, but that mean gleam is enough to make me put down the doll and run for my life. Barbie, on the other hand; smiling like there's no tomorrow. Heaven forbid that's the kind of role model your daughter looks up to!

Let's not forget those outfits. While the Pale Prostitute "Monster High" Dolls are busy tearing up their fishnet tights and sucking blood from their high school classmates, Barbie's busy with her career, her goals and service to society.


Speaking of Barbie's career....

I Ain't No Wifey

Barbie was founded by the Mattel toy company in 1959. Within the first years, careers, such as nurse and schoolteacher, became available for purchase. A pretty girl with her own career? Shocking!

Ken, her metrosexual boyfriend, didn't come along until 1961, which means that Barbie wasn't founded on the idea of being someone's wife, someone's accessory, NO. She was an independent woman, with an independent career, and you had better step aside before her fuchsia stilettos walked all over you. 

And even when Ken did come along, this didn't stop for one second the absolute explosion of careers Barbie has undertaken these past 50+ years. 

Barbie has her own convertible, her own dream house, her own freaking tour bus, without needing no man: if that's not a strong, empowered, feminist role model, I don't what is. 

psst: Did you notice that I said Ken her boyfrand, not husband? That's right: Barbie and Ken, unmarried man and woman, lived together in 1961. Barbz, your progressivism rocks. 

Ahead of The Curve

A fantastic example of Barbie being way ahead of the curve in terms of woman's rights and opportunities is 1965 Astronaut Barbie. Yes indeed, in 1965, Mattel released an Astronaut Barbie kit (pictured left), no helmet hair required. 

...Interesting, isn't it, that the first real American woman, Sally Ride, to go to space wasn't until 1983? 

You read that right.

For 18 years, Barbie was inspiring young girls to reach for the stars (quite literally) before it was even a realistic dream. 

Still to this day, Barbie pushes the boundaries of conventional society gender roles.

Every election since 1992 has come with Mattel's own Barbie for President kit. 

I'm writing this today, in 2014; let's all take a moment to remember that America has yet to elect a female president!! 

Also something worth noting in this picture: 

Barbie President comes in Caucasian, African-American, Hispanic-American and Asian-American, so that no matter what your ethnicity is, you, young empowered girl, can be the leader of the free world.

Am I the only one who shed a tear just then? 

Barbie has done many other great things for racial acceptance and diversity encouragement. 

In 1968, Mattel came out with Christie, Barbie's black friend, the first black doll to be released on a national market. 

1968: only 4 years after the Civil Rights Act was passed, outlawing most public segregation and prejudice based on race. 

For a young black girl to be growing up in a time where white normality, racism, and prejudice is still the norm in many places, having a beautiful, empowered doll that represents your race can mean the world. 

Since 1968, the range of African-American Barbies has been equally impressive. Just like all white people don't look the same, all black people don't look the same:

-Some have more red untertones in their skin, some more blue, some are darker, some are lighter. 

This may seem like an insignificant detail to some, but having pride in your origins, in the uniqueness and complexity of your pigment, is a wonderful, inspiring idea that is often overlooked by many other competitors. 

-----------------------------------------

Barbie's not perfect, I'll give you that.
But jesus christ who is?!

I'll leave you with this simple question:
What's more important to YOU? 

1. That your daughter plays with a doll that fits your idea of a healthy size and proportion (if you can find one, please let me know)?

or

2. That your daughter plays with a doll that teaches her that her life is in her own hands?
That because Barbie can be a CEO, an athlete and a stay-at-home mom, than so can she? 

That's up to you, future parents.
But when you're walking up and down the aisles of a toy store in 10, 15, 20 years, and you see a Barbie in the corner of your eye, I hope you know what's more important.

Have a wonderful day my loves!
xoxo
Gabby

Links:

1.Times: http://ideas.time.com/2014/02/05/in-defense-of-barbie-why-she-might-be-a-feminist-doll-after-all/

2.NASA: http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/image_feature_2533.html#.UwVo9UJdXXc

3.The Guardian: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2008/dec/19/women

4.http://www.examiner.com/article/olympic-dolls-gold-medal-barbies-and-other-barbie-doll-olympians

5.http://www.fashion-doll-guide.com/Barbie-Miss-Astronaut-Reproduction.html

6.http://www.fashion-doll-guide.com/Christie-Doll.html

How Fierce Was 2013

Hello my darling angel faces:)

I am back from a long holiday hiatus, one of the longest I have taken in months! But I gotta say it feels

Beginning this year with a fresh start and a fresh face
Acne scars, lazy eye, weird eyebrows:
2014 is the year of IDGAF I'm still fierce;)

good to be back.

