The Block

Hello my loves, 

Yesterday afternoon, at around 3:30, I suffered from the crippling illness that is writer's block. 

And children, you do not want to see me when I'm suffering from writer's block. 

I start ranting in both French and English, abusing my keyboard with a ferocity unknown to civilized society, pacing up and down my dorm's hall, trying to find the perfect place to write the supposed master piece just floating in my head waiting to be unleashed. 

I try to rhyme, and be poetic and mysterious. 

I try to research articles and papers to sound smart and knowledgeable. 

But when it comes down to putting words on a page, it all sounds forced.

Who's going to read this, I ask after every miserable sentence. Images of critical English teachers and random students from my classes blur my vision, and before I know it I've deleted the entire paragraph. 

So I go take a walk, breathe in the fresh air, but in vain, I still feel trapped in my own brain. 

I call my mom, vent and whine as daughters do, but alas I only hang up feeling homesick. 

I try to eat, lord knows how I convinced myself that it's a great way to enhance my writing abilities, but sink deeper in the hole of my own self

pity, and retreat to a world where all is well and just: Netflix. 

A few hours later, however, I came upon an idea as I finalized my english paper. And I wrote it down. 

No one looking over my shoulder, no future judgement clouding my honesty, no paralyzing fear of failure;

It's all just ink on paper. 

So whatever obstacles you encounter today, my dear fudgies, just push through.

Don't let the things you can't control control you. 

Xoxo

Gabby 

Learning to Walk Again

«I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?»

-Walk, Foo Fighters 

Hey lovelies!
I have been waiting for ANEB's answer to make a post about our (hopeful, still in progress, they haven't responded in 10000 hours and I'm dying) partnership, but I guess I can't wait forever...(sad look away to hide my tears...)

The quote above is part of a song I love by a band I loooooove.: Walk, by Foo Fighters 

Explanation:

Demi Lovato said it best in her MTV documentary, and I said it...well in my special crazy-long babbling Gabby way:
Treatment does not fix you. 

I wont repeat everything I said in the cure 
but the war isn't over when we sign the treaty of peace.
There are entire lives to rebuild, wounds to heal.
The war is won when we move on, keep going and get stronger as each day goes on.

What I HATE with a capital H.A.T.E. is when people expect us to not make those mistakes anymore.
As if we have somehow come out of this war bionic, with no human qualities, no moments of weakness, of imperfection.
And if we DARE make a human mistake,
POUNCE!! They are quicker to judge than Judy herself. 

«Oh! But I thought you didn't do that anymore...really? I thought you were all perfect or whatever...didn't you go to rehab or something?...such a hypocrite»

Learning to live your life.
We don't conciously make that decision do we?
And some of us didn't make the best of that decision...We know it.
But we have taken the biggest leap of faith.
To learn to walk, talk, act, eat, sleep, think, breathe again.

Every decision, every meal, every word is a fight.
Every single second has to be thought over twice.

1.If you are not in that situation, learn to guide, to help the people around you who need your level-headedness.
We need your words of encouragement, your random acts of kindness.
Not your advice (we need to learn to make the right decisions on our own)
Not your abandon.
And certainly not your judgements. 

2. If you are in that situation, first of all; you're doing great.
You're stilll living and breathing, and for us that is a much bigger deal than for regular folks. 
Progress is slow, and you can't win every battle.
If anyone is making you feel like that's not okay, dump them out on the curb with your leftovers and recycling.

Step by step, learn to fudge perfection.
You are reading this, so wether you like it or not, you want to curse out your demons.
Go all Nike and just do it. 
:)

xoxoxoxoxoxo
Gabby