Passion and Self-Esteem: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Hello my darling fudgies!

I watched a wonderful video by Connor Manning (which I will link below this post) about finding your passion, and it deeply resonated with me, so I thought I would share my thoughts on passion, what to do about it, and how it can affect your self-worth.

I must start by saying that I am incredibly lucky, but also a bit misfortunate.

I found my first passion, reading and writing, at a ridiculously young age. I can remember writing stories when my letters were still backwards, and telling them to my great grandmother, who became senile when I was 7. In that sense, I was lucky. I was kind of good at it, or had a bountiful imagination, as my school's librarian once told me, probably because I had made up a story about my friend Steph who had hair down to the floor, who also did not exist. Besides the point.

I held on to my love for several years, until the dark ages of many of our lives: teenagehood.

Ahhh yes. Cystic Acne, Cripplingly Low Self-Esteem, and Debilitating Anxiety. Who wouldn't want to be 14 again?!

As I entered my teenage years, I slowly but surely stopped reading, and stopped writing, and suddenly I became very confused.
When asked by adults around me what I wanted to be when I grew up, instead of confidently voicing my love for the book industry, I shrugged and said I don't know, murmuring to myself: when I grow up, I just want clear skin for the love of all that is holy.

However, as my first true love started to dwindle inside my heart, I discovered a new passion: makeup.
Now I want to make it very clear, as opposed to writing, at which I was naturally pretty decent, I SUCKED at makeup for the first year or two.
But my god did I love it.
It honestly carried me through those rough 15 to 17 years of age where angst dominates your life and high school graduation is no where in sight.
But with a lot, and i mean a shit ton of practice, I got to be pretty good (I'll post a few pictures of my makeup work from this week below Connor's video)
So now I had a new answer to those unsuspecting adults: I was going to be a makeup artist!

And now, I'm here, at 19.
I rediscovered my love for reading and writing mostly through the blog, so thank you for that.
But my love for makeup has only grown stronger!
I am a creative person, and don't necessarily see myself working in an office 9-5.
But I enjoyed structure and school and academia, and did pretty well in school my whole life.
I want to go to college, but I also want to work at Sephora full time.
ARGH

Here's what I try to tell myself, and here's what you should live by, whether you have a passion, or five, or none:

It's okay to change your mind.
We have this fixed idea that once you choose a path, you cannot go back.
But that's not true!

People change majors, careers, life paths all the time!
You can major in economics at Harvard and work as a painter in France after deciding Wall Street isn't for you.
We may live in a society that values decisiveness, which is probably why we don't value teenagers all that much. But you have to do what feels right. So try things out, experiment, and give it your all: You can always try again.

And to those of you who don't have anything you're crazy passionate about, just wait.
Try new things, new clubs, new activities, don't be afraid to make new friends.
But don't try too hard, not everything is going to fit.
Okay, I'm contradicting myself here.
Basically, do what feels right, and the right will come to you. That may seem vague, but I promise you will find what you love.
You may seem lost, and some have emailed me saying you feel like a failure.
Hey. HEY. Don't. Not everyone finds their passion at the same time, so give yourself a break.

My 11th grade English teacher explained this to me, and I think this sums it about up:
"Don't stress about your major or your career. Because guess what? Some of you, your passion will be motherhood/fatherhood, or being a supportive wife/husband, going to ballet recitals and baseball tournaments, making lunches, cooking dinner, gardening, volunteering, and being a good person. Does that sound so bad?"

So to the adults who ask you with a judgmental twinkle in their eyes:
"What do you want to do with your life?"
Give them the truest answer. If that's "I don't know just yet", then don't be ashamed.
You have a lifetime ahead of you.
Just breathe, try new things, and breathe again.
An eyeliner fell into my hand one day, and I know someday your passion will fall into yours.

xoxo

Gabby

My makeup work:

The Best Books I Read in 2014

Hello my angels!

Today is a special day, for I will be talking about books, something I rarely do.
I am not a book blogger, nor do I intend to be, but I truly believe that books can not only stimulate the intellect, but your mental health as well.

It takes you to another world, where you don't have to deal with your ED/low self-esteem/anxiety/depression etc. or it can take you to a place with a character who gets you like no one in your real life does. So without further ado, here are some of my book recommendations.

If you like books, you'll love...
1. The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath 
Obviously, it comes to no surprise to my friends/family members that my number 1 book is "The Bell
Jar" by Sylvia Plath. Guys, I got a "bell jar" tattoo for crying out loud, this has got to be an important piece of literature. It chronicles the beautifully tragic downfall of a young woman, similar in age and mindset to me. I found this book immensely accurate, you could tell Plath knew what she was writing about. The ending may not be the happily ever after of a Disney movie, but it's true, it's authentic, and it gave me hope. You'll see what I mean when you read it. because you will read it.because I'm making you. now.


2. If you like Ellen Hopkins, you'll love...
Ugly Girls, by Lindsay Hunter

Never mind that this title might make you believe this is a body politics thesis, it's not. It's a terribly gritty and raw "sort-of YA sort-of waaayyy to hardcore to even come close to being young adult" story of 2 Southern teens, Baby Girl and Perry. This book had me on the edge of my seat, let me tell you, I finished it in only a day! There were no lulls, no plateaus, just back to back action and tension and Oh My the ending Oh My Lord In Heaven. This is no bestseller, so please encourage this author, buy this book, and make sure she can write us some more awesome stuff.

If you like Girls (HBO), you'll love...
3. The Group by Mary McCarthy

When I mentioned to the Chapters lady that the Bell Jar is my favorite book of all time, she immediately suggested The Group. It follows the story of 8 recent Vassar graduates through their trials and tribulations as sort-of adults. This fantastic coming of age can be quite confusing with the multiple narrators, but ultimately it was both an amazing novel and a great piece of social commentary on the 30s and 40s. A must read feminist book, in my humble opinion.

If you suffer from anxiety, you'll love 
Where'd You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple

This book, written by a writer for Arrested Development, which I love, was a no-brainer favorite of mine this year. The humor is so witty, but the story itself is at times
heartwarming and at times gut wrenching. One of the main characters suffers from what appears to be agoraphobia, so for anyone who suffers from anxiety or who knows somebody who does, this book is a terrific insight on an anxiety-ridden's mentality. Didn't adore the ending, but overall a quick, funny lovely book.