I have a new article for Adios Barbie in the works, and I'm giving several self esteem workshops for young girls during the months of January and February, so the beginning of 2014 sounds mighty promising!

Speeeeaaaking of 2014, Happy New Years (belated, but it's still a new year, so tough) my loves! 

I already wrote an article on New Years Resolutions regarding weight for ANEB which will be published mid-January, so today I want to focus not on future goals, hopes and aspirations, but taking the time to look back at the past year, and asking ourselves:

on a scale of Rob Ford to Beyonce, how fierce was your 2013?

2013 for me was an nut job.
I,
-scored new writing gigs for ANEB, Derriere le Mirroir, and Adios Barbie.
-interned at 3 different mental health/child services non-profits
-watched the blog grow intellectually and statistically
-graduated high school in Quebec
-moved 7 hours away from my haters to my awesome new dream school
-powered through recovery like no other mother fudger
-made the High Honour roll

but I also,
-had some of my lowest lows
-dealt with high school drama
-moved 7 hours away from some of my best friends
-recovered, but had failures and relapses
-watched my anxiety sky rocket
-spent most of 2013 on Tumblr
-was NOT ONCE on The Ellen Show (kidding, but seriously, call me girl)

Everything can change in a year.
I never could have imagined that any of this, the good or the bad, could happen in just one year. As The Mountain Goats say, "there will be feasting, and dancing, in Jerusalem next year", whether you decide to stay around or not.

Which is why my new years resolution is simple, and the same as the year before:
Live to see 2015.

Have an amazing day my lovelies:)
xoxo

Gabby

PSSSSSSS: here are some awesome videos to start out the new year:) 

1. god bless the vlogbrothers, the only ray of sunshine in my dark sky:) I'm kidding, but also not.

2. Laci is allllwwaayyyss on point, and in this video cleverly argues the selfie revolution, which is why I included a selfie in this post! Gurl, you go!

3. DO NOT WATCH IN PUBLIC, waterfalls of tears will shoot out of your pupils.

2 Years

Hello again my dolls!

As some of you may know, Saturday was my 18th birthday.
Thank you so much for the lovely bday wishes, and the awesome gifts (see fantastic pillow to the right, curtesy of Lu and her dad).

I wanted to write this quick little post because
a) I feel old, like properly old, I was 16 when I started the FP!!
b) We are approaching my 2 year hospitalization anniversary.

Yes, it's no secret I was committed in November of 2011 at Montreal Children's 7D for many a mental health issues, including eating disorders.

I believe it was the day after I came back from my sweet 16 birthday trip in New York City.
I spent my time writing, sleeping, thinking, and crying. An ocean's worth of tears was shed that week, I am not even exaggerating.
It was so bizarre, being shut off from the outside world, no phone, no internet (clearly Tumblr wouldn't tlast a day in a hospital) no friends, no school work. Just you and your feelings. You have nothing else to do but deal with them. 

It feels like yesterday, but it also feels like a lifetime. 

I thought I was going to walk out of there a free woman, just following that straight golden path to recovery.  A few weeks to adjust my new outlook on life to the old life I was returning to and Voila! 
Unfortunately, that was not exactly the case.

And I can talk openly about it now, because I have crossed that bridge, I am so far gone from that girl she feels like a stranger. But back then, when I was writing you guys about how awesome it was to be free from your demons and blablabla, I felt so alone (more on this here). 

Going through it all, it felt like a lifetime, but I am now looking back at all the time that has passed (I like to pretend I'm 80 when I see shit like that), blink and you would have missed it. 

So take care of yourself, take how many years your brain and body need to get through it all. 

And thank you for being a part of my recovery:)

xoxo

Gabby

Finding Shelter

Hello my loves!

I have published a slew of researched papers and creative writing pieces lately, and as much as I enjoy writing them, they don't feel as laid back as many of my older posts. Granted, many of them were atrociously written, but I know you kept reading despite my horrible grammar because of who I was, who I still am in many ways.
I am not kidding when I say that I never would have kept writing had it not been for your emails, so the relationship I maintain with my readers is one I don't ever take for granted.

So let's chat.

What seems like forever ago (a year and a half ago, I think?), I wrote about support systems, and what it means to be a part of a family (http://fudgeperfection.blogspot.com/2012/03/family.html). Definitively not the most flattering portrait of my parents, but I was 16, sue me. I had my friends, I had you, and most of the time that was enough.

