Dear Male Population

Dear Male Population
I regret to inform you that the rumors are false
Despite what you and your boys seem to think
Girls don't try to look good solely for your cause

Some of us actually enjoy putting on makeup
So why would we bother wasting our precious mornings
putting on eyeshadow for a doofus
who doesn't even notice that our eyelids are glowing?

Sometimes I want my hair to be straight,
Is that such a crime?
If you knew how your hair looks to me
Honey you might not criticize my beautifying time.

I know this poem is quite hetero-normative
For not all girls like boys, and vice versa
Regardless, looking good for us is about feeling good
And trust, it has little to do with impressing ya.

So if we're late to class and our eyelashes seem longer than usual
Don't assume we did it to make you think we're "hot"
Because if you think we are trying to grab your attention,
let's be real, we probably are.
not.

Body Policing Poem

Hello my loves

I wrote this poem for Derriere Le Miroir, which will be published shortly. (here it is!)

But in the mean time why not translate it for all of you to enjoy?!

Have a lovely day <3

2 am, laying on the floor of my school’s library

Nose deep in a book, rocking dingy old sweatpants

Hidden behind a mountain of books, I bother nobody

Until I guy friend of mine gives me a weird glance.

“Hey, you don’t look like yourself” he said

With a smirk carving into his well rested face.

His stare rests on my broken eyes, begging to go to bed,

With their deep purple bags too engraved to erase.

Who does he think he is, telling me such things in a library?!

« Why yes, I am without sleep, without my jewels,

I’m going through finals week, I don’t give a fuck if I look pretty »

His eyebrows raise, it seems I’ve surprised this fool.

« Wow, okay, don’t get so worked up

It’s just that you could have fixed yourself up

You don’t really look like yourself without a bit of makeup»

Please tell me he’s kidding, if not I might throw up.

So who exactly do I look like without my war paint?

My short blond lashes, are they fake? Are they lies?

Who are my acne scars trying to impersonate?

And from whom did I steal pores of such a size?

I realized the truth had to be revealed:

« I don’t wake up in the morning looking flawless.

I have imperfections, I have insecurities,

Yes, I’m human, to such a sin I confess!

It’s true, I like embellishing myself, it's my prerogative

To feel more confidant, to look less exhausted

But know that this doesn’t define my beauty

I have exams to cram for, so do me a favour and leave »

You are your own police, of your own body

Your choices, your values, your decisions; it’s your liberty

If someone tries to control your self-expression

Make them realize they’re messing with the wrong woman.

Eating Disorders: Just A Teenager Problem?

Hello dolls!
Here's an article I wrote for ANEB http://www.anebquebec.com/blogue/2013/12/05/les-ta-juste-un-caprice-dados/ and translated. 
Enjoy:)

I already debunked the myth regarding men and eating disorders. Today, older populations! 

Oh yes, indeed, young adults aren't the only people in distress.

According to NEDA statistics, In 2003, 1/3 of inpatient admissions to a specialized treatment center for eating disorders were over 30 years old. 

So why do so many people consider eating disorders to be a "teenage problem", and why is this reasoning so faulty? 

Let's rewind a little bit. What causes an ED? Obviously, the answer varies from person to person, but there are triggers common to the majority of cases. 

First of all, a very prominent theory is the one involving the media and its indirect imposition of impossible physical expectations. 

Yes, it is true that young boys and girls in development are very vulnerable to those societal messages because they often lack self-esteem and a definite sense of identity. How-EVER, we cannot underestimate the amount of those messages directed towards a more mature audience. Beauty and skincare ads, like the one featured on the right, can easily make women over 30 feel as though their beauty vanishes at the appearance of a single wrinkle. Let's not forget the boom of the plastic surgery industry, making accessible a wide array of  rejuvenating procedures to anybody with access to a credit card and a needle now more than ever. 

So how can we possibly imagine that teenagers are the only ones to suffer the difficult consequences of these destructive images and practices? 

Moreover, a very common trigger among people suffering from an ED is stress. Young adults worry about   their grades, friendships, romantic relationships, future; all of these are strong catalysts of psychological distress that can lead to poor body image. 

But does anxiety disappear after adolescence? Of course it doesn't! 