Voila! those were my 2014 picks for best books I've read this year.
Hope you check 'em out.
Until then,

xoxo

Gabby

Medication for Eating Disorders?

Hello my darling fudgies!

Preface: For the people constantly googling where I'm going to college next year (I see you in my stats, children!), the answer is...I don't know yet. The moment I do know however I promise to tweet, blog, Instagram, scream it at the top of my lungs. We cool, bros? :) On to the real topic of today:

I must say I am, once again, what else is new, incredibly torn about this topic.
When I started this blog almost 3 years ago (!), I was adamantly opposed to the use of medication to treat eating disorders. But as my understanding of the ED culture and more importantly my understanding of medication has grown exponentially since then, so here are my thoughts on the topic.

Why I was against:

My argument against the use of pharmaceuticals to treat EDs was based on 2 things:
1. my understanding of my own experience with bulimia
2. my understanding of medication

Firstly, I felt that eating disorders could be recovered from without meds. After all, I did it!
Sure it's long, and painful, and requires lots of conversations with others and with yourself that you really don't want to have, but my God is it worth it when you cross the finish line!
So why use meds when they simply are not required to beat the monster growing inside your brain? Especially when some anti depressants are known to cause weigh gain, talk about triggering!

Secondly, I considered medication to be a last resort, for long term, clinical, chronic illnesses, like schizophrenia. This attitude probably stems from my upbringing in Quebec, a province not too keen on pill pushing. And even as I did more research, studies suggested that the use of SSRI (mainstream anti-depressants) to treat anorexia or bulimia had generally great relapse rates. 

Why I am now torn

Here's the deal: my experience with an ED can help me empathize with others suffering or who have suffered, but at the end of the day, everyone's journey is different. Sure, I was able to beat my ED with talk therapy and blogging, but someone else might not be able to, no matter how hard they try.
To use solely my experience as a measurement for what is right or wrong would be foolish!

To top that off, medication can be used for all types of problems. Sometimes depression can be so deep rooted and intertwined with an ED that recovery is not possible if we don't clear up some of the mood issues in order to get to the root source of the problem. Besides, NEDIC says that the average sufferer deals with Bulimia Nervosa for 8.3 years!!!!! Fine, that's not a life time, but that sounds pretty long term to me, so if medication is needed to survive that period of time, than that's the way it's gotta be.

------

This topic is delicate, because people's health, physical and mental, is on the line here, but I think this is an important topic to discuss.
Please leave your thoughts down in the comments, I'm really interested in what you have to say. 

xoxo
Gabby

Is Makeup Body Negative?!

Hello my darlings!

As some of you may know, I, Gabby of Fudge Perfection, have a problem:
I am a makeup addict.

Now some people (cough, cough, Tumblr misandrists) like to believe that my addiction causes not only a serious dent in my wallet (because it does), but also a serious dent in my credibility.
As if loving makeup and also being body positive could not be true for a single person.
"Hypocrite", I was called. Fake. Liar.

56.63 billion dollars
That was the revenue for the cosmetic industry in 2013 in the US ALONE.
So clearly I am not the only human who uses cosmetics, and looking at those numbers, I statically cannot be the only body positive cosmetics user.

But more than that, I believe, hear me out, that not only is makeup not body negative, but in fact, it can be body positive! Here are my thoughts:

The Smudged Eyeliner Conundrum: 

Many of you will read the last sentence and scoff.
"Makeup is to conceal your flaws, not embrace them".

And perhaps you are right.
I had horrendous acne as a young teen, that's how I got into makeup in the first place, so I understand the conceal, hide, and never show your real face approach to beauty.
But consider this scenario:

A woman (or a man, because believe it or not, men compose a serious portion of the cosmetic profit) wakes up, feels like death, and slaps on some eyeliner to feel a little bit less like death.
Key word here: feel

Anyways, he/she goes to work, and chats up his/her hot coworker, working that charm because he/she feels sexy as all hell, knowing that his/her eyeliner is on fleek.
However, what he/she does not know is that during lunch, his/her eyeliner smudged like hell, and now he/she looks like Pete Wentz circa 2006 (children, google it).

But it doesn't matter you see, because the feeling of confidence, the feeling of beauty is vastly more important than the looking of beauty.
When you feel you look your best, whether you do or not, you accomplish more.
That's the beauty of the smudged eyeliner conundrum.

Self-Expression Eyeshadow

So the previous scenario covers many regular ole folks who use cosmetic products to feel better. YAY!

But some of us take it a step further.
Some of us use it not to feel more beautiful, to look like Megan Fox, no.
Some of us use it to feel more like ourselves.

And that "ourselves" can metamorphose in a variety of ways, depending on the day.

Some days I feel grungy, like Eddie Vedder's 1994 girlfriend (see the flannel).

Others I feel like being a classic pin up beauty, a la Monroe (see that hella winged liner)

And some days I just want to slap everything on and be a colorful bird (see the sunset on my eyes).

For me, on those days, it's not about being the most beautiful.
It's about expressing myself in a creative way, the way painting or dancing helps others express themselves.

Yes, I try to have good lighting, and yes, I take about 18232932 selfies, but at the end of the day, it's not about me. It's about the art.

Powder to the People

Here is my final word on the subject.
I think makeup can be body negative if not used correctly.
But if someone can't leave the house without makeup, it really has nothing to do with the makeup, Rather it's a psychological issue the person (14 year old me) needs to work on.

But it can be body positive because it gives women the power to their own beauty.
Do they glam themselves up? Do they keep it natural?
The power to express themselves, to show the world who they are that day, it's up to them.
It's up to them, and a little bit of powder.

Oh, and by the way, women don't always wear makeup for men.
I rock false lashes alone in my dorm room and wear nothing when I go to the library during finals, surrounded by my male peers. Deal.

xoxo

Gabby

30 Day Self-Esteem Challenge!: Part 1

Hello my angels!

