Self Harm Scars: To Show Or Not To Show

Hello my darling angels

This is a self harm trigger warning. 
It is a very tricky, delicate and sometimes triggering subject, so if you feel like this post could possibly be problematic for you in the future, I urge you to read something else on the blog. We got all kinds of fun stuff o'er here. <3 

Oookay. I haven't ranted or raved about Tumblr in a while, so let's get down to it.

Truthfully, this debate/topic of discussion makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Self harm is an absolute tragedy, and alarmingly widespread, and since I myself have never been a self-harmer, I sometimes feel as though my thoughts aren't legitimate or important.

But that's actually one of the reasons I decided to share my thoughts with you today.
Writing about deeply personal issues is a beautiful, cathartic feeling, but objectivity gives me more room to think, and also gives my readers more to chew on.

So here's the sitch.
Recently, on the wonderful website that is Tumblr, I have seen a surge of "self-harm scars" pride.
People taking pictures of their scars, posting them with pride, writing of exposing them like a badge of honour when they are out and about.

The Battle Wound Belief 

My thoughts, good and bad, are as follows:

Pro-Pride?

I'm hardly one to speak about privacy and keeping your problems to yourself. I mean, I did start this blog at the dawn of my recovery, putting myself out there, mostly for my own sanity, but also to hopefully help anyone in a similar situation. 

I will forever stand by my decision to be raw and genuine with myself and others, so how could I judge anyone who chooses to make a similar decision? 

Because isn't that what this whole self-harm scar pride is about? 

Sharing a problematic past, to find closure for yourself but also to prove to others that recovery is possible? 

To the naysayers who depict this practice as a call for attention, I say GTFO. 

Yes, perhaps some show off their scars to attract sympathy, but that is no reason to shame an entire group. 

Besides, a grand majority of those who struggle with self-harm keep their pain and depression to themselves, which results in this destructive coping mechanism. 

Hence, I'd much rather see someone expose their truth in hopes that someone will notice than have a sufferer deal with their inner darkness on their own, unaccompanied by friends or family. 

Wounded Wrist Worries

Unfortunately, my loves, I have issues with scar show-and-tell that I simply cannot disregard. 

There is a reason I put a trigger warning at the beginning of this piece.

Self-harm scars are incredibly sensitive. 

You never know who is struggling, or has struggled, or will struggle with self-harm. 

That means you do not know how the sight of scars will affect them. 

Those who feel proud of their recovery want to show off their accomplishment, which is quite understandable, but I also know none of them would want their pride to result in someone's relapse. 

I've addressed this issue before, but we are not born into this world with the seeds of horrible coping mechanism planted into our brains. Someone or something else, intentional or not, gave us those tools. 

Your classmate may not struggle with self harm or even depression at the moment, but the sight of your wrists could potentially pop into his/her head in a time of distress, and you never know what that could lead to. 

--------------------------

Is there a clear answer here? No, probably not, but for me there is a solution. 

Solution: Open up about the problems that led you to that drastic measure. The depression, the anxiety, the fights, the school pressure, whatever it was for you.

Details about your self harm, including your scars, aren't as helpful to your support system, and could potentially be triggering for some. 

Honesty, openness, catharsis, AND trigger-free? Check

Hope this helps add to the debate.

Have a wonderful day

xoxo

Gabby

Food For Thought: My 3 Obsessions

Hello my gorgeous dolls!

As you have probably noticed, the FP website has undergone a bit of a make-over!
Many of you like it, so I'll probably keep it, but if you have any other suggestions, please let me know:)

These are things I have been reading, or seeing, and thinking about a lot in February. Hope you can enjoy them as well:)


1. Beauty Redefined!
You all need to check this website out! 
Beauty Redefined is a non-profit focusing on teaching girls to "recognize and reject harmful messages about their bodies and what “beauty” means and looks like". 
They have incredible media outlets, and their blog is an insanely fascinating read!

here's the url if you feel like being inspired: http://www.beautyredefined.net/

2.  Body Shaming: I CAN'T BE WHAT YOU WANT
This picture I found on this Tumblr page really embodies the overwhelming society contradiction that is body shaming.

If you're considered "fat", you are, as the picture presents, lazy, insecure, careless, out of shape, etc. 

But heaven forbid you become "too thin" for someone's standards.
Then you have an eating disorder, you're unhealthy, you have no insecurities, and you're a bitch.

Life is already a confusing, complex, mind-fucking journey we undertake. 
Don't let the overwhelming body shaming messages get to your head. 
There is no "right" body, you'll never make everyone happy.
So just do you, mmkay? ;)

3. Yale and Mental Health Discrimination
Get ready to rage, my loves.
I found this articles, linked here, that tells the story of Rachel, who struggles with mental health issues, and the disgusting way the Yale administration handled her medical case.

This infuriates me to a point that I can barely express in words.
There is so much stigma, so little understanding, so many ignorant slurs and words, and no empathy.

When will be the time we treat each other with the respect we deserve?
A mental illness is just like asthma, just like diabetes, just like a cold. 
It needs to be treated, and helped, but it doesn't define you. 
Doesn't make you weird, or crazy, or less worthy of love.

Yet people are afraid to tell their friends and loved ones about a problem they have.
It's because of policies such as the one discussed in the article that promulgates a society based on fear of the unknown, of the misunderstood.

Just know that I may not know what you're going through, but I know that it hurts.
Some of you like to email me about some personal things that you feel you cannot tell your family or friends, and if anybody is feeling this sentiment of solitude and isolation,
please reach out, I'm always here, I have, like, no life, okay?:) 

fudgeperfection@gmail.com

Hope your week will be lovely:)
xoxo

Gabby

A Letter To Self-Harmers

*Trigger Warning

This will not be a researched, coherent article. This is just my open letter. 

My dear fudgies,

I cannot lie to you all; I worry.

I receive your emails, I read your tweets, I see those near and far from me suffer,
and I worry. 

I wish I could just hug you, and fix you with a snap of my magic fingers, but I can't. I can only worry.

I don't know what it is like to self harm. I cannot pretend to understand the incredible pain you are going through, because I don't, and to pretend like I do would be an insult to the complexity of your bleeding hearts.

But let me tell you what I do know:

I know what it is like to need control, to crave control, to your body and mind's detriment.
I know what it is like to hate yourself, to want to punish yourself, to press the self destruct button
I know what it is like to pretend that nothing is wrong, to hide a secret deep within you.

And above all, I know you are worth so much more than all of it. 

Self harm is an alarmingly prevalent coping mechanism, but one we frighteningly don't hear too much about.
There is stigma, and shame, and even sometimes jokes.

You hate everything about youself, every inch of this incredible body you were gifted.
You think: EH, I'M NOT DAMAGING ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

But it kills you inside, because you know better.
And to be honest? It kills me too.

You all have no idea how beautiful you are. You just don't.
You see yourself through the eyes of a flaw-searching enemy. You will never win the battle against an already broken mirror.
I want to shake you, show you, and I want to cry for you. because you are so damn blind to it all.

Don't ever forget how amazing the human body is. You have limbs that can run, dance, and hug. You can see, hear and feel every single beautiful detail in this world.
Don't ever forget, don't ever take it for granted, so treat it right.

This isn't my most coherent, organized, researched article, I know, and I'm sorry.
But it's from the heart. My sad heart, begging you all to hold on, to stay clean for one more day.

I love you. I truly do.


"If one of your bright lights was to fall into darkness, the sky would never be quite as beautiful. "

xoxoxo
Gabby

Resources:
*Self Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

*To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.
*Self Injury Outreach and Support http://sioutreach.org

*Self-Injury Help, Support and Treatment http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm