Self Harm Scars: To Show Or Not To Show

Hello my darling angels

This is a self harm trigger warning. 
It is a very tricky, delicate and sometimes triggering subject, so if you feel like this post could possibly be problematic for you in the future, I urge you to read something else on the blog. We got all kinds of fun stuff o'er here. <3 

Oookay. I haven't ranted or raved about Tumblr in a while, so let's get down to it.

Truthfully, this debate/topic of discussion makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Self harm is an absolute tragedy, and alarmingly widespread, and since I myself have never been a self-harmer, I sometimes feel as though my thoughts aren't legitimate or important.

But that's actually one of the reasons I decided to share my thoughts with you today.
Writing about deeply personal issues is a beautiful, cathartic feeling, but objectivity gives me more room to think, and also gives my readers more to chew on.

So here's the sitch.
Recently, on the wonderful website that is Tumblr, I have seen a surge of "self-harm scars" pride.
People taking pictures of their scars, posting them with pride, writing of exposing them like a badge of honour when they are out and about.

The Battle Wound Belief 

My thoughts, good and bad, are as follows:

Pro-Pride?

I'm hardly one to speak about privacy and keeping your problems to yourself. I mean, I did start this blog at the dawn of my recovery, putting myself out there, mostly for my own sanity, but also to hopefully help anyone in a similar situation. 

I will forever stand by my decision to be raw and genuine with myself and others, so how could I judge anyone who chooses to make a similar decision? 

Because isn't that what this whole self-harm scar pride is about? 

Sharing a problematic past, to find closure for yourself but also to prove to others that recovery is possible? 

To the naysayers who depict this practice as a call for attention, I say GTFO. 

Yes, perhaps some show off their scars to attract sympathy, but that is no reason to shame an entire group. 

Besides, a grand majority of those who struggle with self-harm keep their pain and depression to themselves, which results in this destructive coping mechanism. 

Hence, I'd much rather see someone expose their truth in hopes that someone will notice than have a sufferer deal with their inner darkness on their own, unaccompanied by friends or family. 

Wounded Wrist Worries

Unfortunately, my loves, I have issues with scar show-and-tell that I simply cannot disregard. 

There is a reason I put a trigger warning at the beginning of this piece.

Self-harm scars are incredibly sensitive. 

You never know who is struggling, or has struggled, or will struggle with self-harm. 

That means you do not know how the sight of scars will affect them. 

Those who feel proud of their recovery want to show off their accomplishment, which is quite understandable, but I also know none of them would want their pride to result in someone's relapse. 

I've addressed this issue before, but we are not born into this world with the seeds of horrible coping mechanism planted into our brains. Someone or something else, intentional or not, gave us those tools. 

Your classmate may not struggle with self harm or even depression at the moment, but the sight of your wrists could potentially pop into his/her head in a time of distress, and you never know what that could lead to. 

--------------------------

Is there a clear answer here? No, probably not, but for me there is a solution. 

Solution: Open up about the problems that led you to that drastic measure. The depression, the anxiety, the fights, the school pressure, whatever it was for you.

Details about your self harm, including your scars, aren't as helpful to your support system, and could potentially be triggering for some. 

Honesty, openness, catharsis, AND trigger-free? Check

Hope this helps add to the debate.

Have a wonderful day

xoxo

Gabby

The Ultimate Self-Love Body Image Trick

Hello angels:)

I wrote this article almost 2 years ago, when the blog was barely a foetus, and my writing was, at best, mediocre. This is not to say that I'm a bonafide writing virtuoso, but I wanted to rewrite this piece in a more eloquent and clear matter. 

This trick may seem trivial, and perhaps it is for you, but it is one I use every single day, without fail, and truthfully, I believe it to be one of the most important steps in my recovery. Take from it what you will, try it out, and let me know what you think:)

----

Once upon a time, I was afraid of mirrors. 
Okay, perhaps that's slightly misleading, because I wasn't afraid of the mirrors themselves. 
I was afraid of what they reflected. 

I would wake up in the morning and I would hate my reflection. 
I would go to school, catch a glimpse of myself in a car window or locker room mirror, and I would hate my reflection. 
I would go back home, do homework or extra-curricular activities, and avoid a mirror at all costs, because I knew very well what I would see. 
I knew that at the end of the day, as I got ready for bed, I would have to look at my reflection. 
And I would fucking hate it. 