I know I haven't been posting researched articles recently, and I do apologize for that, but my internship just ended, so expect some more to come:)

However, to keep you from going cray without moi, here are 30 days worth of self-esteem challenges, inspired by this awesome Tumblr!

Day 1: I want you to go one day without doing your hair. No heat, no styling, just your old natural fluffy awesomeness flowing in the wind.

Day 2: I want you to go without makeup today. Now I know this is hard for some boys and girls who struggle with cystic acne like I do, but this is a great exercise in confidence. And no cheating: you must at least leave the house once, even if only to get the mail.

Day 3: Opposite of yesterday's demure; I want you to go bold! Whether you're rocking a red lip, or sporting leopard pants, you want heads to turn. Feeling confident despite stranger's glares is about holding your head high, smiling, and strutting down the street like there's no tommorow.

Day 4: Treat yourself to some dark chocolate today, it's been a hard few days of self-esteem work. Learn to take care of your mind and body by treating as a temple, and sometimes said temple needs some chocolate.

Day 5: Take an ugly selfie. Not "cute ugly", no, downright hideous. Post it to your instagram, and let go of the idea that you must look good at all times.

Day 6: Wear an outfit in which you don't necessarily feel confident. Figure out what it is about the garment that doesn't tickle your fancy. Shape, fabric, color? This will help you shop with a body positive eye next time you head to the mall.

Day 7: To help you get over the low self-esteem of yesterday's outfit, slip on our go-to self-esteem boosting get up. Again, look out for specific features that help you love yourself that much more. Write them down in your phone and be on the lookout for those features next time you step into an overwhelming Forever 21.

Day 8: Be creative with your style. Try thicker eyebrows, or a grungier getup; playing around with self-expression helps you to know who you are and aren't. After all, how can you love yourself if you don't know who you even are?

Day 9: Give somebody a compliment. A simple "nice skirt" can make someone's day, and you can feel good about being a nicer person today than you were the day before.

Day 10: Take care of yourself today. Give yourself a foot massage, slip on your most comfortable sweatpants, watch Friends all day (I'm going to pretend I don't do these things all day err day). Again, body=temple, and temple needs some lovin'.

xoxo

Gabby

200

Hello my sweet angel fudgies,

Today I am posting my 200th article for the blog.
200.
Two hundred.
Dos ciento.
Deux cent.
Those are all I the languages I speak.

I am beyond grateful for the love you have given me, so here's a cute, dorky poem I wrote for you.

Once upon a time there was a girl.
She had gone through hell, she had been at her worse.
She wanted to love the body she so hated.
Hence on a February night, this blog was created.

At first, the stats were dead, no one read,
Except the occasional Russian spammer and her friends.
But through the help of Twitter, Youtube, and Tumblr too
Her posts got better, and her audience grew, grew, grew.

Now she has an audience bigger than she could have imagined
And the love she receives is more than her imagination could have fashioned
To think this was all started from a 16 year old, horrendously bored
My angels, my fudgies, my sweets, here's to 200 more.

My tattoos and piercings:)

The Importance of Eyes

Hello my angels,

As some of you may remember, during the prehistoric ages of the blog, I wrote an article, since then rewritten and found here, about how to love yourself on a day to day basis. I've received some lovely feedback from you all, especially through the heartbreaking and inspiring emails I've read over the past 2 and a half years. How. Ever.

When I gave you the advice to look for 3 positive things about your body, some of you replied:
"But Gabby, I don't have any positive things about my body".
...
Let me just take a second to prepare my head-smacking hand.

I understand where you come from, you know I do. When you are filled with self-hatred, observing the the smallest beauty particle seems a rather daunting task.
But you must also understand that you are wrong.
There are thousands of physical attributes you possess that I, myself, find beautiful.

Sometimes it's just about knowing where to look, and knowing how to start.
My suggestion for self-love first timers?
The eyes. 

Yes, those 2 roundish blog smack dab in the middle of your face. Their beginner status lies in the 3 body positive characteristics of any beautiful body part:

1. Unique

No one's eyes look the same. When you're thinking about finding beauty on your face, really look into your eyes.

Their color, whether light blue or dark brown, with millions of different light and dark spectrums of color in between?
unique.
Their shape, whether oval or round, framing the irises like the gold filigree around a Monet?
unique.
Their features, whether big or small, filled with lashes or bare like a beautiful blank canvas?
unique. 

There can be nothing wrong with your eyes in terms of beauty, because no one's eyes are identical in any of the former ways. Your eyes are your eyes only, and that makes them more beautiful than anything else in the world.

Think the same way about your nose or your lips, in terms of originality, and you're on your way to self love stardom!

2. Ability

Sometimes it's important to take a step back and look at our bodies not as sexual objects designed to please the modern beauty standards, but as freaking fantastic machines that make our opportunities endless.

Think for  a quick second about what your eyes do for you everyday. You see the people that you love, the colors that you favour, the foods that you crave, the sights others would kill to see!

We don't spend enough time thanking our bodies for what they help us do.
Beauty isn't just "eh ma gurd that's pretty". It's also strength, and talent, and giving.
By those standards, what is more beautiful than your eyes?

----

Usually I have a 3rd reason for everything.
But this time its up to you to decide why your eyes are beautiful.
Maybe it's the glasses you wear, or the darkness of your undereye circles (I happen to like that, don't judge me).

Whatever the case may be, find beauty, hold on to it, and have a body positive day.
xoxo

Gabby


 

Things You Don't Know About Gabby

Hello my angels,

I'm sitting here during my lunch break at work, bored out of my mind.
Here are 12 things you (probably) did not know about me

1. Middle Name? Technically, in Quebec Catholic tradition, if you're a girl you take Marie + your godmother's name, so Marie Diane? I don't even know, ask my mother.


2. Future Children? If I have children, probably with Justin Timberlake or Benedict Cumberbatch let's be real, I want to give them "old people" names. Such as Ivan, or Gertrude. Why? I cannot tell you, I'm going to be an awesome mom.

3. My Prom? My prom was the bomb.com No lie, yours cannot even compare. My friends and I skipped the drunkfest after party that my classmates had organized and went Go-Karting instead. Jealous, yet?

