30 Day Self-Esteem Challenge!: Part 2

Here's the sequel to Part 1, which you can find here. 

Day 11: Listen to at least 3 encouraging, body positive songs. Some suggestions? Try by Colbie Caillat, Hair by Lady Gaga, and Beautiful by Christina Aguilera are some of my personal faves. Let the beat rock you into a good mood!

Day 12: Watch a funny movie or your favorite "trash" reality TV. Guilty pleasures should never be guilty: why feel bad about something that makes you happy? Hopefully today by busting a gut you'll learn that the only person who can make you feel guilty for having a good time is yourself.

Day 13: Give yourself a nice homemade hair/face mask. The Internet has a ton of ideas for you, so your self-care delight can suit what you desire (and what you have in your pantry).

Day 14: Talk to a friend about your insecurities. You'll probably learn that your friend hates his/her left thigh, which sounds ridiculous, so yes, some of your insecurities are downright cray cray too. Discuss, share, and realize that we all have some things about ourselves we'd rather not have, but the good news is, so does everyone else on the planet!

Day 15: Do something you're afraid of. Speak up in class or in a meeting, go bungee jumping, say hi to cute-guy-who-works-at-the-deli, I don't care how mundane it may seem, it's important! You'll instantly feel the rush of adrenaline. So what if it doesn't go well? You tried, and even that deserves a pat on the back.

Day 16: Rock your favorite color today. On your eyelids, your shoes, your nails, the whole nine yards! Realize what it is about this color that suits you, what features does it emphasize? Then take a moment to realize that you do in fact have gorgeous features to emphasize, or else this color would just look dull. Boom, a power shot right in the self-esteem!

Day 17: Post a smiling picture on your instagram, FB, twitter, what have you. No filters, no edits, just your beautiful smile. Realize that people will still like it, comment nice things, and not notice that tiny red dot on your nose without that distracting yellow Valencia overcast.

Day 18: Another day? Another dark chocolate break. Cmon, you deserve it.

Day 19: It's bubble bath time. Pull out all the stops: candles, bath bombs, bubbles, ambience music, brand new razor blade. There's not a nerve in your body that won't thank you for a good bath, and as you rise out of the water, calm and refreshed, you'll be kinder to your body. After all, you smell and feel pretty freaking awesome.

Day 20: Get at least 8 hours of sleep! This may be easy for some, but I know some night owls who will struggle. Trust me, cranky Gabby is not a body positive, self-loving Gabby, so get your Zs and be amazed at how amazingly better you look when you don't feel like death.

Have any suggestions? Please let me know

xooxo

Gabby

"Rating" Your Friends: A Dangerous Game

Hello my beautiful fudgies!

Today's post will be inspired by a scene from "Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging", a hilariously
awkward and (unfortunately) mildly accurate depiction of a teen's life. Except for the fact that most of us don't end up with hot British bass playing boyfriends, especially since I have been condemned by the universe to become the crazy cat lady up the block.
But I digress. Back to the movie.

The scene depicts the sacred girl ritual of giggling, gossiping, and pouring your heart into a bag of Cheetos, also known as a sleepover.

I feel you, Georgia, I feel you. 

The girls are all sitting in a circle as they decide to play a "rating" game, or as I'd like to call them, "raining" games, because of the shit storm they inevitably cause.

Their version consists of filling out a sheet for each girl present, rating their different body parts on a scale of 1 to 10, anonymously of course, like that's going to protect a 14-year old's feelings from getting hurt.
And then, of course, the inevitable occurs:
some poor soul receives a 4/10 for her nose, and the whole world as she knows it ceases to exist. 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the danger behind "rating" games, and the aforementioned isn't the only one I've ever heard of:
-Rating each other's outfits on a daily basis
-Playing "Would you rather have...?" with their friend's physical features?
-Every single type of Mean Girl-esque pity party where girls whine about their atrocity and their friends are legally bonded to disagree (more on that in this article: Body Bashing Ritual)
The list goes on and on!

But why do we put ourselves through this bizarre rite of passage, and what kind of long-term effects can they have on our self esteem?

Validate Me!

At an age where our perception of ourselves is distorted and constantly progressing, it can be hard to know for a fact how we feel about our physical appearance. One day it's Victoria's Secret, the next it's Monster's Inc. So we turn to our supposedly most reliable source of information: our friends. 

And it may seem like a great idea! After all, a high rating can instantly boost your confidence!

But as research, and my own personal experience, has proven time and time again, teenagers rarely come up with the greatest, most body positive ideas. 

