A small project started by a teen turned into a full blown life mission. A cathartic creative outlet, mixed with body positive discussions, sprinkled with sass. Here is our delicious self-love cake. Want a piece?
To those who think plus size models are a bad influence,
I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
Diversity is a language in which you are not fluent,
And my people and I will preach inclusivity from our pews
Sing songs of self-love till we are shackled to our tombs.
Perhaps you think being plus size is a poor excuse of health,
And hence you and your BMI officers deplore
The fact that more women of more sizes are gaining wealth
Perhaps not in cash, nor in gold, but in amore,
In the admiration of plus size men and women whom they adore.
Health is not a number, nor is it a size,
So put down your magnifying glass and take a step back
Health cannot be measured by your poisonous eye,
Because if curves are bad, than so are those collarbones sticking out,
Deep and protruded bones; how is that better than fat?
No, you're dismissal of the plus size world
Has more to do with insecurity, and less to do with worry
Because if millions of differently shaped boys and girls
See Tara Lynn rocking her rolls in all her beauty
Maybe you'll have no one to put down but your selfie.
As we start the new year, new year's resolutions are all the rage.
1.Get a gym membership
2.Lose 10 pounds
3.(something my creepy uncle told me, true story): Get toned to get more chicks
But a new year can be about so much more than your fraking looks, this is an opportunity to learn more about others and yourself. It can be heard, no doubt, with everyone's body negative resolutions clouding your thoughts, so here are my top 5 resolutions that have nothing to do with your weight:
1. Learn something new
Try learning Japanese, or Italian. Just a few words might come in handy.
Watch cooking videos on how to make that perfect omelette. (and then come to my house and make it for me)
Study art history, or playwriting, or the tattoo industry.
Information has never been so readily available to humans. No more library books that weight 38499 pounds to study Greek architecture, now you have the Internet! By becoming a more cultivated person, I promise your self-esteem will build, because you will sense that the person you are meant to become is in fact cultivated and interesting. Plus, those odd skills can be attractive to an employer. Maybe one day my random knowledge of Netflix entries and makeup brushes will land me a job. Doubtful, but a girl can dream, right?
2. Learn something new about someone else
Ask questions to your friends like : "what was the best year of your life? your worst?"
Make a new friend in class or at work by noticing their mood. "Something wrong?" "You look radiant today!"
Being interested in other people's lives facilitates communication. When people feel they need to talk, they will know you are the person to go to, for you've shown interest in their lives. And let's face it, not all of us can learn Japanese or Italian, because maybe we don't have time, or maybe it won't benefit us, but being a good friend is a rare skill that will benefit you for the rest of your life.
3. Learn something new about yourself:
Try a new genre of literature. You're more of a John Green type of person, try some Stephen King.
Try a new sport. Maybe badminton is actually your hidden master talent.
Try a new food. This may sound dumb, but after trying mangos, my life was forever changed.
The point here is that you are a very complex human being, but often times we get stuck in a rut, and forget to explore the unknown parts of ourselves. By trying new things, you discover your likes and dislikes, which can lead to further understanding who you are. Some of my ideas may seem trivial, because maybe they are to a superficial degree, but it's up to you to try the things you always wanted to try, but more importantly the things you never thought of trying in the first place.
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Here's the deal. We have many flaws, and resolutions can be the trick to push us to improve ourselves.
But why do they have to be physical? Our bodies are perfect just the way they are!
And maybe you do want to lose weight. As long as it's healthy, that's a-okay. But just keep in mind all the examples I gave you, because maybe one day you'll realize, after achieving your goal weight, that you're no smarter, or more interesting, or more important than you were before.
That's why appearance based resolutions just don't cut it for me.
I watched a wonderful video by Connor Manning (which I will link below this post) about finding your passion, and it deeply resonated with me, so I thought I would share my thoughts on passion, what to do about it, and how it can affect your self-worth.
I must start by saying that I am incredibly lucky, but also a bit misfortunate.
I found my first passion, reading and writing, at a ridiculously young age. I can remember writing stories when my letters were still backwards, and telling them to my great grandmother, who became senile when I was 7. In that sense, I was lucky. I was kind of good at it, or had a bountiful imagination, as my school's librarian once told me, probably because I had made up a story about my friend Steph who had hair down to the floor, who also did not exist. Besides the point.
I held on to my love for several years, until the dark ages of many of our lives: teenagehood.
Ahhh yes. Cystic Acne, Cripplingly Low Self-Esteem, and Debilitating Anxiety. Who wouldn't want to be 14 again?!
As I entered my teenage years, I slowly but surely stopped reading, and stopped writing, and suddenly I became very confused.
When asked by adults around me what I wanted to be when I grew up, instead of confidently voicing my love for the book industry, I shrugged and said I don't know, murmuring to myself: when I grow up, I just want clear skin for the love of all that is holy.
However, as my first true love started to dwindle inside my heart, I discovered a new passion: makeup.
Now I want to make it very clear, as opposed to writing, at which I was naturally pretty decent, I SUCKED at makeup for the first year or two.
But my god did I love it.
It honestly carried me through those rough 15 to 17 years of age where angst dominates your life and high school graduation is no where in sight.
But with a lot, and i mean a shit ton of practice, I got to be pretty good (I'll post a few pictures of my makeup work from this week below Connor's video)
So now I had a new answer to those unsuspecting adults: I was going to be a makeup artist!
And now, I'm here, at 19.
I rediscovered my love for reading and writing mostly through the blog, so thank you for that.
But my love for makeup has only grown stronger!
I am a creative person, and don't necessarily see myself working in an office 9-5.
But I enjoyed structure and school and academia, and did pretty well in school my whole life.
I want to go to college, but I also want to work at Sephora full time.