Adults work, maintain their friendships and/or romantic relationships, pay their bills, raise kids, all of the stressors! On top of all of that, since adults generally have more responsibilities, they are less likely to get help and take time to recover, which can add to their already-high anxiety, and the vicious cycle goes round and round.

To top it all off, the hormone changes present in woman experiencing pregnancy or menopause are just as disorienting as puberty's biological mess. 

Here's the deal: "Body image dissatisfaction in midlife has increased dramatically, more than doubling from 25% in 1972 to 56% in 1997." But if no one dares speak of this demographic's unfortunate reality, those number won't stop climbing. 

So talk to you mom, grand-mother, uncle, friend, teacher, whoever! Breaking the silence  helps build a better world. 

xoxo

Gabby

Sources:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/whats-age-got-do-it

3 New Year's Resolution That Have Nothing To Do With Appearance

Hello my gorgeous fudgies!

As we start the new year, new year's resolutions are all the rage.
1.Get a gym membership
2.Lose 10 pounds
3.(something my creepy uncle told me, true story): Get toned to get more chicks

But a new year can be about so much more than your fraking looks, this is an opportunity to learn more about others and yourself. It can be heard, no doubt, with everyone's body negative resolutions clouding your thoughts, so here are my top 5 resolutions that have nothing to do with your weight:

1. Learn something new
Try learning Japanese, or Italian. Just a few words might come in handy.
Watch cooking videos on how to make that perfect omelette. (and then come to my house and make it for me)
Study art history, or playwriting, or the tattoo industry.

Information has never been so readily available to humans. No more library books that weight 38499 pounds to study Greek architecture, now you have the Internet! By becoming a more cultivated person, I promise your self-esteem will build, because you will sense that the person you are meant to become is in fact cultivated and interesting. Plus, those odd skills can be attractive to an employer. Maybe one day my random knowledge of Netflix entries and makeup brushes will land me a job. Doubtful, but a girl can dream, right?

2. Learn something new about someone else
Ask questions to your friends like : "what was the best year of your life? your worst?"
Make a new friend in class or at work by noticing their mood. "Something wrong?" "You look radiant today!"

Being interested in other people's lives facilitates communication. When people feel they need to talk, they will know you are the person to go to, for you've shown interest in their lives. And let's face it, not all of us can learn Japanese or Italian, because maybe we don't have time, or maybe it won't benefit us, but being a good friend is a rare skill that will benefit you for the rest of your life.

3. Learn something new about yourself:
Try a new genre of literature. You're more of a John Green type of person, try some Stephen King.
Try a new sport. Maybe badminton is actually your hidden master talent.
Try a new food. This may sound dumb, but after trying mangos, my life was forever changed.

The point here is that you are a very complex human being, but often times we get stuck in a rut, and forget to explore the unknown parts of ourselves. By trying new things, you discover your likes and dislikes, which can lead to further understanding who you are. Some of my ideas may seem trivial, because maybe they are to a superficial degree, but it's up to you to try the things you always wanted to try, but more importantly the things you never thought of trying in the first place.
-----

Here's the deal. We have many flaws, and resolutions can be the trick to push us to improve ourselves.
But why do they have to be physical? Our bodies are perfect just the way they are!
And maybe you do want to lose weight. As long as it's healthy, that's a-okay. But just keep in mind all the examples I gave you, because maybe one day you'll realize, after achieving your goal weight, that you're no smarter, or more interesting, or more important than you were before.
That's why appearance based resolutions just don't cut it for me.

xoxo

Gabby

Passion and Self-Esteem: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Hello my darling fudgies!

I watched a wonderful video by Connor Manning (which I will link below this post) about finding your passion, and it deeply resonated with me, so I thought I would share my thoughts on passion, what to do about it, and how it can affect your self-worth.

I must start by saying that I am incredibly lucky, but also a bit misfortunate.

I found my first passion, reading and writing, at a ridiculously young age. I can remember writing stories when my letters were still backwards, and telling them to my great grandmother, who became senile when I was 7. In that sense, I was lucky. I was kind of good at it, or had a bountiful imagination, as my school's librarian once told me, probably because I had made up a story about my friend Steph who had hair down to the floor, who also did not exist. Besides the point.

I held on to my love for several years, until the dark ages of many of our lives: teenagehood.