Let me tell you something: hating yourself in downright exhausting, it truly is. 

It's hard enough being a teenager, going to school with morons and potheads, studying seemingly useless equations, dealing with crazy hormones inside your body and brain; trust me I know. 
So cut yourself some slack, make your life just a little bit easier, and try this trick out.

1. Go up to a mirror, preferably in the morning, or before heading out the door. 

2. Find 3 things you like about your reflection. I don't care what they are, how crazy specific or bizarre they may seem. You are not doing this for anyone but yourself. Look, I know that for some, this will be hard at first, but keep working at it, every day, several times a day if you must. 21 consecutive days of anything forms a habit, so stay strong. 

And if you can find attributes that might not be considered "typically beautiful" by most people, but that you find unique and special, bonus points for you. You go, Glen Coco. 

3. As you go through the day, and inevitably stumble upon your reflection, know where to look and stay focused on those 3 attributes. 

Why it works: Our eyes aren't actually the ones «seeing things»; they only capture the information and send it to our brain, and that tricky little bastard can do whatever it wants with those images. 

Start looking for the good, instead of singling out your 10394855 flaws (child, don't lie, we all do it sometimes), and your reflection will change right before your eyes. 
By choosing what your brain focuses on before that bitchy, whiny voice comes in and tells you what part of your body you hate that day, you blur out the flaws and let the good shine through.

You will find with time how much you have to be thankful for, how many wonderful parts of your being are worthy of love and admiration. 

I can only hope that with time and effort, when you pass by a mirror on a long hard day, you can finally smile. 

Have a wonderful day my loves,
xoxo

Gabby

ANEB Fundraising & My Anxiety

Hello my lovely fudgies! :)
(if you just want to read about the ANEB fundraising, skip to the bold text at the bottom of the page)

My name is Gabby, I suffer from anxiety, and that's okay.
I know it's okay because we all have things about ourselves that make us feel weak.
But I also know it's okay because it doesn't have to limit me or my goals, au contraire. 

In fact, one of the many reasons I started the blog was because I wanted to get my thoughts, my feelings and my story out into the world, but I wasn't always able to do so when talking to someone face to face, because of said anxiety. This might sound funny to some, since I can be quite a sassy, sarcastic b**tch writer, but trust me, that's just what the voice in my head sounds like, not the one that comes out of my mouth.  So I wrote. I wrote about my life, my victories and my struggles. I wrote about all the things I couldn't tell the people around me.

And because I started writing, and more and more people started reading, all these amazing things started to come my way. I started writing for some of my favourite blogs and magazines, I interned at various mental health non-profits, and, to be completely honest with you all,  I never would have gotten into the school I now attend had it not been for the FP.

So all these wonderful opportunities opened up to me in some way due to my anxiety ridden brain.
But the FP hasn't taught me to use my vulnerability as a crutch or a shield, to play the victim and let it run my life.
OH, NO. TRUST.
The FP has also pushed me way, like lightyears away, out of my comfort zone.

When I heard that ANEB, an eating disorder non profit that has always treated me kindly was going through some difficult financial struggles, I felt personally compelled, as I know many of their employees and volunteers, to help out as best as lil' ole me could.

So as mentioned in my Help ANEB Help Others article, linked right here, I set up a few bracelet displays around my area at independently-owned salons.
What I didn't mention was what I had to go through to get my little booty into those stores.

Now I have a terrible fear of counters, sale's counters (basically the cash, IDK what it's fancy name is) and receptionist's desks, because I am prone to having panic attacks when I go up to these aforementioned satanic spots (kidding).

So i think you, especially those who also suffer from anxiety, can imagine how nervous I was to go up to a counter, on my own, and ask if I could sell my bracelets there. Unreal. I considered spiking my orange juice with some strong liquor to calm myself down, but I figured drunk Gabby wasn't a great rep for ANEB's cause.

So as I got to the strip mall where my first stop is situated, running my speech over and over again in my head, I headed towards the salon. I was walking, I was getting closer, but then the receptionist looked at me and I thought NOPE, completely chickened out and headed towards the drugstore.
I then collected myself, put on a bright albeit ridiculously fake confident smile and set my sights on the salon, but again, panicked, pulled a 180 and hid behind the magazine counter.

