I Don't Give A Single Fudge

Hello my darling angels,

Let me tell you, boys and girls and non binaries, the Lord hath tested me as of late.

I am 18 years old, and as a result, I feel I am more comfortable with my identity than when I was 14.
I know who I am, what I want, what I like, and, as these past few weeks have proven, I am old enough not to give a single ounce of a fudge if the aforementioned don't comply to other people's tastes.

But no matter how old I get, it's hard sometimes to not let other people's opinions get inside your , and it's not everyday I feel like a ball busting finger snapping diva.

Example Number 1: My High Tops

About 2 months ago, I had a wonderful Etsy shop by the name of KaylaStojek make me a pair of custom designed, glitter monster, psychedelic, Jimmy Hendrix Experience-looking high tops.
When I got them in the mail, I. Was. Stoked.

Unfortunately, many a'folk did not share my fond sentiments towards my shoes.
Some told me they looked great,
Some kept quiet if they didn't particularly adore them (hello, manners!)
but some...well, let's just say some were less quiet.

I literally had people insulting my shoes as I walked past them in the hall. Snickering, pointing, and telling me to my face that I had one tacky pair of shoes.

To be fair, I go to school in a living, breathing J. Crew catalogue, so I expected a bit of attention, but I thought that my fellow classmates had reached a point in their lives where differing tastes and styles were celebrated and accepted.

At first, I must say, I was heartbroken.
*Cue High School Musical's "Stick To The Status Quo"
"I should have bought something more conservative, that would blend in with the crowd."
Why couldn't I just like what everyone else likes?!

But when I wore my shoes alone in my house, I felt happy.
These high tops made me happy.
I felt like myself, like a piece of my identity was being reflected out into the universe.

So why should I let beautiful inner feeling of pride in who I am wither away with the voices of strangers? 
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Example 2: Industrial

Another example is my industrial.
Yes, I got an industrial piercing (pictured left, with filter because it is still very bruised).
I have wanted this damn hanger through my ear for yeaaaaars.
But I never got it.

It wasn't the pain, or the money, or my school's dress code that stood in my way.
It was me.

I thought people would call me a poseur, an amateur, a fake.
I thought it wasn't "my style", but that's a lie. Your style is what you like, plain and simple.
I was afraid if wasn't the style that other people perceive me to have, and that bubble of conformity and security was difficult to burst.

But here's the thing. I did not have a needle pumped through my cartilage for them.
I got it for me.

I did not watch my friend (shoutout to my gurl Lubear) almost pass out from watching me get pierced so that I could pretend to be someone I'm not, no.
I got it for me.

And I freaking love it.
Oh I'm going to get some comments, no doubt, I already have.

But everyday, as I peel away the layer of skin that doesn't belong to me, that belongs to others and what they think of me, I grow stronger.
I look into the eyes of the judgement's beholder, and I smile.
Because I could not give less of a fudge.

----------------------------
Some may say this conversation is superficial.
But to me, it's not about the shoes, or the piercing, or the jeans, or the headband, or the haircut.
It's about being happy.

Because you know you shouldn't care what others think about you.
But God, the people who say that don't what it's like to walk through the cut throat hallways of school.
Sometimes it's just easier to blend in.

But the easier route doesn't make you happy.
It would be easier to not study hard for that test, but you want that 4.0 GPA
It would be easier to lay back and watch TV, but you still train for that marathon.
It would be easier to twiddle your thumbs all day, but you pursue your passions anyway.

So yeah, it would be easier to blend in. To let the shining star of individuality inside you fade to black. 
But don't you want to be happy?
To be proud of who you are, to reflect your inner being into the universe and watch it inspire others?

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference". -Robert Frost

Have a lovely day
xoxo

Gabby

What is Wrong with Disney Villains?

I view the child’s mind as an empty slate, one that is both easily writtenupon but not as easily washed.
"I view the child's mind as an empty slate, one that is easily written upon but not as easily washed"
      -Nicholas Salmond, Babes in Tomorrowland: Walt Disney and the Making of the American Child

Good morning my beautiful fugdies:)

I wrote an article for a website called Adios Barbie, Ill link it when its published, analyzing the weight fluctuation of different Disney starlets from different generations (spoiler alert: the new gen is much thinner than the previous, how shocked am I!).

But for some reason, picking the Disney Channel apart made my brain wander, and I started thinking about the animated movies that marked my childhood, and what their body image impacts might have been. We all know how perfectly beautiful the princesses were, it's in their job description, but what about the villains? What physical and psychological characteristics do we associate with evil, and how does that play out in our lives?

Where our insecurities lie

Yes, we know, our insecurities are the product of years and years of brainwashing, marketing, image manipulation, down with the media! and all of that fun revolutionary finger pointing.
But before we were reading magazines, or scrolling down pages and pages of Tumblr thinspo, we were watching animated movies. We all had our favourite, we knew every line from every song, we had the lunch boxes and the pyjamas, oh how harmless it all seemed!

But we know that what we see when we are not taught to question is how we think. So what did bad look like to us?

The pointed chin, thin lips, overarched eyebrows, sharp features, and large nose play key part in most of these characters, and certainly none of them can be found in their good heroine counterparts. Isn't it odd that many of these features are some of the most common female complaints? Nose jobs, lip injections and (I am guilty of this!) eyebrow waxings, tweezings or pluckings are high in demand cosmetic surgeries and alterations, but what is inherently "wrong"about those things? Do these insecurities stem from our childhood, where a prominent chin meant bad news? 

Agism and Sexism 

Another recurrence I was sad to discover was mature age. While the pretty, pretty princesses are fountains of youth, the villains are often much older, leading the viewer to associate unattractiveness with old age, as though once you cross the 40 year old threshold, you are not only ugly, but a bad person?
Nicky, good friend of mine, brought up the fact that the young Disney girls' happy endings involved being saved by a man, and riding off into the sunset, because clearly there is no such thing as being a happy strong, single, independent woman. No, those are called villains. Yes indeed, the female antihero  cannot be bothered by men, she is much too busy focusing on her own aspirations. DISCLAIMER, I'M NOT PROMOTING MALICIOUS AND DESTRUCTIVE DREAMS, but I do think those sexist messages teach us something about the way we envision our happiness as women.

Weight Game

There is one thing though that really made me think twice about my theories.
The grand majority of the female evil doers are scarily, unrealistically thin, so wouldn't that disprove my theories? If skinny is wicked, why is it one of our society's most prized commodities?

Well first off, the princesses aren't exactly heavy either, so their isn't as big a contrast, and therefor an association, between good and evil.

But further than that, I only have shots in the dark:

• perhaps their ridiculous thinness was indeed promoting a healthier body,

• or maybe the sharp, "cutting" angles and shapes of their bodies are just ecstatically more menacing.

• it could also be a sign of destitution; most of the classic Disney tales are set in historical contexts where many people struggled to eat on a daily basis, therefor being plump and well fed was a sign of wealth.

I would put my money down on the 2nd, but feel free to enlighten me with other hypotheses!

So who was your favorite villain, and what do you think their impact was on your body image?

xoxo

Gabby