Passion and Self-Esteem: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Hello my darling fudgies!

I watched a wonderful video by Connor Manning (which I will link below this post) about finding your passion, and it deeply resonated with me, so I thought I would share my thoughts on passion, what to do about it, and how it can affect your self-worth.

I must start by saying that I am incredibly lucky, but also a bit misfortunate.

I found my first passion, reading and writing, at a ridiculously young age. I can remember writing stories when my letters were still backwards, and telling them to my great grandmother, who became senile when I was 7. In that sense, I was lucky. I was kind of good at it, or had a bountiful imagination, as my school's librarian once told me, probably because I had made up a story about my friend Steph who had hair down to the floor, who also did not exist. Besides the point.

I held on to my love for several years, until the dark ages of many of our lives: teenagehood.

Ahhh yes. Cystic Acne, Cripplingly Low Self-Esteem, and Debilitating Anxiety. Who wouldn't want to be 14 again?!

As I entered my teenage years, I slowly but surely stopped reading, and stopped writing, and suddenly I became very confused.
When asked by adults around me what I wanted to be when I grew up, instead of confidently voicing my love for the book industry, I shrugged and said I don't know, murmuring to myself: when I grow up, I just want clear skin for the love of all that is holy.

However, as my first true love started to dwindle inside my heart, I discovered a new passion: makeup.
Now I want to make it very clear, as opposed to writing, at which I was naturally pretty decent, I SUCKED at makeup for the first year or two.
But my god did I love it.
It honestly carried me through those rough 15 to 17 years of age where angst dominates your life and high school graduation is no where in sight.
But with a lot, and i mean a shit ton of practice, I got to be pretty good (I'll post a few pictures of my makeup work from this week below Connor's video)
So now I had a new answer to those unsuspecting adults: I was going to be a makeup artist!

And now, I'm here, at 19.
I rediscovered my love for reading and writing mostly through the blog, so thank you for that.
But my love for makeup has only grown stronger!
I am a creative person, and don't necessarily see myself working in an office 9-5.
But I enjoyed structure and school and academia, and did pretty well in school my whole life.
I want to go to college, but I also want to work at Sephora full time.
ARGH

Here's what I try to tell myself, and here's what you should live by, whether you have a passion, or five, or none:

It's okay to change your mind.
We have this fixed idea that once you choose a path, you cannot go back.
But that's not true!

People change majors, careers, life paths all the time!
You can major in economics at Harvard and work as a painter in France after deciding Wall Street isn't for you.
We may live in a society that values decisiveness, which is probably why we don't value teenagers all that much. But you have to do what feels right. So try things out, experiment, and give it your all: You can always try again.

And to those of you who don't have anything you're crazy passionate about, just wait.
Try new things, new clubs, new activities, don't be afraid to make new friends.
But don't try too hard, not everything is going to fit.
Okay, I'm contradicting myself here.
Basically, do what feels right, and the right will come to you. That may seem vague, but I promise you will find what you love.
You may seem lost, and some have emailed me saying you feel like a failure.
Hey. HEY. Don't. Not everyone finds their passion at the same time, so give yourself a break.

My 11th grade English teacher explained this to me, and I think this sums it about up:
"Don't stress about your major or your career. Because guess what? Some of you, your passion will be motherhood/fatherhood, or being a supportive wife/husband, going to ballet recitals and baseball tournaments, making lunches, cooking dinner, gardening, volunteering, and being a good person. Does that sound so bad?"

So to the adults who ask you with a judgmental twinkle in their eyes:
"What do you want to do with your life?"
Give them the truest answer. If that's "I don't know just yet", then don't be ashamed.
You have a lifetime ahead of you.
Just breathe, try new things, and breathe again.
An eyeliner fell into my hand one day, and I know someday your passion will fall into yours.

xoxo

Gabby

My makeup work:

Writing Q&A (Part 2)

Hello my darlings!

Here is the second part of my writing Q&A. I have some actually interesting research articles prepared, because I know I have been seriously lacking in that aspect, but as you can imagine they take up a bit more time than the average post. So for right now, enjoy these questions and answers, and have a lovely day:)

What is your favorite article you have written for the blog?

That's a tough question, because all of them are so thought-out and Pulitzer prize-worthy. Kidding, of course, 99% of what I write is ridiculous. On one hand, I'm very proud of well-researched articles , like Is Fat An Insult? or The Danger of Thinspo. I feel like they help me prove myself to those who scoff at a young adult trying to play with the big boys of blogging.

However, many of my research analysis articles go to my freelance writing blogs, so I don't get to be as snarky or sassy or facetious as I'd like. That's why articles such as "Collarbones:WTF" and "Food Shame and Eye Contact" hold a special place in my heart: they reflect my personality, my sarcastic sense of humor, while discussing issues that are very important to me. My total lack of self-editing may not be as professional as some of my editors would like, but these posts are some of my most popular articles ever. Being yourself never fails in the long run, and these articles have helped validate that for me.

But pageviews and traffic aren't the only things that make an article standout in my eyes. Some of the pieces I have written, especially in the early FP days, may have appeared to be simple self esteem tips, but to me they meant, and still mean, so much more.

For example, How To Love Your Reflection, is not very long, it's not well-written, it's ridiculous and dramatic, but it's also a trick I have practiced every day for over 2 years. It represents how far I've come, how far I still have to go; it's a trick that was given to me when I was sitting in a hospital bed, waiting for some sort of miracle cure for the destructive self-hatred I was inflicting on myself.

That trick didn't make everything better, didn't fix my brain forever, but it proved to me that my recovery wasn't a worthless cause. If I could feel better about my reflection for just a few seconds a day, maybe one day I'd love myself again.  It's just words on a screen, I know, but it's also a little piece of my heart.

***Not a Writing Question, but I get it so often I thought I'd just tack it on at the end of this post:
WHO IS THE GIRL KISSING THE MIRROR ON THE FP PROMO PICTURE? IS THAT YOU?

No, that girl is not me. Her name is Laurence, she was a classmate of mine while in high school. She was one of the many volunteers who helped me make the first FP promo video. I would link to it, but it was made by a 16 year old (me) with zero editing or filming experience. It's not that cute:P

I haven't kept in touch with her since graduating, but I'm honestly glad she is the face of the FP blog.
She was always very sweet to me, very supportive of my work. She was gorgeous, but in an amazing natural way. She was smart, she was hardworking, but she wasn't afraid of having fun and being silly.

I could have picked any one of my friends to be the face of the blog, but I unintentionally chose the best girl for the job. It wouldn't feel right to have anyone else on the cover, come to think of it. so thank you Laurence:)

xoxo

Gabby

The Block

Hello my loves, 

Yesterday afternoon, at around 3:30, I suffered from the crippling illness that is writer's block. 

And children, you do not want to see me when I'm suffering from writer's block. 

I start ranting in both French and English, abusing my keyboard with a ferocity unknown to civilized society, pacing up and down my dorm's hall, trying to find the perfect place to write the supposed master piece just floating in my head waiting to be unleashed. 

I try to rhyme, and be poetic and mysterious. 

I try to research articles and papers to sound smart and knowledgeable. 

But when it comes down to putting words on a page, it all sounds forced.

Who's going to read this, I ask after every miserable sentence. Images of critical English teachers and random students from my classes blur my vision, and before I know it I've deleted the entire paragraph. 

So I go take a walk, breathe in the fresh air, but in vain, I still feel trapped in my own brain. 

I call my mom, vent and whine as daughters do, but alas I only hang up feeling homesick. 

I try to eat, lord knows how I convinced myself that it's a great way to enhance my writing abilities, but sink deeper in the hole of my own self

pity, and retreat to a world where all is well and just: Netflix. 

A few hours later, however, I came upon an idea as I finalized my english paper. And I wrote it down. 

No one looking over my shoulder, no future judgement clouding my honesty, no paralyzing fear of failure;

It's all just ink on paper. 

So whatever obstacles you encounter today, my dear fudgies, just push through.

Don't let the things you can't control control you. 

Xoxo

Gabby