I repeated this cycle at least 3 times, I KID YOU NOT MY LOVES, until I finally got to the counter. The lady behind the desk looked up from her magazine and I quickly, inarticulately blurted out my prepared sales pitch, and for some reason, THEY SAID YES!

I couldn't believe it, I practically rode home on a cloud of excitement fairy dust.

So because I buckled down and pushed past my irrational phobias, in 2 months, with the help of local salons, we raised 103 $ for ANEB and I cannot tell you all how amazing that feels. It's obviously not enough to fill their entire budget deficit, but the little things can always make a difference.

So that's my challenge to you. Find something you really want, but you never thought you could do. Here's the truth; mind over body. Your body is capable of saying, performing and doing so many incredible things, you can't let your brain crush who you have the potential to become.

I  hope my silliness has been entertaining for you all,
Have a fantastic week my babies <3

xoxo

Gabby

Honesty or Overkill: Opening Up About an ED

I recently wrote an article for ANEB, which you can find here http://www.anebquebec.com/blogue/2013/08/12/honnetete-ou-exces/ and decided to translate it for all my non-francophones. Enjoy:)

Phew! The heavy burden of secrecy that I carried is gone. No more lies, the whole truth, so no worries...right?

Revealing to your loved ones that you are suffering or have suffered from an eating disorder sounds tempting. And in most circumstances, this confession may be useful or even essential to obtain professional help and treatment for this disease. But are there boundaries not to be trespassed when speaking of specific and explicit details of your struggle that could result in harmful consequences? 

I argue that yes, details of compensating behaviours, lies or tricks used to perpetuate eating disorder behaviors should be limited when addressing friends and family, or even an individual present in an ANEB chat session, who is not a health care professional. Here are my 3 reasons defending why these subjects should be omitted: 

Giving bad ideas

Most of what we know as been taught to us by someone or something else, and it's no different for our bad habits and coping mechanisms. Specific details about your methods of compensatory behaviors, for example, may seem harmless to you, but they are still bad seeds you are planting in the brain of the other. We can not foresee what the consequences of these ideas might be on one another, short or long term, so it is always best to prevent any adverse reactions. 

They are only consequences to a bigger problem 

Your habits and actions to control your weight are only the consequences of a psychological distress lead by an obsession with body image and fear of weight gain. If you want to find the cause of the disorder and treat it effectively,  analyze the emotions behind your behaviours, therefor leaving out details of physical actions would be best. 

They cannot help your family and friends help you 

What is the point of telling your family and friends that you have or have had an eating disorder if they can not help you properly? They can not always be with us to ensure that we are eating enough or whatnot, so giving graphic details of these unhealthy behaviours, over which people those who support us have very little power, proves itself to be futile. If the people around us can help us, it is mainly through their moral support, psychological and emotional.

It is certainly healthy to be honest and open with the ones we love, but we have to be conscious of the thin line between pertinent and overkill.

Have a lovely week!
xoxo

Gabby

Scouts BMI Controversy: Fat Shame

Hello my darling fudgies!

(New article for drop of pink out this week! confidence without makeup: http://www.dropofpink.com/2013/07/24/confident-without-makeup/)

I know I have not been incredibly present on the blog or on twitter, but I am working on a little project, and I am also writing some blog posts for next fall!

Today I want to explore the recent controversy surrounding the Boy Scouts Jamboree BMI controversy http://mobile.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/07/boy_scout_jamboree_new_rules_based_on_body_mass_index.html). But the basic gist of their new rule is that as of this year, scouts and adult leaders with body mass indexes of 32 or higher could attend the Jamboree only after consultation with camp medical staff, and those with BMIs over 40 were banned from coming altogether.
(here is an explaining in further detail for all of you who may not know what is going on:

Now let's explore this rule from 3 perspectives: rationally, statistically, and emotionally.

RATIONALLY:

 I suspect the Boy Scouts of America made this decision on with a purely rational logic. They must have assumed that by presenting a goal for the weight loss, this new rule would incite both overweight children and adults to lose weight and become healthier, which leads us to a rather substantial problem: statistics.

Statistically: 

Time and time again, research has proven that the BMI is an inadequate measure of someone's healthy weight, and most of all their health (I will let you conduct your own research but beware: it is shocking and slightly depressing). Among these limitations, it doesn't take into consideration a person's body frame or their lean body mass (muscle). Many body builders are, by the BMI's standards, obese, and therefor in the world of Boy Scouts are not fit enough to participate in activities.


But what I find most frustrating about this new regulation are the emotional consequences.

EMOTIONALLY:

 If all our decisions in life were taken rationally, the expected aforementioned consequences of this new rule would be 100% effective.

But we know that is not the case.
For most of the overweight population, food is a coping mechanism, much like drugs, alcohol or self harm. Their emotional reaction to struggle leads them to eat excessively.

Therefor: Will shaming and excluding members of the Boy Scouts community make them lose weight?

No; if anything, it will most likely make them eat.
If long term health is the goal, that is certainly not the way to go.

I also want to include a video by boogie2988 that really explains the vicious cycle of fat shaming

I will be writing a new article about the more general topic of childhood obesity soon.

Have an amazing Monday my loves<3
Xoxoxo

Gabby

Friend With An Eating Disorder? ADVICE

Hello my stunning fudgies <3

In an article I wrote for ANEB (which I will link when it is published), I elaborated on the act of opening up to your friends and family about your past or present struggles with an eating disorder. As I was typing it up, I started thinking about my own experience, and what I wish my peers had or had not done.

So if someone close to you has confided in you regarding their eating disorder struggles, here are 3 things to keep in mind:

Rule #1: Ask Questions (then STFU)

This is probably something they have been keeping inside for quite some time now, thus they might have a lot to vent. Don't make judgement calls, thank them for trusting you enough to keep this private handle it maturely, and let those floodgates open. 

Ask them about when it started, what are their triggers, if their parents know, etc. (***However, I seriously recommend you avoid the topic of specific details about the physical aspects of their eating disorder. eg: their purging or restraining habits, etc. More on that in the aforementioned article). You ask questions, then you keep quiet and listen. This is not the time to make comments, jokes or force them to get help the way you think they should. 

They obviously think you can handle the news, so honour their trust and shut the fudge up. 

Rule #2: Be Available, not Intrusive (so STFU, mostly)

Okay, so they confided in you. That is most likely a sign that, if ever they need help or support, you are the person they will reach. Take that job seriously (though don't take it too seriously and putting the weight of her problems on your shoulders. If you are not a professional, there is only so much you can do. Walking constantly on eggshells could bring issues for you as well). 

Be ready to step in if they ask for it. Key words: if they ask. Constantly bringing it up will probably make them rather uncomfortable. There is one exception to this rule though, hence the mostly: If your friend never brings it up again (and I mean for months) and their situation seems to be deteriorating and their safety/health is on the line, you have the right to confront them and/or seek help from a counsellor or any other professional. 

Rule #3: Be the Emotional Support (so again, STFU) 

Your job is to be the emotional support. The one she can vent to when she is stressed, depressed, anxious, tired, etc. This is where you can be most helpful, considering the fact that these factors are the triggers (therefor the cause) of her struggle. 

You are not the behaviour police: whether she is not eating much at lunch or hiding food from others, these are consequences that she must control on her own.

Think of it this way: you will not always be there to, for example, control their calorie intake. These behaviours are often something they are ashamed of, and pointing them out could really embarrass them. They won't stop because you make them eat more of their sandwhich, they will go continue their patterns somewhere else. 

So keep your mouth shut and be the shoulder to cry on, not the pasta police. Got it?

(see rule 2 for the exception). 

Hope you all have an amazing week, dollfaces!

xoxo

Gabby

Music I've been loving: Half Moon Run. Saw their show for the 2nd time last week and it blew my mind. You must check out their album: Dark Eyes. Here's a groupie picture I snagged of the guitarist/harmonica player/pianist/cutest guy on earth:  

A Letter To Self-Harmers

*Trigger Warning

This will not be a researched, coherent article. This is just my open letter. 

My dear fudgies,

I cannot lie to you all; I worry.

I receive your emails, I read your tweets, I see those near and far from me suffer,
and I worry. 