ARGH
Here's what I try to tell myself, and here's what you should live by, whether you have a passion, or five, or none:
It's okay to change your mind.
We have this fixed idea that once you choose a path, you cannot go back.
But that's not true!
People change majors, careers, life paths all the time!
You can major in economics at Harvard and work as a painter in France after deciding Wall Street isn't for you.
We may live in a society that values decisiveness, which is probably why we don't value teenagers all that much. But you have to do what feels right. So try things out, experiment, and give it your all: You can always try again.
And to those of you who don't have anything you're crazy passionate about, just wait.
Try new things, new clubs, new activities, don't be afraid to make new friends.
But don't try too hard, not everything is going to fit.
Okay, I'm contradicting myself here.
Basically, do what feels right, and the right will come to you. That may seem vague, but I promise you will find what you love.
You may seem lost, and some have emailed me saying you feel like a failure.
Hey. HEY. Don't. Not everyone finds their passion at the same time, so give yourself a break.
My 11th grade English teacher explained this to me, and I think this sums it about up:
"Don't stress about your major or your career. Because guess what? Some of you, your passion will be motherhood/fatherhood, or being a supportive wife/husband, going to ballet recitals and baseball tournaments, making lunches, cooking dinner, gardening, volunteering, and being a good person. Does that sound so bad?"
So to the adults who ask you with a judgmental twinkle in their eyes:
"What do you want to do with your life?"
Give them the truest answer. If that's "I don't know just yet", then don't be ashamed.
You have a lifetime ahead of you.
Just breathe, try new things, and breathe again.
An eyeliner fell into my hand one day, and I know someday your passion will fall into yours.
What are the 10 holiDAYS of self-love? Well, it's very simple! During this very stressful holiday time, especially for those of us who struggle/have struggled with eating disorders, social anxiety, and low self-esteem in general, the abundance of food and holiday parties can be very stressful. So join me in the journey: 10 days, 10 challenges each day to improve your self-esteem and make this holiday season more pleasurable. Enjoy! Day 1: No hair/makeup
I don't know about you, but during this crazy holiday season, my skin and hair go through World War 3. For some reason I feel the need to look like Megan Fox for my grandmother's brunch.
So during this time where many of us, including yours truly, are studying for finals, give yourself a break to anticipate the wreckage of constant beautifying that accompanies the 420350 holiday parties coming up.
Step 1: clean your face, moisturize, tone, do your thing.
Step 2: DON'T do your hair or your makeup.
Step 3: BONUS: if you can take a selfie with an "ugly" grimace and post it on your social media #fudgeperfection, I will send you one of my limited edition Fudge Perfection bracelets. I am dead serious. Email me if you do so:)
Here's my picture!
Before, looking glamorous as fudge: After, looking slightly like dirt:
Preface: For the people constantly googling where I'm going to college next year (I see you in my stats, children!), the answer is...I don't know yet. The moment I do know however I promise to tweet, blog, Instagram, scream it at the top of my lungs. We cool, bros? :) On to the real topic of today:
I must say I am, once again, what else is new, incredibly torn about this topic.
When I started this blog almost 3 years ago (!), I was adamantly opposed to the use of medication to treat eating disorders. But as my understanding of the ED culture and more importantly my understanding of medication has grown exponentially since then, so here are my thoughts on the topic.
Why I was against:
My argument against the use of pharmaceuticals to treat EDs was based on 2 things:
1. my understanding of my own experience with bulimia
2. my understanding of medication
Firstly, I felt that eating disorders could be recovered from without meds. After all, I did it!
Sure it's long, and painful, and requires lots of conversations with others and with yourself that you really don't want to have, but my God is it worth it when you cross the finish line!
So why use meds when they simply are not required to beat the monster growing inside your brain? Especially when some anti depressants are known to cause weigh gain, talk about triggering!
Secondly, I considered medication to be a last resort, for long term, clinical, chronic illnesses, like schizophrenia. This attitude probably stems from my upbringing in Quebec, a province not too keen on pill pushing. And even as I did more research, studies suggested that the use of SSRI (mainstream anti-depressants) to treat anorexia or bulimia had generally great relapse rates.
Why I am now torn
Here's the deal: my experience with an ED can help me empathize with others suffering or who have suffered, but at the end of the day, everyone's journey is different. Sure, I was able to beat my ED with talk therapy and blogging, but someone else might not be able to, no matter how hard they try.
To use solely my experience as a measurement for what is right or wrong would be foolish!
To top that off, medication can be used for all types of problems. Sometimes depression can be so deep rooted and intertwined with an ED that recovery is not possible if we don't clear up some of the mood issues in order to get to the root source of the problem. Besides, NEDIC says that the average sufferer deals with Bulimia Nervosa for 8.3 years!!!!! Fine, that's not a life time, but that sounds pretty long term to me, so if medication is needed to survive that period of time, than that's the way it's gotta be.
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This topic is delicate, because people's health, physical and mental, is on the line here, but I think this is an important topic to discuss. Please leave your thoughts down in the comments, I'm really interested in what you have to say.
xoxo
Gabby
As some of you may know, I, Gabby of Fudge Perfection, have a problem:
I am a makeup addict.
Now some people (cough, cough, Tumblr misandrists) like to believe that my addiction causes not only a serious dent in my wallet (because it does), but also a serious dent in my credibility.
As if loving makeup and also being body positive could not be true for a single person.
"Hypocrite", I was called. Fake. Liar.
56.63 billion dollars
That was the revenue for the cosmetic industry in 2013 in the US ALONE.
So clearly I am not the only human who uses cosmetics, and looking at those numbers, I statically cannot be the only body positive cosmetics user.