4. Favorite Scent? Morning Dew. Calvin Klein, Britney Spears, whoever; make that a damn fragrance.

5. Favorite Sound? The sound my cartilage makes when I get a piercing. Love me some needles. I'm basically going to die a heroin addict if this needle obsession continues.

6. Current Song You're Listening To? Can You Feel My Heart by BMTH. When I do boring excel sheets at work, it makes me feel like a gang-affiliated rebel. Face tattoo and all.

Spoken Word Contest: Enter!!!:)

Hello my angels!

UPDATE: THE WINNER WILL RECEIVE A 100$ GIFT CARD TO BATH AND BODY WORKS! (im dying inside)

I have great news for aspiring writers and poets!

This summer I will be sharing and performing several spoken word pieces on my blog and youtube channel.
Spoken word: a beautiful piece of poetry. Doesn't have to rhyme, just has to mean something.
TOPIC/THEME: my body

Option 1: Want to record your piece and have it featured on the blog for thousands to see?
Send me a clip of your performance before August 1st by email fudgeperfection@gmail.com or by twitter @FudgePerfection

Option 2: Too shy to actually record yourself? Want ME to perform your piece?
Again, send me your written piece by email, and I'll do my best to perform everyone's beautiful words<3

winner will be decided by the number of likes on the youtube video, so get your friends onboard! 


The more the merrier, so don't be shy and get involved. You won't regret it!

Bonjour a tous!

PRECISION: LE GAGNANT OU LA GAGNANTE RECEVRA UNE CARTE CADEAU DE 100$ CHEZ BATH AND BODY WORKS! (ihhhhhhhhhh, je meurs)

Cet été, je vais partager et performer plusieurs poésies récitées sur mon blog et chaine youtube. 
Poésie Récitée: un beau morceau de poésie. Pas besoin de rimes! 
SUJET / THÈME: mon corps 

Option 1: Vous voulez enregistrer votre pièce et le présenté sur le blog? 
Envoyez-moi un clip de votre performance avant le 1er Août par email fudgeperfection@gmail.com  ou par twitter @ FudgePerfection 

Option 2: Trop timide pour vous filmer? Vous voulez me voire perfomer votre oeuvre? 

Encore une fois, envoyez-moi votre pièce écrite par e-mail, et je ferai de mon mieux pour vous rendre fier <3

Gagnant ou Gagnante sera décidé par le nombre de "likes" sur le video Youtube. 



xoxo
Gabby

I Beg Of You: A Body Image Piece

Hello my angels!

I recently performed this spoken word piece, and wanted to share it with you all. Hope you enjoy:)

I beg of you, this small favour I ask,
When you hear me complain about my body
Take me by the shoulders and shake me
And tell me I am beautiful, tell me I am worthy,
So that I too can scream it from the tops of the city.

I beg of you, this is no small task,
When you watch me stare at my reflection in the mirror,
Shatter the glass so that I can see better,
Convince me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder
And If your sight tells you different, look a little harder.
You are not disgusting, not today, not ever.

I beg of you, don't think me crazy,
When you feel me upset about me weight
Erase the numbers on my scale, they don't matter anyway
Let them run with my self-doubt, let them fly away.

I beg of you, never forget this,
When you look into my eyes tonight,
realize that I am you, and you are me.
The only person you need to make you feel alright
To feel your warmth as your light shines bright
To share your beauty as it glows into the night,
Is your own self, your own soul, your own mind.
Best friends come and go, but self-esteem is for life.

12 Personal Questions Tag: Get To Know Me Yo

Hello my angel food cakes:)

I got such an unexpected positive response from my last personal Q&A that I decided you all deserve another one:)

1. What do you order at Starbuck? Well, I don't drink caffeine, and if I'm going to have a 500 calorie drink, I'd rather just have chocolate, so...water? I'm a sad boring old lady, love me for me. 

2. What's one thing in your closet you can't live without? Boxer shorts. I wear them as pants all the time, never mind the naysayers, or my horrified mother. 

3. Something most people would not know about you? I am into mainstream music as much as the next girl, but I'm also into metal and grunge. I love Bring Me The Horizon, A Day To Remember, and Alice in Chains (Dirt era). 

4. Name one thing you want to do before you die. Wow. Get a tattoo, be featured in a newspaper, be happy? I'm 18, I can barely tell you something I want to do before the end of this day (eat probably, what else). 

5. One food you can't live without. Chicken everything. Bagels. CTC (not a drug, the cereal, although it's quite addicting). 

6. What quote do you live your life by? The best way out is always through. Robert Frost. Couldn't get through a panic attack, or math class, without this.

7. Song most listened to on Itunes? my top 3: Black Hole Sun, by Soundgarden (wow that's dark), Set Fire To The Rain, by Adele (fierce), and American, by Lana Del Rey (my queen). 

8. What is your "style"? Um, lost? I'm both alternative and not. Depends on the day, depends on my mood, depends on laundry. 

9. Favorite Number? 12. My birthday is October 12. That's always been my go-to number. True embarrassing fact: my first email was, I kid you not, crazypunk12@yahoo.ca I wish I was kidding. 

10. 2 hobbies: writing, obvi, and working with kids. Also existential crises. 

11. 2 pet peeves: saaaaaand. and slow walkers. Get out. of. my way. kthanksbye.

12. Guilty Pleasures: I don't really believe you should feel guilty about doing things that make you happy, but I guess I'd have to include Netflix and writing random quotes on my body with eyeliner. 

Body Positive Tattoos:)

Hello my sweet angels!

I plan on writing a full article this weekend, but today I just wanted to share with you some of my favorite body positive, self-love tattoos. Body mods + Self-Appreciation= I Am In Paradise

I Am My Hair: How To Love Your Hair

I just wanna be myself
And I want you to love me for who I am
I just wanna be myself
And I want you to know, I am my hair
-Lady Gaga, Hair 

Once upon a time, there was a girl.
And this girl was evil, especially towards her naturally frizzy hair.
She fried every breathing strand of her hair with an overheated straightening iron, laughing diabolically as her curly hair dried up like the Sahara Desert.