False Facts

Not convinced your rating games can be potentially destructive? Here are 3 reasons:

1. Your friends are not credible, valid sources of information. Someone could be having a bad day and taking it out on your score, someone could still be upset at a rating you gave them the week before, but most importantly: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FACTUAL ATTRACTIVENESS. 

Maybe your friend likes straight hair, and the Lord hath blessed you with ridiculous curls (join the club). It's all based on personal opinion, and in no way does it reflect what everyone thinks, and in no way should it reflect what you think of yourself. 

2. Numbers are dangerous. For the same reason people are rarely happy with their weight on a scale: there's no room for grey, no subjectivity, no perfect number. Let's face it: you could get a 9 out of 10 on "body", but your first thought would be WHAT IS HOLDING ME BACK FROM A 10? and down you go into a questioning spiral that could have been avoided. Leave the numbers for Algebra, k?

3.  Your friends are your source of support: they should make you feel better about yourself, point out all the reasons they love you. Focusing your collective energy on physical appearance is unhealthy as it detracts from humane qualities such as kindness, generosity, empathy, humour; the real reason you love each other. And it could potentially lead to some more serious clinical impacts, as proved by NEDIC: "a girl who is unhappy for any reason may be more likely to believe that the solution to unhappiness may be found in losing weight, if thinness is highly valuated within her friendship group" 

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So please: keep your friends close, tell them how wonderful they are without assigning them a number.

Have a lovely day, my loves

xoxo

Gabby 

3 Body Positive Things You Should Do With A Child

Hello my beautiful fudgies!

Oh, kids! (i love talking about children like i am an elder with my 17 and 11 months of life experience)

The values they are taught and the people they grow up to be will not only affect their own futur, but the ones of those around them. 

So we know how important it is to set a good example and bla bla bla. Nevertheless, we also know that we are not perfect beings, and sometimes we are not conscious of the messages we are sending the younger generation. How do you raise, mentor, teach, tutor, or babysit a child in a body positive environment? 

  I have worked with kids a lot, both for the FP and on my own time, so I have learned a few concrete steps that you can take to properly educate your young friend on the right and wrong ways to treat their body, both physically and psychologically. 

1. Food is a friend, not a foe

It is probably no shock for you to hear that environments where diets, food guilt and fat shaming are present on a regular basis have been proven to be the building blocks of an unhealthy relationship with food. Instead of treating meals and snacks like the enemy you have to suppress, hide, and feel ashamed of, speak of their nutritious value as the charger that keeps your energy battery up and running. Food makes you grow strong and tall and healthy, and that's all it should be. So instead of constantly hammering on about the amount of calories certain items contain, focus on their source of protein, vitamin and calcium. And don't forget to mention that not all fats or carbs should be avoided like the plague, because like all things in life, it's about moderation. 

2. Coping Strategies


It's a very common, yet unhealthy stereotype for women to drown their tears in a pit of Ben n Jerrys. 
And while I am definitively pro-ice cream, these aren't the coping mechanisms we want to instil in young kids. By teaching kids that food can be a healer, you change to way they visualize food, and often that healer will turn into a self harm weapon, by restriction, binging or purging. It it therefor vital to redirect feelings of overwhelming stress, sadness, anger, etc. towards a releasing activity. For quiet, more focused kids, visual arts, writing and music are some key examples, or for the more active child, accessible physical activity of any kind, like running, kick boxing, karate or other self-defense classes, the list goes on.  Kids pick up habits and reflexes quicker than adults, and if the pattern sticks, they can stay with them for the entirety of their lives. By teaching them that food is not the answer to their problems, you also teach them to respect their bodies, because the relationship between emotional eating behaviours and eating disorders in a Venn diagram is often a circle. 

3. The Talk 

One of our greatest shortcomings, in my opinion, regarding kids, is how frequently we assume. We assume that they know about the media, unrepresentative and manipulated images and the psychology behind marketing. We assume that because we tell them they are beautiful they automatically believe it. We assume that they understand that bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, and that one size does not fit all. But the reality of the situation is that we often assume wrong. Sure, they hear snippets of wisdom from their older sister or their soccer coach, but how many adults actually sit them down with a magazine and explain why those people look that way? How many adults explain what really makes someone beautiful, and with the help of a mirror point out all the wonderfully imperfect things about the  child that make him or her beautiful? How many adults explain bone structure, the relationship between weight, height, and muscle mass, and the reasons why everyone's body should be respected? My guess is very few. And it's a shame, because if the ones who see the world in its complexity cannot open the innocent eyes of today's youth, who will? 

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I hope you all have a wonderful week:)

xoxo

Gabby