But more than that, I believe, hear me out, that not only is makeup not body negative, but in fact, it can be body positive! Here are my thoughts:
The Smudged Eyeliner Conundrum:
Many of you will read the last sentence and scoff.
"Makeup is to conceal your flaws, not embrace them".
And perhaps you are right.
I had horrendous acne as a young teen, that's how I got into makeup in the first place, so I understand the conceal, hide, and never show your real face approach to beauty.
But consider this scenario:
A woman (or a man, because believe it or not, men compose a serious portion of the cosmetic profit) wakes up, feels like death, and slaps on some eyeliner to feel a little bit less like death.
Key word here: feel
Anyways, he/she goes to work, and chats up his/her hot coworker, working that charm because he/she feels sexy as all hell, knowing that his/her eyeliner is on fleek.
However, what he/she does not know is that during lunch, his/her eyeliner smudged like hell, and now he/she looks like Pete Wentz circa 2006 (children, google it).
But it doesn't matter you see, because the feeling of confidence, the feeling of beauty is vastly more important than the looking of beauty.
When you feel you look your best, whether you do or not, you accomplish more.
That's the beauty of the smudged eyeliner conundrum.
Self-Expression Eyeshadow
So the previous scenario covers many regular ole folks who use cosmetic products to feel better. YAY!
But some of us take it a step further.
Some of us use it not to feel more beautiful, to look like Megan Fox, no.
Some of us use it to feel more like ourselves.
And that "ourselves" can metamorphose in a variety of ways, depending on the day.
Some days I feel grungy, like Eddie Vedder's 1994 girlfriend (see the flannel).
Others I feel like being a classic pin up beauty, a la Monroe (see that hella winged liner)
And some days I just want to slap everything on and be a colorful bird (see the sunset on my eyes).
For me, on those days, it's not about being the most beautiful.
It's about expressing myself in a creative way, the way painting or dancing helps others express themselves.
Yes, I try to have good lighting, and yes, I take about 18232932 selfies, but at the end of the day, it's not about me. It's about the art.
Powder to the People
Here is my final word on the subject.
I think makeup can be body negative if not used correctly.
But if someone can't leave the house without makeup, it really has nothing to do with the makeup, Rather it's a psychological issue the person (14 year old me) needs to work on.
But it can be body positive because it gives women the power to their own beauty.
Do they glam themselves up? Do they keep it natural?
The power to express themselves, to show the world who they are that day, it's up to them.
It's up to them, and a little bit of powder.
Oh, and by the way, women don't always wear makeup for men.
I rock false lashes alone in my dorm room and wear nothing when I go to the library during finals, surrounded by my male peers. Deal.
If you've followed this blog for the past 2 and a half years, first of all, you deserve some sort of trophy, because those early typo-filled rants I used to post are painful for me to even look at.
But in all seriousness, if you've been around for a while, you know that, although I consider myself recovered from my ED, ordering food still brings me a lot of anxiety. What will the waiter/McDonalds employee think of me? Will he think I'm fat for ordering this meal? Will he think I'm fat for ordering anything at all? (a legit thought that has crossed my mind one too many times.
I did some research (Tumblr, mostly) and found that I am not alone in this ordeal.
So although I'm still trying to get better, I have accumulated some wisdom that I would like to share with you all today. Here are my 3 thoughts regarding ordering food to help you order without panicking and ordering a tall glass of water:
1. You Legitimately Don't Matter
Harsh, I know, but true. Waiters wait several tables at a time for several hours. It's almost funny for us to think that they would remember our order to the tee. At the end of their long day, said waiter will not lay down on his bed and think to him/herself: "man that boy/girl on table 9 ordered a lot of bread sticks". If he/she does, it's probably because he thinks you're cute, so good on you!
2. Fuck That Waiter
Maybe he/she will remember how many breadsticks you ordered. Fine. Round of applause for this idddic memory kid. But there are several possible ways this could go:
a) you never go to that restaurant again, and never see this person ever again.
b) you go back to that restaurant because, yes, those breadsticks were life, and get a different waiter.
c) you get the same waiter and he/she doesn't remember you.
d) he/she does remember your cute face, and makes a comment about those breadsticks.
e) punch him/her in the face
Kidding, of course. But think about it. The odds that option d) would occur are hella slim. And besides, these people live off of tips: do you really think they would be audacious enough to criticize your food choices? Money makes the world go round, loves, so sit back, relax, and enjoy your damn breadsticks.
3. Self Love > This Waiter
Here's the thing: regardless of whether this waiter remembers you, your order, and thinks you are fat/unhealthy/a bad person, it shouldn't matter.
You cannot live your life according to what others may or may not think of you.
There's always someone who's going to think you're cute, just like someone's going to think you're not. Someone will think you're too thin, too fat, too pale, too dark, too smart, too dumb.
It sucks, don't get me wrong, but it's life.
What will make you or break you in this world is whether or not you accept that not everyone will think you're perfect.
So next time you walk into your favorite diner, accept that this waiter may or may not judge the nutritious value of your order, and that's okay. Once you've come to terms with the fact that you can't control what he/she thinks, I promise, those breadsticks will taste a hell of a lot better.
Recently, Sam Pepper, famous Youtuber and overall d*ckweed has released a video where he walks around the streets of London and fondles girl's butts.
Without their consent of course, because then it's funny right? Then it's a prank, right?
Nope, then it's sexual assault.
Many intelligent people have given their 2 cents about this topic, including Laci Green, so I think it is safe to say that you all know why this is wrong in general. I've also written about Youtube celebrity culture and sexual behaviors in an article here.
But Let me tell you why this video upsets me personally.
When I was 14, leaving my house, nay, leaving my room, was sort of a challenging task. I was afraid someone would see me from school and make a negative comment about me in their head. I was afraid someone would honk, or I would fall, or I would breathe wrong.