That girl, big shocker, was me in the 8th grade.
I was OB-SESSED with having straight hair, because my naturally curly hair just wasn't good enough.

Not only did I completely strip my hair of life, and do a terrible job straightening my hair (seriously, ask anyone, the back half of my hair was a mop of curls, good going Gabby!), but I told myself everyday, as I ran my hair through the flames of Mordor, that I wasn't good enough just the way I was.

I know I wasn't alone, and sometimes I still look at my curly lion mane and sigh, wishing for pin straight locks.
Loving your hair may seem stupid and superficial, but it's not. There are generations of young and not-so-young women who wish for the hair of the girl next door, going to extremes to achieve their idea of beauty.
There's nothing wrong with trying to feel beautiful, but somehow, someday, you'll get caught in a rain storm, and loving your hair in its natural state will be pretty handy.
Also, self-love is the shit.

So how do you fall in love with your hair all over again? Here are 3 ideas I hope you can take inspiration from:

Taylor Swift always inspires me to
stay natural and curly with cute
accessories. Google is your friend.

1. Get Inspired

One of the ways I learned to manage my mop of curls was to get inspired by others with similar hair!
It's easy to get caught up in a miserable self-loathing world if you, short curly blond haired girl, idolize long straight dark-haired Pocahontas over there.
Find ways to style it (heatless, if you can), rock different ponytails and top buns, try out headbands and cute clips, and change up your hair cut or bangs; the possibilities are endless!
Keep them as your screensaver on your phone or laptop, to ensure that your brain fully absorbs the self-love juices.

There is beauty in every strand, no matter how frizzy or flat you think it is, so sit your butt down, open Google, and find beauty.


2. Get Practice

This goes out to all my heat styling girls in the world: stahp.
Seriously, you can style your hair without damaging it like evil 8th grade Gabby did, but it's still stripping your hair of natural oils that keep it healthy and shiny.

Now I know going without heat is hard, especially if you're used to it, but practice makes perfect. The more you get used to seeing your hair in its amazing God-given natural state, the more you'll see that natural hair is in fact a beautiful thing. You'll also have more time to learn how you can style it to your taste!
Start with the weekends, or once a week, without heat.
Then up your game, increasing the amounts of time in a week.
Before you know it, you'll be rocking the natural do without throwing it under in a beanie in shame. Because you're better than that.

3. Get Analytical 

Oooh, big fancy word you used there. Girl's getting prepped for the SATs.
In all seriousness, I want you to find a mirror and look.
Look for 1 thing you like about your hair today.
Maybe it's the color, maybe it's your bangs, maybe it's that one random curl.
It doesn't matter how small, how insignificant, trust. This is useful.

Then do the same tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.
Everyday your hair does something wonderful that you take for granted, because all your eyes can see are flaws.
But your beauty goes way beyond a few out-of-place baby hairs, so don't let those pesky little frizzies make you feel like less of a beautiful human being.


------

Your hair isn't just a conversation topic girls use to hate on themselves in locker rooms; it's a unique piece of your identity, that no one, NO ONE, can exactly duplicate.
That should be celebrated, not stifled by a big old iron.

Have a wonderful day, my pumpkins
xoxo

Gabby

TMI Tag: A Little Bit About Me

Hello my angels!

I don't talk too much about myself, so here's a little piece of TMI for all you curious fudgies:)

1. What are you wearing? Boxer shorts and oversized tank top. The Gabby Writing Uniform.

2: Ever been in love? Yes. I am deeply, madly in love with Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the moment. 

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? well. 

4: How tall are you? I'm 5 foot 8, or a giant in Quebec. 

5: How much do you weigh? lololololololololol. between 50 and 680 pounds. 

6: Any tattoos? not yet ;)

7: Any piercings? yes, 2 helix, 1 industrial bar, and I once had my tongue pierced unprofessionally. Don't tell my mom, mmkay? 

8: OTP? Johnlock <3

9: Favorite show? Freaks and Geeks, Friends, Numb3rs, House of Cards, Sherlock

10: Favorite bands? My, oh my. Queens of the Stone Age, Led Zeppelin and the Kinks. 

11: Something you miss? My friends back home; Ameik, Lu and Cass. 

12: Favorite song? Waterloo Sunset, by The Kinks. Close behind are Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden and Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd 

13: How old are you? 18 years old

14: Zodiac sign? Libra

15: Quality you look for in a partner? intellect

16: Favorite Quote? "The best way out is always through" Robert Frost

17: Favorite actor? Forever and Always, Leo DiCaprio

18: Favorite color? Red

19: Loud music or soft? LOUD

20: Where do you go when you’re sad? The library at my school. Is that nerdy? That's pretty nerdy. I also find somewhere to call my mom. #proudloser

21: How long does it take you to shower? I am the quickest shower-taker. Max 10 minutes. 

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Oh, between 5 minutes and 5 hours. 

23: Ever been in a physical fight? No, because I would lose like no other. I'm such a weakling. 

24: Turn on? Intellect

25: Turn off? Apathy

26: The reason I joined Blogger? Post-hospital boredom and activism. 

27: Fears? Failure. Also spiders, crowds, airports. 

28: Last thing that made you cry? The SATs. 

29: Last time you said you loved someone? To my momma. 

30: Meaning behind your Blogger Name? Yeah I don't love my Blogger name, but I'll live. It's basically fuck perfection, except it's child friendly. 

31: Last book you read? A Streetcar Named Desire, such a good play!

32: The book you’re currently reading? Tortilla Flat by Steinbeck. Someone kill me. 

33: Last show you watched? Arrested Development. 

34: Last person you talked to? My roommate/soulmate Maria

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? my bae, Lubear. 

36: Favorite food? Cookie dough anything, french toast, anything sprinkled with Diabetes. 

37: Place you want to visit? London again. 

38: Last place you were? Besides my dorm room? In the dining hall. 

39: Do you have a crush? well

40: Last time you kissed someone? well

41: Last time you were insulted? I work on the Internet, so probably 1 minute ago. 

42: Favorite flavor of sweet? Cherry

43: What instruments do you play?? Used to play the drums, but succumbed to the societal masculine pressures. 