Ahhh yes. Cystic Acne, Cripplingly Low Self-Esteem, and Debilitating Anxiety. Who wouldn't want to be 14 again?!

As I entered my teenage years, I slowly but surely stopped reading, and stopped writing, and suddenly I became very confused.
When asked by adults around me what I wanted to be when I grew up, instead of confidently voicing my love for the book industry, I shrugged and said I don't know, murmuring to myself: when I grow up, I just want clear skin for the love of all that is holy.

However, as my first true love started to dwindle inside my heart, I discovered a new passion: makeup.
Now I want to make it very clear, as opposed to writing, at which I was naturally pretty decent, I SUCKED at makeup for the first year or two.
But my god did I love it.
It honestly carried me through those rough 15 to 17 years of age where angst dominates your life and high school graduation is no where in sight.
But with a lot, and i mean a shit ton of practice, I got to be pretty good (I'll post a few pictures of my makeup work from this week below Connor's video)
So now I had a new answer to those unsuspecting adults: I was going to be a makeup artist!

And now, I'm here, at 19.
I rediscovered my love for reading and writing mostly through the blog, so thank you for that.
But my love for makeup has only grown stronger!
I am a creative person, and don't necessarily see myself working in an office 9-5.
But I enjoyed structure and school and academia, and did pretty well in school my whole life.
I want to go to college, but I also want to work at Sephora full time.
ARGH

Here's what I try to tell myself, and here's what you should live by, whether you have a passion, or five, or none:

It's okay to change your mind.
We have this fixed idea that once you choose a path, you cannot go back.
But that's not true!

People change majors, careers, life paths all the time!
You can major in economics at Harvard and work as a painter in France after deciding Wall Street isn't for you.
We may live in a society that values decisiveness, which is probably why we don't value teenagers all that much. But you have to do what feels right. So try things out, experiment, and give it your all: You can always try again.

And to those of you who don't have anything you're crazy passionate about, just wait.
Try new things, new clubs, new activities, don't be afraid to make new friends.
But don't try too hard, not everything is going to fit.
Okay, I'm contradicting myself here.
Basically, do what feels right, and the right will come to you. That may seem vague, but I promise you will find what you love.
You may seem lost, and some have emailed me saying you feel like a failure.
Hey. HEY. Don't. Not everyone finds their passion at the same time, so give yourself a break.

My 11th grade English teacher explained this to me, and I think this sums it about up:
"Don't stress about your major or your career. Because guess what? Some of you, your passion will be motherhood/fatherhood, or being a supportive wife/husband, going to ballet recitals and baseball tournaments, making lunches, cooking dinner, gardening, volunteering, and being a good person. Does that sound so bad?"

So to the adults who ask you with a judgmental twinkle in their eyes:
"What do you want to do with your life?"
Give them the truest answer. If that's "I don't know just yet", then don't be ashamed.
You have a lifetime ahead of you.
Just breathe, try new things, and breathe again.
An eyeliner fell into my hand one day, and I know someday your passion will fall into yours.

xoxo

Gabby

My makeup work:

10 HoliDAYS of Self-Love: Day 6

Happy christmas eve, my angels!

What are the 10 holiDAYS of self-love? Well, it's very simple! During this very stressful holiday time, especially for those of us who struggle/have struggled with eating disorders, social anxiety, and low self-esteem in general, the abundance of food and holiday parties can be very stressful. So join me in the journey: 10 days, 10 challenges each day to improve your self-esteem and make this holiday season more pleasurable. Enjoy!

Today's challenge: The Cute Outfit Challenge

Today is a special, special day. In my family, we get very glam and dressy on the 24th, to look like ogres the 25th. You of course don't have to get all fancy, but I do want you, amid all the stressful parties and bloating cookies, to feel your best. Today's challenge is simple:

wear your favorite outfit.

I want you to analyze it. What makes this shirt better than the others? Why do these jeans flatter your body? Is there a specific physical feature your outfit emphasizes?

Getting to know your body as a whole, flaws but more importantly qualities, will help you shop better for yourself in the long run, knowing what to buy that makes you feel beautiful. 
Look, at the end of the day, it shouldn't matter what we wear, but sometimes it does. 
And if looking your best means feeling your best in the darkest times, then girl, you do you.