I wish I could just hug you, and fix you with a snap of my magic fingers, but I can't. I can only worry.

I don't know what it is like to self harm. I cannot pretend to understand the incredible pain you are going through, because I don't, and to pretend like I do would be an insult to the complexity of your bleeding hearts.

But let me tell you what I do know:

I know what it is like to need control, to crave control, to your body and mind's detriment.
I know what it is like to hate yourself, to want to punish yourself, to press the self destruct button
I know what it is like to pretend that nothing is wrong, to hide a secret deep within you.

And above all, I know you are worth so much more than all of it. 

Self harm is an alarmingly prevalent coping mechanism, but one we frighteningly don't hear too much about.
There is stigma, and shame, and even sometimes jokes.

You hate everything about youself, every inch of this incredible body you were gifted.
You think: EH, I'M NOT DAMAGING ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

But it kills you inside, because you know better.
And to be honest? It kills me too.

You all have no idea how beautiful you are. You just don't.
You see yourself through the eyes of a flaw-searching enemy. You will never win the battle against an already broken mirror.
I want to shake you, show you, and I want to cry for you. because you are so damn blind to it all.

Don't ever forget how amazing the human body is. You have limbs that can run, dance, and hug. You can see, hear and feel every single beautiful detail in this world.
Don't ever forget, don't ever take it for granted, so treat it right.

This isn't my most coherent, organized, researched article, I know, and I'm sorry.
But it's from the heart. My sad heart, begging you all to hold on, to stay clean for one more day.

I love you. I truly do.


"If one of your bright lights was to fall into darkness, the sky would never be quite as beautiful. "

xoxoxo
Gabby

Resources:
*Self Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

*To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.
*Self Injury Outreach and Support http://sioutreach.org

*Self-Injury Help, Support and Treatment http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

Help ANEB Help Others

Hellos beautiful fudgies :)

As you may have heard, ANEB Quebec's (anorexia and bulimia quebec) is struggling from important financial difficulties. ANEB helps over 200 000 people every year fight the battle against eating disorders, and is a vital support system for all of Quebec.

The Fudge Perfection team has therefor decided to help. As you know, for the past year, we have been selling bracelets, for the breaking-even amount of 1$.

We recently decided to sell them 2$ each at independent stores and salons all over Montreal, with all the proceeds obviously going to ANEB.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
Ask your hairdresser or the owner of any independent store you know if the FP can set up a little display on their counter. If so, please contact me at fudgeperfection@gmail.com.
I encourage any other businesses who would like to help (and receive free publicity, wink wink) to contact me as well.

Here's a picture of one of our displays! (salon liquide, beaconsfield)

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Another way is to donate directly via ANEB's website, anebquebec.com 

It is already so hard for those who suffer from eating disorders to get treatment, support and answers to their questions. Let's all pitch in a little to enable ANEB to do what it does best: help

Xoxo

Gabby

In Crisis

Happy Monday, fudgies!

Today's topic is certainly not the most uplifting and light-hearted of subjects, but it is one I feel is necessary.

As I was working out this afternoon, my elliptical's TV screen caught my attention. The suicide of computer programmer extraordinaire Aaron Schwartz was being discussed on CNN, and it got me to thinking.
Sadly, I don't know most of you in real life, but I would feel responsible if anything ever happened to you, because when someone is in crisis, all they need is a little guidance, and I looooove to guide.

Obviously, I am not the Messiah or anything, but if you are ever in a situation where suicidal thoughts or intentions appear predominant, you may feel completely lost as to what steps you can take to assure your safety.
Here are some tools I hope you will never need to use, but just in case you are so unfortunate, do not hesitate even so much as a second to take advantage of these resources:

***IMPORTANT: BEFORE ANY OF THESE STEPS: Your health comes first, and that is all. Often, people will think «oh, I can't go to the hospital, I have a math exam» or «oh, but I have that permission slip to give in», and therefor you put on the backburner YOUR SAFETY. 
Think of it this way: if you were to be hit by a bus, God forbid, I don't think your boss, teacher or friends would be offended  by your trip to the hospital. Why? BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS THE NUMBER 1 PRIORITY.

So please, take a step back to look at the grand scheme of things, and do whatever it takes to get help.