Keep in mind that nothing terrible had ever happened to me as a result of leaving my house, but still, agoraphobia was pretty much a 24/7 demon.
Now with the help of medication and meditation and a bit of common sense, I can easily leave my house, hair a ratchet mess, in my sweatpants, not a care in the world.
But there's still a part of me that fears something like this. Something exactly like a random stranger pinching by butt.
If Sam Pepper or another entitled male ever did something similar to this, here are my 3 possible reactions:
1. Slap the jaw off of this child. #deservedit
2. Go on a feminist rant about sexual assault and the entitled male and curse him with my feminist super powers.
3. Never leave the house again.
It's the 3rd one that makes me nervous. I can guarantee that many of the girls whose butt was pinched reacted in a lighthearted way, even if they were violently uncomfortable, did not find it funny. Like, at all. I can't say any of them were recovering agoraphobics, but if it were to happen to me, all those negative ideas would come flooding back into my brain.
Keep that in mind when you're doing anything: how will this impact another person's day?
Here's the sequel to Part 1, which you can find here.
Day 11: Listen to at least 3 encouraging, body positive songs. Some suggestions? Try by Colbie Caillat, Hair by Lady Gaga, and Beautiful by Christina Aguilera are some of my personal faves. Let the beat rock you into a good mood!
Day 12: Watch a funny movie or your favorite "trash" reality TV. Guilty pleasures should never be guilty: why feel bad about something that makes you happy? Hopefully today by busting a gut you'll learn that the only person who can make you feel guilty for having a good time is yourself.
Day 13: Give yourself a nice homemade hair/face mask. The Internet has a ton of ideas for you, so your self-care delight can suit what you desire (and what you have in your pantry).
Day 14: Talk to a friend about your insecurities. You'll probably learn that your friend hates his/her left thigh, which sounds ridiculous, so yes, some of your insecurities are downright cray cray too. Discuss, share, and realize that we all have some things about ourselves we'd rather not have, but the good news is, so does everyone else on the planet!
Day 15: Do something you're afraid of. Speak up in class or in a meeting, go bungee jumping, say hi to cute-guy-who-works-at-the-deli, I don't care how mundane it may seem, it's important! You'll instantly feel the rush of adrenaline. So what if it doesn't go well? You tried, and even that deserves a pat on the back.
Day 16: Rock your favorite color today. On your eyelids, your shoes, your nails, the whole nine yards! Realize what it is about this color that suits you, what features does it emphasize? Then take a moment to realize that you do in fact have gorgeous features to emphasize, or else this color would just look dull. Boom, a power shot right in the self-esteem!
Day 17: Post a smiling picture on your instagram, FB, twitter, what have you. No filters, no edits, just your beautiful smile. Realize that people will still like it, comment nice things, and not notice that tiny red dot on your nose without that distracting yellow Valencia overcast.
Day 18: Another day? Another dark chocolate break. Cmon, you deserve it.
Day 19: It's bubble bath time. Pull out all the stops: candles, bath bombs, bubbles, ambience music, brand new razor blade. There's not a nerve in your body that won't thank you for a good bath, and as you rise out of the water, calm and refreshed, you'll be kinder to your body. After all, you smell and feel pretty freaking awesome.
Day 20: Get at least 8 hours of sleep! This may be easy for some, but I know some night owls who will struggle. Trust me, cranky Gabby is not a body positive, self-loving Gabby, so get your Zs and be amazed at how amazingly better you look when you don't feel like death.
I know I haven't been posting researched articles recently, and I do apologize for that, but my internship just ended, so expect some more to come:)
However, to keep you from going cray without moi, here are 30 days worth of self-esteem challenges, inspired by this awesome Tumblr!
Day 1: I want you to go one day without doing your hair. No heat, no styling, just your old natural fluffy awesomeness flowing in the wind.
Day 2: I want you to go without makeup today. Now I know this is hard for some boys and girls who struggle with cystic acne like I do, but this is a great exercise in confidence. And no cheating: you must at least leave the house once, even if only to get the mail.
Day 3: Opposite of yesterday's demure; I want you to go bold! Whether you're rocking a red lip, or sporting leopard pants, you want heads to turn. Feeling confident despite stranger's glares is about holding your head high, smiling, and strutting down the street like there's no tommorow.
Day 4: Treat yourself to some dark chocolate today, it's been a hard few days of self-esteem work. Learn to take care of your mind and body by treating as a temple, and sometimes said temple needs some chocolate.
Day 5: Take an ugly selfie. Not "cute ugly", no, downright hideous. Post it to your instagram, and let go of the idea that you must look good at all times.
Day 6: Wear an outfit in which you don't necessarily feel confident. Figure out what it is about the garment that doesn't tickle your fancy. Shape, fabric, color? This will help you shop with a body positive eye next time you head to the mall.
Day 7: To help you get over the low self-esteem of yesterday's outfit, slip on our go-to self-esteem boosting get up. Again, look out for specific features that help you love yourself that much more. Write them down in your phone and be on the lookout for those features next time you step into an overwhelming Forever 21.
Day 8: Be creative with your style. Try thicker eyebrows, or a grungier getup; playing around with self-expression helps you to know who you are and aren't. After all, how can you love yourself if you don't know who you even are?
Day 9: Give somebody a compliment. A simple "nice skirt" can make someone's day, and you can feel good about being a nicer person today than you were the day before.
Day 10: Take care of yourself today. Give yourself a foot massage, slip on your most comfortable sweatpants, watch Friends all day (I'm going to pretend I don't do these things all day err day). Again, body=temple, and temple needs some lovin'.
Tired of watching the Kardashians all summer? Need something more intellectually stimulating for you or your young girl? Here are 5 important videos to watch as a female!