44: Favorite piece of jewelery? my industrial bar

45: Last sport you played? hahahahahahahaha. oh you're serious. um, softball in the 6th grade? 

46: Last song you sang? Heart of Gold, by Neil Young

47: Favorite chat up line? I have anxiety, I don't "chat up". 

48: Have you ever used it? All the time. 

49: Last time you hung out with anyone? About 2 seconds ago. 

50: Who should answer these questions next? All of you my loves:)

Who I Love (Correlation Between Self-Love and Sexuality) (updated)

Hello my darling fudgies!

Perhaps it's my love for musical theatre.

Perhaps it's my drag queen fascination for glitter and cleavage.

Perhaps it's the fact that my mother, while pregnant with me, worked as a marketing VP for L'Oreal.

I'll probably never know for sure why that is,

But I have been an active ally of the LGBTQ community since foetus-hood.

Among my group of friends, I, a heterosexual cisgendered girl, am basically a sexual minority, and I love it.

In the past few years, my friendships with my LGBT friends have been some of the most important in my life.

And it's not because of the stereotypical interests I listed above.

Authentic friendship goes way beyond that; it is birthed from common values.

One of the life philosophies I value most is the appreciation of individuality, self esteem and self worth, and my gay friends always seemed to share those values.

I always wanted to write an article about human sexuality and its correlations with self esteem, but I just couldn't figure out why.

After all, being gay isn't an imperfection or an insecurity one must learn to accept.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH LOVE.

So I left the idea to gather dust on a shelf in my mind.

----

Until one faithful day, exactly 2 weeks ago, as I was speaking to my friend David* about the worries and concerns I had for the young girls with whom I volunteer. How hard it is to make them see what I find so special in each and every one of them! It was then that he said:

"Don't worry, at least one of them is going to turn out gay, and she'll teach the rest of them the art of loving oneself through thick and thin".

That was it. The gay bomb of confetti exploded in my mind.

THAT was the correlation between accepting our sexuality and accepting who we are as humans.

With all the messages thrown at you, from the hate groups you see picketing on the news or your grumpy uncle's thoughts on those "damn homosexuals", it's easy for anybody who's sexual orientation is still a question mark to find him or herself confused about who they are.

Whether or not you come out to your friends and family, some day you come out to yourself.

You make peace with who you are; you understand there is still so much you need to figure out about yourself, and there are going to be people who don't approve of you, but it's going to be okay.

You can finally exhale; because when you know who you are, no one else can define you.

....

Doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn’t that sound like every Dove campaign about media and photoshop, like every feminist rant about men defining women as sexual objects?

All those articles and videos and social media rants about self esteem, they're basically telling you to come out of the closet!

Not necessarily "that" closet, but the one that you use to hide yourself away, to bury your fears and insecurities. The closet you've locked yourself in, because if they can't see you for who you are, a flawed complex human being who can't please everybody, then they can't hate you, right?

But ask anybody who broke down that door and let their true self see the light of day.

They call you a "fag" if you're gay, they call you a "fag" if you're not. 

In other words, those who want to hate you, who need to hurt you because they're hurting themselves, don't need ammo to fire at you.
Hiding out won't prevent the rotten apples from calling you names, it will prevent your loved ones from loving you for who you are. 

People will come in and out of your life, trying to define you.

This might be the dumbest example, but it works:

If you’re sitting in class and some dumbass tries to convince you that your chair is actually a lamp, you won’t believe them! You know what a chair is! You’ll look at this person, tell them they are wrong, because that is a fucking chair.

Just like a chair is not a lamp, you are not ugly, or stupid, or unworthy of respect: you are a goddess.

Can't wear that shirt because the prom queen might call you fat, or weird, or (gasp) different?

... Well, fuck the prom queen.

I once knew a kid who wore a sequin bow tie everyday!

He had been called every homophobic slur available on urban dictionary, but he couldn't care less, he knew who he was.

"Yeah, I wear bow ties to school”, he would say, “I like men, but sometimes I like girls, I'm a 5 on the Kinsey Sexual Orientation Scale, and my favorite color is purple. Now what!"

So the next time you're watching the pride parade roll past your eyes, I hope you understand that being self-aware, exuding self-confidence, and having self-worth is not exclusive to members of the LGBTQ community.

"Coming out to myself allowed me to be more comfortable with my own thoughts and feelings, it allowed me to be less anxious and to live up to who I truly am. "
-Laverne (fake names rule)

Come out as you are, own it, and live in your truth.

If sequin bow tie Tom can do it, well fuck, so can you.

xoxo

Gabby

The Kid In My Math Class: Depression Story

Hello my angel food cakes<3

First of all, spring is here! well, for some of us anyways. There's still a bit of snow in Connecticut:(
But nevertheless, spring and summer are best friends with another s word: SUNSCREEN.
Here's an article I wrote for Drop of Pink about the importance of SPF: click here to read

Also, quick shoutout to one of my readers Cam! I don't really get to meet most of my fudgies, so interacting with you through our mutual friend Laverne (name has been changed to protect identity) has been oh-so lovely. Many kisses<3
Back to my poem!
-----------------


Today at assembly we sat in silence.
Sullen, serious, surreal, was this experience.
There had been a terrible outbreak of bullying
and the virus was to be quarantined,
by sharing stories of teasing and torture
so one by one rows were standing.

It began so innocently;
In the 3rd grade I was alone on the playground;
In 5th grade I was too short, too tall, too skinny, too round.
But then this sophomore stood up, knees trembling,
A cynical guy in my math class not worth noticing,
until his voice echoed through the crowd.

As a child he was a bit awkward, a bit chubby.
Weren't we all, I thought, what a pity party. 
He was teased, he said, he was bullied a lot.
Then his voice cracked as he told the story
that one day, he had had enough of this misery;
Ran to the bathroom, wrapped his neck in a belt,
and tried to swing from the knot.

As they dropped, jaws broke the floor's wooden panels,
as he disintegrated into sobs, microphone booming his agony.
How could I have dismissed his pain, rolled my eyes in disbelief?
He struggled to finish his story, but when he looked up, he wasn't alone,
for hundreds of broken souls who had been silent all along
were cheering and clapping, telling him to stay strong.