1. A suicide hotline. 
Type into google your CITY + SUICIDE HOTLINE and a local crisis operator will help you, and probably guide you towards these next resources.

2. A crisis center
You would be surprised to see how many crisis centers there are in your area.
Again, look up your CITY+CRISIS CENTER and, if you can, find the one closest to you.
They usually prefer if you call before heading out to visit, so they can be totally prepared for your arrival and take care of you upon arrival, plus they may even come pick you up if you are unable to get there by your own transportation, so find the phone number on their website or yellow page and dial up :)

3. Any local health clinic
In Quebec, we have CLSCs, which are free walk-in clinics. If you know of such facilities in your area, head out there, but AGAIN, CALL IN ADVANCE AND THEY WILL BE PREPARED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR NEEDS AT YOUR ARRIVAL.

4. Last resort, but do not hesitate to go: HOSPITAL
Most hospitals I know of take suicidal thoughts/intentions very seriously, and IF YOU CALL IN ADVANCE, they will expect your arrival and send you off to help right away, so you don't have to wait in line for hours.

I know most of you knew all of this already, but in a state of complete panic, we often forget everything we once thought we knew inately.
Be safe my loves, reach out as quickly as you can and keep fudging perfection.

<3
xoxoxoxo

Gabby

Do I Have an Eating Disorder?

To all my beautiful fudgies,

Good Wednesday!
Today, I get to see my little babies- the first girls I gave a conference to (http://fudgeperfection.blogspot.ca/2012/01/fudge-perfection-my-littles-angels.html), so I am in an incredibly happy mood :D
AAAAAAND I get to give another one October 3rd, with some of the old girls and some fresh young faces I can't wait to meet <3

The post I am about to write should have been written a while ago, due to the fact that
 I GET THIS QUESTION ALMOST EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
Therefor this question needs to be answered, but before I write anything more, remember this:

If you have to ask yourself that question, no matter what my post says, ask your doctor or any mental health professional for a consultation.

1. Mental Disorder.

It does not matter how much you weight or how thin/skinny/thick/hippopotumus you look or think you look, eating disorders are mental disorders first and foremost.
Yes, the body will usually be affected after long term suffering of an eating disorder.
But no you cannot be too «FAT» to suffer from one.

EX: Can you be too freckled-face to suffer from schizophrenia?...I think not

So be sure to base yourself on purely mental conditions to answer this question.

2. Guilt. Shame. Disgust. 

From personal experience as well as scientific psychiatric tests and experiments, these three emotions are a constant in living your everyday life, which explains why eating disorders can lead to other mental health problems, such as social or general anxiety disorder and OCD.

Do you feel ashamed buying/ordering food?
Do you prefer to eat alone, because you feel people are judging you while they watch you eat?
Do you often cry out of disgust from your mirror reflection?
Do you feel guilty in scenarios that are not yours to feel guilty for?

These questions need to be asked more frequently, for they are the ones that, often subconsciously, rule our day-to-day life.

3. Control

(usually)People who suffer from anorexia are obsessed with controling their food/calorie intake, will separate/organize their food in an obsessive way and are more often than not very obsessive and controling over other parts of their life (school, frienship, tidiness, etc.)

We do these things when we feel we are losing control of our life,most likely our looks.
 therefor entering the vicious circle that is NEVER BEING IN CONTROL ENOUGH OR LOSING CONTROL FOR A QUICK, RAVENOUS BINGE.

Do you feel like you are losing control, like things are spinning too fast, like you can't keep up like you used to in certain areas (or all) in your life?
Do you feel overwhelmed and/or tired all the time, suffer from headaches or like you body is weakening?

4. Fear of the all mighty mirror, the powerful scale and the dreadful clothes size tag...

The triggers of all triggers. The only things «recovered» ED sufferees (that cant be a word, do not take seriously my vocabulary like you do my incredibly thoughout science...you are NOT ALOUD TO BE LAUGHING AT THE MOMENT) still have troubles with sometimes.

Mirrors are the hardest to get over, if that is even an accurate term for what one must do, because they are sort of e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. whereas the scale and the tag can honestly be more easily amputed from your worried state of mind; they are numbers after all.