4. Always #LikeAGirl
This video went viral last month, and there's a good reason why. We teach girls through our hurtful words that being a girl is weak, or inferior to being a boy. Girls grow up to believe they are meant to be beautiful, and that's all they can be, not strong, or smart, or athletic. Watch this with your youngster and let the message bounce around her head:)
5. Pantene Labels
Ahhh, the unquestionable double standards. This video really strikes home for me, for whenever I have taken on a leadership role in my life, the men around me called me bossy, instead of organized, or a leader. Help your young friend realize the double standards of this world by watching this video, so that she can understand why it's okay to be bossy sometimes.
2. Try, by Colbie Caillat
I love this song! The song itself is good enough for me, but the message behind it brings it up a couple notches! For a mainstream artist to come out with such a simple yet powerful video is quite admirable. Blast this on your way to school or summer camp, and let the words skin in:)
1. Dove Unstoppable
When I was in the 5th grade, I quit swimming lessons because I didn't like the way my body looks in a bathing suit. And still to this day I loathe going to the beach for those same reasons. Girls need to understand that beauty is not all that you can be, and that insecurities should never stop you
As some of you may remember, during the prehistoric ages of the blog, I wrote an article, since then rewritten and found here, about how to love yourself on a day to day basis. I've received some lovely feedback from you all, especially through the heartbreaking and inspiring emails I've read over the past 2 and a half years. How. Ever.
When I gave you the advice to look for 3 positive things about your body, some of you replied:
"But Gabby, I don't have any positive things about my body".
...
Let me just take a second to prepare my head-smacking hand.
I understand where you come from, you know I do. When you are filled with self-hatred, observing the the smallest beauty particle seems a rather daunting task.
But you must also understand that you are wrong.
There are thousands of physical attributes you possess that I, myself, find beautiful.
Sometimes it's just about knowing where to look, and knowing how to start.
My suggestion for self-love first timers? The eyes.
Yes, those 2 roundish blog smack dab in the middle of your face. Their beginner status lies in the 3 body positive characteristics of any beautiful body part:
1. Unique
No one's eyes look the same. When you're thinking about finding beauty on your face, really look into your eyes.
Their color, whether light blue or dark brown, with millions of different light and dark spectrums of color in between? unique.
Their shape, whether oval or round, framing the irises like the gold filigree around a Monet? unique.
Their features, whether big or small, filled with lashes or bare like a beautiful blank canvas? unique.
There can be nothing wrong with your eyes in terms of beauty, because no one's eyes are identical in any of the former ways. Your eyes are your eyes only, and that makes them more beautiful than anything else in the world.
Think the same way about your nose or your lips, in terms of originality, and you're on your way to self love stardom!
2. Ability
Sometimes it's important to take a step back and look at our bodies not as sexual objects designed to please the modern beauty standards, but as freaking fantastic machines that make our opportunities endless.
Think for a quick second about what your eyes do for you everyday. You see the people that you love, the colors that you favour, the foods that you crave, the sights others would kill to see!
We don't spend enough time thanking our bodies for what they help us do.
Beauty isn't just "eh ma gurd that's pretty". It's also strength, and talent, and giving.
By those standards, what is more beautiful than your eyes?
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Usually I have a 3rd reason for everything.
But this time its up to you to decide why your eyes are beautiful.
Maybe it's the glasses you wear, or the darkness of your undereye circles (I happen to like that, don't judge me).
Whatever the case may be, find beauty, hold on to it, and have a body positive day.
xoxo
Yesterday as I was searching the body positive tag on Tumblr, I witnessed an incident that made me rethink the body positive movement.
If you saunter into this tag, you'll find many plus size women flaunting their curves, showing off their pride in their bodies.
They may include a short story about how their confidence used to be dismal, but now they have learned to accept their bodies, flaws and all.
Of course, they receive praise in the form of likes and reblogs, an Internet standing ovation, if you will.
And of course I am 284949% in favour of this demonstration of self-love.
But yesterday I saw a girl, an approximate size 4, who posted pictures of herself with a very similar story to her plus size counterparts. She had lost her confidence as a teenager, but gained it back as she grew into herself.
I expected roars of applause.
After all, I'd seen this type of post before, and the kind of response it usually sparked.
Yet there was no love, no praise.
Instead there was a lot of hate. "You're just fishing for compliments" "What do you know about being shamed for your body?" "Go back to your thinspo blogs"
Is body positivity restricted to those who fit a certain body criteria?
Doesn't that go against the basic pillars of body positivity and self-acceptance?
Indeed, I do not know if this was an isolated incident, or an example of continuous thin shaming, but here's something I know for sure:
Body positivity excludes no one. If it does, it is no longer body positive. It becomes the media.
The definition of body positivity is a celebration of all body types.
Yes, certain body types, such as curvier ones, are not as celebrated in the media, hence I understand why some might want to find their niche in an internet community.
But we must not forget that insecurities stem from our brains, not our bodies.
So you could have the body of a Victoria's Secret Angel, and still feel like a big old sack of nothing.
Here's why those insults are irrelevant, and harmful to the body positive community:
1. Fishing for compliments?
Perhaps, but if we scroll through Tumblr and see thousands of women being encouraged to show off their bodies, and being praised for their courage and grace, wouldn't we want to take part in that fun too? Self-love is essential, but getting some positive feedback is not a bad deal either.
2. You don't know "Body shame"?
I have to disagree. The number of thin girls I know who have been called out for looking "anorexia" or "like a twig" is simply astounding. Perhaps they haven't been misrepresented like plus size girls as have on TV, but it doesn't mean they haven't been misrepresented in the real word.