If there is a moral to this poorly crafted mess,
it is that you never know who sits next to your desk.
However they may look, whatever they may say,
always take the time to ask if they're okay.
And whatever you do, never dismiss someone's pain,
for you never know when you'll see them again.

--------

xoxo

Gabby

Eating Disorders PSA: Behind the Scenes

Hello my angels!

One of my proudest moments of 2013 was the making of the Fudge Perfection Eating Disorder PSA video. I am in no way shape or form a videographer, so this was quite the task, but one I am oh-so glad I undertook.

So in memory of its almost 1 year anniversary, I decided to fill you in on the Behind The Scenes action.
Here is how I, barely-able-to-use-Imovie teenage-girl, was able to make this low budget yet (hopefully) meaningful video.

Step 1: And Lightning Strikes!

I can't tell you when, or how, or why this idea came to mind, but I know that once it did, there was no going back. I had this vision of an eating disorder, from my involvement in mental health organizations to psychology literature to even my own experiences; I had this vision of a fight.
How we try to fight our bodies, because we don't know how else to interpret our anger, our depression, our anxiety.

So once the boxing gloves came to mind, then the boxing bell, the crowd chanting in the production, and the broken hearted girl appeared beside them, I knew I had to make this video. No matter what.

Step 2: Pre-Production

As you can see, this video took a ton of extra special effects, numerous props and a slew of Hollywood actors. Or what is just me, my camera, a pair of Walmart kids gloves (they were cheaper!) and a wonderful classmate of mine?
Yeah, probably the latter.

I made the long 20 minute walk to my local walmart, purchased some gloves, emailed my lovely actress, and set a date for filming. Shit was getting real, and I, anxious butterfly, was getting nervous.

Step 3: Shooting Day

Julia, the film's heroine, arrived at my house ready to roll.

For those of you wondering how I managed to find this awesome actress, Julia was actually just someone I went to school with. We were never particularly close friends or anything, but I knew she was going to study acting in college, and having seen her make the best of a high school English class Romeo And Juliet monstrosity, I didn't have any doubts that she could pull this off.

And boy, was I right.

She was incredibly cooperative, took directions very well, and of course did a superb acting job.

Step 5: Bruised Up

I get many questions about Julia's bruised and beaten look.
No, I did not shove her down a flight of stairs.
I did the makeup!

I used mostly coastal scents products, lots of cream to give the black eye that shiny effect, and based most of my work on this video by petrilude

Step 6: Hermit Time aka Editing

Editing was much harder than expected. I spent 2 days cooped up in my house, leaving my room only to find some food to shove in my malnourished body.

I first added all the parts together, cropped, found some boxing match sounds from the internet, put in a filter, and voila!
The video was finally done.

-------

If you learn anything from this, it is that you can accomplish any project you put your mind to it, experienced or not. Just throw yourself into the water head first, don't be shy to ask for help, and give yourself a break once in a while.

xoxo

Gabby

Self Harm Scars: To Show Or Not To Show

Hello my darling angels

This is a self harm trigger warning. 
It is a very tricky, delicate and sometimes triggering subject, so if you feel like this post could possibly be problematic for you in the future, I urge you to read something else on the blog. We got all kinds of fun stuff o'er here. <3 

Oookay. I haven't ranted or raved about Tumblr in a while, so let's get down to it.

Truthfully, this debate/topic of discussion makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Self harm is an absolute tragedy, and alarmingly widespread, and since I myself have never been a self-harmer, I sometimes feel as though my thoughts aren't legitimate or important.

But that's actually one of the reasons I decided to share my thoughts with you today.
Writing about deeply personal issues is a beautiful, cathartic feeling, but objectivity gives me more room to think, and also gives my readers more to chew on.

So here's the sitch.
Recently, on the wonderful website that is Tumblr, I have seen a surge of "self-harm scars" pride.
People taking pictures of their scars, posting them with pride, writing of exposing them like a badge of honour when they are out and about.

The Battle Wound Belief 

My thoughts, good and bad, are as follows:

Pro-Pride?

I'm hardly one to speak about privacy and keeping your problems to yourself. I mean, I did start this blog at the dawn of my recovery, putting myself out there, mostly for my own sanity, but also to hopefully help anyone in a similar situation. 

I will forever stand by my decision to be raw and genuine with myself and others, so how could I judge anyone who chooses to make a similar decision? 

Because isn't that what this whole self-harm scar pride is about? 

Sharing a problematic past, to find closure for yourself but also to prove to others that recovery is possible? 

To the naysayers who depict this practice as a call for attention, I say GTFO. 

Yes, perhaps some show off their scars to attract sympathy, but that is no reason to shame an entire group. 

Besides, a grand majority of those who struggle with self-harm keep their pain and depression to themselves, which results in this destructive coping mechanism. 

Hence, I'd much rather see someone expose their truth in hopes that someone will notice than have a sufferer deal with their inner darkness on their own, unaccompanied by friends or family. 

Wounded Wrist Worries

Unfortunately, my loves, I have issues with scar show-and-tell that I simply cannot disregard. 

There is a reason I put a trigger warning at the beginning of this piece.

Self-harm scars are incredibly sensitive. 

You never know who is struggling, or has struggled, or will struggle with self-harm. 

That means you do not know how the sight of scars will affect them. 

Those who feel proud of their recovery want to show off their accomplishment, which is quite understandable, but I also know none of them would want their pride to result in someone's relapse. 

I've addressed this issue before, but we are not born into this world with the seeds of horrible coping mechanism planted into our brains. Someone or something else, intentional or not, gave us those tools. 

Your classmate may not struggle with self harm or even depression at the moment, but the sight of your wrists could potentially pop into his/her head in a time of distress, and you never know what that could lead to. 

--------------------------

Is there a clear answer here? No, probably not, but for me there is a solution. 

Solution: Open up about the problems that led you to that drastic measure. The depression, the anxiety, the fights, the school pressure, whatever it was for you.

Details about your self harm, including your scars, aren't as helpful to your support system, and could potentially be triggering for some. 