Gabby is off to paint her nails and eat Fruit Loops. Gotta love Xmas.

xoxo
Gabby

The Best Books I Read in 2014

Hello my angels!

Today is a special day, for I will be talking about books, something I rarely do.
I am not a book blogger, nor do I intend to be, but I truly believe that books can not only stimulate the intellect, but your mental health as well.

It takes you to another world, where you don't have to deal with your ED/low self-esteem/anxiety/depression etc. or it can take you to a place with a character who gets you like no one in your real life does. So without further ado, here are some of my book recommendations.

If you like books, you'll love...
1. The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath 
Obviously, it comes to no surprise to my friends/family members that my number 1 book is "The Bell
Jar" by Sylvia Plath. Guys, I got a "bell jar" tattoo for crying out loud, this has got to be an important piece of literature. It chronicles the beautifully tragic downfall of a young woman, similar in age and mindset to me. I found this book immensely accurate, you could tell Plath knew what she was writing about. The ending may not be the happily ever after of a Disney movie, but it's true, it's authentic, and it gave me hope. You'll see what I mean when you read it. because you will read it.because I'm making you. now.


2. If you like Ellen Hopkins, you'll love...
Ugly Girls, by Lindsay Hunter

Never mind that this title might make you believe this is a body politics thesis, it's not. It's a terribly gritty and raw "sort-of YA sort-of waaayyy to hardcore to even come close to being young adult" story of 2 Southern teens, Baby Girl and Perry. This book had me on the edge of my seat, let me tell you, I finished it in only a day! There were no lulls, no plateaus, just back to back action and tension and Oh My the ending Oh My Lord In Heaven. This is no bestseller, so please encourage this author, buy this book, and make sure she can write us some more awesome stuff.

If you like Girls (HBO), you'll love...
3. The Group by Mary McCarthy

When I mentioned to the Chapters lady that the Bell Jar is my favorite book of all time, she immediately suggested The Group. It follows the story of 8 recent Vassar graduates through their trials and tribulations as sort-of adults. This fantastic coming of age can be quite confusing with the multiple narrators, but ultimately it was both an amazing novel and a great piece of social commentary on the 30s and 40s. A must read feminist book, in my humble opinion.

If you suffer from anxiety, you'll love 
Where'd You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple

This book, written by a writer for Arrested Development, which I love, was a no-brainer favorite of mine this year. The humor is so witty, but the story itself is at times
heartwarming and at times gut wrenching. One of the main characters suffers from what appears to be agoraphobia, so for anyone who suffers from anxiety or who knows somebody who does, this book is a terrific insight on an anxiety-ridden's mentality. Didn't adore the ending, but overall a quick, funny lovely book.

Voila! those were my 2014 picks for best books I've read this year.
Hope you check 'em out.
Until then,

xoxo

Gabby

10 HoliDAYS of Self-Love: Day 5

Day 5 is upon us, my fudgies!

What are the 10 holiDAYS of self-love? Well, it's very simple! During this very stressful holiday time, especially for those of us who struggle/have struggled with eating disorders, social anxiety, and low self-esteem in general, the abundance of food and holiday parties can be very stressful. So join me in the journey: 10 days, 10 challenges each day to improve your self-esteem and make this holiday season more pleasurable. Enjoy!

Day 5: Drop the phone

It's been proven that social media can drastically reduce self-esteem.
Sure, it's tempting to see what other people are up to, but at the end of the day, we are all edited, and seeing everybody's perfectly edited lives can make our imperfect real lives seem blah.

Today is then the day to put down the phone, the computer, the tablet, the desktop, although you're probably not actually holding the latter, and enjoy the non digitized world.

Go outside, spend time with your family, friends, and pets. 
Or if you're a hermit like me, read a book. 
Snuggle with your bae (Taco Bell). 
Catch up on Sherlock for the 3433o5th time with your Johnlock shipping friends. Or Mystrade. Or whatever ship you desire. (confused by my last sentence? you probably don't spend too much time on the internet, kudos to you!)

Instagram is fun, and watching my idols sculpt their brows like drag queen perfection is addictive, but there is a lot to do outside of Facebook too. 
There's also Tumblr.
I'm kidding, there's also real emotions, real feelings, real connections to be made out there. 
Go getchu some
xoxo

Gabby