Do you feel your self-esteem shoot down when you walk in front of a reflection-inducing object, such as a car window?
Do you not want to be in pictures or want to see pictures of yourself?
Do you weight yourself knowing you will most likely freak out afterwards?
Do you stop shopping because you get depressed over your clothing size tag?

Most of all, as I said, wikipedia, online tests and even I cannot tell you for a fact what you suffer from.
Here is a post on what to do if you do want help, whatever you are suffering from: 
http://fudgeperfection.blogspot.ca/2012/04/how-do-i-get-help-advice-day.html

Please do not hesitate to email me for further questions,
I love you more than I love chocolate (and that is, I can assure you, a first)
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Gabby

Depression and Suicide: A Tale of Condescension

Good Morning to all of you <3

I am fully aware of how ironic it is that I haven't posted in the last few days but SOMEHOW I am WORKING on LABOR DAY :P
Y'all are lucky I love my job <3

Today's post in going to be a very serious one- but the subject of suicide and depression is a very important one.

I'm going to take you back to Early 2012; my 10th Grade English class:
Our teacher is discussing Romeo and Juliet.
In the middle of her never-ending monologue, she trails off into one of her infamous tirades about, you probably guessed it, suicide.

How selfish an act it is.
How despicable those who commit such an act are.
What were they thinking to leave all those people behind hurt and alone?

This teacher, a woman, is a mother.
And just the thought of her daughter growing up in a home where such ignorant comments are thrown around carelessly makes me downright furious.

Better yet- this woman is a teacher for TEENAGERS.
She has punctured the ears of hundreds of young adults with such hateful spurs.

And she is not alone.
I have heard countless teachers, family members and media personalities voice those same opinions whenever the subject of depression and suicide is brought up.

I am going to bring you even further back in time: the 1980s.
When there was one illness on everybody's mind: AIDS.
People at your local market and people on national TV were saying the exact same thing:
«AIDS is for fags»
«AIDS is disgusting, repugnant, filthy, dirty»
«People with AIDS should be banned, shunned, shot» 

Now do you really think someone who has just discovered they have contracted AIDS is going to happily skip all the way to their doctors' office to tell them?
There should be NO QUESTION whose fault it is that AIDS spread like wildfire as an epidemic.
Us (well, probably not the ones reading this you were probably born in the 1990s like all the cool kids were :P)
More like Us, as a society.

Same thing applies to depression, and therefor suicide.
Depression was officialized as a mental illness in the 1980s, coincidentally.
Yet somehow, here we are, 30 + years later, still treating people suffering from such ILLNESSES (key word here: illness. As much an illness as a cold, as bronchitis, as malaria) with condescension and disdain.
You can STILL hear people say openly and legally:
«Depression is for lazy bums»
«Depression? Just snap out of it»
I'm sorry; have you ever tried to snap out of CANCER?
Yeah, I don't know how easy that is.

Just like AIDS, depression is still being treated like a lower-class illness.
Just like AIDS, YOU CAN VERY WELL NOT KNOW that a person is suffering from it right in front of your face.
Just like AIDS, if we keep making people feel shameful and guilty for an illness they did not choose to have, then
Just like AIDS, the bodies are going to keep piling up.

Prime example: me.
My family had a dismal and ignorant understanding of mental illnesses, always approaching the subject with condescension.
I went 5 years. 5 YEARS without treatment and ended up in a mental institution.
Not. Fun.

I am going to leave you with one last thing:
This past summer a friend of mine asked me what to do about a friend of hers who suffered from depression.
I asked her if they had discussed suicide, and this friend of mine told me that she had told her friend suffering from depression how selfish and irresponsible suicide is.
If I could give her, and all those spewing ignorance like so, one little advice, it would be this:
STOP
BEING
IGNORANT
AND
EDUCATE
YOURSELF.
Do you think the person who is feeling suicidal will want to ask help from people demonizing their emotions?
Your words can be the last drop in someone's glass.
If you want to keep giving your bigoted opinion, that is your creed.
Just don't forget to wash the blood off your hands after you're done.

If you need more info, suffering or just willing to understand more, click on these links
http://www.amiquebec.org/DepressionScreening.htm
http://www.depression-understood.org/
http://www.depressionhurts.ca/en/understandingdepression.aspx
or email me at fudgeperfection@gmail.com

I love you all so very much `<3
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Gabby