Honesty, openness, catharsis, AND trigger-free? Check

Hope this helps add to the debate.

Have a wonderful day

xoxo

Gabby

Barbie: Skinny Bitch Or Surprising Feminist?

Hello my angels!

A few weeks ago, I had to give a persuasive speech to my public speaking class, and I had the brilliant idea to argue the disgusting and unhealthy effects Barbie dolls can have on young girls. As an adamant body image activist, I thought to myself: pshhtttt, piece of cake. 

Then I started to do some research about Barbie herself and the story of how she came to be.
I read some things, found some information, looked at some pictures that made me go...
"Well, so she has done one good thing..."
"Okay, that's pretty cool, but..."
"I mean, yeah, that's really inspiring, and all..."

until I found myself completely confused.
Who is this Barbie?
Is she the raging disproportionate tyrant I imagined her to be?
Or is there something going on beneath the plastic?

Compare and Contrast 

Lord knows the first thing anyone will bring up when Barbie, body image, and young girls are put together in a sentence: but Barbie is so thiiiiiiin, so disproportional, how could you even say that she's the best doll on the market?!!!! 

Now lookie here. I'm not saying Barbie's size is a natural, realistic depiction of a woman's body. Mathematically speaking, that would be a lie, and there's plenty of research on the topic that you can find on the interwebs.

However,  Charlotte Alter mentioned in her piece for Times Ideas something that changed the game for me: how about the other dolls on the market?

If people are arguing that Barbie is too skinny to have a place on the doll market, then who should replace her?
Barbie's current competitors include Monster High Dolls (left) and Bratz dolls (right).

You wanna talk proportions, let's: Look at the waists, thighs, arms...
You cannot seriously argue that these dolls are in any way, shape, or form better body image role models than Mrs Mattel herself!

Besides, Bratz dolls look fundamentally constipated. Pouty mouth, huge judging eyes; she may be pretty, but that mean gleam is enough to make me put down the doll and run for my life. Barbie, on the other hand; smiling like there's no tomorrow. Heaven forbid that's the kind of role model your daughter looks up to!

Let's not forget those outfits. While the Pale Prostitute "Monster High" Dolls are busy tearing up their fishnet tights and sucking blood from their high school classmates, Barbie's busy with her career, her goals and service to society.


Speaking of Barbie's career....

I Ain't No Wifey

Barbie was founded by the Mattel toy company in 1959. Within the first years, careers, such as nurse and schoolteacher, became available for purchase. A pretty girl with her own career? Shocking!

Ken, her metrosexual boyfriend, didn't come along until 1961, which means that Barbie wasn't founded on the idea of being someone's wife, someone's accessory, NO. She was an independent woman, with an independent career, and you had better step aside before her fuchsia stilettos walked all over you. 

And even when Ken did come along, this didn't stop for one second the absolute explosion of careers Barbie has undertaken these past 50+ years. 

Barbie has her own convertible, her own dream house, her own freaking tour bus, without needing no man: if that's not a strong, empowered, feminist role model, I don't what is. 

psst: Did you notice that I said Ken her boyfrand, not husband? That's right: Barbie and Ken, unmarried man and woman, lived together in 1961. Barbz, your progressivism rocks. 

Ahead of The Curve

A fantastic example of Barbie being way ahead of the curve in terms of woman's rights and opportunities is 1965 Astronaut Barbie. Yes indeed, in 1965, Mattel released an Astronaut Barbie kit (pictured left), no helmet hair required. 

...Interesting, isn't it, that the first real American woman, Sally Ride, to go to space wasn't until 1983? 

You read that right.

For 18 years, Barbie was inspiring young girls to reach for the stars (quite literally) before it was even a realistic dream. 

Still to this day, Barbie pushes the boundaries of conventional society gender roles.

Every election since 1992 has come with Mattel's own Barbie for President kit. 

I'm writing this today, in 2014; let's all take a moment to remember that America has yet to elect a female president!! 

Also something worth noting in this picture: 

Barbie President comes in Caucasian, African-American, Hispanic-American and Asian-American, so that no matter what your ethnicity is, you, young empowered girl, can be the leader of the free world.

Am I the only one who shed a tear just then? 

Barbie has done many other great things for racial acceptance and diversity encouragement. 

In 1968, Mattel came out with Christie, Barbie's black friend, the first black doll to be released on a national market. 

1968: only 4 years after the Civil Rights Act was passed, outlawing most public segregation and prejudice based on race. 

For a young black girl to be growing up in a time where white normality, racism, and prejudice is still the norm in many places, having a beautiful, empowered doll that represents your race can mean the world. 

Since 1968, the range of African-American Barbies has been equally impressive. Just like all white people don't look the same, all black people don't look the same:

-Some have more red untertones in their skin, some more blue, some are darker, some are lighter. 

This may seem like an insignificant detail to some, but having pride in your origins, in the uniqueness and complexity of your pigment, is a wonderful, inspiring idea that is often overlooked by many other competitors. 

-----------------------------------------

Barbie's not perfect, I'll give you that.
But jesus christ who is?!

I'll leave you with this simple question:
What's more important to YOU? 

1. That your daughter plays with a doll that fits your idea of a healthy size and proportion (if you can find one, please let me know)?

or

2. That your daughter plays with a doll that teaches her that her life is in her own hands?
That because Barbie can be a CEO, an athlete and a stay-at-home mom, than so can she? 

That's up to you, future parents.
But when you're walking up and down the aisles of a toy store in 10, 15, 20 years, and you see a Barbie in the corner of your eye, I hope you know what's more important.

Have a wonderful day my loves!
xoxo
Gabby

Links:

1.Times: http://ideas.time.com/2014/02/05/in-defense-of-barbie-why-she-might-be-a-feminist-doll-after-all/

2.NASA: http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/image_feature_2533.html#.UwVo9UJdXXc

3.The Guardian: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2008/dec/19/women

4.http://www.examiner.com/article/olympic-dolls-gold-medal-barbies-and-other-barbie-doll-olympians

5.http://www.fashion-doll-guide.com/Barbie-Miss-Astronaut-Reproduction.html

6.http://www.fashion-doll-guide.com/Christie-Doll.html