3. Go back to your thinspo blog?
The thinspo community is a dangerous one, and again, a mental rather than a physical threat, so asking someone to go back to their "thinspo" blogs is not only incorrect, but rather insulting. You are comparing someone to an eating disorder friendly black hole. Not cool, children.
I love the body positive community, don't get me wrong, it inspires many of my posts.
But we must include all bodies in this positivity, not just the ones we identify with.
If not, we lose the entire purpose of a positive, body friendly community.
I should just stop going on Tumblr all together, shouldn't I?
Because it seems like every other week, I discover another unsettling body negative facet of this website that makes me want to throw a newborn out of a window, and every other week I write rant about it on the blog.
So I apologize in advance, but this is another fascinating edition of a recurring segment I'd like to call: Tumblr: what. the. @#$%^&
Apparently, the thigh gap has a hip, new cousin called the protruding collarbone. Yay!
But in recent years, the razor sharp collarbone fad has grown exponentially, mostly amongst teenage girls. But why, you ask? Yeah, you probably guessed it. Tumblr.
Oh tumblr, with your pro-ana and thinspo blogs, altering the body image reality of millions, how I love and loathe you all at once.
Many of the reasons why I dislike this trend are the same as my hatred for the thigh gap, which you can read about here, but there is one other major reason I find this obsession ridiculous.
You can fake a protruding collarbone. Now I don't promote, agree with or condone the unhealthy fixation of any body part, but if for some odd reason you need to look like your clavicle could be used as a weapon, YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT OR HARM YOURSELF IN ANY WAY.
The thing that makes the collarbone prominent is the shadows underneath and above the bone, making the hollows look deeper, and the light that reflects directly on the bone, making the bone appear raised.
Do you really think everyone you see in commercials, on the red carpet and on TV have these amazingly defined cheekbones, noses and clavicles? Think again.
You can do your own research on Youtube or other websites, but I hope this will pop in your head next time I tell you that the images you plaster on your walls or on your dashboard aren't always what they seem.
Men can say what they want, but shopping is a sport.
If not physical (walk for 4 hours in flats that were made to stop your feet's circulation, then you'll see), then surely emotional.
There are many ways to do the whole shopping experience wrong, to go in to just have fun and walk out with blisters on your feet and holes in your self-esteem.
Listen up, ladies and gents, this is how you shop body positively.
1. Do Not Go When You're Feeling Low
You wake up on a Saturday morning, and you're feeling kind of blah.
But hey, today's the day you planned on going shoe shopping!
You walk into a mall and you're bombarded by models and mirrors, a dangerous combination.
Your self-esteem shrinks, your wallet shrinks.
You walk out and lay down on the parking lot cement and die.
Okay, so that last part might be a tad exaggerated, but when you're feeling down on yourself, you are more likely to spend money on items you otherwise wouldn't to make yourself feel better, to compensate for your low self-esteem. Why do you think they put those pore-magnifying mirrors in Sephora?! Your life sucks, you suck, the world sucks, but these shoes will make it all better, said Jimmy Satan Choo.
Go when you're emotionally ready to be hit by a ton of size 0s. Otherwise, Netflix it is.
2. Buy Your Size
You walk into (enter favorite store) and try on some clothes.
Cool, you're a size 6!
Then you move on to the next store, and while trying on some other pieces,
NIGHTMARE! SIZE 6 IS TIGHT!
The dream hath crumbled, you're a hippo, it's over.
STOP, child.
There is a reason why one store fit and the other one didn't.
Sizes aren't universal, they are approximate.
Certain stores have admitted to shifting sizes up (a normal 4 is labeled a 6) to make women feel better and buy their clothes just for the size tag! Don't be a fool, wear the size for you.
Newsflash: no one will stop you in the street to check what size your shirt is in.
But if you buy the right size, and you look amazing and feel comfortable, someone might stop you in the street to ask where you got that fierce shirt.
Just saying, I'm basically making you famous.
3. Plan Ahead
You've been walking around for a while.
Your shoes are tight, and they are sucking the life out of you.
You just had Thai food, and you feel bloated and dehydrated.
You're starting to get cranky.
UGH this shirt is disgusting.
"I'm disgusting".
You call your mom crying from the changing room while the saleslady awkwardly pretends not to hear you (14 year old me, everyone).
To stay focused, happy and energized, hence to have a productive body positive shopping experience, you have to plan ahead.
Wear comfy shoes. Limping is not in this season, my loves.
Bring a water bottle. Staying hydrated will prevent migraines and nervous breakdowns. Science.
Eat light to avoid a cramp or a bloated "omg I look 9 months pregnant"stomach.
I promise you'll be feeling a lot less "disgusting".
I saw a picture of this shirt today on Tumblr, and felt compelled to write a quick little post about
it, which will probably turn into a full-fledged body politics rant, you know me:)
This won't be well written, or well researched, it will just be hella important.
This shirt was found at a Target, in the workout section.
At first, it seems fair. Technically, excuses such as "I'm too tired" do not get you to the gym. Fine.
But what really ticks me off is the fact that the end goal of exercise and maintaining of good health, as the garment suggests, is solely based on calorie counting.
1. It has been proved time and time again that exercise is only 10% of the weight loss cake; the bigger piece consists of food consumption, or lack thereof. So technically speaking, excuses don't burn calories, but honey, "chin ups" don't do too much either.
2. I must have missed the gym rat memo this month that dictated that all human beings should exercise to lose weight. Here are 10 reasons, or "excuses", to work out that have nothing to do with being a size 0:
to train for a marathon
to develop strength
to heal an injury
to improve cardiovascular health
to manage stress
to achieve self-set goals
to increase flexibility
to manage anger
to keep up with kids/grandkids
to be HEALTHY
3. Being healthy has nothing to do with calories, or size, or a dumb shirt at Target.
Being healthy means being confident and happy, treating your body with care by feeding it good nutrients, but also spoiling its tastebuds once in a while.
Being healthy means being able to enjoy life to its fullest, without anything holding you back.
Being healthy means, above all else, treating your mind and body healthily, whatever that means for you.
So if you see this shirt at your local Target, set it on fire. Or don't, I don't want my college applications to be labeled with a big fat red "Target terrorist" label. mmkay? ;)
Hello my angels! I recently performed this spoken word piece, and wanted to share it with you all. Hope you enjoy:)
I beg of you, this small favour I ask,
When you hear me complain about my body
Take me by the shoulders and shake me
And tell me I am beautiful, tell me I am worthy,
So that I too can scream it from the tops of the city.
I beg of you, this is no small task,
When you watch me stare at my reflection in the mirror,
Shatter the glass so that I can see better,
Convince me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder
And If your sight tells you different, look a little harder.
You are not disgusting, not today, not ever.
I beg of you, don't think me crazy,
When you feel me upset about me weight
Erase the numbers on my scale, they don't matter anyway
Let them run with my self-doubt, let them fly away.
I beg of you, never forget this,
When you look into my eyes tonight,
realize that I am you, and you are me.
The only person you need to make you feel alright
To feel your warmth as your light shines bright
To share your beauty as it glows into the night,
Is your own self, your own soul, your own mind.
Best friends come and go, but self-esteem is for life.
Not too long ago, I got an email from a diet and fitness company, which will remain nameless, asking me if I wanted to try out their new diet milkshake and review it for the blog. "Perfect for that bikini body", they said.
...Wat
Awn. Someone probably got fired, because as you probably know, that is the absolute LAST THING I would do on this wonderful piece of internet self-love this blog has become.
And what is the perfect bikini body anyway?
Is it this idea that we have of a tan, Victoria's Secret Angel strutting around in heels (in sand? really? I would sprain my ankle in 3.4 seconds), with legs that go on for days with, wait for it, a freaking thigh gap?
Is it the way our body looks when we pinch in our fat in "all the right places"?
Is it your friend's body, or your cousin's, or your mom's (if so, good for your mom)?
I'm so damn sick of this perfect bikini body bullshit. Here's why:
1. Perfect Bikini Body
I started this blog in 2012, as a dumb sophomore in high school, but if there was one thing I knew back then that still sticks to this day, is that perfection is stupid.
Here is Girl A, who hates her A-cups and loathes the way her hips jut out of her one piece. She's standing next to Girl B, who has an ass that won't quit and a soft squishy stomach.
And Girl A would kill to have that perfect bikini body.
But Girl B? She's self-conscious about her thicker arms, and she despises her wide hips. She's looking at Girl A, and thinking that she would kill to have that perfect bikini body.
...Do we see the problem here ladies?
Perfect is perspective, it's subjective, and if you don't believe that perfection is in you, no matter how many sit ups you do, you never will.
2. Perfect Bikini Body
I understand why bikini season makes some girls nauseous with anxiety.
It's the littlest bit of cloth, exposing everything you love, but also everything you hate about that lovely body of yours.
But loving your body is a process, and it may not happen overnight.
If the body in the bikini is not your ideal, make sure the bikini on your body is.
Every girl needs a killer bikini in her beauty arsenal: one that defines your style, that makes you feel beautiful, that pushes and pulls and tightens and loosens all that "needs" to be.
Alternatives include: killer glasses, killer sundress, killer tan (safe please), killer tattoo or piercing (dont tell your mom I said that).
Whatever makes you forget about your silly bodily insecurities is a-okay with moi:)
3. Perfect Bikini Body
If you're going to sit in the shade covered in towels because your body isn't "perfect", stahp.
Distract yourself from that imperfect body of yours by putting it to good use.
Swimming, sand castle building, volleyball, frisbee, watergun fight, whatever takes your mind off the fact that half your butt is popping out of that cloth.
That's why you have a body, god dammit: not to fret over scars and cellulite, but to move and be active and do the things you love!
I just wanna be myself And I want you to love me for who I am I just wanna be myself And I want you to know, I am my hair
-Lady Gaga, Hair
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
And this girl was evil, especially towards her naturally frizzy hair.
She fried every breathing strand of her hair with an overheated straightening iron, laughing diabolically as her curly hair dried up like the Sahara Desert.
That girl, big shocker, was me in the 8th grade.
I was OB-SESSED with having straight hair, because my naturally curly hair just wasn't good enough.
Not only did I completely strip my hair of life, and do a terrible job straightening my hair (seriously, ask anyone, the back half of my hair was a mop of curls, good going Gabby!), but I told myself everyday, as I ran my hair through the flames of Mordor, that I wasn't good enough just the way I was.
I know I wasn't alone, and sometimes I still look at my curly lion mane and sigh, wishing for pin straight locks.
Loving your hair may seem stupid and superficial, but it's not. There are generations of young and not-so-young women who wish for the hair of the girl next door, going to extremes to achieve their idea of beauty.
There's nothing wrong with trying to feel beautiful, but somehow, someday, you'll get caught in a rain storm, and loving your hair in its natural state will be pretty handy.
Also, self-love is the shit.
So how do you fall in love with your hair all over again? Here are 3 ideas I hope you can take inspiration from:
Taylor Swift always inspires me to stay natural and curly with cute accessories. Google is your friend.
1. Get Inspired
One of the ways I learned to manage my mop of curls was to get inspired by others with similar hair!
It's easy to get caught up in a miserable self-loathing world if you, short curly blond haired girl, idolize long straight dark-haired Pocahontas over there.
Find ways to style it (heatless, if you can), rock different ponytails and top buns, try out headbands and cute clips, and change up your hair cut or bangs; the possibilities are endless!