Then I graduated from the school I'd attended for 5 years, moved 7 hours away, and went looking for a new family.
It felt like a tornado ran right through me; I enjoyed the rush of getting swept off the ground I had known my whole life, but a few weeks in I looked down and realized I had nothing tying me down to earth. Everything was new, everything was different, and I couldn't do anything about it.

So I went looking for control elsewhere, in a dark place where I have engaged in wars I had never planned on reliving: food.

I developed a disordered eating habit (not ED, don't panic loves) where I only ate apples for days on end. At first, I told myself I was just being healthy, fruits are good for you, right?
But I started feeling faint in the morning, and distracting my poor classmates with my grumbling stomach.
So I looked deeper into my weird behaviour, and realized I was compulsively eating apples because it was the one thing I felt I could control, so I went a tad overboard.

Upon my awakening, I obviously started eating actual food (I still love apples, though, that shit's portable and delicious) but also went looking for those roots I had lost while I spun out of control.

And that's when I remembered my friend Molly  aka facebook.com/MollyPopsOfColor.
She and I are basically the same person, except she has awesome red hair and is a killer makeup artist.
And even after the first email I sent her, I felt better. What had I been doing all this time, trying to navigate the world on my own? It's not about avoiding disasters, it's about finding shelter.

Breathe in, breathe out, and find someone to talk to :)

xoxo

Gabby

This Voice Inside My Head

Hello my loves!

I wrote a piece for the lovely blog Derriere Le Mirroir, which you can find here: http://www.derrierelemiroir.ca/on-blogue/cette-voix-dans-ma-tte-par-gabrielle-vachon/ , so I translated it for you:) Obviously it varies in little ways, typical bilingual problems, but I hope you enjoy the english version just the same.

This voice inside my head

There is a voice inside my head

Mine is different from yours, but we all have it just as well.

She points out all the wrongs on your body

Like the lack of space between your thighs

Or the enormous space between your eyes.

She asks why your clavicle isn’t prominent

Or why your stomach is so prominent

She builds a fort with your fixations

to keep you prisoner of your nonsense.

She fuels the fire of your obsessions with a dash of gasoline

So that when you look at your reflection, it’s all smoke and mirrors.

It feeds you your daily dose of humility,

so that you never recover from your poisonous lies.

There is a voice inside my head,

Stronger or weaker than yours, she speaks without end.

She fills your brain with images of pure fiction,

they deform your vision of your own body.

She whispers you insults from the time you get up in the morning to the time you go back to sleep,

They make your ears bleed and your heart weep.

And when someone compliments you, you don’t believe it for a second

This voice inside your head has become your reason.

But don’t forget that this voice is just in your head.

And it’s not a mountain of pills that will make her go quiet again.

You have to take down her prison, one fixation at a time,

So that you can finally be free of her shackles.

You have to put out your obsessions’ fire with a waterfall of truth,

So that your reflection can be clear of its smoky illusions.

You have to accept a dose of humility, but in moderation,

so that your brain can empty itself of her toxicity.

Close your eyes to what she wants you to see,

And open them to see beauty that transcends perfection.

Block your ears, shut out that tiring voice

And accept the kind words of your loved ones instead.

There was a voice inside my head,

But I made mine go quiet; will you let yours spread? 

xoxo

Gabby

ANEB Fundraising & My Anxiety

Hello my lovely fudgies! :)
(if you just want to read about the ANEB fundraising, skip to the bold text at the bottom of the page)

My name is Gabby, I suffer from anxiety, and that's okay.
I know it's okay because we all have things about ourselves that make us feel weak.
But I also know it's okay because it doesn't have to limit me or my goals, au contraire. 

In fact, one of the many reasons I started the blog was because I wanted to get my thoughts, my feelings and my story out into the world, but I wasn't always able to do so when talking to someone face to face, because of said anxiety. This might sound funny to some, since I can be quite a sassy, sarcastic b**tch writer, but trust me, that's just what the voice in my head sounds like, not the one that comes out of my mouth.  So I wrote. I wrote about my life, my victories and my struggles. I wrote about all the things I couldn't tell the people around me.

And because I started writing, and more and more people started reading, all these amazing things started to come my way. I started writing for some of my favourite blogs and magazines, I interned at various mental health non-profits, and, to be completely honest with you all,  I never would have gotten into the school I now attend had it not been for the FP.

So all these wonderful opportunities opened up to me in some way due to my anxiety ridden brain.
But the FP hasn't taught me to use my vulnerability as a crutch or a shield, to play the victim and let it run my life.
OH, NO. TRUST.
The FP has also pushed me way, like lightyears away, out of my comfort zone.