Keep them as your screensaver on your phone or laptop, to ensure that your brain fully absorbs the self-love juices.
There is beauty in every strand, no matter how frizzy or flat you think it is, so sit your butt down, open Google, and find beauty.
2. Get Practice
This goes out to all my heat styling girls in the world: stahp.
Seriously, you can style your hair without damaging it like evil 8th grade Gabby did, but it's still stripping your hair of natural oils that keep it healthy and shiny.
Now I know going without heat is hard, especially if you're used to it, but practice makes perfect. The more you get used to seeing your hair in its amazing God-given natural state, the more you'll see that natural hair is in fact a beautiful thing. You'll also have more time to learn how you can style it to your taste!
Start with the weekends, or once a week, without heat.
Then up your game, increasing the amounts of time in a week.
Before you know it, you'll be rocking the natural do without throwing it under in a beanie in shame. Because you're better than that.
3. Get Analytical
Oooh, big fancy word you used there. Girl's getting prepped for the SATs.
In all seriousness, I want you to find a mirror and look.
Look for 1 thing you like about your hair today.
Maybe it's the color, maybe it's your bangs, maybe it's that one random curl.
It doesn't matter how small, how insignificant, trust. This is useful.
Then do the same tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.
Everyday your hair does something wonderful that you take for granted, because all your eyes can see are flaws.
But your beauty goes way beyond a few out-of-place baby hairs, so don't let those pesky little frizzies make you feel like less of a beautiful human being.
------
Your hair isn't just a conversation topic girls use to hate on themselves in locker rooms; it's a unique piece of your identity, that no one, NO ONE, can exactly duplicate.
That should be celebrated, not stifled by a big old iron.
edit:Some of you ask how this relates to body positivity and self-love. Good question! I can only hope that people, when the time comes to choose their career field, are confident enough to choose a career path that will make them happy, not others around them. However, if your friends and family still aren't taking your women's studies major seriously, I'll do the best I can to spread the feminist love:)
I’m sitting at my dining room table
during Spring Break, listening to my brother, a freshman in college, rage against the “useless liberal arts” majors infecting his school’s scientific
prestige. When I asked him what he thought was the greatest waste of college
funds, the most useless major of all, he paused, rolled his eyes and grunted:
“Women’s studies”
…Anyone surprised by such an answer
from a cisgendered heterosexual white male? No one? Thought so.
Unfortunately, the mentality that
majoring, minoring or even walking into a women’s studies class, means you are
a bitter, bra burning, men-hating woman, is still widespread.
Now I must confess, I once thought
like this as well. But I can see clearly now, the close-minded rain has gone,
so I can walk you through my former, and the current critic’s, thought process.
Here are the 3 main arguments women’s studies skeptics like to use, and why
they are not valid:
1.It’s
Useless
Why invest in a women’s studies program?
We’re in the 21th century now! Men and women and all other humans
are equal!
Now, this, this is why the study of “politics,
society, media, and history from women's and/or feminist perspectives “, as
defined by Wikipedia,
is not only far from useless, but down right necessary.
For example, in
1997, “Vision 2000”, a call to New England Land Grant Universities Presidents
and Chancellors to ensure full and equitable participation by women, was
dismissed, even ridiculed by many, including women themselves. Daphne Patai,
in “Chronicle of Higher Education”, questioned Vision 2000’s recommendation
on the importance of sexual violence and harassment education in universities, calling
it “inflammatory rhetoric”. She even went as far as to ask: “Are rape and
sexual assault indeed routine occurrences at universities? Is harassment really
widespread?”.
Just in that
statement, mrs. Patai made a case for women’s studies.
This isn’t an
attack on the writer herself; it’s an attack on the omnipresent ignorance that
led to these brutally misinformed comments, which can only be remedied with
critical thinking, problem solving and lots of information. What a coincidence,
that’s actually what a women’s studies class is for!
2.Hating
Men Gets You An “A”
Another widespread
misconception regarding a typical women’s studies class is that you walk in,
b*tch about men for a few hours, write a paper about how men are evil beings
that should burn at the stake, and get an A: all for the thrifty price of 50
000 $ a year!
The great thing
about women’s studies, as Hilary
Watchler put it so eloquently, is “that it makes you think about layers of
identity and explore how oppressions like racism, sexism, and ableism are
comparable and intertwined”. This has nothing to do with hating men, and
everything to do with critically thinking about important equality issues that
can be resolved in a variety of fields.
Yes, sometimes
there is talk of a male-dominant society, but it’s not to diminish men and to
make them feel like monsters. It’s about making women feel just as important
and powerful as men. To put it simply, there have been 44 presidents of the
United States, and all of them have been men. This is not to say that Woodrow
Wilson or Andrew Jackson were bad presidents, or even bad people, but it is
necessary to point out the lack of female presence in politics.
3.You
Can’t Get A Job with A WS Major!
Well, my dear
critics, many people can’t get a job regardless of their major, but that’s not
even the argument I will use to debunk this myth.
Phew, that’s a
lot, and that’s really what matters. With any major, you probably won’t
remember the specific year this atom was discovered, or the specific name of
Tolstoy’s 23rd short story, but you’ll remember the skills you
learned along the way. You’ll remember how to read critically, how to fund
research, how to interact with others, and by gosh that’s what makes someone employable. Not the fine print on the
paper diploma, but the skills you amassed through your studies.
The
world is in desperate need of smart, educated, critical thinkers, so why
deprive ourselves of their gifts? Maybe it’s not as instantly profitable as an
accounting or engineering degree, but I can promise you this: you can do
anything and everything with a major you love, in a field that ignites your
passion, if you work hard and get creative.