When I heard that ANEB, an eating disorder non profit that has always treated me kindly was going through some difficult financial struggles, I felt personally compelled, as I know many of their employees and volunteers, to help out as best as lil' ole me could.

So as mentioned in my Help ANEB Help Others article, linked right here, I set up a few bracelet displays around my area at independently-owned salons.
What I didn't mention was what I had to go through to get my little booty into those stores.

Now I have a terrible fear of counters, sale's counters (basically the cash, IDK what it's fancy name is) and receptionist's desks, because I am prone to having panic attacks when I go up to these aforementioned satanic spots (kidding).

So i think you, especially those who also suffer from anxiety, can imagine how nervous I was to go up to a counter, on my own, and ask if I could sell my bracelets there. Unreal. I considered spiking my orange juice with some strong liquor to calm myself down, but I figured drunk Gabby wasn't a great rep for ANEB's cause.

So as I got to the strip mall where my first stop is situated, running my speech over and over again in my head, I headed towards the salon. I was walking, I was getting closer, but then the receptionist looked at me and I thought NOPE, completely chickened out and headed towards the drugstore.
I then collected myself, put on a bright albeit ridiculously fake confident smile and set my sights on the salon, but again, panicked, pulled a 180 and hid behind the magazine counter.

I repeated this cycle at least 3 times, I KID YOU NOT MY LOVES, until I finally got to the counter. The lady behind the desk looked up from her magazine and I quickly, inarticulately blurted out my prepared sales pitch, and for some reason, THEY SAID YES!

I couldn't believe it, I practically rode home on a cloud of excitement fairy dust.

So because I buckled down and pushed past my irrational phobias, in 2 months, with the help of local salons, we raised 103 $ for ANEB and I cannot tell you all how amazing that feels. It's obviously not enough to fill their entire budget deficit, but the little things can always make a difference.

So that's my challenge to you. Find something you really want, but you never thought you could do. Here's the truth; mind over body. Your body is capable of saying, performing and doing so many incredible things, you can't let your brain crush who you have the potential to become.

I  hope my silliness has been entertaining for you all,
Have a fantastic week my babies <3

xoxo

Gabby

Scouts BMI Controversy: Fat Shame

Hello my darling fudgies!

(New article for drop of pink out this week! confidence without makeup: http://www.dropofpink.com/2013/07/24/confident-without-makeup/)

I know I have not been incredibly present on the blog or on twitter, but I am working on a little project, and I am also writing some blog posts for next fall!

Today I want to explore the recent controversy surrounding the Boy Scouts Jamboree BMI controversy http://mobile.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/07/boy_scout_jamboree_new_rules_based_on_body_mass_index.html). But the basic gist of their new rule is that as of this year, scouts and adult leaders with body mass indexes of 32 or higher could attend the Jamboree only after consultation with camp medical staff, and those with BMIs over 40 were banned from coming altogether.
(here is an explaining in further detail for all of you who may not know what is going on:

Now let's explore this rule from 3 perspectives: rationally, statistically, and emotionally.

RATIONALLY:

 I suspect the Boy Scouts of America made this decision on with a purely rational logic. They must have assumed that by presenting a goal for the weight loss, this new rule would incite both overweight children and adults to lose weight and become healthier, which leads us to a rather substantial problem: statistics.

Statistically: 

Time and time again, research has proven that the BMI is an inadequate measure of someone's healthy weight, and most of all their health (I will let you conduct your own research but beware: it is shocking and slightly depressing). Among these limitations, it doesn't take into consideration a person's body frame or their lean body mass (muscle). Many body builders are, by the BMI's standards, obese, and therefor in the world of Boy Scouts are not fit enough to participate in activities.


But what I find most frustrating about this new regulation are the emotional consequences.

EMOTIONALLY:

 If all our decisions in life were taken rationally, the expected aforementioned consequences of this new rule would be 100% effective.

But we know that is not the case.
For most of the overweight population, food is a coping mechanism, much like drugs, alcohol or self harm. Their emotional reaction to struggle leads them to eat excessively.

Therefor: Will shaming and excluding members of the Boy Scouts community make them lose weight?

No; if anything, it will most likely make them eat.
If long term health is the goal, that is certainly not the way to go.

I also want to include a video by boogie2988 that really explains the vicious cycle of fat shaming

I will be writing a new article about the more general topic of childhood obesity soon.

Have an amazing Monday my loves<3
Xoxoxo

Gabby